Men, sexually, how often do you feel an uncomfortable level of performance pressure?

Question

Here's some examples to get your mind thinking:

You feel it's your responsibility to show her a good time, and that means you being active and decisive.
You feel the pressure of gender roles, and that you are 'the man' and it's your 'job' to always be the dominant, more active one.
Sometimes you'd prefer to be 'the sub', but there's a part of you (or you think her) that doesn't believe you're masculine, manly, enough, if you're not the one dominating/controlling her.
Sometimes you're tired, had a hard day, and would actually prefer to just lie back and not have to think or make any decisions.
Variety, creativity, and keeping it spicy is your job.
You have this instinctual, yet perhaps illogical, feeling that your masculinity depends on your sexual performance.
You believe the quality of the sex you both have is based on your performance (not hers.)
The thought of 'Mechanical difficulties' stresses and sometimes psyches you out to where the equipment doesn't work as you always want it to.

And can we leave blowjobs out of this. It's not really relevant to what I'm talking about here. That's a gift to you, something to lie back (or stand) and enjoy.
This question is about partnered sex with a female, and your role, and her role, in that.

I'm just creating this topic to allow you the space to air your thoughts. There's no judgment here. Anyway, feel free to discuss, chat, explain, or vent.

Men, sexually, how often do you feel an uncomfortable level of performance pressure?

Aww doesnt he look happy. — Aww doesn't he look happy.

In case you ever wondered what the brain looks like after orgasm:

Lynx122 · Accepted Answer

For me I just don't get turned on by the ideas of being submissive so I don't go in that direction. But I feel like the link between being dominant and taking the initiative is overrated. The idea seems to be the dominant man takes what he wants and the submissive woman will enjoy it because she loves giving pleasure and he's "so skilled" but that's just one dynamic. A lot of women I meet want to be submissive and give me the most pleasure in the way that I want it. So I don't need to control them. I have a very creative mind but it is boring if I have to come up with every idea. It's like a group project where one person does all the work it can never be as good as when everyone chips in. If the sex life only focuses on that one dynamic I mentioned I think it's very one dimensional and becomes boring quickly.

It's her job to also have her own ideas of how we can have fun together and bring her own flavor to it and show innitiative. It's like if you had an employee who's job was to make you happy would you want someone who you have to tell every detail and explain how they have to do it or someone who thinks for themselves and surprises you in positive ways and shows you how much they care that you're happy through their actions. And I don't have to take control or do anything unless I feel like it in that moment.

That being said I do feel like the expectation is that the man has to be good in bed and the woman is the recipient of this service and he's lucky to be there. He has to make it happen and make her cum or he's a failure At least at the start that's the dynamic that society has put in place. So I would worry a bit with someone new. I've never had technical issues and I'm not worried about that but I would wonder how she feels that I did, if I lived up to those expectations. It takes some time to establish the kind of understanding that I talked about before. In the beginning it's just one frame of a movie and you have to decide if you liked it or not. Some people have very different and sometimes very rigid ideas about sex so you have to feel out what's going on.

Sun_Kim-Ai · Accepted Answer

Uhm. Honestly, as of late, thankfully very little to never.
I know I'm abnormal in this area, but I had always felt that sex was something more about the other person's validation than as a true connector - and on some degrees I still do, because I honestly think I'm much more apt at connecting through talking and physical contact in the form of hand holding, or hugs.
On the practical side, I've always performed "satisfactorily", but again, it was more about appeasing the other person than myself, show them I was a "proper man".
I remember a German movie where a woman was outright bored when having sex with her boyfriend, but despite this she appreciated her relationship with him (I don't remember the exact title, but the movie was something like 100 minutes of them going about their daily lives without any story whatsoever), and for a couple of years I felt that my relationship was like hers, but with the genders inverted.

That aside, the expectations and needs of the other person can be a source of pressure, and after a long day of work of a bad day, sex can be the last thought on a man's mind.
We aren't sex machines nor satyrs - if we are stressed, worried and depressed, we can"t perform, emotionally and physically.
I also find funny the preconception that "guys only want one thing" while girls do not. I've had the occasion to witness that women too, like men, sometimes think only with their genitals, and not their brains.

But enough of my rambling. Getting back on topic, thankfully almost never as of late. We know each other perfectly both physically and spiritually, so there are no expectations to live up to. We communicate and make sure each other's needs are met and made known to each other.
Communication is key, especially on those things.

lilyanony1 · Accepted Answer

Now this is a question... 🥸 I'm undercover doing my detective investigative reading... Research purposes

Laura_Marx · Accepted Answer

answer on   bc of GAG wordlimit lol sorry

MrOracle · Answer

I voted "from time to time."

As a man, I'm always aware of the expectation to take the lead and to perform and to be responsible for the woman's pleasure - that's a thing that's always present - but most days I'm not only up to the job, but I enjoy it. I'm a dominant guy naturally, so it's just how I am inherently.

But we all have days where we just don't have much reserve strength and energy left in the tank. Maybe we had a hard day, maybe we are under stress, or maybe we are a bit sick or just not feeling 100%. That happens, and on those days, that extra pressure to perform can be an actual burden, yeah. Sometimes you just want to go home and go to sleep, when normally you'd enjoy spending time with your girl, and it's not her fault or anything she did wrong - you just don't have the energy and motivation to do what you normally really enjoy doing. It happens to all of us from time to time.

MrNameless · Answer

I think it will depend on his experience and partner expectations.. First time with a partner will be the most nerve racking.

RobT312 · Answer

Rarely happens, but has happened when I have been super tired after a long day, sometimes just wanted to chill

StrongMale · Answer

Thankfully, my sexual equipment is in excellent working order. And yet, like probably most men, on rare occasions I don’t make it all the way to a full erection or reach orgasm. It’s when that happens that I have experienced performance pressure, in the form of my gal expressing concern that I don’t find her sexually appealing because I ‘came up short’. It can be difficult to explain to her that sometimes things just don’t ‘click’, and that the fault is not hers, OR mine! Again, it’s rare, but when it happens, the performance pressure is very real.

NathanDavis · Answer

-never have felt pressured with that...

-never have

-never been this insecure

-never been physically tired enough to say "not now" nor pressured either

-never a pressure , I do like to bring it

-no, that's nonsense and immature

-no, that's also BS... lol

-have not experienced this yet

ShadezMcgee · Answer

From time to time. It was weird the way mine happened. Women that I wasn't in a relationship with that I liked I had no issue with, but when it came to women I was in a relationship with, there was always anxiety issues and pressure to perform because if you can't do that with your girlfriend, it means you are not meeting her sexual needs and it in turn makes her feel unattractive and lose interest.

That isn't fun. The last thing any man wants to ha e in the bedroom is performance struggles. I would day I can also say that six of those bullets you listed are thoughts I have had as well.

Interesting question.

By the way, I sent you a message whenever you have a second.

tommyvegas7618 · Answer

Especially the first couple of times you are together. It usually gets better the more you figure each other out, but one wants to please always, if possible.

Citizenkirk · Answer

If you are under pressure, it's hard too relive tension. A triple double entender, my best yet💪🤺

Anpu23 · Answer

"You believe the quality of the sex you both have is based on your performance (not hers.)" I've been with many women and I have yet to experience anything but this.

FinalFantasyBro · Answer

It usually depends how I am feeling at the time I not always the type who is eager for sex.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Thankfully that's something I don't have to worry about yet lol. Not looking to have sex anytime soon!

dreamsofcum · Answer

Not that often , on the contrary I often don't know where to chanel this energy , I love to see her cumm more than anything

jahaims · Answer

Never

Juxtapose · Answer

I feel a lot of pressure during sex usually and it can actually kill my erection at times. But if the woman is sensual, understanding.. I am all set.

Jerre · Answer

I never feel uncomfortable about my performance

emperor90 · Answer

It depends really

SimonStudent · Answer

Hi. Thanks for raising this. I'm a single guy in. my 20s and I feel overwhelmed with this pressure. Although I'm healthy, tall and I do a lot if sports and exercise I feel very insecure because of the size of my penis. I feel a constant fear that I will be a disappointment to women and it's very difficult for me to get over this fear. Sorry to rant.