Sexual Relationships
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How do you feel about a committed relationship partner that gives permission for outside casual sex but restricts it to the same gender only?

Why is it that the partner granting permission won't feel the relationship is threatened as long as it is with the same gender and they do feel it is threatened if it is with the opposite one? Does that make any sense?

Can't the same genders end up developing a love that might interfere with things?

I know this is a soap opera type of question but am also aware of a relationship where this dynamic exists and was just wondering what others think of it. So far that relationship is working out just fine, but could there be any long term consequences?

Please share your thoughts and/or use the survey to specify your opinion, please!
How do you feel about a committed relationship partner that gives permission for outside casual sex but restricts it to the same gender only?
NO, the whole thing is messed up! If you are in a committed relationship you shouldn't be having sex with anyone else PERIOD! What do you think the word "COMMITTED" means anyway?
Vote A
How do you feel about a committed relationship partner that gives permission for outside casual sex but restricts it to the same gender only?
I agree with that concept since most guys don't feel threatened with their girl being in a lesbian relationship on the side, because if that is what she really wants she will probably do it anyway
Vote B
How do you feel about a committed relationship partner that gives permission for outside casual sex but restricts it to the same gender only?
No, I would not want my guy in a side relationship with another guy, that is just too much for me. That will never happen
Vote C
How do you feel about a committed relationship partner that gives permission for outside casual sex but restricts it to the same gender only?
I am ok with my guy being with another guy just for sex, I would not feel threatened by it as long as it is not with someone who fools around with many guys and is subject than to STD's
Vote D
How do you feel about a committed relationship partner that gives permission for outside casual sex but restricts it to the same gender only?
Yes, a bond could develop that would ruin the relationship so that is a NO NO!
Vote E
How do you feel about a committed relationship partner that gives permission for outside casual sex but restricts it to the same gender only?
No, because even if a bond does develop, it can still be a bond between all 3 of them where they all love one another the same
Vote F
How do you feel about a committed relationship partner that gives permission for outside casual sex but restricts it to the same gender only?
OTHER, see my comments below, or just open the "Same Gender Affair" Survey
Vote G
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
Girl Guy
0 2

Most Helpful Guys

  • In my experience, most bi girls want to be in relationships with men, but are sexually, but not usually romantically, attracted to women. Plus, there's just a different dynamic with relationships between men and women - men can bring things to the table that other women can't (and I don't just mean a dick).

    I've dated bi girls, and several of them have played around with other girls while we were together (and at least one did not), but I was never threatened by that. I would not have tolerated them messing around with another guy, though. Again, it's just a different dynamic going on.

    • Wow, you are the best one to understand this yet. You were right, great minds do think alike... lol

  • I think any scenario can work if it works for the couple.
    there’s no right or wrong here, it’s sex and it’s a very personal thing

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What Girls & Guys Said

5 30

  • I chose "other".

    I believe the issue most people have with their partner having another relationship could be:

    1. Insecurity - and to your question in particular, they are less insecure about same-gender lovers because they fill they are the only one in their role as an opposite gendered partner. It's like if you are on a sports team and you play goalie, you won't get insecure if a new forward or offense player joins the team, because they don't threaten your position security. But if a new goalie moves to town, you get insecure because what if the new goalie is better than you and your team kicks you out for them and you're replaced?

    2. Monogamous mindset - the idea of "just one" or at least "just one at a time". Again, it has to do with insecurity and feeling like you have to be the best and the one and only. There's no feeling of sharing, community, trust, cooperation, or belonging: it all has to be earned and fought over, and it can only be with one other person, all others are threats (or on the other extreme end they are not threatening at all, because you devalue you them as worthless compared to yourself, the incomparable deity narcissist.)

    I liked the choice about all of them developing a bond, but I didn't choose that because that's not always the case. I have quite a few amazing people in my life, but they don't all connect with each other the same way I connect with them, and many of them also have great connections with people I don't have the same level of chemistry with. It's all good, though, part of the beauty of the chaos is that we don't all feel the same way about everything.

    How do you feel about a committed relationship partner that gives permission for outside casual sex but restricts it to the same gender only?

  • Up until fairly recently, it was common in American English to use the word "girlfriend" to describe both a female romantic partner and a woman's platonic companion. I don't know WHY, but it was. As a result, there came to be a need to differentiate between the two, and society came up with the phrase "lesbian lover". At least, I *assume* that's why that phrase popped up so often; it's the closest thing to a legitimate reason I've ever thought of. Hearing that never fails to make me want to punch something. Why? Because it carries with it the implication that those relationships are somehow different in a deep and genuine sense; that those relationships and the feelings they evoke somehow don't count. I mean sure, there's no babies involved, but STILL.

    There are people who claim they can have sex without developing feelings for those they have sex with; I suppose it may even be true for some of them, but if it is, they're a vanishingly small part of the population. It's not for me to tell people what they can and can't do in their own relationships, but I CAN tell them they're asking for trouble.

  • If you need to do it with others you are not really committed in my opinion. It's just cheating that is permitted because the person thinks if I don't let them do it they will probably do it anyway. This way I see who they are doing it with.

    Which one do I call mommy today?
    Which one do I call mommy today?

  • Apparently, on certain dating sites (FetLife, Adultfriendfinder, etc.) there is said to be a phenomenon of a straight male and a bi female couple, looking for a "unicorn", that will fit right into their lifestyle. Is that realistic? I doubt it. I have to go with A, although I dare say that some men fantasize about B. See fantasy vs. reality cartoon attached:

    How do you feel about a committed relationship partner that gives permission for outside casual sex but restricts it to the same gender only?

    • And indeed, the very concept is named "looking for a unicorn", which implies the seekers know it is not realistic either!

  • I don't know but I'm not okay with either that's a massive step that I haven't come close to reaching and I'm not sure I ever will as I don't like to share my partners body

  • because the opposite one can make a baby... babies create complexity.

    • That makes the most sense. That is a GOLD STAR opinion! That's funny because I hadn't even thought of that which is actually a common sense conclusion. I guess that's why I get told blonde jokes all the time... lol

  • I have a friend who has this arrangement and brought her friend into the mix for his birthday. Believe it or not he didn’t really enjoy it that much and just said “she’s not you”
    no judgement everyone has the right to design their relationship as long as both parties are on the same page.
    me personally, regardless of gender, I can’t deal with the idea of sharing a man I love and personally have no interest in sleeping with anyone else. Maybe a drunk kiss with a girlfriend for a laugh at a party but that’s it.

  • I tried that once with a bi sexual girl and it turned into a nightmare , so to me it’s a fake relationship , if someone can’t truly commit to you like you commit to them then it’s pointless to even consider it a relationship

  • I'm non-monogamous so sex with whoever is just fine with me.

  • I took the easy way out and went with A. I think it is more complicated than that.

  • No It's still cheating to me. Just means my man is bi and wants to sleep around.

  • No. Either I'm the only one or you can gtfo.

  • I'm only happy with an open, non-mono relationship when there are no gender boundaries.

  • Okay, full disclosure, I am in a fairly distorted place where sex is concerned because I have been in the lifestyle for some time and so a great deal of my friends and partners are also in it.
    I can tell you that if I were looking at that couple I would want to find out more about them. If jealousy is an issue than all the extra marital sex in the world will not correct it, but for some reason couples get into it hoping to fix what ever is wrong in their relationship and of course it only makes it worse.
    For some couples, however what you are describing is a way to dip the toes into it. It's a scary thing already and a lot of them feel safer this way. If that's the case then let them have their fun. Swinging can make a strong relationship an unbreakable one.

  • My wife and I both see other women and it's great.



  • I think that you should turn your question or the propositions differently. Are we talking about our thoughts on all relationships? Or about what what would work for us personally?


    For me my answer is that it depends on a lot of things. Depending on the relationship I have with my partner, I could agree.
    More generally, communication should be very good, needs, desire and everything should be expressed for any kind of relationship. And polygamy doesn’t makes things easy. There are “education” books about this topic, there is a reason.


    As long as everyone is honest and happy, it’s great.

  • It's obvious i think because of the variety if i am in relationship with a girl i know what i can offer her and what someone else could offer better than me.
    . and she would know me bc i would have something more than what the other lady couldn't offer i could have the confidence that i would be your best choice as you are with me in the opposite gender category.

    Let's say i am chef at hotel and you are my regular customer and appreciated my cooking and my dishes are your favourite and you always order one of my dishes and let me know always that you appreciate it so i would like to see you eat in a different hotel, rather than enjoying anybody else's food in the hotel i am chef of.

  • I’m not sure that I’m emotionally intelligent enough to be okay with that arrangement

  • I don't work well with restrictions. Get in the game or get the fuck out.

  • She can just watch Lesbian videos while I lick her.

    • creative... and if the lights are out, how would she really know?

    • @lightbulb27 How do you feel about a committed relationship partner that gives permission for outside casual sex but restricts it to the same gender only?

    • makes total sense... just tell her to yell "yes Barbara,, yeeees!!" or whomever. But why she'd want to deny a "bonus" roundspenis is beyond me. I'm at a loss... but I think males could come back in fashion if we market these ideas the right way...

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