So overall it's mainly men benefiting from sex isn't it?

[Anonymous]

It's always been mainly men gaining something out of just sex. Meanwhile if that's all we get and we can't get a man to commit, it's a loss for us. There is no benefit for us in just sex.

Differences:
- While it's treated as a score when a guy losses his virginity (an ''at last finally'') it's a shame if we lose ours for the sake of it or that same guy won't commit to us.
- Meanwhile guys can brag about their adventures, we have to be discreet about ours.
- A man can keep a girlfriend for years without giving her a child nor marriage... just keeping her for sex and then dumping her when he gets tired. It's a loss for us; there is nothing special in knowing he can dump us and all the years wasted for nothing than just sex.
- A nearly 20 year-old guy like my younger brother who is still a virgin (not really out of choice) is going crazy over it while that's not something we go crazy over. So getting a guy to commit would be the equivalent of him getting a girl to say yes to sex.

[MrOracle]

In your question, you've moved the goal posts a half-dozen times, so it's hard to know exactly what you are asking.

If you agree to have "just sex" with a guy, then what you should expect to get out of that arrangement is SEX. Presumably you enjoy having sex, right? So, that would be the benefit of that arrangement: having sex. You'd both benefit equally, presumably.

If you agree to be in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with a guy, then presumably the guy is taking you on dates, spending time with you, giving you attention, being there on your family events, etc. Those are benefits to you that come at a cost to him, so don't dismiss them as if you got nothing. And if you are in a relationship where you really ARE getting nothing, then the problem is the men YOU are choosing, because that's not the norm.

If what you want is marriage, then it's up to you to be very specific about that when choosing the man you want to be with - YOU have to date WITH INTENTION, and you have to limit your dating to ONLY men who have the same goal: to get married. YES, this is going to exclude the majority of men, and YES, this is going to exclude virtually all of the most attractive men - but you will never, EVER convince those guys to marry, so if marriage is your goal, spending any time with such men is a waste of your time.

It seems that you have discovered something that should have been obvious: women control access to sex (and are thus responsible for the outcomes of their choices of who to sleep with), while men control access to relationship/commitments, and so are responsible for the choices they make. If a relationship/commitment is important to you, then it's important to understand that you don't have the power to make a man offer you a commitment - only he has that power. Your only real influence in that regard is whether or not you are the type of women that men who are looking for wives want - and before you think that's all about looks, it isn't. Looks are a part of it, for sure, but only a part.

Most women today focus all of their energies on men who have ZERO intention of ever being married, unless they meet a woman he considers a 10/10, and probably not even then. Yes, those men are often hot, they're exciting, and they give you butterflies - but they are NOT husbands and have no desire to be, so if you want to be a wife, you cannot waste your time on them.

Do you even know who the men who are looking for marriage even are? Do you have any idea of what those men are looking for in a wife? And are you those things? If you can't answer "yes" to those questions with confidence, then you are like most women today - wanting something but putting no real effort in finding out how to get it, and expecting to still get it anyway. Of course that's going to fail.

I'm not trying to be mean here, I'm trying to get you to realize that if you want something in life, it's up to YOU to figure out how to make it happen - and life imposes rules and limitations that you don't have the power to change, so you have to learn how to work WITHIN the system to get the best outcome for yourself. If you don't, you will fail.

[ohshee]

Okay well let's look at it like this teenager boys start out having sex as a big lie. 95 out of 100 of them will lie to a girl tell her anything she wants to hear to get into her pants then.
He starts making out foreplay witch last maybe a minute

He gets on top of the girl and he pounds her for 1 to 2 minutes

He then rules off of her get dressed it says he has to go someplace he forgot.

And the girls still laying there going what just happened

Dude is on his bicycle and cell phone calling his friends telling them what is said he is cuz he just got in this girl's pants and he fucked her good.
And this goes on forever until one day he finds a girl that he likes he does the same exact thing 2 months later runs into one of those girls did he did a long time ago he does her he gets caught and now they're getting divorced

So if you can call that a benefit because the guy is always going to be a 1to-2 minute pumper and the older he gets and no girls want to be with him because he can't please them and you can't even please himself it's all been a big lie

I know a guy that makes it all about the girl. And he gives you an hour of foreplay
And if you knows how to read your eyes to color of your cheeks your moan the way you move your hips he knows exactly what you want in that moment without saying one word he's going to make love to you until you have an orgasm and then he's going to pound you until you have a outstanding crazy orgasm and if it's a good day for him and he can control himself he's going to do it one more time for you and when you both finish you're both going to roll over onto your backs headed about 30 minutes later you're going to wake up because you feel something touching your back and you don't even know where you're at you can't open your eyes in the moment you sit up in bed you look around you say oh yeah I remember I just had the best sex ever and I just had the best out of body experience for the last past 30 minutes and she will say the same exact thing so what trying to say is pick the guy it's going to make it all about you and nobody else

[kyleelyn199723]

Honey, if a woman stays in a relationship with a man that has no intent to marry her or give her a kid and gets tired of it, that’s her own fault for allowing that, that long. There’s women out here that are completely fine without being married or having kids.

[RearEntryGuy]

I regret that question like this is even asked.

It only show how not ready you are to even start intimacy (sorry for my direct criticism).

"Sex" in your context is but a commodity. Something traders buy and sell, with the hope to make a profit.

I think this is the wrong approach.

Sex should NOT be about who benefit more; but instead about how to pleasure the person you get intimate with.

This means instead of trading sex for money like a whore, or for whatever "benefit" like yourself,

Sex should be a means to express your skill in the art of lovemaking.

One should not count profit, but instead to count how many orgasms one can give to the other.

By doing so, relationship, trust, love, intimacy, etc will all fall into place. (Unless of course the other person just want friends with benefits and you agrees to it.)

Sorry for my hard words, but I think until you look at sex differently, you'll only attract guys who are just pussy thrusters.

Birds of the same feathers flock together.

[DaveJord]

Nope girls who invest in relationships with guys get a lot of perks out of it... so lets not be silly

We talk about relationships it involves sex... be men and women both get something out of relationships besides sex... so stop right there... lol :-)

[Apple1996]

Not true. Both genders benefit from sex

[Berethor]

Yea, a man is like a key, a woman is like a lock.

[Asker]

I've heard of it. All this pushing for equality in the sexual aspect has been nothing but BS. It has brainwashed more young girls. So basically a girl that has multiple sex partners and no commitment has no value and she's not gaining anything. Yet for a guy to feel the same way as that slutty girl, it would have to be the opposite. My brother who is still a virgin (he's nearly 20 now) has displayed his frustration towards it. Sadly what's keeping him from having sex is his limited social skills in talking to girls, he isn't working and has very few friend. Personally I think it's good he's not sleeping around but chances are he probably would've done it if he were one of those player, cad types with outstanding social skills.

[Asker]

Cold analysis of the genders: It's interesting how the genders are opposites of each other. Being a slutty girl requires no skills nor effort and any woman can do it if she wanted to vs a virgin girl or one with a super low count; that means she has self-control, which was an effort. With guys it's the opposite, most of the times whenever I read about virgin men it's mainly my brother's case. They aren't doing it out of choice nor self-control. They would've been the keys or players if given the chance. So basically an awkward virgin man is easily found while (requires no effort) while those that get laid required effort to get a girl.

[Berethor]

True.

tvtropes.org/.../MyGirlIsNotASlut

[TedDyd20]

You realised it. Think "feminism" helped women? Uh uh. It just gave trashy men more sex without commitment. You'll go places. Good job.

[Asker]

That sums it up. The trashy men know the game so well. They know walking up to random women and asking them for sex isn't going to work and since most of us won't want to be pumped and dumped... they will then try not to be make obvious by pretending to be interested in a relationship. Nothing changes. They still got what they wanted, just under the false title of ''boyfriend''. Then they can continue getting sex while the poor woman is lovebombed/string along and make to believe he wants commitment.

[VikingWarLord]

You mean you can't get the Alpha guys to commit.
You don't wanna settle for the average betas who kiss your ass.
Let's keep it one hunnit.

[Asker]

Actually I'm already in a relationship and he's way different from my past ex boyfriend. The so called ''Alpha'' was actually not even attractive. He was broken, 5'8 in height (I'm 5'7), kept giving excuses for marriage, hated travelling, talked bad about my mother many times, cheapskate and insulted atheist/non-believers''. Honestly now it's so laughable. I have no idea what on earth I saw in him in the first place. There was nothing good in him and he wasn't even good looking. My family also couldn't understand it. My current boyfriend is agrees on traditional views. He was ok when I told him I've never in my life did cohabitation (it's true; I've never live with a boyfriend) and instead live with my family. If anything wouldn't my current boyfriend be the alpha: - He's a martial artist (I met him in Judo classes; I've always liked martial arts) and would easily beat my ex boyfriend - He has a college title in drawings and is a teacher in arts and Aikido (my ex boyfriend was a worthless supermarket worker with no degree and no intellegent conversation) - He's nearly 6'2 and protective over me - He isn't a cheapskate and it's actually my turn to invite out to eat next week (he has been paying for a lot now that I'll give him a break) - He likes and respects my parents and my parents like him a lot. They hated my ex boyfriend.

[Asker]

To be honest I actually dating an ugly beta that had no good qualities. That ugly beta owes me $1,300 and isn't ever paying me back. It was always 50/50 on our dates and then he stopped taking me out; it was just him coming over for lust. My friends and family were in shocked that I even gave him a minute of my time. They all thought he was ugly, both in looks and in personality. They all used to say ''girl what on earth you saw in him''. Meanwhile my current boyfriend is liked by all my friends and family. They all think he's a good looking, tall and family oriented guy. He lives with his family too.

[Yourfriend2021]

That's not true, women love sex.

[Asker]

Not if that's not the man we're going to grow old with. If it turns out to be just a memory then all that time wasted was worthless. There are a couple women that will do casual sex and don't want commitment but most of us aren't naturally like that.

[Yourfriend2021]

That would be nice if more women felt like you, but sadly a lot are promiscuous. They just want to satisfy sexual urges, they don't care about growing old with a man. But there are lots of guys and girls just looking to hoop up, not looking for a relationship.

[Asker]

and sadly some of those trashy guys pretend to look for a relationship, go on with the fake title of ''boyfriend'' but they just want to make that poor girl waste her time without ever giving her a family in the future

[Yourfriend2021]

Well you have to be smart. You can tell if someone really loves you. And 2 people can still love each other even if they aren't married or have children. Remember this, women break up more easily than guys do.

[Asker]

This only works if both are on the same page. If the woman wants kids and marriage but guy misleads her (lying about wanting it too) just to keep her in a dead-end ''relationship'' then it's going to lead to an obvious break-up eventually.

[Asker]

There is no love when you mislead someone for sex. I find that manipulation.

[Yourfriend2021]

Yes 2 people should tell each other what they want when they start a relationship. Don't mislead anyone, you're right.

[SmolSlav]

I think it's mainly to do with culture, if cultural factors are removed then Sex is an equal gain for everyone.
I feel like attitudes about Sex are slowly becoming more and more equal and open (at least in the US and most of Western Europe) where things like body count and promiscuity aren't viewed as something to be ashamed or to brag about.

[888theGreat]

you better believe it

[Emre_TR]

both sides benefit

[Asker]

How? Women get slut shamed from having sex with different guys. Even though people have more options by now, slut-stud isn't ever going away. There are still guys that care about a woman's sexual past even when they had a higher past themselves. Some women do the same but not at the same rate of the hypocritical guys. Also how is having a boyfriend for several years (4-6 years), having lots of sex with him but the relationship never progressing further benefiting the woman?

[Emre_TR]

no one cares anymore, it's not a problem, it's important not to be tied to the past, what matters is what was done together

[Anonymous]

Not if she’s with me. It’s not over until everyone is satisfied. It can be 20 minutes after I’ve finished and I’ll work to finish her off.

[Anonymous]

No one benefits from sex

It's just an act that spreads diseases and adds more to the rampant overpopulation problem

[Anonymous]

men literally get 10 seconds of tingles at the end.
Women have multiple orgasms and multiple types

If you only fuck losers, that isn’t real men’s problem.

[Asker]

Some of those losers can play it well and make the girl believe he's looking for a committed relationship but isn't. It's all about sex but he goes with the false title of ''boyfriend''.