Why do guys say “it’s just a fantasy”, as if it means they don’t really want it?

[Anonymous]

I’ve noticed that guys like to use the excuse “it’s just a fantasy” for different things. But fantasies are something that you want. You don’t fantasize about something you don’t want. So why not be honest and say “that’s what I want, but I can’t get it, so I’m settling for less”.

Also why would you not want your girlfriend/wife To try & turn herself into your fantasy? My ex was always with fake women…. Fake tan, fake fingernails, fake hair, fake eyelashes, etc. I’m incredibly pale, so I Feel so self-conscious because you never see pale women in men’s magazines. They’re always tanned & brown. So I started gluing eyelashes on, getting the spray tans, getting 3 inch long fake fingernails, etc. and then he says he doesn’t like it. I even considered getting Botox injected into my mouth to make my lips big. But why would he not like that?

Every man’s fantasy is a stripper, porn star or IG model…. Why would he not want me to try to turn myself into that? If your girl is making an effort to try to turn into your fantasy why would you discourage that?

[RearEntryGuy]

"Every man’s fantasy is a stripper, porn star or IG model…"

Not true. There's a saying here "whores are just for fun, marry a conservative girl".

Yes, we may have fantasies. But many are from porn and we guys know they're just unattainable, like driving down (aka fly down) a highway like Vin Diesel.

We enjoy those fantasies, in our mind only. And when at some party, it happens, we indulge as much as we could. Then we're back to real life the next day, not missing any.

===

"Why would he not want me to try to turn myself into that?"

Perhaps he loves you as a person, not as a sex object?

Perhaps he's being respectful?

For sure he's a person who knows where to draw the line.

No. Don't need to be fake. Be yourself. That's what he likes. The real you. He'll search elsewhere for extreme fulfillment. And that's not a requirement for a long-term committed relationship.

To conclude, no, us guys have dignity too. And we know where lies reality vs fantasy. Be secure. There is no need to fulfill our fantasies. Once a while, perhaps a silly getaway and role play is enough.

We're down on earth too.

[Asker]

If I’m not his dream girl though, he shouldn’t settle for less than what he wants. Then he’ll be like every other man who regrets getting married or getting in a committed relationship because the woman is dull/plain and starfishes on the rare occasion she sleeps with him

[RearEntryGuy]

OMG! Why are you so lack of sexual confidence? No lady, no! You ARE GOOD! And that all you need to be: yourself. Us guys of course want fun and desire to sow wild oats. But if we look for a wife, it's not mere sex. And I believe you have a lot more than sex to offer him. These are other assets to win him over. Hence, no. He doesn't want a whore. It's cheap to get one. If he wants a committed relationship, he looks for things money can't buy. And that means sex is just about 10% of the package.

[Asker]

You say he’ll search for extreme fulfillment somewhere else and that after indulging he’ll come back to regular life. That makes it sound like you’re admitting guys are bored with regular life, so then why even have relationships with “regular” women if they need extreme fulfillment somewhere else?

[RearEntryGuy]

Sigh... I know... i made us guys sound bad. And if you check it up, "sow wild oats" applies to guys during a period of his life before he chooses to settle down. I'm not saying all guys are such. But too many had spoil the name of men and hence I bring up this issue. But rest assured, after we're "done", we're responsible husbands and fathers.

[TonyV]

Fantasies do NOT mean you want to do it fast.

I've watched every God damn type of porn I could think to search and gotten off to most of, and lots of it might be fun to think about or fantasies but I would never do it.

People can have an interest in something they never really want to do.

Jesus you sound like the people who claim watching gay porn makes you gay, or experimenting with *blank automatically turns you *blank forever.

One example I've watched ball busting porn, guys testicals stuffed through a tiny hole in a board and a woman in heels stomping on them, seen a girl biting a penis porn too, I would NEVER want to be a part of those but it was interesting for a short time, femdoms are a fantasy too but I'd never do it either.

[TonyV]

Oh and once again why do you women always compare yourself to a guys ex? She's an ex for a reason that may be why. You women may try to change who you date but we usually don't, he has eyes he knew you were pale when he met you, it obviously wasn't a problem. You feeling like you had to match his exs which was a terrible conclusion to jump and wrong isn't his fault, it's yours, that is your own insecurity that you need to address, you felt inadequate to his exs and magazines and decided to ditch your personality to become a basic fake chick and you chose it all on your own, no told you to or made you, you did it cause you are insecure and there is no reason to be. We learn and change our types as we go along, I use to have a type, even stupidly told my old crush that I wanted a girl like after she shot me down, now that she has treated me so shitty any girl that remotely reminds me of her will be a huge redflag, I now avoid what I was looking for before, so it's no surprise to me he didn't like you trying to copy his ex.

[Asker]

I’m not that type of person at all. I wanted to be his fantasy wh*re to make his dreams come true and he didn’t like it. Unlike most women who don’t make an effort to please their man, I was going out of my way to do that…. that’s why it pisses me off that women who completely emasculate men, never have sex with them, and treat them like garbage are the ones who keep getting wedding rings

[TonyV]

Well it is nice that you put in the effort and we're trying to be what you think he wants but common, you got to be you, and like I said he may picked you, someone so different from his ex on purpose. Don't worry about the women emasculated men getting married either, at that point it's more on the guys fault, if he's a good sensible man he'll realize his worth, divorce her and send them girls packing, so those bad women won't have their ring for long. And if he is the kind of guy to just stay married to such a horrible woman that's kind of a sign that he's not a great guy to date anyways, he has no self respect or gets off to being humiliated, either way do you really want him? Let the shitty guys and shitty girls get married, if all the weak willed guys are out getting controlled by rude using women that just leave more good guys single for you to find. Really those guys ignoring redflags to chase those girls is a good thing, they're out of your way now, and I know it sucks feeling unwanted but trust me you don't want to be wanted by them guys, don't compare yourself to those girls, don't be jealous of them, pitty them, they suck and they locked down little soy boys that will tolerated being treated like shit, their marriages are pathetic and I'd bet money they won't last long.

[IMuser]

Because of being afraid of getting judged I guess. Or because they see their fantasy women as objects, a use-and-throw something

In my case, if my girl would like, I would be more than willing to have her help me out in fantasies, from basic like type of hair to sexual ones

[slatyb]

Fantasies are fantasies. People may want to realize some, but not all. Women commonly fantasize about being forced to have sex with an attractive stranger, but they don't really want to be raped.

And no, every man's fantasy is not a "stripper, porn star, or IG model". I fantasize about women I've met who are nothing like that -- young, attractive, very intelligent, with a natural look.

[Kaneki05]

First off Fantasies don't mean a person wants it IRL at all. There is many porn categories like incest as example that obviously most people are not for it, but yet they will watch porn about it. Because when it's fictional it's different. The same way you could like a show about a killer but IRL if he was real you would hate his actions.

There is a very big difference. Between fantasy and real. Also more specific to your point I feel like there is a select group who can look good while fake which are the ones who get followers and up there. But a lot fail. And while I would prefer natural as possible, it's more of a thing I have to accept that's just not how it works really within them industry's for some reason.
And once again Fantasy's can just be that

[awkward_author]

It's mainly because fantasy is not reality. I have sexual thoughts and fantasies that I wouldn't want in real life. Sometimes part of the appeal lies within its lack of reality.

[VikingWarLord]

It's the same with b-tches, I've banged over 500+ and I always made it a point to ask what their darkest most hardcore fantasy was. Over 90% of them said Abduction and/or Rape. Does that mean they REALLY wanna be raped out in the real world? NO

[FýrdracaDócincel]

Both genders do this, first of all.

Second of all, it has a lot to do with the divide that we ((and by "we" I mean the rest of you because I don't do this shit)) place between "dating" and "relationships."

In our modern culture we're "supposed" to settle down with people who don't satisfy us. We're "supposed" to go after what we want when we're younger and then spend the rest of our lives with some rando who we don't really feel anything for.

We're supposed to romanticize this shit too in that "what I wanted was in front of me all this time" kind of way. It's stupid. It doesn't even sound good on paper and these fuckwits are still clinging to it.

Good thing I'm literally too fucking advanced for that.

[Asker]

Your point of view is the way that every man should think. I honestly believe that men should not be in relationships, not just marriage but they shouldn’t date either…. they should stay single and hook up with as many wild women & strippers as they can Until they’re physically unable to. No one should feel pressured into being with less than their fantasy

[FýrdracaDócincel]

You've got me curious now. What do you think women should do?

[Asker]

Sexy women (OF models, strippers, etc) can have their pick of any man they want. And any man would consider himself lucky to have a woman like that on his arm. So they can get married and have kids etc. if that’s what they want. Ugly women like me need to accept the fact that they have no value and they need to stay single (or adopt children if they want a family).

[FýrdracaDócincel]

Male lurker detected.

[andy530]

Not every fantasy I have do I want to act out some are just fun thoughts. This is a common experience across genders too.

[Anonymous]

Maybe because he knows it’s fake and actually likes the real you, the fantasy is just looking at them not really having them as a wife or girlfriend

[Asker]

But if he likes looking at them, why would he not want his girlfriend to look like that too? Then his fantasy can become a reality

[Opinion Owner]

I guess they don’t think about how fake they really are looking at them