Why sometimes some people say ‘’used me for sex’’?

[Anonymous]

I do not understand. Sex is a mutual pleasure. If you have sex with someone even you do not want to be with them in the end. Sex is a sex. Because two people have pleasure from it.

[Lliam]

I hear what you're saying and have had the same question when I've heard women say "I can't believe that I let him use me."

When someone says that, I wonder what motivated them to have sex in the first place. If they didn't do it for their own gratification, then they were using sex as a way of ingratiating the guy. Like, "Now you owe me."

People should have sex because they want to. I admire women who have healthy values, self esteem, and strong libidos. They may seek a partner for a monogamous relationship, but they also crave that feeling of infatuation that includes unrestrained sexuality. They are not naive enough to assume that having sex will guarantee marriage and a life-long commitment, even if that is what they ultimately hope for.

Sex, as you said, is for mutual pleasure. Both partners seek sexual gratification. Two people can engage in all forms of foreplay that includes lots of kissing, licking, sucking, fondling and physical stimulation. It's 1000x better than anything you can do alone.

The sex act, itself, looks more like the woman is being used because she is the one being penetrated. The guy's actions - gripping and restraining her, positioning her, lifting her, pounding her, sometimes pulling her hair or slapping her ass - look dominant and aggressive, while the women looks sort of like a victim. Her poses look submissive. But in reality, she is using him, too. He is her vehicle to ecstasy. And she's not passive. She can fuck him back hungrily and use his body as much as he is using hers. She revels in the sensations that he can provide.

So in the end, who is using whom?

[slatyb]

Instead of having sex because they wanted to have sex, they believed they could trade sex for committment. When the man didn't stay they felt cheated.

[Asker]

For example if a man loves a woman have sex and the woman leaves and does not call him later. Will He feel the same?

[slatyb]

Mostly not. It's girls that are sadly taught to prize their virginity, that sex with them is a gift to be bestowed on a worthy man. It's bullshit, but many believe it. Instead they should view sex as a mutual pleasure, although the risk mostly falls on the woman. Happily we have the technology to largely mitigate that risk.

[Anonymous]

That’s a matter of intentions then, and the two of them not being on the same page. 9/10 the person who felt used was wanting more than just sex. When they don’t get that, then they feel used, strung along or misled. A quick fix around this is just to establish what’s happening from the get go. Like if I’m actively wanting a relationship with someone and not a friends with benefits, I will ask the dude from the start what his intentions are for talking to me. If he’s ‘not looking for anything serious’ or some variation of that then clearly he is just looking for sex and we would not work out, so there’s no need to further waste each other’s time. A simple conversation like that could save someone from feeling used further down the line.

[Asker]

Yeah, this can be the reason. But in this case why can’t we say that he used my ‘’feelings’’ rather than He used ‘’my body’’. I just do not understand why the others say like that. But yeah when intentions are not clear, this can led to a disappointment.

[Opinion Owner]

I’ve actually thought of this before, and honestly I believe it depends on the person and their ability to be detached. Naturally most women are more emotional than men, and historically we associate sex with not only our feelings but our worth. When a guy does what he needs to, to get what he wants and then ghosts or loses interest, it does more to most women than hurt their feelings, but damages their sense of worth as well. Like a lot of women see it as “I am giving myself to you, sharing myself with you, and it doesn’t mean the same thing for you as it does for me.” Or “how could you lie to get sex from me, and then leave”. However if a woman is good at being detached then it won’t matter. She’ll simply see it as another situation that didn’t work and move on. It takes a long time (and desire) to become that person, though.

[Asker]

Actually, i haven’t been this situation before. So, i can not say that i will feel detached or not. But i just want to understand ‘’the logic’’ behind them. I mean understood if a man comes to you and say ‘’i love you’’ have sex and leave it is disappointing. But for example we can say that ‘’He played with my feelings’’ or ‘’ I expected ‘’more’’. But for example when someone says that used me for sex it sounds like women could not have pleasure via sex. And i agree with you that most women can not separate emotions and sex so it can be damaging in the end. But isn’t ’the worth’’ of someone is related to the self-esteem apart from the situation? I just thought that even we feel unhappy because of the lose of the man we love by having sex we do not ‘’lose’’ something. Yeah, it can be very disappointing and upsetting but this is about the expectation we have not the sex itself.

[RearEntryGuy]

Why? The "relics of the past".

In the days when young girls are supposed to stay home, unseen, unheard of, untouched, a virgin.

These virgin girls are regarded as "chaste", "virtuous", "holy", etc.

And hence the value of women were high, each pretended that they do not need sex. And sex is a "guys indulgence".

For some reason, these "relics" survived Y2k into 2022.

TBH, I'm quite puzzled myself why aome (not all) girls still believe that sex is a gift from her to him, when science already shows both genders enjoy the pleasures of sex.

Ya "relics". This is the best word I can think of to describe this group of girls.

[ChrisMaster69]

No because you can have people that only have sex when they want it, they do positions they want, they only go until they climax, they then walk out.

that is using the other person for sex

[joe_schmidt]

That's not exactly true. Was it mutual as in you both wanted it? Sure, but if a guy (or girl) had sex with you but treats you like just a friend except for when they're horny, whether you are or not, then they are just using you for sex.

They have no emotional bond with you and they only hang out with you when they want to have sex with you.

[awkward_author]

The person who said that desired more than just sex, while the other party did not. This phrase is, typically, used when the individual making said statement felt that the other lead them on.

[Wise4myage]

Because the other person probably did feel they got used, and it could have been legit.

[hafinjun]

I met a woman online many years ago she was recently divorced from a bad marriage, had 2kids, was going to college full time and didn't want a boyfriend. All she wanted was someone to be available when she wanted sex. No dating or intimate dinners just sex. She was quite serious about it and that's what's meant by "using you for sex"

[Hanrej]

If the norm is that women recieve more than sex whenever they want more than sex it will seem like they were used when they don't recieve more than they gave.

And yeah, that is still the norm.

[Asker]

For example if a man loves a woman have sex and the woman leaves and does not call him later. Will He feel the same?

[OddBeMe]

Well, yeah. I guess if the guy “seduced” the girl with sweet nothings of wanting a relationship and then dumps her after he dumps his cum.

[Asker]

Yeah but in the end she had sex and had pleasure too

[OddBeMe]

There’s still lying and misleading there. Don’t you chicks have more emotional connection?

[2021biguy]

You're right, no one is being used.

[Anonymous]

exactly lol