Sexual Relationships
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Sex Always Feels Like a Chore? Boyfriend Never Wants To Reciprocate Oral?

I'm 24, Australian and I've had sex with 3 guys total in my life. I find it difficult to open up to people sexually unless there's a close relationship and emotional intimacy first but I still end up hurt. I lost my virginity at 19 to a guy I dated since I was 17 and he never really met any of my needs and I didn't know what I even wanted I was so inexperienced and in a really bad situation in life. When I was single at 20yo I made out but never slept with a guy friend who lied and turned out to be having an affair and I told his partner at the time what happened because I didn't know. So that went poorly. At 21 I had sex with a second guy I'd been really good friends with since we were 16 and he just used me for sex and money until he got his current girlfriend. At 22 I got with my current guy who I've known for several years and we've dated just over 2 years now. Everyone thinks we're a great couple but I really struggle. I communicate best I can with him but a lot of my emotional and physical needs aren't ever met. No guy I've ever dated has been comfortable with giving me focus and attention in the bedroom, including oral, and I always find sex uncomfortable and sometimes painful. 90% Of the time in my sex life I have to finish myself with a vibrator because no guy can. I have done so much to try and better myself. I took up fitness, seeing a clinical psychologist for a couple years, getting on medication for my mental health (still learning to deal with it), lost a lot of weight, went and studied a post-secondary higher education for a couple years and now I work full-time. I try really hard to better myself. I'm deeply self-conscious of my body. My current partner also never wants to give oral, and the last couple years he's always 'never in the mood' so I stopped bothering. I cry myself to sleep a lot. He works away for his career so I try to stay busy. I'm super depressed so still getting professional mental health help. I never feel good enough.
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Superb Opinion

  • first i think that you need to find your inner you and be yourself. that way you will be more open and happy. this way you will be more open to enjoying life and sex.

    as for the guy, if he can't be assed with sex with his girlfriend and won't give oral when you do, DUMP his sorry ass.

    as for your choice of boyfriend's, it appears that you go for people that you have known for a while (from reading above). do you think that you are setting yourself up for being used for sex as you have friend zoned them and then say hay lets get together? most relationships i have been in are usually with people i dont know. you meet someone on a night out, exchange phone numbers and it starts. where you seem to be going for people that you have know for years. i believe that this is down to personal insecurities and like i said above. make yourself happy and the rest will follow. guys like confident girls same as women, they like it when people are happy and confident and can demonstrate that. its like an aura that can't be seen but is definitely picked up on.

Most Helpful Guy

  • You are finding the wrong men. It’s difficult these days. A lot of men are negatively affected by porn, suffering from delayed adolescence, or have low testosterone. It’s not you, it’s them. You don’t have to accept this. If you choose to break up, make sure you take time to recover. Next time you look for a boyfriend be sure to get a sense of what he thinks about sex and explain how your past experiences affected you before getting too intimate physically. Also, you might try considering men who are a bit older and more mature, or from a different background like skilled laborers.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 14


  • The problem is not you. The problem is your boyfriend.


    If you are uncomfortable or experiencing pain during penetration sex, you are not receiving sufficient foreplay. Your vagina should be relaxed. Either you are still tight and/or need more lube.


    Since too many guys are unable to provide their gals a vaginal orgasm, they need to give an oral based orgasm. If they don't, they are poor lovers. They may be uncaring, untrained, immature, selfish, or ignorant.


    I always give my gal sufficient foreplay with oral so she has an orgasm before penetration. Then she always has vaginal orgasms.

  • Man, sorry to hear this. It sounds like you just keep going for guys that suck in bed. I would try to find it in yourself to become a little more assertive, and ask for what you want.

  • End this and find a man who cares about your pleasure.

  • Ditch the loser and hold out for a real man who values his woman's needs.

  • Smell your pussy…


    Maybe it smells.


    If it doesn’t then he’s a bitch.

    • Every guy I've dated has been this way about oral. I have never had any STI's and I don't have an infection. I even trim or shave from time to time. Just never seem interested. I'm finding a lot of younger guys my age just don't want to.

    • Then go older

    • If that doesn’t work then you should consider asking… you might get the answer as to why this is happening to you

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  • Well everyone has problems. I’m 31 almost 32 and a virgin. I guess in a way you are too cause you never had satisfactory sex. Everyone has problems we just deal with it sorry

  • He's a selfish prick. I say dump him and focus on yourself.

  • I can give longer oral sex, around 20 to 40 minutes, if a girl really likes or demands that.
    How old are the guys you are dating by the way?

    • I find if I demand anything it completely removes the enjoyment and spontaneity of the moment. The guys are all around the same age as me. One guy I dated was 30 when I was 20 and he was the same but very immature. The others are all around my own age when I dated them.

    • Well by demand I mean if she is into it. Suppose if she blows my dick for 10 minutes I will lick her for 20 minutes. Automatically without her asking me lol. Anyways currently I'm single.

  • You were right to focus on yourself first. You need to let go of past issues and know that you are good the way you are. You never know what you will get from a guy in the bedroom until your there but if it's not what you want the move on. It's easier said then done.

    You said he is away a lot so when he is gone, go out and look around to see what guys are out there and when you find a guy you are interested in and have got to know each other, if he is interested in a relationship then dump the current boyfriend and move on with him.

    As the story goes, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. Good luck.

    • I would never cheat or entertain the idea of other guys while committed. If I can't talk through it and communicate healthily with my current boyfriend then I'll probably just go my separate ways with him respectfully.

    • I never said cheat. I did say find somebodybto move on with then you have somebodybto move on to. In general, unless there is abuse, people do not leave a relationship unless they have somebody to move on to and the other partner is dumped and left alone. It is very rare to leave and not have somebody waiting for you. If you are the rarity then good for you.

  • You are good enough the way you are. Please tell that to yourself as often as you can. Say I love my self, I forgive my self. And I am good enough. Sex marriages partnerships romantic relationahips can be very disappointing. I feel same yet on the opposite end. I like to give oral to right person. with particular overall appearance and down there it all matters to me. As you say its better to have emotional connection. And it's almost impossible to ask someone politely hey what do you look smell and taste like down there?

    • I like your face behavior and over all appearance can I ask you straight away about what you look like when you are naked?

    • And what kind of sexual acts you enjoy. Should we try to check sexual compatibility?

    • I am sorry aussie girl most of us are in quality sex starving marriage

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  • As you don't get emotional and physical satisfaction from your partner, you are mentally and physically upset, so change your partner, there so many strong in bed and care taking men in this vast world, you have to search

  • Out of millions man in this world you stay with the one who doesn't give you oral? Use your gender advantage because woman have infinitely more chance to get men to pleasure how they want it. Already losing virginity at 19 may turn off to few men but men take any kind of sex because they can't be picky so you are good anyway

  • You're just meeting the wrong guys. A guy that really cares about you wouldn't treat you that way.

  • Not everyone becomes sexually as active as early in life as you did

    • I was 19 when I lost my virginity. I'm Australian and I'd day I was older than average.

    • My guess is 16 is the most common age for people to lose their virginity in where you live

    • 16-17 Yes. I was 19

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  • It's your fault for making him your boyfriend.

    • I think I'm done with men in general. Time to get that noose ready.

    • You need a break. Take a long break and see what happens.

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