Sexual Relationships
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Am I to blame for being single?


27F, I’ve been on and off the dating apps for years. I’ve complained to my mother enough and she has always reassured me that I just haven’t found the right one, been hearing this since I was 21. I feel like I could have been in a relationship or at least “dated” if I went for the guys that have pursued me. However, I got tired of the ones I didn’t like back approaching me and have decided to use bumble. I’ve met up with two guys and didn’t feel them either. It’s only been twice BUT like I said I tried the other apps for years. My life has always been the ones I want don’t want me back/aren’t serious and the ones that like me I don’t want back. My mom says that she really loved my dad and she’s been with her current boyfriend for years but I just don’t get the appeal of either of them (seeing them as if I don’t know them or aren’t related to them). She says she didn’t settle but I just don’t get how you aren’t settling if you aren’t physically attracted to the person. I do feel I will genuinely end up alone, rather be alone vs being taken and miserable. Not that this matters but I don’t really have an active sex drive, I don’t enjoy masturbating and haven’t had sex in years. I saw someone very briefly 3 years ago and while he had a decent personality, I wasn’t physically attracted to him. That was my closest to a relationship, you’re seriously telling me I haven’t been able to find anyone since? It’s like the universe is telling me I can’t do any better, I have never even introduced anyone to my family going on 30.
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Superb Opinion

  • Yes you're 100% to blame and the sooner you realize that the sooner you can find your guy. I see a million of these types of post. Girls crying that they will never find a guy... And they won't. Until they drop that mindset. You have to have faith and you have to be a match for the guy you want. Maybe you're a match and it is your mindset or maybe it is both. One thing we do know is your mindset is trash.

    You know what all this made me think about? There are men like you out there that go seek help and when they find the right answer they end up dating girls and everything works out. They no longer have trouble finding women. If they can do it, certainly, you can.

    I'll tell you how to fix your problem.
    Problem: Your negative mindset and you
    Answer:
    I want you to write out a description of who you are in detail. Next, write out the type of guy you want in detail. Next, get a mental picture of that guy and start being his girlfriend or wife. Do this as if it is real. Feel all the emotions. From this point on, do that all the time. Next, I want you to ask yourself is your description of yourself a match to that guy. If it isn't then write down the match and then start to become the match. I don't know you look but don't make the mistake of thinking you have to look better. I'm not saying be overweight but I am saying personality is where the most to gain is. Certainly look the best you can but don't neglect personality. If you develop that you can get practical any type of guy you want.

    How does it work?
    Instead of focusing on misery and not having a boyfriend, focus on that guy as if he is already yours. That will put you in calm and confident state so you don't fall apart and quit everytime things don't work out. It will also apply the Law of vibration and attraction and the Law of cause and effect. It is a well known fact that anything repeated to the mind, one will start to believe. You will start to believe in your relationship and not in the idea of not having a relationship. You will have faith. But you gotta do it all the time.

    If you keep doing what you've been doing you will end up alone or with someone you don't like. You certainly will not have a sustained, ideal relationship if you continue on how you been. Because you're working against the Laws. Stop focusing on what you don't want! You're your own worst enemy. The world is trying to stop you and you go ahead and beat up yourself... Impossible to win that way.


    “Those that go searching for love only make manifest their own lovelessness, and the loveless never find love, only the loving find love, and they never have to seek for it.”

Most Helpful Girl

  • Technically all of us who are single are to blame if we either have not actively been looking or are not interested in the guys interested in us, does that mean it's wrong to be single, you need to decide that for yourself. It sounds like you have been looking but have not been satifisfied with the guys you have met so then you need to ask different questions. What do you want out of life and can you accomplish that being single? Are your standards too high and if so why? Do you want a relationship right now and if so what do you want out of if it? These are the questions I think you should be asking yourself. These are the questions I ask myself often. Good luck!

Most Helpful Guys

  • Yes, you are to blame.

    First of all, "dating apps" are NOT for dating, they're for fucking. They're where you go when you are looking for casual sex. People who are serious about looking for a real relationship are NOT on dating apps. That's like trying to fish for deep sea tuna fish in a bucket of water in your driveway - just because you are casting your hook into water doesn't mean that you have any chance of catching a tuna out of your bucket of water.

    If you want to be in a relationship, you need to get off your phone, leave your house, and find places in your town - or a town within about 20 miles of where you live - where you can meet single people IN PERSON. Libraries, bowling alleys, movie theaters, restaurants, shopping malls, grocery stores, the gym, etc. Then you TALK to people, and if you meet a guy who you are interested in, you can exchange phone numbers or emails or whatever, and you can talk more.

    But you need to met people IN PERSON, and you must always DATE LOCALLY - defined as someone who lives within 20 miles of where you live. Otherwise, you simply won't be able to see them often enough to make the relationship workable.

    Yes, this takes work and effort and time - it's NOT as easy as swiping on Tinder from your family room - but clearly, swiping on your couch doesn't work, so that's irrelevant.

  • As someone that’s been single more than in relationships, you have to put in the effort. There’s two main reasons for my being single, 1. I’m an introvert and, 2. I’m a crossdresser. Neither of these on their own would prevent me from being in a relationship, but they don’t help either.
    Looking at the first, I’m quite, so I come off as shy and it takes me a while to warm up to anyone. I also really enjoy my alone time, being around anyone all the time drains me, I can’t do it. I need to spend long periods of time alone to be happiest.
    Looking at the second, I have a crossdressing fetish, as it turns out a lot of women don’t want to date a guy that likes to wear lingerie during sex. I get it, it’s not normal, what kind of guy would want to wear matching panties stockings and cami with his girlfriend? It takes a lot of energy to explain the entire situation regarding my desire to wear lingerie.
    Would I like to be in a relationship? Yes, but it’s really hard to have a relationship work out when you spend a lot time alone and wear sexier panties than your girlfriend. Ultimately there are some benefits, I know a lot of people who are scared to be alone. I have come to accept being alone, and almost thrive while alone. I’d really like to just meet a kinky f*#k buddy who also values her freedom.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 18

  • Sounds like your standards are very high to the point where you think because you don’t see physical appeal in who your mother has been with, means she doesn’t see physical appeal. Your standards may be indeed WAY too high. Now I am not suggesting to settle for just whoever, but what exactly are you looking for where you haven’t been successful in finding literally any guy that is attracted to you, but you are also attracted to back?

    • I don't think so. Maybe OP genuinly isn't that much into romantic relationships, but just want to fit in romantic relationships.

    • @DiegoO eh it’s to the point where she’s picking apart her own fathers looks. That’s not normal

    • I mean she can't blame anyone for her singleness. What's not normal is that she's feeling frustrated over something that is not a big deal. Is not like you'll automatically feel happy with someone.

  • Lower your standards I guess

  • Maybe you really don't want to be in a relationship.

  • that's such a negative question I didn't vote. you want to start 2022 like that?

    You are responsible... for making your choices, working through your issues and questions in life and figuring life out. You are responsible adult like rest of us, handed whatever issues you were handed and training, have to now figure out life, make adjustments, and adapt.

    I was single til 50. work on yourself, stop sulking, make some changes.

  • Just don't stress about it and enjoy being single instead? I guess that's easy for me to say since I've given up 6 years ago 😅 It sucks that society makes people expect to have to find someone and get married and have kids. I suppose that was the American dream at one point... Bah, marriage and love are extremely overrated

  • Blame? No.

  • You may have identified the issue yourself. Most men desire a woman who desires sex, and they can tell when you don't. But there ARE men out there who have low sex drives. I just don't of any. LOL

  • Perhaps you're forcing yourself to be in a relationship.

  • Have you met many of these guys in person? I think women can usually be more attracted to men if they see them in person vs just seeing them in a photograph.

  • the entitled bitch with her astronomical standards. think about the thousands of guys you have friend zoned



  • If you believe the Feminist Movement
    About how women can have it all
    And want equality, if that doesn't work
    Than try something else
    Maybe like reading the bible

  • Sometimes attraction takes time to develop

  • Well, yeah. I'm in a similar position, but let's not kid ourselves. We could go out every single day to meet someone, but we don't. It's all about creating opportunities to meet more people, we could make more of them.

  • Who else is to blame? YOU control you.

  • Maybe you looking for someone perfect when there no such thing.

  • Why would you blame yourself for being single? I remain single because of my ex and everything she did. It left me not trusting people. Not my fault. If I actually had the desire I might try to meet someone in person.

  • Yeah since you’re the one not liking so many, maybe you just don’t really know what you want, there are more men in your age group than women so you have better odds , could be you having high standards

  • Yes and no. You're to blame in the sense that a lot of guys that are interested in you you think you're too good for. But there's not a lot you can do if you're not attracted to them that isn't your fault. But at least you're not leading them on.
    I don't say this as an insult but as just trying to answer your question. Your expectations might just be too high compared to your marketability. In which case most likely you'll stay single.
    But who knows people change. Maybe you will to eventually.

  • I honestly feel like I'm the male version of you. The women I like do not like me back. I go on dates with women I'm not physically attracted to hoping their personality would make up for the lack of physical desire, but their personality sucks or we're just not compatible. I do find some hope in a friend of mines from church. He's 10 years older than me and he just got married last year. He was single throughout his 20s. His mom would constantly berate him and say that he'd never find a wife that would match his standards. When he was 33, he met a woman at a friend's wedding. They stayed in touch and dated long distance. She moved to our city after some time. They finally got married last year, not too long after his 35th birthday. He's happily married and she's the PERFECT fit for him. This guy had crazy high standards and his list was long. He wanted someone who was vegan like he is, someone that wasn't materialistic, someone that was active in church and could teach Bible classes like he does. They're literal carbon copies of one another. Hahaha

    There's hope. Things just take time. I know it sounds corny, but stay true to yourself. Be happy being single and live your life. Also, know that there's nothing wrong with desiring a companion. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Continue to date and if you keep striking out, don't put your head down. Be confident in knowing that not everything is meant to be.

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