Is purposely staying single to have casual sex a bad thing?

Question

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Long answer to short question. No, it is all right. Of course, you are arranging your life and your future around sex and you have to ask yourself if that will make you happy in the long run.

From an evolutionary perspective, you are doing what comes natural, so to speak. Evolution programmed the human male to impregnate as many females as possible. This perpetuating your sperm, outcompeting other rival males and in the bargain perpetuating the species. That is why, in general, sex with many women satisfies a man.

Of course, evolution didn't stop there. The males who survived - and from thus which pair bonding and marriage and much else followed - were those who "bonded" to one female. He would stick around, find food for mom and baby and protect them from predators and rival males.

Thus, the DNA of such males survived and it is now statistically true that males who are married (and with children) tend to have longer lifespans and do better economically. That is why pair bonding - i. e., marriage - is good for society in general. (Females benefit for the the same reasons. They can typically only have one baby at a time. It requires lots of time and energy to have and raise a baby and she benefits to have a man who protects and cares for her.)

For all that, though, your basic instincts as a male remains. To want to have casual sex with as many females as possible is tapping into your most basic animal instincts. There are costs for that, but benefits too. It is not, therefore - and this is important - at an individual level a "bad thing." It is rather a trade-off.

To all this it must be added that this is at the most basic level. Are you a better man the one who meets one woman and commits to her - and your children? Having lots of casual sex is natural and instinctive, but whether it is virtuous is a different question.

Speaking for myself, my girlfriend and I have lived together for over a decade and have three children together. We don't want to be married. We think that what we have and share is natural and beautiful and the idea of an expensive ring, a big ceremony and a permission slip from the state is artificial and contrived and somehow diminishes what we have. (The religious question - we are both Catholic - to be sure is something that we have not fully reconciled in our own minds.)

So I have sort of split the difference. That said, in my life, I got three other women pregnant. One had a miscarriage and one - the ONLY one I truly regret - aborted my little baby. The last I did not even know about - it was a one night stand - only contacted me about two years ago to tell me that I had a teenaged son. I am now building a relationship with my son and I love him with all my heart and only regret the years I did not know him.

Suffice to say, all that has its ups and downs and its stresses, but I would not - other than the abortion (I miss my little baby that I never knew) - change a thing. Bad thing? Good thing?

For you as an individual, it is for you to decide. (Also, as an aside, you do not have to be as casual about birth control as I was.) All I can tell you is that what you are doing is natural - in the sense of instinctive and rooted in evolution - and the rest is for you to decide. It is not, however, inherently bad, though your actions - if for example you get a woman pregnant - will determine if it becomes bad.

t-8900 · Accepted Answer

I don't like it and there's more productive ways to pass time. But if you are doing it then you need to be up front with the other person. Leading people on, lying, breaking promises, is scummy. Also be ready for the fall our if someone catches the feels.

sqquizzy44321 · Accepted Answer

sometimes you dont wanna held down with the whole big responsibilities of having a partner and some people just can't commit and thats ok. life is short have fun i guess but dont try and play with someones feelings because that other person might be looking for more than what you want.

bones_20 · Accepted Answer

No. There’s no rule saying you have to be in a relationship. Do whatever you want really.

icelolly · Answer

Absolutely not. You do you boo🌻

DizzyDesii · Answer

Its a bit hoeish, but its not bad as long as you let the girls know your intentions upfront so that they can decide if they want to stick around

OlderAndWiser · Answer

It's not a bad thing if you are not ready for a committed relationship.

NathanDavis · Answer

your life, your choices... be safe though, casual sex could lead you into plenty of trouble if not done right, so be... responsible being irresponsible and dishonest would be the bad thing here

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

Neutral

Drumlin2001 · Answer

If that's how you want to live then who is anyone to question it. Live your life

BobbyC65 · Answer

It's good and bad just do what makes you happy. 💞

DiegoO · Answer

Specially if you are financially fucked up.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Yes. Because it means you're selfish, and you care more about getting off than about sharing a bond of intimate love. And you don't understand nor respect the sanctity of sex.