My boyfriend literally chooses porn over me and I'm about to throw in the towel?

[Anonymous]

Im crying my eyes out while writing this. My boyfriend and I are in our early 20s and we have sex everyday sometimes multiple times a day. He constantly masturbates. When I first got with him, we were in our late teens and we didn't live together and I couldn't see him all the time so it was perfectly normal that he would masturbate so much. As the years went on, I have now been living with him for a little over 6 months and this has been a continuous problem since I moved in. It doesn't matter how much I fuck him, as soon as I step out the door, he's on his phone on porn and jerking, as soon as I go to sleep, he turns on porn, as soon as I get in the shower, he turns on porn. He told me that he was trying to stop watching porn because he felt like it was bad for him. I was encouraging and told him that it was a good idea. He lasted without jerking for a whopping 4 days and he couldn't handle it and had to go back to doing it. This has broken me down and made me feel like garbage about myself. I compare myself to people in porn, I've developed body issues, I doubt my sexual abilities all the time, etc. I have sex with him EVERYDAY. Multiple times. And I'm pretty positive that he's cumming. He cums inside me and I feel it drip out. But since he constantly needs porn, i am pretty sure that I just don't satisfy him. I feel ugly and fat and honestly I have started hating myself over this. I keep telling myself that if I was enough for him, he wouldn't need to do this all the time. Tonight was the last straw, I woke up from a nap after I had fucked him earlier in the day and he was masturbating to porn. We started fighting and I was asking why I wasn't good enough and he was telling me that I'm manipulative and that he hates me. He tells me that he doesn't want me anymore after EVERY argument that we have. I'm about to give up and break up with him. I just want to know why I'm not enough sexually. I do everything he asks me to in bed and I fuck him so much.

[MrOracle]

First of all, it sounds like you're dealing with a guy who is in the top 1% of sex drives - extraordinarily high. The vast, overwhelming majority of men aren't trying to cum 6+ times a day, every single day. They may have an occasional weekend like that, but that's the exception, not the rule.

Second, it seems clear that he also has a porn addiction. Do I even need to justify that diagnosis?

Your problem is that you are blaming YOURSELF for problems that are HIS issues, not yours. in my opinion, you're taking it personally that you aren't enough for a guy who is literally insatiable - but guess what? No one woman on earth could be enough for a guy like this.

Most things in life come in the pattern of a "standard distribution" - beauty, intelligence, health, humor, height, dick size, etc. The majority of people are very close to the average - the middle of the curve - and the further away from the middle you go, the number of people there drops exponentially.

When it comes to sex drives, your boyfriend is WAY over on the right hand tip of the curve, where very, very few people reside. Based on what you're saying, you're clearly on the right hand side of the curve - above average - but no where near the right-hand edge, and to expect to be able to keep up with a guy who is that far out of the norm is unreasonable and unrealistic. Out of a million guys, you could keep up with 999,850 or so of them - but a handful are going to be beyond your capabilities, even though you are well above average. That is NOT your fault, and doesn't mean that you aren't attractive or aren't trying hard enough. It means that the two of you simply aren't compatible, and that's no one's fault.

The chances of your boyfriend being able to find someone who CAN keep up with him are infinitesimally small. In truth, with his sex drive, he's always going to be jerking off to porn no matter how much sex he gets, OR he's going to be sleeping around with a dozen women and still looking for more. You can't change this, you can't fix this, because that's who he is. He can't really change it either, any more than Forest Gump could change his 60 IQ.

Very, very few humans find happiness at the extreme ends of the curve - happiness is almost always found near the middle. in my opinion, you need to end this relationship and focus on guys who are "average" or near-average, and actively avoid people on the far edges of the distribution curve - whether that's looks, money, career, dick size, or sex drive. Happiness will be found near the middle.

[Asker]

What if he's masturbating to porn a couple hours after sex with me? The sex was really good and he came inside me, but when I woke up from a nap a couple hours later, he was masturbating. Was the sex not as good as I thought?

[AGirl_x]

I know about that kind of sex drive and this guy is glued to porn. people who have the sex drive you're talking about want sex. Even if 2 people both crazy horny, it doesn't matter because if the opportunity for sex arises with someone else... They can't say no. But this guy is choosing porn over sex and porn is potentially addictive, like gambling, drugs...

[ohshee]

Hey ok stop and breath. You
Are beautiful you are sexy you are everything that a man wants and more it has nothing to do with what you look like it has nothing to do with who you are on the inside because all of that is good very good it's all about him he has no control of himself and he needs help
If he cannot see what he's doing to you you need to show him you need to follow through with what you're saying until he gets help let him prove to you how much she loves you he loves you but there is an addiction going on there
When guys masturbate and they're in a relationship it's usually when she's not home and he's horny at that moment so he doesn't real quick by turning on porn so we can get them faster it doesn't mean that he doesn't love you or anything like that it just means he's horny and wants to come

Or it means that he is lazy and you wear his ass out so they would rather not have that workout but they want to get off so they watch porn it's done and over with

They have an addiction and I think your boyfriend has that but you need to make some choices but stop blaming yourself it's not you I would have to say you were perfect with everything you just said you tell me that you are doing everything in the world possible to please him and I believe that it's on him now he needs to prove himself you have just done that you've gone out of your way to prove yourself on who you are and how much you love him and he's not going to respond so you have to let him make his own choices I think you need to walk away and let him get some help it's going to be the hardest thing in the world you've ever done but when you love somebody you have to go that extra step it's not going to get better on its own he needs help and once again you have to take the pain because you be walking away and you don't want to and that's the part that sucks you are the one that's always giving and you got to give One More Time by walking away and letting him get help

[AGirl_x]

First :it's not you, it's not about how you look, not about what you do and how much you fuck him and trust me, you are not the only girl who is dealing with this. It's his problem, porn is fun and all that but.. it's pretty easy to get to an addiction. And that's what his situation is. You can research the matter and talk to him and try to explain, convince him that he needs some help if he can't help it... But that is fuckin hard work and unless you feel like this is the man for you and you love him to death... Throw the fuckin towel. You're suffering more, much more with him than you will if you end it.
I'm really sorry you feel like that about yourself, if the response is "FINE!", he's an infantile fuckin idiot.

[Asker]

Thats why I feel like my vagina sucks tho.. if his response to me not having sex with him anymore is "FINE!" Then he totally doesn't care of he gets my pussy again because he likes porn better I guess. :( I'm so broken right now.

[Asker]

And I go to sleep right after we have sex and I wake up to him jerking off on porn. Like, I really really feel like Im not satisfying him if he's doing it even AFTER we have sex.. right? :(

[Asker]

I feel like less of a woman because of this..

[AGirl_x]

I get you cause same... At first we watched together but.. people watch and usually they fuck, but I fuckin swear he would point stuff to me, things he found hot and he started jerking off... So I left the room and when I came back, he was doing the same thing. And I did everything, and I knew I'm not ugly and still he made me feel like garbage. I brought a friend, cause I was a fuckin idiot and that was a good thing after all because I saw he was not seeing the difference between porn and reality. We don't watch movies and we think that it's all real, same thing... He brought 2 friends and I was so in love that I let them do whatever and he watched and that was what got him off. He always was way more excited to watch than do. In my case it ended in a very nasty way. Fuck him! You are hurting more than if you just end it. Let him jerk off to stuff he's not going to get... And maybe just like the guy I was with, he doesn't even want to do de just wants to watch. Hey message me if you want cause I don't want to write here how shit ended. Hey, I am pretty sure any man would be choose your pussy over a pussy of a porn star. They would fuck the porn star but for a relationship they would choose yours. There is such a thing as porn addiction. It's not you

[Anonymous]

This has nothing to do with how attractive you are or your sexual abilities. He’s clearly addicted to pornography. Having sex with you doesn’t suddenly make the addiction go away. He needs to masturbate to those images to feed the addiction. It sometimes requires professional help to overcome. He says hurtful things when you challenge him on it because he doesn’t want to face tackling the addiction. It has a stronger hold on him than you do. If he’s not willing to stop and you can’t live with his addiction, then it may be time to part ways with him……and maybe losing a relationship over pornography will be the catalyst that forces him to change.

[true_bavarians]

He is addicted to porn. You know like some people are addicted to drugs and stuffs. No matter what, they always come back to the stuff. It seems he has been doing this from a very early age and has developed a habit of masturbating multiple times a day. Yeah, such behaviour is difficult to deal with. From your POV, I think it's better to break-up because in this relationship you're gonna get hurt every time. I suggest to break-up because you've literally tried everything that's in your power yet he doesn't change. AND no, don't think you are bad at sex. Maybe he isn't the best guy who helps you bring out the best sexual qualities in you.

[Asker]

Doesn't it sound like I really don't satisfy him sexually then?

[Asker]

I've tried all his kinks and I like them. I switch between being dominant and submissive. I let him cum inside me. I'm loud and enthusiastic during sex. I suck his penis. I kiss him. I let him eat me out. I sit on his face. I let him do multiple positions with me. I try to be good sexually. Maybe the problem is just literally something I can't fix, like my vag being loose or some shit?

[true_bavarians]

Why do you keep coming back to you not being good enough at sex? Maybe he wants something different now, like the ones in porn with the "fake" body. This issue is beyond getting fixed. This relationship might consume you and emotionally drain you. Trust your heart and make a decision!

[Asker]

Like maybe my body isn't exactly hot to him I guess?

[Asker]

I'm in the process of contemplating a breakup already. I just want to know why me or my body isn't good enough. It's ripping me apart.

[true_bavarians]

Yeah I guess. I think he's just used to the same body and wants a change

[true_bavarians]

Did you try asking him this same exact question to him? If yes, did he even give some hints or something?

[Asker]

Nope. He won't talk to me about it. He just gets mad and threatens to kick me out.

[Asker]

I feel so undesirable.

[true_bavarians]

Getting a closure is really important. Without a closure it's a really difficult life ahead. I say this because I have personally been in a similar situation but it in a different scenario. in my opinion, you should break-up with him before you cry your eyes out and feel really undesirable about yourself. And take care too!

[Asker]

I already feel that way and I cry every single day.

[Asker]

This is ugliest I've ever felt and I've always had pretty low self esteem.

[Asker]

Is it possible that my vagina might be too loose or unpleasurable?

[true_bavarians]

1) You need to be away from the person immediately. 2) I am not sexually experienced to know if vagina can be loose or something 3) You gotta date someone else. Having an opinion of only one or two guys doesn't mean it's true. You have girl friends right? Try asking them. I think that would be the best. P. S. If you want someone motivating or someone who listens to your shit, you can DM me. I'm pretty good at listening

[LingyRolls]

I think you're reading wayyyyyy too much into it. He likes porn 🤷🏻‍♀️ Leave it there. Stop making assumptions about how you look and trying to figure out the secret code of how him liking porn means that you suck. Why not find out what kind of porn he likes and try to give him that in real life? You know... Make his fantasy come true. That's all porn really is, a way to experience a fantasy. So give him that fantasy and YOU will be his porn star!

[Asker]

I've literally done that though. I have tried all of his kinks and I actually really enjoy them and I added them to our routine in bed. But it's still not enough.

[LingyRolls]

Maybe just watch it with him?

[OlderAndWiser]

1. He has a porn addiction.

2. "he was telling me that. . . he hates me. He tells me that he doesn't want me anymore. . ." Are you waiting for him to throw you out the front door?

[Asker]

Why would he hate me? I do everything I can for the son of a bitch. I work everyday while he sits at home, I fuck him everyday multiple times a day, I'm sweet as fuck and I try my fucking best to be a good girlfriend. I don't know what more I could fucking do. I guess I'm just ugly? That's why he treats me like a living garbage can?

[OlderAndWiser]

1. He doesn't need to have a reason to hate you. 2. And him hating you doesn't mean you've done something wrong. Maybe he's just a fucked up bitch who isn't worth messing with. Maybe the only thing wrong with you is that you picked him to be your parter in a relationship and you've wasted too much time on him already.

[IMuser]

This is called an addiction problem. If you don't believe me, try having sex while having porn on tv. He visually prefers porn but loves sex

You can either act like him, instead of having sex, watch porn which satisfies your fetishes (big cock, lesbian etc). This may either excite him, that his girlfriend is interested in porn and maybe willing to try out his fetishes OR this may humiliate him (like you feel right now)

Just remember, it's an addiction, like a drug addiction. If he didn't liked you lookwise, he probably would have dumped you. There is a reason he is with you. Find it

[sunflower00]

He quite clearly has a porn addiction and is not willing to accept that and try to get better. It is NOTHING to do with you, you are not undesirable or have anything wrong with you. It’s his addiction and it’s a horrible one to deal with as a partner and it really affects your self esteem. If he’s being this rude to you and not co-operating I would leave him tbh.

[caitycat21]

Take this as a sign that you should never settle for a guy that watches porn. Trust me, that guys going to be crying once he gets an erectile dysfunction soon. Porn has been proven to ruin relationships and hurt the viewers capacity to live.


So it’s definitely not your fault, it’s his. He has a problem and needs to get help

[Sarahr123]

Gosh he seems to have a problem. If he is constantly wanking even after having sex he is probably an addict.

[Asker]

Is it possible my vagina sucks?

[Asker]

And doesn't satisfy him?

[Sarahr123]

I highly doubt it. If he cums everytime then he is getting satisfied.

[Sarahr123]

Real life sex is definitely better than masturbating to some stupid video

[Asker]

Not to him apparently.

[Dragonstarterplus]

This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship at all

[Asker]

I probably don't satisfy him then if he has to turn to porn constantly?

[Dragonstarterplus]

I've read a lot of your replies in this question and you keep making this problem about you when the problem seems to be about you. I don't think you're not satisfying him you seems to be doing God's work to have sex multiple times a day every single day. He has an absurdly high sex drive and a high porn addiction. Couple that with all the arguing and hateful comments (He tells you he hates you?) and I just don't see any long term relationship working out with this guy

[Asker]

Maybe there's just something wrong with my vagina to make it not satisfying for him? Like maybe I'm loose or something?

[Dragonstarterplus]

You are not listening to anything anyone is saying to such an extent I almost think you're trolling

[AvaOneLasTime]

There is nothing wrong with you, Instead i wonder... is this guy doing anything else besides masturbating to porn and sex with you? Damn.

[Asker]

What else could he be doing?

[AvaOneLasTime]

Good question.

[Asker]

Are you insinuating cheating?

[AvaOneLasTime]

No, no. I don't think he has sexual energy left for that. He seems to use it up on you or to porn.

[Asker]

Oh then no. He does nothing but sit at home and jerk off and do whatever he wants while I slave away 40 hours a week at fucking work. I feel like less of a woman because of this.

[AvaOneLasTime]

You are more of a woman, because of this and he is less of a man, since he doesn't work. Why doesn't he works?

[Bricealan]

Sounds like you should drop him?

[TheMajesticKing777]

It's not that you are bad at sex, is that his unhealthy addiction to pornography is messing with his mind, the sex in pornography is so unrealistic that if you are addicted to it, it like brainwashed you and messes with your urges and cravings, I know cause I grew a porn addiction at some point and noticed it was getting bad when I had trouble getting hard to normal porn with normal casual sex, I stopped my addiction and it's much better, you should breakup with him, give him the choice one more time, you or his pornography, if he chooses the porn, you know what to do, find someone that appreciates you in the bedroom.

[rahmann]

First of all the harsh truth you gotta understand that he's literally a dork. İt May sound too offending but truth hurts, not a big deal. İf a guy watches porn even though he got a girlfriend with an active sex life, any girl who respects herself would kiss his ass outta her life. Cüz it disrespects her. When you're in a relationship or married, it means to protect yourself from violating your soul. We all know porn kills our soul. Makes our character and mind dirty. They literally rape any gir with eyesl that Crosses their eyesight.

Last thing you can do is leave him and find someone who respects you. İt could be the best solution.

[Asker]

Is it possible he's not exactly attracted to me and maybe my vagina isn't very pleasurable? Thats the only thing I can come up with that makes it understandable why he still continuously needs porn even though we have an extremely active sex life.

[rahmann]

Well, he's a porn addict, so no matter even if you bring the most beautiful woman ever lived, he'll keep watching other people having sex on internet. That's how a porn addict's mind works. Porn is the alternative to meth or heroine.

[Asker]

What if he's masturbating to porn a couple hours after sex with me? The sex was really good and he came inside me, but when I woke up from a nap a couple hours later, he was masturbating. Was the sex not as good as I thought?

[rahmann]

Seems like he's sex addict. You should talk with him about it. Stay calm and ask him things if he isn't getting satisfied, make sure he answers you honestly. Usually what I always suggested others when it comes to porn addict issues on relationship, is making a final deal or end. But not everyone can leave, emotional attachment and other stuff matters. So in this case only way is talking out about the issue. Make an empty threat that you may leave him because of his behavior. See if it works.

[Asker]

Does it sound like I'm not satisfying him if he's masturbating an hour or two after cumming in me tho? I'll keep your advice in my mind. I've made up my mind that I'm going to leave, but I don't know how or when because I love him so much. But I have to do what's best for my mental health. :(

[Asker]

I have made threats of leaving and he doesn't care. He just yells at me and says GO AHEAD.

[rahmann]

Then now the decision fully depends on you. You can either move on from a toxic life with him or keep disrespecting yourself. Keep patience. I pray God helps you.

[Asker]

Is he not satisfied by me if he's masturbating a couple hours after sex?

[Asker]

I'm really really torn up over this. I just want to know. He won't talk to me about it...

[rahmann]

Well the answer is yes he isn't satisfied by you. But it's not a red flag for you because it's not like you haven't tried your best with him. Like i said before a porn addict can never be satisfied. He's an explanation in scientific way which will make more sense. When we watch porn brain releases dopamine (hormone that makes you feel good) like flood. When a person keeps watching it's like there's a tsunami of dopamine going on in the brain which is more than what having sex with a girl gives. Now guess how much serious stage someone reaches that he's no longer satisfied with sex with a girl. Listen girl, don't lose your confidence because he's a porn addict, he's a loser everything is his fault. He says you that you can leave him he doesn't care because he knows girls desire guys who show carefree ness. Don't feel bad thinking you're not able to satisfy him.

[MrtoddsWildRide]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I had a roommate who's girlfriend broke up with him because (as she loudly screamed across the apartment), he was a "self service pump" . She was crying her eyes out over it. The thing is that she was still a lovely and desirable woman.
Some guys are just weird.

[genericname85]

why waste your time crying about that? just ditch him and move on to a guy who doesn't choose porn over you xD it's normal for him to watch porn and jack off sometimes. but not normal to choose that over fucking you, if he has the chance.

[Morning_Cereal]

It sounds like he has an addiction. He may need to get off gradually and find things other than sex to busy his mind like games or working out

[loveslongnails]

You SERIOUSLY need to stop your line of thinking and pay attention to what I'm about to tell you: Your "boyfriend" will never, Ever, EVER be sexually satisfied with any one given woman. He will constantly want porn and to masturbate to something. He's an addict. The only way he change this is if he admits that he is and he actually wants to change.

****** Your "boyfriend" does NOT want a girlfriend. He doesn't want the emotional or mental attachments that come with a relationship - ALL he wants is sexual release. Porn allows him to do that with no complications, no pressures, no worries, no thoughts about another person. Plus, there's an endless free supply to satisfy any kink or urge he develops. THIS is what's going on. ******

So your entire worried story has ZERO to do with your skills in bed. You've taken on the "blame" for his addiction and bad behavior, and you're allowing this FALSEHOOD to fuck up your head - in a VERY bad way I might add.

This crap right here that you're blaming yourself for is ridiculous:

" I guess if I left, he wouldn't have me as a burden anymore and he wouldn't have to worry about bad sex with me." You're not having bad sex, I can pretty much guarantee that. He's got an addiction.

"I guess I'm horrible at sex since porn is so very important to him." Again, he's an addict.

"I give up. He's the love of my life." ---- I doubt he's the love of your life, you just think so because you don't want to be alone".
"I don't know if I can keep feeling this way about myself though" - No, you can't, mainly because none of it is true.

You're convincing yourself that you're inadequate because of HIS flaws and faults, not your own. It's time to dump this boy, take some time to heal and get your shit together and realize you're not the LOSER here, and move on. Find a real relationship with someone who gives a damn about you.

[Wise4myage]

What a moron. Walk away and don't ever look back.

[TheFlak38]

imagine what an ugly turn off you are. he knows that you literally have nothing to offer besides your vagina, and if he needs to cum he can quickly do it with his porn. He doesn't have to put up with your bullshit. Your entire thread screams "I'm a nagging bitch!"

[whosnumber1]

ok love so first off all the problem here isn't you. the problem is he has an addiction pain and simple. the unfortunate part is his addiction is directly linked to your sex life and ultimately your self worth.

you should dump his ass as give him the line "it's not me it's you" because it's true.

sex isn't just about you satisfying him. it's about the both of you a a couple taking the time to express affection equally to each other. he should be focused solely on getting you off and not on his own climax.

I used to jerk off to porn way too much and now I've become obsessed with seeing how long I can save my cum up for so that I can have bigger orgasms and bigger loads for my lady.

break up with this guy and find a better guy. one that doesn't have to jerk off so much. there must be crusty socks and kleenex all over your place. if you want to message me about it please feel free.

[nawtee_me]

Why is it that when things go wrong people want to blame themselves? If he prefers porn over you that is on him and not you. No one can change other people, they can only change themselves. You should leave him and not look back. Find someone who wants you over porn and do not settle for less than you deserve...