Delayed ejaculation - is it me or him?

[Anonymous]

First few times my boyfriend and I had sex he couldn’t cum. Then it took him ages for a while until it’s kind of semi normal now - 20-30 mins maybe.

He said he never had that problem with anyone apart from me. All of the girls he’s been with have been skinny/athletic whereas I am womanly with an hourglass figure. He says he loves my body. He does get hard just by looking at me from time to time and always for sex. That’s never been an issue. We’ve been together 2.5 years now and are engaged.

He’s always masturbated in the prone position and did it almost nightly before we started seeing more of each other/sleeping together more. I always thought this was the reason but then he said it had never happened before and now I think it’s because I never turned him on enough or as much as one of those girls. I do see him eyeing athletic/slender girls and also women with hips. He’s a bum man so doesn’t care for boobs but says he loves mine.

I’m starting to think he just settled on me and it’s tearing me up. I can’t keep asking him these same questions so I’m hoping someone can help me shed some light on things.

if I give him oral sex or tease him he can cum pretty quickly too. Is he lying about it never being an issue before? He’s not very experienced and most of the sex he’s had has been from one night stands. He said with me he wanted to last longer and put himself off which caused him to loose the sensation and it was difficult to get it back?

[Ekiewlen]

I’ve noticed girls think guys coming is somehow a flaw in there body or sexuality. A million different things can be a reason why a guy comes. The story about putting himself off is true.

if I really want to impress a girl (or enjoy it as long as possible cuz she’s so sexy) I do the same thing. And the more times you stop yourself from cuminf the harder it gets to finally do it.

I would honestly take it as a major compliment. He loves being with you and it’s awesome he can last so long for you. It definitely isn’t because you’re not sexy enough I can promise you that.

[AviatorTom]

You are the first woman I've ever known to complain about the guy taking too long to ejaculate. It's almost always the other way around... ejaculating too fast. I wouldn't worry about it, and stop making an issue about it with him... or it WILL become an issue.

[Asker]

Definitely not a complaint.

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

Regarding the first few times and not being able to ejaculate - That seems normal. Performance anxiety.


As for him just lasting long, or not being able to ejaculate quickly, you probably just need to do more foreplay, turn him on more. That doesn’t mean he isn’t attracted to you.


Other than that, it really doesn’t mean it’s you or him or if he’s lying. You two just need to communicate more about your sex life and how it can improve. Ask him how you can turn him on more to make him ejaculate faster, if that’s what you want.

[Asker]

Thanks! It’s just the whole - never had it happen with anyone else thing that’s got to me!

[UniquelyBasic]

Seems a lot of peoples sexual problems can be solved by just talking about it. People are too nervous to talk about sex in general.

[Asker]

@UniquelyBasic that’s definitely not me but he’s a lot more reserved. He was brought up in a very ‘sterile’ environment where he wasn’t allowed to **** and sex was a dirty word! Very opposite to my upbringing

[integrale77]

Could be he's nervous and not wanting to mess things up with you so he puts himself under too much pressure to perform.
Try flattering his ego a bit worship his body give him really sloppy oral. Teese him and get him to the edge and keep him there for a bit.

[DonkeyDan]

Prone masturbation can be unhealthy and lead to traumatic masturbatory syndrome. Either that or he has given himself death grip syndrome.

[Asker]

He was doing an awful lot of it when we first met! But surely he’d have been when he had his one night stands too. I don't know it’s hard to not take these things personally as a woman

[DonkeyDan]

I can understand that, but as a man I can't with a high amount of certainty say it was definitely him and not you.

[Asker]

Can’t or can say it was him and not me lol?

[DonkeyDan]

Sorry can

[slatyb]

It's him. Don't worry about it. His climax is his responsibility. It will be fine.

[Dargil]

My guess is that it is him. It takes some mental steps to roll into orgasm and it doesn't happen unless guys focus on it. We aren't 17anymore.

[Asker]

How come it’s just been with me though?

[Dargil]

Sometimes I drive almost as well as a NASCAR champ. Sometimes I don't. I don't blame the car. I blame me. It is not your vagina's fault. You will interfere with your best "performance" if you fret on this. Just do your best.

[exitseven]

It sounds like it is in his head. He wants to please you so he is holding off and it has become his routine.

[Iron_Man]

He’s probably very nervous or not Sexually motivated enough

[Asker]

He said he was very nervous. But what would not make him sexually motivated?

[Iron_Man]

Some people get so paranoid so Nervous that they chock it happens in sports as well

[Asker]

Understandable. I’d rather he came quickly than not at all, I’d have at least felt complimented 😂😂😂

[Iron_Man]

Right lol

[Scarecrow13]

What did you change that resolved the issue?

[In_Trance]

most likely him

[Luckycharms12]

That sounds normal 20 30 minutes

[Asker]

Thank you 😊 What about the start?

[Luckycharms12]

Maybe he wasn't comfortable and confident at the start

[Asker]

He was definitely shy and reserved. It’s just the whole ‘never happened with anyone else’ thing that’s got me!

[Luckycharms12]

It might be good thing he wasn't comfortable could really liked you didn't want to fuck up

[Asker]

He said this was one of the reasons actually

[Luckycharms12]

There you go

[Anonymous]

I'd go with how he treats you outside of sex to see if he is lying or not.

[Asker]

How do you mean?