How to deal with s*xual Trauma?

[Anonymous]

It’s been over a year. I went out with 2 of my friends to a club and we ran into these guys one of my friend knew. One of the guys was talking to me and kissed me at the club. So after that we all left the club together and went to a hotel. I want to add that I had a very very bad gut feeling about what was happening and I wanted to leave, but I didn’t want to leave my friends alone. Also the naive girl that I was I really thought these guys would pay rooms for me and my friends to stay together in one. So this guy I met at the club and I left to a room and made out. I remember after we were making out I was feeling bad and I was crying inside. I tried to call my friends several times but she wasn’t picking up.
So I told the guy we would NOT sleep together / have sex but only make out. And at this point I think I was making out with him by fear. Soo he ends up undressing my shirt and bra and starts to suck my nipples. I didn’t say a word. I don’t remember what I was thinking in the moment, I don’t even know how I let it go that far. I put my bra and shirt back on and he really continues with saying things like “I have a condom” and I tell him noo... so we continue making out and he makes dry hump him which was so uncomfortable because I’ve never done that before. Also he tried to finger me but I stopped him from that.
Every day since that night I’ve been thinking about everything! And yes, I know it’s all my fault, I should’ve listened to my gut and I should’ve left but I didn’t ! I didn’t want all this to happen, I was very very naive and I’m not saying this guy raped me thanks God he didn’t but I still feel sexually traumatized. I feel grossed out by myself, I feel unworthy, used. Currently considering therapy because of this! I just want to get over it, let it go, heal from this! I wish I could go back but I can’t and the flashback has been haunting me ever since...

[Anonymous]

I have been through something similar and a lot of women have. Not to judge the situation but it sounds like you went into a hotel room with a stranger knowing it could lead to something. Maybe you were curious and while you were kissing and he was touching your breasts and sucking on your nipples it felt wrong but you kind off enjoyed it too. We often feel ashamed because we actually enjoyed it. It’s ok to regret something but remember you are just human and you can’t be perfect.
it’s good that you told him no when you really did not feel like going further and sadly a lot of men still try which is wrong.
don’t dwell too much on what happened. I can tell you from experience just accept your flaws and try to move on and make better choices in the future.

[Asker]

thank you so much... yeah, ofc I kinda knew he wanted to (try to) sleep with me going in that hotel room but I just ignored my guts... and even though we didn’t do that "much" like not had any type of intercourse I still felt sooo bad afterwards. And I did enjoy the making out part to one point until I realized he was really trying to sleep with me. And that moment of curiosity or „enjoyment“ is nothing to the pain I feel now... I wanna move on but it’s so hard. I wish I could just delete the memory!!!

[Opinion Owner]

I know how it feels like. But you still seem young. It’s ok if you indeed were curious and it felt good in the moment when he was kidding you or sucking on your nipples. Men will always try it’s out job to set clear boundaries. This is hitting you hard bc you are a virgin and doing this almost makes you think you are ‘losing’ yourself. I look back now and think I made a mistake, I did enjoy it and I will try my hardest not to make these anymore. But stop besting yourself up for it. When you grow older you will look back and laugh at how dramatic you were being (in my case).

[PenkWing]

Therapy is a good idea. A lot of women go through similar experiences and therapists know what you’re talking about. Women therapists might be better, if you can choose.

You can feel free to call it rape (or not). It would be justified since you clearly stated a boundary and it was not respected. It’s your experience though, and you get to decide how to call it. I know for some people it helps to see the violence in the act (even when it doesn’t look like violence from the outside).

[Asker]

Thank you so much, I will do that. I also think therapy will help me because I haven’t talked about it to anyone besides my confessor (I’m Christian) but even with him I didn’t go too much in detail. And he didn’t rape me, he could’ve forced me to have sex with him sooo... but that doesn’t make it any better for me unfortunately! Even though I’m "thankful“ he didn’t...

[Anonymous]

I love how you make it seem like you are a victim at the start of the story. You didn’t want it but it just happened. My girlfriend said this same bullshit when she cheated on me. Is there ever an excuse for cheating? NO. You can’t blame anyone but yourself. You just need to own up to it and move on. You are on the border of saying you were raped, which is definitely not the case, you just regret it.

[Asker]

Don’t project. Cheating and what happened to me is NOT the same! Plus I clearly said I wasn’t raped. I think u need to deal with ur own feelings first before u can give anyone else advice :)

[Opinion Owner]

Never said you were a cheater, or you were raped. I’m just saying girls never take accountability for their actions. It’s always he was the aggressor and you were scared/traumatized/didn’t want it and regret it. You have the power to say “no” and your traumatic experience would have ended. There was never any danger. You must have wanted it because if you didn’t you wouldn’t have been making out with him and screwing him. It’s always a one-sided thing. “He did this to me, he did that”. So you telling me besides kissing him, you did absolutely nothing, just let him do what he wanted? No reciprocation? You didn’t suck his dick? You didn’t talk to him? You didn’t have the courage to say you didn’t want sex? Or do you just regret it AFTER? Like most women do? I guess you can just make new friends who aren’t hoes so you won’t be in that situation anymore.

[jshm2]

Kid, grow the fuck up, and get over yourself. Nothing of note happened.

You sound like the sort of drama queen Taylor Swift writes albums about.

[In_Trance]

Smh... this is drama not trauma

[grega239]

Maybe be more careful with people you dont know.

It happened. Learn to live with it and let it go.