Why did the guy start to text me less and eventually ghost on me after he failed to get a hard erection?

[Anonymous]

We were having great time together for a month and I decided to sleep with him after a few dates. I am a virgin. That day we were kissing and caressing and he put on the condom. But seems it's not hard enough to penetrate. He was a bit upset and left quickly after 2 unsuccessful attempts. I guess I could have done better if I was more experienced (I didn't really make much effort to comfort him, instead I asked twice "is this my problem?"... Ouch!)

It's been a few weeks and he seldomly texted me back no matter how hard I tried to initiate conversations. I asked him out once but he canceled on me that day. I guess the whole thing hurt his ego and self-esteem so he just doesn't wanna see me again.

The thing is I really love this guy and don't just wanna let it go. I miss him a lot and suffer from my feelings for him every single day.

What should I do / text him to save this relationship?

[caring__1]

The male ego is very fragile. The last thing they want is to feel they don't measure up. You comment "Is this my problem?" reinforced his feeling that he failed... as he probably felt you were implying this was his problem. It could be both of you are inexperienced. A little reassurance would have gone a long way. You could have shown him you value connection over performance. Performances are only temporary, while connections tend to be enduring. It appears the focus of this encounter was the act, not the connection. That's not uncommon when either wants it over. He may have been eager to have the experience yet dreaded the potential pain he would be causing you.

Performance anxiety can limit performance in guys. Don't ever rush or allow the guy to rush. Take time to focus on him, physically arousing him before he attempts to penetrate. Don't let him get ahead of himself or assume his erection is automatic and you have no influence on it. Touch him, caress him, show curiosity... and, above all, be playful (but not in an overwhelming way).

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

He was extremely embarrassed… As most men would be in that situation.
I think you should text him and let him know that you enjoyed spending time together and want to do it again… Reassure him that your feelings haven’t changed.

[Asker]

Thanks! Actually I always tried to be more proactive to ease his anxiety or anything. It's always him asking me out in the past and these days I took up the courage to ask him out yet he canceled on me. Seems he doesn't even bother to try again. He did text me back from time to time but I think he's just being polite.

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Yeahhhh. It’s good that you’re being proactive, it shows interest. I think he’s just humiliated (not because of you) but because he couldn’t preform. It’s a horrible feeling for guys… I think he’s just too embarrassed to even try again, I suppose…. Hopefully he does give it another chance.

[Iron_Man]

Maybe he needs Viagra

[In_Trance]

You'd have to ask him

[Anonymous]

Must have felt self-conscious about it

[Asker]

If you were him what would you wanna hear from the girl at this point? What should I say to make him feel better? …