My girlfriend likes the idea of a mmf threesome, but only with guys that she doesn't know... how do I approach this?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend and I (M), both early 20's, have been together for a few years now. We had our first time together and have been in a monogamous relationship since (i. e. neither of us have slept with anyone but each other). So, both of us have fairly limited sexual experiences, in the sense that neither of us have experienced anyone else or alternatives to mf sex.

So, I found out recently that she likes the idea of a mmf threesome. (Aside: whether she just has a fantasy about the idea or actually wants to act on it is another question, but for the sake of this let's just say that she might want to actually try it). However, she has made it clear that she wouldn't want to have a threesome with guys that she knows/would see again, including me.

My current view on the situation is that, whilst I'm not necessarily in love with the idea of it, I'm not completely against it either. This largely comes from the fact that neither of us took the chance to explore more sexually before we got together and I don't want to deny her the chance to try something she thinks she'd enjoy.

So, I have two questions here:
Firstly, supposing she did want to make this mmf threesome a reality, how should she/we approach this?
Secondly, does anyone have any opinions on why she wouldn't want to involve me in the threesome and instead do it with people that she doesn't know/wouldn't see again? (FYI: I'm not saying that I want to get involved here, I'm just looking to get a bit more of an insight into what her reasoning might be).

FYI: Obviously, the best way to understand where she's coming from is to ask her, but I wanted to get some more points of view from you all so I can clarify my stance on the situation more before bringing it up with her again.

[RobT312]

Hey wow, exciting.
i guess first the threesome issue. Threesomes can be fun. My girlfriend and I have never done anything but mf sex like you, and we have been together for awhile. We are adventurous in bed, never even thought about a threesome, but were approached by a friend to have one with him and we said yes. We loved it to be honest. So yeah, give it a try if you want.
the issue here is your girlfriend wants one with 2 strangers? Excluding you? I have to say in my experience , the fun part was doing it with my girlfriend and a best friend.

talk to her about that, it kinda feels like she wants the ok to cheat or have an open relationship. Or maybe it’s just a one night stand fantasy she just wants to try no strings attached? I guess that would make me personally uncomfortable and would need to really talk it through so no one gets hurt

[Asker]

Glad it worked out well for you and your girlfriend! We have discussed an open relationship generally before, but she seemed very certain she doesn't like the idea of an open relationship. So, my thinking is its more of a fantasy. If you don't mind me asking, have you had any other threesomes where you weren't approached by someone else (i. e. where you had to find someone else yourselves)? How did you go about it and have you got any tips? Thanks!

[RobT312]

Cool, glad for you that it’s something she just wants to try. If I were you I’d make sure one of the guys is you. It’s super fun. ( believe me I was nervous too) Re: your question, We have only done this with my friend. We will prob. Never look around for someone else and not into making this a regular thing, I am also not good with strangers. We were all threesome virgins which also helped! We did talk about it as a group because we were all thinking , “how do other people meet people do this? “. There are hookup apps out there specifically for this kind of untraditional stuff. That’s probably a good start especially if you are looking for a stranger for a 3rd

[Asker]

Cool, thanks for the sound advice. And thanks for sharing! I will make sure to have a look around for some of those hookup apps :)

[RobT312]

👍👍👍

[Kabluie]

I've only done MFM and MFF, but I'm open to MMF if the person is attractive to both of us. Both have been with people we both knew, we felt safe that way along with being STI-free.

I can understand the stranger or hookup type because maybe she wants no real relationship or the idea of opening up from mono to non-mono, where it has to be play with all involved and no solo play. You can come to an agreement on what everyone can agree on.

[Berethor]

Would you really want to allow her to turn into a slut? if she was only with you it's good.

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MyGirlIsNotASlut

[jahaims]

Sounds like she just wants to fuck other dudes without you. Bad sign

[Asker]

Yeah I mean that's basically what it is bro lol. I'm pretty confident its from a place of wanting to live out a fantasy though, rather than just wanting to basically get permission to fuck whoever she wants.

[jahaims]

I wouldn't be down for that at all

[Asker]

yeah that's fair, that's another thing that I'm stuck at rn, I'm still trying to work out how I feel about the idea.

[jahaims]

I personally don't think you can be in love and want sex with others

[Twalli]

My guess is she wants it to be a sexual relationship only. Therefore if she knew them the possibility of it changing or damaging her relationship with them is higher.

[Asker]

You're probably right mate, thanks! Do you think there's a possibility that she might see a threesome as taboo/frowned upon by some people, and so she wants to experience it, but not have people (other than me) knowing that she's done it/into it?

[Twalli]

I doubt that matters since any guy who agrees to do it with her will know she did it, even if they don't see her again.

[Asker]

Yeah true, but I was mainly thinking along the lines of that she might not want those that she's friends with, works with etc. to hear about it, and so doing it with people she doesn't know at all would mean its less likely to get back to them.

[Twalli]

Possibly

[Willthonger]

I am not sure she wanted to exclude you she just wanted it to be two males and her. She fantasizing about you sharing another man with her

[Anonymous]

You're my girlfriend me like doing that multiple we've tried strangers and friends but people you know seems to work out better because then it can be ongoing thing

[Asker]

Very true! I wonder though if she's thinking that she wants to try it out first to see if she likes it, and then try and find a longer term setup if she does... although I'm not sure I'd be happy with this happening long term.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah you guys could try it once with a stranger and see how it goes

[Asker]

Cool, cheers man!

[Anonymous]

My guess is she's hoping you'll recruit some guys online or elsewhere, preferably ones in good shape and with larger than average endowments.

[Asker]

That's a good point, I hadn't considered that... I would say I'm in fairly good shape and am larger than average, but equally I'm not absolutely ripped or huge down there. Perhaps what she wants is guys further towards the extreme end of those in her fantasy. Thanks!