Sexual Relationships
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How little sex is too little when in a relationship?

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half now. We’re coming up on a year of living together. For the last six months or so it seems as though we’re lucky if we have sex two to three times a month. I’ve voiced my concerns to my boyfriend about this to which his reply is that the medication he takes causes him to have a low libido and he is a recovered sex addict. But what does that mean exactly? I feel like we should be having more sex. Is that selfish of me? I always tell him I need more physical affection and more sexual attention and it doesn’t seem like anything changes. Is it that he’s just not sexually attracted to me any longer? It honestly hurts that I feel like I have to beg for this attention.
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Superb Opinion

  • He's told you the reason: he's on medication that gives him an artificially low libido. And if he WAS a sex addict, this may well be necessary. A true sex addict doesn't just want a lot of sex - they will take nearly any risk to have sex and will prioritize sex over jobs, relationships, and opportunities. A sex addict would fuck all your friends, your mom, your cousin, and most random girls he could convince, because that's how addicts work. Even if all the cheating didn't bother you, his life would be chaos.

    It's *possible* that he could work with his doctor to adjust his meds so that his libido wasn't so repressed, but it's also possible that this was the best balance they could achieve, and so it's the best they will ever be able to do for him. You'll have to discuss that with your boyfriend, and be honest about what you really need, and see if that's achievable. And maybe it isn't, and if not, then you'll have to decide if you can accept what he CAN give, or if you need to move on.

Most Helpful Guy

  • It's too little when either of you wants it but constantly not receiving it.

    My principle: sex is the ultimate purpose if a romantic pursuit.

    Simply putting, if I spend time in a relationship, I expect my sexual hunger to be satisfied.

    It's like cooking. Why cook if after all the work I'm still hungry?

    I rather eat out right?

    Same with sex. If I put in the efforts to be committed, monogamous, and treats her with intimacy, then I kept getting rejected 70% of the time, I'll probably tell her how u feel and make a decision to move on or not.

    This perhaps is what "sexual compatibility" means. Bulls with bulls, sloths with sloths and queen bees with drones (once a lifetime).

    Hence I think as many guys who answered: talk and negotiate. If it can't work, think again.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 16

  • That is too low unless you guys are old. He owes you more.

  • Two to three times a month is little, a girl that is more sexual than a guy, I don't see that often.

    https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AManIsAlwaysEager

  • What does it mean? Who cares? You aren’t happy. You expressed your feelings and he didn’t respond. How much longer are you willing to continue with no change? Another year? Five? Ten? Thirty?

  • For what its worth, we have intercourse once a week and exchange oral on another day.

  • everyone is different.
    Some 2 or 3 times a day, others maybe 2 or 3 times a month.

  • Consider leaving the relationship if you aren't getting what you want. For relationships to work both need to have their needs met. You already voiced your concerns and it didn't do much. Either accept the lack of sex or move on with someone else otherwise you might end up resenting him.

  • It absolutely could be because of the medication, especially antidepressants.

  • If you’ve voiced your concern and he’s still not compromising to meet your needs, it is likely to just get worse. You are young, not married and no kids I’m assuming so maybe find somebody more compatible before it’s too late.

  • living together, unmarried?

    THIS isn't THE NINETIES

  • everyone is different and you will find that you probably go through periods if your relationship lasts. sometimes I'm once a day sometimes once a month but probably on average a couple times a week.

  • Oh man.. I guess my relationship was different lol for 3 years it was at least twice a day

  • Any less than once a week tbh unless there's a reason

  • A few times a week is good.

  • I envy couples in their twenties

  • i bet he was the one who hit on you or asked you out

    • That he was! He actually tried to hit on me about ten years ago and I wasn’t really interested. We reconnected almost two years ago and he made the first move again. This time I decided to give it a shot. How did you know, I feel like there’s a lesson here you’re trying to teach me and I’m not getting it 😅

    • just being sarcastic and speaking of my lifelong resentment of how guys, men, always have to be the ones to court women and be the initiators

  • Do it when you want it.

  • First couple of years it would be at least daily, then slowed down a bit to 3-4 tines a week, unless she was on her period, then it was 2-3 times a day on those days. Stayed pretty much like that for the entire 12 years of the relationship until we divorced.
    Twice a week would be too little in my opinion.
    I understand that his medication lowers his libido, many medications do, especially those that affect brain chemistry, like anti depressants. Maybe its time he spoke to his doctor about trying some different meds.

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