3 mo

I was cheated on and I want to know what it is like to cheat?

There were always signs since the start of the 15 year relationship. Pictures of women on his flip phone. Found a naked one years later. He denied with stupid lies. Months later I got their conversations and pics through his hard drive. I had to talk to his co-worker to find out the truth. That she dumped him after a 6 month affair because he is a horrible person who was using her for affection, kept telling her he was going to leave me when he saved up enough money, and he was saying the most evil things about me to her. She told me to run.

I had to stay though because I am disabled. We have no kids. I will never have children. This was in 2014, though there have been other red flags. When he got a smart phone, he promised to share the password, he lied. And that smart phone has been destroying me from the inside for 3 years straight now.

Now he is at work all day, he can't help me with anything anymore, I'm constantly lonely, he is not intellectually, emotionally, or physically available. I think it is time I cash in on my "get out of jail free card" while I can still get around. I want multiple guys to want to be my significant other too. I think that sounds like a lovely feeling that I need to have.

I need to make myself available. I haven't dated since I was 20. I'm 35. How do I let people know I am discretely available and that they can have a relationship-like experience with me, but that relationship is only available when the "Open Sign" is on? I am looking for more asexual spectrum emotional/Sapio cheating. So a guy without a high sex drive who is probably playing Dungeons and Dragons with all his friends. What website do I use? Ashley Madigen?

I want to know what it is like. I want to know why every guy I have ever been with eventually cheats. I want to experience that greener grass on the other side & have my cake & eat it too. I bet it is worth it. I don't want to be single. I just want to have options and a lot of fun. Maybe quiet revenge. . .
I was cheated on and I want to know what it is like to cheat?
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