I have bad trust issues from an ex and so many people made them worse. How do I heal?

[Anonymous]

It took me a few years to even accept that my ex used me for sex. For a long time I couldn’t even admit it to myself. I was in denial. I had this idea of him and in my mind he wasn’t some pervert. He was too handsome to even NEED to use me. Or if not that he was just not that low of a person. In my mind, it was impossible to accept. But I developed a bad fear of people trying to use me for my body.
I have been single for 3 years. I tried to correct my way of thinking-so as not to blame my ex. Everything between us was consensual and he never ever forced me to do anything but his his manipulation and the fact that he led me to believe he loved me did some major damage.
well I know better now. I accept what happened between us. I haven’t had sex since I was with my ex 3 years ago and to this day he is the only man I have ever been with. I try to let my wall down enough to trust again but the men I encountered made it so hard to even want to try again.

this guy was my friend and randomly asked to sleep with me

this guy was an old coworker who randomly asked me for nudes

This is me telling best friend about how surprised I was that my own step grandad was making sexual comments towards me in private

This is me telling my friend about how I discovered that someone had ghosted me earlier that year because I didn’t want to let him lay in my bed if he visited my house

this is me telling my best friend about my regrets about kissing a man who wouldn’t stop immediately when I asked him to

These are just a FEW examples of times I trusted a man and then he basically exposed that he was interested in me sexually or willing to jeaopordize our relationship because of his own sexual interests. There are way more times than this. And then there’s this

An apology from my ex 3 years later and too late to actually mean anything. I showed all this to say I have bad trust issues

[RearEntryGuy]

I agree with an Aynon Option that you should go for therapy.

As far as I know, most who commented in Relationship and Sex categories meant well. But personally, I had not met a professional counselor here, yet.

All we can offer are logical solutions or cliches you had heard a thousand times, like love yourself, move on, etc.

My suggestion is, don't seek pity here. You will get a lot. But in my opinion, they just prolong your pain.

Instead, recognize that romantic life implies sex, eventually.

Hence if you're not ready for it, then don't enter one. The guys you thought were freaks might be sincere and could be hurt by your remarks as well.

I'm not taking sides. I'm just saying, it's too long. Seek professional help. G@G just for fun chat and discussion.

[Anonymous]

It's often said that you can't give away something you don't already possess. You can't love other people unless you learn to love yourself first.

The same analogy applies to trust. That's why you'll need to trust yourself before you learn to trust others.

Remember when you had this strong feeling someone was cheating, and it turned out they were? That's how inner trust works. Learn to listen to your instincts, and you will learn to have confidence in yourself.

While at times you may feel like your ex took you for granted and never appreciated your effort, the earlier you move on, the better.

Appreciate the times you spent together. They formed a part of who you are today. You may deny it, but the truth is, you had happy times. Focus on them, and remember there is more to you than your last relationship.

Realize that not everyone who comes into your life is meant to stay.

[Opinion Owner]

But more importantly, it's a time for you to offer as much love as possible to yourself. You don't have to rush to the dating scene to seek validation from people. Right now, you should pursue things that matter to you — things that make you feel fulfilled. Spend time with family and friends. or revisit hobbies and interests you may have forgotten about. Focus on making yourself a better person.

[Opinion Owner]

Learning to trust and love again after a breakup takes time, patience and commitment. It's a journey that should be handled with caution. I hope I answered your questions. Any queries? Feel free to ask

[awkward_author]

It looks like you have trauma and would benefit from therapy.

[Anonymous]

Therapy would be a good idea.