Sexual Relationships
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How can I ask for more blowjobs? My wife prefers not to give them except for rarely but loves when I eat her out?

My wife has a sensitive gag reflex and doesn’t like the taste of precum. She’s terrified that one day I’ll cum in her mouth. On the rare occasion that my penis is in her mouth, I always warn her with plenty of time to pull away.

My dream is for spontaneous blowjobs. A BJ makes me feel so sexy and valuable, and really helps my confidence. I’ve tried to pretend I don’t really care about them for years and I’m losing the ability.

My wife has a hard time communicating about sex. She very quickly feels guilty if I bring up any suggestions because she says she already knows what she needs to do, it’s just hard for her. I work hard to listen and understand. I also make it a point to give her what she craves most as often as she’ll let me.

How would you approach this situation? Am I wrong to desire oral sex from her? Is there a good way to make it a healthy, strengthening conversation instead of a damaging one?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • You may have to accept that they won't be a thing and find other ways to still have sex.

    If you are still insistent though, maybe she can do a modified version of it. Maybe she just does the head only and uses both hands for the rest, taking breaks to use tongue when she needs a moment to keep from gagging or to wipe away precum.

    • Do you think I’m being unreasonable in your opinion?

    • Well, let me answer you this way. If she was really into pegging you but you were totally against anal because you have very painful hemorrhoids and didn't like that kind of sex, would she be unreasonable to ask you to do it anyway and continue asking after you've declined?

    • that’s a great question! Thank you for giving me some to think about!

    • Show All

  • You’re not wrong to desire things sexually. However, if she doesn’t like giving oral sex and isn’t open to sexual discussions, there probably isn’t a good way to initiate the conversation without her becoming defensive. It sounds like the two of you aren’t really compatible sexually, so you may to temper your expectations.

    • Do you think the marriage can be a happy one?

    • I can’t really answer that. Only the two of you can make this marriage work. It can be a happy one if you can live with a sex life that is less than ideal for you. Compromise is always necessary where incompatibility exists. Couples always run into this in one way or another.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • That's really too bad that the things which are holding her back are essentially stemming from awkwardness and lack of anatomical knowledge, not because of any withholding feelings towards you, or bitterness, boredom, etc.

    Precum tastes a bit salty, etc., but it has a much different [better] consistency, texture, and taste than cum. She doesn't know that? Doesn't sense that? Precum is fine. The other is tough to swallow. (If guys don't believe it, compare a taste test of the two, several times.)

    This can be solved by hopefully just a few practical palette cleansers.
    1. You should shower (either just you, or both together) right before. You'll be fresh as a... whatever. (I won't say 'daisy', lol.) Buy a shower gel she likes the smell of on you. Maybe a fresh aloe or cucumber scent for day, and a darker, more musky one for nights.
    2. You will eat some fruit during the day. No, it doesn't have to be pineapple. That's a myth. It can be any fruit, really (forget bananas though), whatever you like. It doesn't have to be a ton, but two pieces, let's say, and several hours before.
    3. Cum gets stronger tasting the more often you cum, so don't go for seconds.
    If she doesn't like the taste of thought of precum, then she's not turned on enough by sex. She needs to do some mental work to get past these hang-ups. What about incorporating whipped cream, Nutella, etc. into your sex life? Or edibles. (And yeah, also cannabis edibles. But not too much cause they make sex sloppy.)
    4. How about 69? Get her so turned on, she's distracted by an 'ick factor' that might enter her more logical, thinking brain.

    And have her read this:
    The Better Blowjob: A How-to Guide [Part 1]

  • Maybe a sex therapist could be good here. They could help you open up the conversation and how to build from it. Your wife might have some issues and the fact you're not able to talk about things won't help either.

    • Yeah I tried once…ended up going alone because she said she wasn’t comfortable with it. That was when she was on birth control and her libido was non-existent

    • Okay, so she has some serious issues about talking about sex. It's important to be able to in a relationship. How were her upbringing and the mentality of this sort of stuff from her family and friends?

    • Her family is WAY more open about it than mine. Her mom jokes about bjs and her dad gives her mom lingerie every Christmas in front of the kids. My wife has been through some traumatic situations with boys that we’ve worked through and according to her, are pretty much dealt with. Non of them had anything to do with BJs, she just had her boobs attacked by guys she begged to stop. Not to downplay it at all. She does have really huh expectations for herself and when she falls short, she has a tendency to feel bad and pull away instead of fixing the problem. That includes sexuality

  • Sounds to me like you are between a rock and hard spot! I can't think of any way to fix this if you are trying to get someone (wife in your case) to do something they are not cool with. I see a divorce in your future

  • Open up conversations with her. Let her know how important it is for you. Be kind. There are a lot of articles on the internet teaching woman how to give them, and well, shallow. Compromise.

    (Go to DuckDuckGo >> turn off filter >> search “How to give bj’s with a gag reflex” >> check other variations for more articles as there are a lot)

  • If she is senstive then just tell her not to deep throat or swallow. When I was pregnant I had to stop deep throating and swallowing for awhile but there are ways to avoid that stuff and still make oral enjoyable

  • Its a pretty tricky one for sure and it sounds like a delicate situation.

    The one thing that I pulled out from all that which stands out above all else, is that she has issues around sex and communication about it.

    I would be looking at the reasons behind this. I know that some women are just like that, but there is usually a deep seated reason for it in their background, like thier upbringing etc.

    Maybe try and work on helping her with that side of it and the rest might come with it.

    • She’s had some abusive experience that we’ve worked through. Maybe there’s still baggage sticking around

    • I mean nobody truly gets over abuse, all they can do is build coping mechanisms, maybe these are her coping mechanisms. But maybe she has some more issues that need addressing.

  • Leave her
    The best blow jobs of my life were when I left my wife

    • Well luckily I have way more reason to be with my love than having the perfect sex life. But it would really mean a lot to me!

  • It's perfectly normal to want your partner to give you a blowjob, especially if you're performing oral sex on them. If I was in your situation, I would let my partner know I'm not going to give them oral without reciprocation.

  • Use flavored lube, and your diet can affect the taste of your cum. You don't have to put it in your throat to give good head.

  • Maybe make a deal that if you eat her out you would like a blowjob in return. My girlfriend and I do that, of course we actually enjoy giving it.

  • Yeah mine too. You wouldn’t want her throwing up on your dick would you?

  • You may have success if you tell her you'd like her to try oral with you wearing a flavored condom. If she has a gag issue, be sure not to force your dick down her throat. A few inches is all that's required. Encourage her to control the depth with her hand while you remain still to avoid gagging.
    If she's not interested respect her wishes and not pressure her.

    • Any good suggestions for flavored stuff?

    • Try searching online for "flavored condoms". Alternately try a regular condom with flavored lube that is safe for condoms. My SO likes cherry flavored lube to give oral sex. She's okay doing it without the condom.

  • Get a buddy

  • You could ask for the probably won't work my wife she never gets them either

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