Have you ever felt like you lost feelings for someone you fell in love with prior to sex, after you have sex with them?

[VIVANT]

I’m not asking anyone to define love or debate the validity of a feeling that changes quickly or prove they experienced it. I’m talking about how you felt… feelings are ephemeral & transient so really anything goes. They can last they can vanish.

I know some people believe their are types who simply never really feel anything serious, snd the illusion of feeling is only a means to an end (sex). I have my doubts due to all the people who remain in relationships even after sex, but I’m sure there are enough people to make this trope exist in the first place.

So are you a person who customarily loses feelings for someone after sex or have you ever even once?

I don’t mean you had sex and after got to know them better and eventually realized you don’t like them. I mean literally, you were in love, you had sex, you suddenly felt nothing.

Thanks!

[SeekerOfBooty]

No, nothing quite like that has ever happened to me.
However, I'm quite schizoid and I struggle with intimacy and the ramping up expectations of emotional closeness tend to put me off.

While I don't "lose feelings", I definitely start feeling uncomfortable when sex is expected of me.
I've never had successful sex life in a relationship, I shut down and start denying them before anything happens and they interpret that as rejection.

[NathanDavis]

nope... never

every single time I was in a relationship, I got into it in the first place because of those feelings... and not because of the sex

so feelings were first, and being intimate only made those feelings stronger and way way more real and committed, we can call that love...

my feelings, any kind of feelings towards something or someone have never just vanished suddenly like that

[Lliam]

I voted D. Without question.

[ZackBan]

Well there's the ol' post nut clarity that sets in after sex.

Basically when you're horny you convince yourself with a lot of stuff so you can have sex.

Once you do finish sex you can see the person for who they really are and sometimes that person is still so appealing and you wanna stay there sometimes you regret being there and you start looking for your clothes in order to leave.

Sex itself doesn't affect feelings. But looking at a situation and a person without the tension of needed to get laid does.

[VIVANT]

Yes, I can understand the clarity thing it applies to many facets of life.

[VIVANT]

Can’t you just jerk off to see how you really feel about someone tho 🤔

[ZackBan]

If that someone is in the room probably. The clarity is a flashing moment it doesn't last a whole afternoon for a guy to jerk off and then make his decision this is why sex tends to remain an object of interst no matter what.

[VIVANT]

What if you go slow and think of her whilst doing it 😂

[VIVANT]

Also, I guess a hj would work?

[ZackBan]

I don't know much about that because I simply never stopped at a HJ with a girl. Usually it's a spur of the moment thing so we either do it or we don't. I feel like going halfway requires caring too much about the act of sex itself which I don't. I love sex but to me it's an activity to do with somebody not this life or death thing that I can't live without.

[VIVANT]

No I wasn’t aiming to place specific value to any particular act, I was just thinking as a thought experiment if so done was curious which you aren’t but I am lol Also I suppose if someone did care about sex or about the in my opinion s t it may or may not have or about whether their feelings were genuine or not, they may want to start small. I can see the appeal 😊

[Jamie05rhs]

Zach, I hope you don't mind me sharing my opinion here. @VIVANT I wouldn't want to use a handjob as a test. Because I would want to make sure I was in a secure relationship with someone before they touched my penis, period. As to the whole "post-nut clarity" concept, I think I'm half and half on that. Because, on the one hand, yes; if you orgasm while thinking about another girl (the imaginary one), and then you still have feelings for the first girl afterwards (the real one), then you know you're definitely attracted to them. In other words, you could marry this person and you might later see a hot chick but it won't matter because you know for a fact that you are attracted to your wife and you made the right decision. But on the other hand, I kinda don't like it so much because orgasming without someone is kind of like a missed opportunity to bond, and it draws you deeper into yourself and away from the other person. (I hope that made sense lol. Let me know if you have any questions.)

[ZackBan]

I do I am confused are you saying you don't like masturbation? What do you mean by orgasming without someone? Also yeah the first part is pretty much how I see it too. If you love your girl when you have zero sexual frustration you can be sure you love her for real. And the example of seeing another girl is very spot on.

[VIVANT]

@Jamie05rhs Right but if you’re in a secure relationship you probably already know you’re def in life so this wouldn’t really apply. There’s be no need to “make sure” Also doing something just for fun wouldn’t apply if sex was important. So in both of my hypothetical motivators for doing a test, secure relationship wouldn’t fall into the arena, I think. And in this particular convo the starting point was sex isn’t a big deal. I wouldn’t be hypothesizing about physiological and psychological ramifications if sex snd preemptive tests for fun, with someone who already intends to be securely matched before engaging in sex 😊

[ZackBan]

Well to me sex isn't a big deal on a personal level but when it comes to a relationship it definitely becomes critical since I don't belive you can have bad sex and a good relationship much less a relationship with no sex. It is instinctual and so it clouds judgment. So basically I don't need sex to live a happy life but sex is needed if I decide to share that life with someone

[Jamie05rhs]

@ZachBan It feels good physically, but it doesn't bring peace nor enlighten the spirit. By orgasming without someone I mean having that experience alone. You're not connected to the person who you may be interested in. You're not even thinking about them. There's a wall. And thanks, man. I agree.

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT "Right but if you’re in a secure relationship you probably already know you’re def in life so this wouldn’t really apply. There’s be no need to “make sure” "That is a valid rhetorical point. Touché, ma'am. "Also doing something just for fun wouldn’t apply if sex was important.". I didn't understand that part.

[Jamie05rhs]

"And in this particular convo the starting point was sex isn’t a big deal. I wouldn’t be hypothesizing about physiological and psychological ramifications [of] sex and preemptive tests for fun, with someone who already intends to be securely matched before engaging in sex 😊". I feel like that's a polite way of say "Shut up, Jamie. This doesn't apply to you." Lol

[VIVANT]

@zackbanThat My response was to Jamie. I don't know if you were responding to me or him. And yeah I understand sex would be important to a long term relationship. Bad sex would suck tho I feel like if you care about each other you can work it out tho I do not really know if this is the case bc at some point people just like what they like. I’m not going to eat meat no matter how much I love someone - not a euphemism lol-soooo I don't know if sex is good if you really care. I’d sooner have no sex than bad sex. And I don't know if I really loved someone like REALLY but we couldn’t get it together sexually I may consider an open relationship. With very strict terms for safety of course. My take is I don’t want bad sex (esp bc for women bad sex can be way more than simply being bored there can be all kinds of pain I suppose for men too but more so I think women anyhow I’m not a guy so just from my perspective) and I won’t endure it just to make things work but I don’t want bad sex to ruin a good thing 🤷🏻‍♀️ How do I get this guy emoji to f*ck off. I’m not blonde I’m not a dude, why is Ken the default. I don’t have this issue anywhere else, wtf gag 🤨

[Jamie05rhs]

"So basically I don't need sex to live a happy life but sex is needed if I decide to share that life with someone.". That doesn't make any sense at all lol. No offense! 😅. But to each their own. :)

[VIVANT]

@Jamie05rhs I imagine he’s saying he doesn’t necessarily need to live with someone to live a happy life; but if he’s going to be with someone and be happy sex is important. Like I don’t need such snd such a good to live a good life but if I decide to invest in the meal i won’t enjoy it if ot sucks. It’s easy to go without things it’s a diff matter to have the thing and it be terrible. Food is of course a bad example bc people are not things but it’s a good example bc it’s something you can both ignore and that also affects you deeply physiologically.

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT I don't think there is any such thing as bad sex (for a man, at least.). If I get sex, I'm going to be happy, period. I don't care if it's vaginal intercourse, a blowjob, a handjob, or just getting to see a nice pair of titties. Sex is sex. It's all good in the neighborhood. "eat meat" lol. I see what you did there. (Though I on the other hand am completely agnostic regarding the consumption of animals.) "I’d sooner have no sex than bad sex.". Ah; see? Most women are like you. (Please don't get mad at me for making a gendered statement.) "I may consider an open relationship.". I would never do that. I would just accept what she gave me. She is enough. No matter what she does. She is enough. I can definitely understand the pain thing. But thankfully that's something I will ever have to worry about (hurting my partner.) Benefits of having a small dick. Lol "How do I get this guy emoji to f*ck off. I’m not blonde I’m not a dude, why is Ken the default. I don’t have this issue anywhere else, wtf gag 🤨" LOL! 😆

[Jamie05rhs]

@Jamie05rhs "I imagine he’s saying he doesn’t necessarily need to live with someone to live a happy life...". No; he said he doesn't need SEX to live a happy life. Completely different lol. "Like I don’t need such snd such a good to live a good life but if I decide to invest in the meal i won’t enjoy it if ot sucks. It’s easy to go without things it’s a diff matter to have the thing and it be terrible." No, I get that part. That's how I feel about television. "Food is of course a bad example bc people are not things but it’s a good example bc it’s something you can both ignore and that also affects you deeply physiologically.". Well, true. Except that I'm not a picky eater.

[ZackBan]

I sure envy you if you never had bad sex man because I know first hand what bad sex can look like and sometimes it's out of your hands the chemistry isn't there neither one of you is doing something wrong it just doesn't harmonize. As opposed to when it is good sex now that is a priceless se sensation. And my whole point is bad sex makes for a bad relationship down the line it's too big an issue to go overlooked unless you want some kind of platonic sexless relationship

[VIVANT]

@ I imagine he’s saying he doesn’t necessarily need to live with someone to live a happy life...". No; he said he doesn't need SEX to live a happy life. Completely different lol. If someone doesn’t need sex to live a happy life but needs good sex to be in a happy relationship, I may be wrong but what I’m seeing is they are implying they don’t need either, but are porn to both.

[VIVANT]

@ZackBan haven’t had good or bad & I don’t mean If sex is bad once that’s it. I meant if it turned out to be a problem we can’t solve, I would want to just leave the relationship or be sexless, so I’d consider open. But I’m saying this with no experience so who knows what I’d do irl 😊

[VIVANT]

I would NOT want to just leave the relationship * (Typo)

[VIVANT]

I’d also consider other things first like are their sexual acts we both enjoy but the actual penetration part doesn’t work … to keep sexless isn’t “no sex” it’s no sexual activity so there are ways around it I guess.

[Jamie05rhs]

"I sure envy you if you never had bad sex man.". LOL. I'm a virgin! I've never had sex, period, man. 😂. So why the f would I care if it's "bad" or not? I'd just be happy to get laid! (Also, I wouldn't know the difference. Even if bad sex (for a man) IS a thing. Which I still highly doubt. ... But, "agree to disagree" and all that. 😎) "it just doesn't harmonize.". There will always be harmony if there is love. 🧘‍♂️🙂 "now that is a priceless sensation.". Lying next to the one you love without doing anything at all is a priceless sensation. "And my whole point is bad sex makes for a bad relationship down the line it's too big an issue to go overlooked unless you want some kind of platonic sexless relationship". Only on the part of the man. Women are the ones who need sex to be good. Men just want to HAVE sex. Their main complaint -- statistically -- is "She isn't giving me ANYthing!"

[Jamie05rhs]

"I’d also consider other things first like are their sexual acts we both enjoy but the actual penetration part doesn’t work … to keep sexless isn’t “no sex” it’s no sexual activity so there are ways around it I guess." @VIVANT I agree.

[ZackBan]

It's very circumstantial on if you end it right away or not. Problem with modern society is people are quick to fuck and quicker to move on so my times your choice is made for you. In a way you only get one shot at good sex early on in the relationship, because both parties can find someone else. Now if there is a history before the relationship people tend to owe it to eachother to try harder but trust me on this one bad sex is... BAD. So when you have it you'll be very much resisting doing it again the rest of the relationship needs to be super strong for people to decide to keep going. Personally I don't think open relationship is a solution it's just a convoluted way not to face the issue and that's not a good thing. That's not to say I don't approve of open relationships in fact I think if it comes from a good place it could be a good thing but it's not a fix go a problem. And sex is a skill, you can learn the does and donts plus as you listen and communicate with your partner you can find what's missing and fix it, it just takes initiative.

[Jamie05rhs]

Oops- I just realized I forgot the NOT in "But thankfully that's not something I will ever have to worry about..."

[VIVANT]

@ZachBen Yeah that’s why I’m not having sex until well into a relationship which will be way past dating. Sex isn’t something I really need I mean well maybe I’ll change my mind later but as is I’m not like gaining for it so I have a lot of tone to get to know someone and obviously there may be less of me than there are of people who want to have sex quickly, that’s ok. I just want to be in a situation where we care and trust each other enough to work on the sex rather than have sex be a determining factor. And by the time I gave sex ostensibly we’d have been doing plenty of other things sexually so the sex isn’t going to be a be all end all anyhow even the already deep bond not withstanding. I don’t want to wait for sex bc it’s the most important thing I want to wait bc it isn’t snd I don’t want good or bad sex clouding my feelings for anyone and Vice versa.

[ZackBan]

@Jamie05rhs I don't think I can find the words to convince you simply because when I was a virgin a little over a year ago I too was convinced of the same set of stuff you're saying and nothing would have changed my mind. But the question is a hypothetical one and it didn't mention the couple being virgins so I went by them not being so. So to you any sex is better than no sex but you'll remember my words when you do have sex and you'll see that not all sex is equal and bad sex is a horrible experience.

[Jamie05rhs]

"Problem with modern society is people are quick to fuck and quicker to move on". You can say that again!! 💯 "In a way you only get one shot at good sex early on in the relationship". Unless you're married. Because then you have a LIFETIME to work on it and develop your technique and repertoire. There's no need to be impatient lol. (It's kind of like learning how to play a song, for those of you who are musicians.) "you'll be very much resisting doing it again". I personally will not be resisting doing it again. There's just absolutely zero scenario where that would happen. What am I going to be disappointed in? What am I going to dislike? Tell me. I challenge you. 😛 "And sex is a skill, you can learn the dos and don'ts plus as you listen and communicate with your partner you can find what's missing and fix it, it just takes initiative." 100% agreed.

[Jamie05rhs]

@ZachBan Just for shits and giggles... What bad sex did you have? Would you mind telling us about it?

[ZackBan]

That's the problem, good sex and bad sex look too much alike for you to understand until you tried it. But to give you an oversimplified example: You know the saying "different strokes for different folks"? It kinda sums it up. Some girls like to be kissed on the neck, some like to be choked. Some girls want their hair caressed others want you pull it. Some girl like to be spanked others prefer you rub their asses. And any girl could like all of this, none of it or a selection of it. Problem is you get one shot to make a first impression in bed and it's like playing a game of minesweeper when you don't know the rules you just try your luck and hope you chose something they like. Similarly guys have preferences too , and i know you will say "I like all options" but that's only because you haven't tried them, once you do you might enjoy a girl biting your ear lobe or you might not you might enjoy her wrapping her legs around you or you might prefer she spreads them instead. You might enjoy being clawed or you might not etc... And sex tend to just happen you don't sit down before you do it and go through a list of do's and don'ts no one does that it's weird.

[ZackBan]

Instead you learn to read the person and do what they respond well to and hope they do the same. Sometimes, you both fail. You both hit all the things the other doesn't like and so the overall sex turns bad. This is why I'm saying communication is key because if you have it you can say "hey I don't like it when you do this instead that would be better" and she can do the same. If you're both willing to it can improve. On a side note: not everyone know exactly what they like or dislike which makes it harder to spot especially early on. But don't focus on the details, for now work on getting your first lay, honestly virginity is not that sacred and your first will always be your worst so try getting it out of the way as early as possible so you can begin to improve and trust me this also affects other aspects of your life it gives you perspective on a LOT of things so it's worth it.

[VIVANT]

This is actually a very good answer A + for 75% tho communication being so important is why I wouldn’t just get it out of the way. Very few guys are automatically excellent communicators esp with someone they don’t really care about. You and @jamie05rhs are an exception lol and whilst I don’t mind if sex isn’t great I care very much if its terrible and I’m not gonna risk it with a random 😛 Also I know this was for jamie but it was a good answer 😌

[Jamie05rhs]

@ZackBan "Problem is you get one shot to make a first impression in bed and it's like playing a game of minesweeper when you don't know the rules you just try your luck and hope you chose something they like.". But not if you're married. You get plenty of shots. Lol. You have a lifetime. She can bite my ears if she wants; idgaf. And if I do, I'll let her know. And we will discuss it civilly and work out a compromise. Because we love each other. And that's what partners do. "you might enjoy her wrapping her legs around you or you might prefer she spreads them instead.". I like both, dude. I'm good either way. "And sex tend to just happen you don't sit down before you do it and go through a list of do's and don'ts no one does that it's weird." Actually, a lot of people do. Maybe it's weird to you, but that's just your opinion. It's not weird to me at all. And even if we don't discuss before the first time, we sure as heck will afterwards. Look, man: I'm an athlete. And I have been all my life. Do you know what the purpose of Halftime is for? It's to take a break and just talk, and discuss what's going right and what's going wrong and what can be improved upon. And give positive feedback and motivation. And then you get back out there and play some more! 🙂 You're making it sound like a man is some sort of prima Donna who is going to be overly particular and not be pleased with a certain way that his woman is showing her physical affection for him. And that just isn't the case. (If it is, then that man needs to grow up and stop being such an imp.)

[Jamie05rhs]

"Instead you learn to read the person and do what they respond well to and hope they do the same.". Of course! 100%! "Sometimes, you both fail. You both hit all the things the other doesn't like and so the overall sex turns bad. This is why I'm saying communication is key because if you have it you can say "hey I don't like it when you do this instead that would be better" and she can do the same. If you're both willing to it can improve.". Absolutely. Agreed. 💯

[Jamie05rhs]

"But don't focus on the details, for now work on getting your first lay". I'm not interested in getting a "lay.". I'm interested in finding a life partner. Period. Full stop. (And before you ask: No, I don't care if she's a professional sex goddess. I'm marrying her for HER.) "your first will always be your worst". I am fully aware of that and I am okay with that. I'm not EXPECTING sex to be perfect the first time. The point is to just have an intimate (original definition; not the euphemism) experience with my woman and spend time together getting closer to one another physically and exploring each other's bodies. For the sake of it. To have FUN. You don't have to overthink it. If you can't relax and have fun, then just stop and do something else; try sexual stuff later.

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT Thank you for the compliment. Lol

[TadCurious]

Vivant I voted "nope, never." The oxytocin that's released by having orgasms with someone (especially if you already love them) promotes bonding feelings. That's been my experience anyway.
💑

[Sevenpointfive]

i wanna know your answer

[VIVANT]

I wouldn’t have sex with someone I wasn’t in love with for a very long time. I don’t fall in love with people bc I’m horny, I can feel arousal with no love & love with no arousal, so I do not see this as a concern if mine 😊

[Sevenpointfive]

if people didn't get horny would they couple?

[VIVANT]

I Would but I know people who are sure they would not. I don’t date for sex I don’t even want sex in dating that’s something I’d leave for a relationship, so I still would date.

[VIVANT]

Bit as I said I know people who are like I like to be with someone it’s nice etc but if I didn’t want sex I wouldn’t ever find out bc srx is the main motivator and they believe this is sheer biology. I think people have couples for so many reasons and wouldn’t survive in isolation that sex on its own isn’t responsible for mating but I can understand holding this view bc sex is a very central part of mating in most places.

[Sevenpointfive]

i remember my first girlfriend at six years old. my nephew also had one at six. i know that's gotta be something more. it could be as simple as attraction? but our balls hadn't dropped, no boners at all, so why? i think it's more primal. i think people are attracted to things they see in others. whatever traits they desire to be around

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT I share your view on that. I'm the same. @Sevenpointfive I totally agree.

[VIVANT]

I had a boyfriend when I was 6 too. He was sweet and kinda cool. And I’m pretty sure I made him my boyfriend. I had no interest in sex we didn’t even make out🤪 For real tho it was just a kind of companionship that was diff than regular friendships

[VIVANT]

@Jamie05rhs 👍🏼👍🏼

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT That's wonderful. 🥰. I'm glad you got to experience that. That's all I've ever wanted! 😭

[Sevenpointfive]

isn't that strange? even the type of people that you surround yourself with says a lot about you.

[Dragonpurple]

For me, feelings increase after the first time, even if I do not want them to. I can eventually lose feelings though if we do it enough or she becomes too much work.

By too much work, I mean she is boring... bed only, never wants to do anything different and just wants the same old position over and over.

Never lost it after first time, it takes many times.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I have feelings for my ex-gfs sexually but it never went that far it was just foreplay never no actual sex but both of us were mentally ill so who knows

[KatherineJ]

I’ve only had sex with the one man, so I don’t know what to tell ya.

[VIVANT]

Im assuming you didn’t fall out of love 😊

[KatherineJ]

@vivant oh, definitely not! 😁

[VIVANT]

😂 good to hear 👏🏼♥️

[KatherineJ]

I’m lucky! 🍀

[MysticDevice]

I haven't lost interest after sex ever. The opposite really. I found myself that much more into that person. Though, I've only had sex with two people so far so...

I am looking to change that this year though. Being single is getting old lol

[VIVANT]

Good luck 🥳 🙌🏼

[MysticDevice]

Lol thanks. I'll need it. So many psychos and catfishes out there

[VIVANT]

Seriously tho 😬 Tho I really just meant happy hunting 😂😌

[MysticDevice]

Haha its ok I know what you meant

[Juxtapose]

Sex itself has never turned me off from someone.

[Naughtyboy71]

That a feeling lost with communication

[Naughtyboy71]

I lost my first wife to a black boy with a 11in cock

[legalboxers]

sex made me love them more

[Twalli]

In my opinion sex is the best way to physically express love.

[OddBeMe]

No, I can say sex never has changed my feelings. Prob because I’m more prudish than others. I’ve only had sex with longterm gfs.

But do know emotions are deep and could change rapidly with sex. So it might not be that you “fell out of love” per se. I’d investigate more.

[VIVANT]

No not me! Lol I’m too slow with sex to have any sudden loss of feeling 😂 just reminded today that msny people believe this is inevitable and I wondered who it’s actually happened to 😊

[OddBeMe]

Ahh, yeah emotions can run high and low. One night of bad sex isn’t a trend.

[2021biguy]

I voted D because it increases intimacy between 2 people if they really care about each other, I'm not talking about sluts.

[ChefPapiChulo]

I thought you were a virgin tbh

[VIVANT]

Lol This question is simply an inquiry, it is not autobiographical lol

[ChefPapiChulo]

Right “just asking for a friend”. Tbh. I didn’t read a word of what you said. There’s also too many options, it makes the poll worthless.

[VIVANT]

Your choice 😊

[ChefPapiChulo]

too much of a headache trying to read what you type half the time. need to be more linear in the way that you write so its actually readable.

[VIVANT]

I’m not sure if you expect me to respond. I write the way I weird bc it’s the way I write just like you write the way you write. I don’t see this as black or white there is nuance BUT the essence of the question is : Have you ever lost feelings for someone you were in love with, FROM the act of having sex. The reason I don’t just write that is bc a lot of this is based on our perception. And I am not asking about Losing feelings over time or for any other reason. Or whether someone really was in love. People tend to answer to posts things that are not being ashes done I try to limit that preemptively. Anyhow the question is we’re you in love and fell out of love right after sex. The options are basically Yes once. Yes many tines. No never. Sometimes. Just like if I ashes have you ever loved a food then hated it after eating it. You can answer based on a spectrum bc it’s unlikely going to be yes or no. And the nuance and psychology behind it interests me. I don’t disagree the title should be clear but sometimes I add stuff bc many people will only just look at the title and miss the point which makes the post useless to me, so I don't know, I’m mixed. But I understand your issue. I get annoyed with the same stuff from journalists. So I get it. 👍🏼

[Deku2009]

No I haven’t had this exact experience before

[Anonymous]

Most guys lose some interest after sex.
The prize has been won and the thrill goes away.

[VIVANT]

As mentioned in the post Im familiar with the generalizations that come from some people, tho in my experience this is not limited to men. The reason I asked the question was to get personal accounts. Thanks 😊