My first question of 2022 - Do you still believe in monogamy?

Question

Here, I'm referring to people who say monogamy is compulsory for love, and sex is not a form of love. I believe kindness, charity, family, friendship, dating, hookups and sex are all forms of love. Sex is just a later stage of love in some relationships.

I have known people who love each other but don't have sex,
I still know people who have sex and don't love each other,

I know people who have sex with multiple partners and still love the person they can't be with to bits.

It's all a circle of life. We were put on this earth to make it a happy place and love everybody, so if you think love should be limited to just one person loving only one person, and monogamy is a must and then remaining sad and hurt and lonely for the rest of your life when the partner or SO is dead or has dumped or left you then I think you have been brainwashed by Hollywood and other media a lot into believing in monogamy is love.

Lliam · Accepted Answer

If someone is in a monogamous relationship and isn't happy or in love, they should do something about it. Cheating isn't the answer. Cheating is lying and going behind someone's back. But it's okay to move on.

I've had quite a few girlfriends in my life, and every relationship was monogamous. I prefer relationships in which we are both totally into each other. I never cheated. If a girl had ever cheated on me, I would have dumped her. If she wanted to be with someone else, she could move on. But I wouldn't be willing to have an open relationship.

I guess it's possible for two people to actually love each other and have open relationships, but I'm not sure. Those may simply be relationships of convenience. I tend to think that those people don't know what love is. I mean, lust isn't the same thing as love. Neither is infatuation.

For me, having multiple sex partners at the same time seems based on appetite or greed, similar to gluttony or hedonism. It's self centered. There's nothing wrong with pursuing pleasure, but you can't love and be self centered at the same time.

For me, being in love with a romantic partner requires complete trust and mutual respect. You care deeply about each other's happiness and building a life-long partnership in which you will be there for each other forever. It's deeper than the bond with your family members or with any friend.

For a person to rationalize a desire to fuck anyone who appeals to them by saying that monogamous relationships don't always last is either self deceptive or based on lack of experience. To claim that kindness, charity, family, friendship, dating, hookups and sex are all forms of love is a rationalization.

Don't get me wrong. I had lots of fun my entire life. I don't regret a thing. In my mid-30s, I finally started thinking about finding a life partner and settling down. I met my future wife when I was 40 and married her two years later. We've been married now for 25 years and I couldn't be happier. We've built a wonderful life together. She taught me the true meaning of love.

I'm not criticizing anyone's choices. I'm just clarifying the meaning of love in a committed relationship, at least from my perspective.

Lionman95 · Accepted Answer

I think first of all there are different types of love.
Because loving others and loving a partner isn´t the same to me. Yes I try to meet other people with love but that´s a different kind of love than the one I´d try to give a possible partner.
I still believe in monogamy because many people I´ve met that were in somekind of open relationship weren´t content with their life either. Love is a choice and it´s something that has to be cultivated to stay.
It takes effort to love someone. I don´t see what´s the advance of polygamy relationship.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Accepted Answer

"and then remaining sad and hurt and lonely for the rest of your life when the partner or SO is dead or has dumped or left you"... 
   All those things can happen Whether you're in a monagomous relationship or open/poly relationship... And too, just because someone is into monagomy doesn't mean they can't find love again, if there is a death or divorce... My oldest sister is twice divorced, dating a man who is divorced (first wife) and widowed (second wife)...  You can love more than one person in your lifetime and still love one person at a time... It's one thing when people express what their personal preferences are or what works for them.. But, it's when they try to paint it like it's so bad or horrible, when that's not always the case.. I don't believe in open relationships, but if it works for others, then great for them... But not all monagomous relationships are bad or unhappy.. Any relationship, the key is being upfront from the get go about what you really want from the relationship, make sure you're both on the same page instead of one person trying to pressure the other into a lifestyle they're not into/suited for

Ez-Bri-Z · Accepted Answer

Nah, I'm totally poly. My parents and brothers are monogamous and that works for them, but my wife and I have found a way that makes poly work perfectly well for us with no jealousy.

RearEntryGuy · Answer

My neighbor told me last month he has two wives, one stay here, another in the neighboring country.

He appeared very zealous talking about his wife and children in the neighboring country.

By virtue that he provided for both these families of his, I would say, he love them all, women and kids.

But I think romantically, he seems (to me) to love (eros) his other wife more.

===

I like to mention that although the facets of love were listed in the Details, there is no mention which one is to take precedence. Thus in my Opinion above, I tried to distinguish between principled love (aka agape) from romantic love (eros) and put emphasis on principled love.

Hence I voted B because a person can have principled love for everyone, which seems to be the overture of the details despite it is a discussion on monogamy.

WhatTheHeckkkk · Answer

I believe in monogamy but sure, there can be love outside of monogamy.

SitBackRelax · Answer

I voted B but I must clarify… There can be love without monogamy but it shouldn’t be a free for all. It’s not a sleep around. If I find more than one girl I love, I’ll marry them (2-3) all and treat each one with the respect she deserves.

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

I believe in monogamy but I don't think love is exclusive to that.

gamothen · Answer

Of course I belive in monogamy, how do you want to start a family without it? All the people saying they prefer "not emotional" polygamy are just spoiled and thinking only about themselves. I was raised by a single mother, and trust me it is no fun when you have only one parent to rely on.

Daniela1982 · Answer

Do you believe in magic? These days no one wants to get married. All they are interested in is hooking up. They may eventually get married when their body count is higher than they can count.

KrisPW · Answer

Emotional monogamy for sure. For me, love should be emotionally monogamous. But... If we want to have some sexy fun with another couple, or person, then I am ok with that, as long as it's something we do together. I say this with only minor dabbling into that kind of play so far, so my opinion hasn't really been tested yet.

aarnasen · Answer

Yes I believe in monogamy, but only for myself. I'm not in favor of telling people what they should believe, so you are free to fall in love with however many people you want. Just make sure you and your significant other are on the same page.

RobT312 · Answer

Yes there can be love without monogamy. It’s a personal preference and I think you have to do what works for you. We love to be monogamous, that’s our preference

RainInOsaka · Answer

I believe there could be, if you take into account polyamorous couples

Assi2k · Answer

Block anyone that doesn’t. Periodtttt

Kittycurious · Answer

I tried poly. V poly. MFF. It sucked. One of us girls was always left out. I usually me. Since she was there first I broke it off I should have done way sooner. Can it work for some? rarely. Is it equal. No

TwinkleLily5 · Answer

I was taught monogamy was the right way, but since I’ve been dating etc I’m starting to think other wise. Also a monogamous relationship doesn’t really fit well with my personality. I like my space way too much and when I’m seeing someone even if I love them I just don’t like being with each other all the time.

dodobord · Answer

I don't care what people do or how many partners they want as long as everything is consensual and there is no abuse involved, like all relationships. For me, I want a monogamous relationship.

MelonSoda · Answer

Yeah, because anything other than monogamy is playtime for people who like drama and messiness.

Agape93 · Answer

Nope. I haven't in about 8 or 9 years.

Dargil · Answer

It's the path I have chosen.

anon1903 · Answer

It can be for some people.

People need to understand it's more of a preference more than anything. And it's just as valid as monogamy would be. Whatever cases here on GaG they are spluttering around revolve around extreme cases that are toxic and ignorant and reckless.

Dear monogamous people, please don't base your belief on "stats" or "pronatalist users promoting ""evolutionary (crap)"".
— sincerely, anon1903

Hangry06 · Answer

No. Monogamy is a fake lie. Deep inside, everyone has cheated some way

Raphaëlle · Answer

I believe in it but each to their own. Some people want monogamy and some want poly relationship. Whatever suit you best.

My first question of 2022 - Do you still believe in monogamy?

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