Why are most of the serious (provider type) guys also awkward?

[Anonymous]

While they would be suitable for girls wanting to form a family, at the same time it's like they are very awkward, have some self-esteem esteem issue or something else.

The 3 provider type I've had a conversation with were like these:
- Guy 1: Religious fanatic who grew up with a controlling mother telling him masturbation and sex outside marriage is a sin. He would idolize his mother too much.

- Guy 2: He was good in looks but very awkward in all social reunions and kept to himself. There was just something off about him when you got to know him.

- Guy 3: Overweight, facial acne issue, awkward and low confidence and self-esteem. He would say yes to always everything a girl wanted.

The common denominator is those 3 serious guys had issues. While they would eagerly propose and form a family, it doesn't sound natural. It's like they were forced to live a strict lifestyle (guy 1) or are using the only quality they got left because they can't get girls for sexual sex so they compromise on being a provider and getting married.

I have never met a serious, provider type that was outgoing, good in looks and had no problems. Seriously why are the serious types also awkward with issues?

[HighlyVolatile]

I know at least some who aren't in those three categories. I think the problem is that men who aren't very popular with women will tend to value commitment more just for a start since they have such a hard time getting a woman that they will prize her and become devoted immediately. So there are many in this category who might not exactly be the cream of the crop.

Meanwhile, many men who are very popular with women don't see the point of commitment since they can fool around with as many women as they want and have loads of fun without the responsibility of commitment while being lifelong bachelors.

So I think it's kind of rare to find a type who isn't either of these, but some exist. They're usually the types strongly driven by monogamous values even if they're popular with lots of women.

[HighlyVolatile]

I don't think I'm good-looking enough to fit but I did reasonably well socially, could get dates any time I wanted, am not at all religious, and still adore my wife. I have my own sort of "religion" though in that I value masculine ideals a lot, and my idea of a great man is not some Casa Nova type who puts notches on his bedpost with every woman he sleeps with. It was the type of man with a family of his own who is willing to do anything in order to provide for and protect them; you know, "protect the women and children". A lot of people these days find that mindset old-fashioned and a bit sexist but it doesn't affect who I hire for a job; only in terms of how I protect my family. Those family values are a key component to how I value monogamy though.

[HighlyVolatile]

One of my concerns with increasingly newer generations is that this idea of a man as a protector and provider for his family seems to be increasingly undermined, and sometimes even bundled into what some might call "toxic masculinity". Yet I find these ideals the key to unlocking the noblest and most devoted side of me: I express my love by protecting and guiding those I love from harm's way. The protector mindset is key and one of the ultimate things driving me away from a life of sheer hedonism and materialism; I'm inspired to become a better man according to this ideal. So perhaps one of the reasons we're seeing fewer men who aren't in one of the three categories you've listed is that we're losing these ideals. If most men lack moral ideals to strive by, then we might only be left with devoutly religious types or men who have the hardest time getting dates in the first place as the only ones who value providing and protecting for a family of their own.

[Asker]

Your types are rarer nowadays. It's a sad word indeed. Too many girls are being kept as a ''forever girlfriend'' without any commitment at all, having their years wasted. Then the only marriage-minded men are those are the list for now; they're not doing it because of moral and values but because they can't attract women. Finding a marriage-minded, good looking, confident, outgoing and non-religious man would be an ideal. That's now a hard combination to find.

[Hanrej]

It's really simple and I can't stress this enough. Marriage and serious relationships are traps for men. It's a way for a woman to have power over his future. It even says so in your post "While they would be suitable for girls wanting to form a family". Being the one "forming" means she has the power to mold the relationship and guys would agree only if there was a reason behind their submission such as your examples.

[Asker]

So the new norm is to be happy being someone's forever friends with benefits (whom he calls girlfriend but she's not; that's another way of getting access to casual sex) and never have kids ever? Basically, other than just moments of rubbing bodies and pure pleasure anyone can do... there is NOTHING else in a relationship?

[Asker]

the age of degeneration and degradation of commitment, real goals, old-fashioned values, morals, etc

[Hanrej]

The feminists had a similar revolution when they decided to prioritize themselves over family and The same morals and values you now pretend you care about. They too forsoke spawning offsprings, refused to obey and adapt to the wishes of their opposite gender. Seems over the deccades it benefited them to the point they now rule and believe men should be able to feel happy filling the role women left because women couldn't stand it. Why is it women seem to think their own happiness equals that their man is happy?

[Asker]

Obey? This isn't a master and slave relationship. It's a teamwork.

[Hanrej]

So you say but men don't agree do they? I'm giving you my two cents based on experiance and from what I read between the lines of your post. Everything you write is derived from a womans perspective. You want a family and you want to shape it. What he wants isn't even mentioned in your text. On the contrary in your text you have deminished a potential partner to be a "provider" to this family that YOU want to shape and form. Doesn't sound one bit like teamwork to me. How come you're not the provider? How come you have to resort to settling down with an awkward man who can't say what he wants and idolize women in order to have what you want? Because what you have in mind might seem like teamwork to you but not to men.

[Asker]

I never mentioned not working. I'm working, currently in college and saving money. If I had kids, I would be helping out with the bills too; therefore also providing. Those 3 men aren't the ones I'm looking for though. I don't want a religious fanatic nor an awkward man with low self-esteem. The good combination would be an attractive, confident, family oriented and faithful man that wants kids.

[Hanrej]

Then you won't have one. A man like that will know his value and won't settle/be saticefied being a pawn in somone elses life-ambition.

[Anonymous]

Well there are 2 types of ”serious” ”provider”-type guys and the first type is the kind you’re describing, but there are also the other type who’s confident, easy going, attractive and fun. I know a few guys like that. I also dated one of those (he’s married now by the way). The second type may be more rare but they’re certainly out there.

[Asker]

An attractive, confident and outgoing marriage-minded guy without the religious fanatic part would be the one I'm looking for. It's hard to find that combination.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah it is but like I said they exist, I know a few, and non of them are religious at all.

[DonkeyDan]

Everyone has their flaws, it just depends which ones you're prepared to overlook.

[Asker]

I know but it's like every single time I heard of a guy that doesn't sleep around (isn't the cad type that keeps a girlfriend forever and never marries her) and will settle down.. it's like he also has personal issues and sometimes it includes low confidence or low self-esteem. It's like they got more flaws than the outgoing guys.

[Twalli]

Guy 2 sounds like he had Aspergers

[Waldoe]

"Players" only care about the game, not a career not a family... just the "Game"
"Serious Guys" concentrate on 'Business' and do not have a lot of experience with flirting and women

[Anonymous]

Some provider types are like this because they don't have much experience with women. They probably don't have casual sex because they believe in marriage long term

The player types who had experience are going to sleep around all they want because they know women will want them anyways

[Anonymous]

They guys you like don't want to get married because they can see there's no value in it like it was a long time ago.

[Asker]

It's the age of degradation It sounds like an apocalypse to be honest.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes it seems like life gets worse. If only marriage really was meant for life.

[Asker]

Since no women is going to be happy being a ''forever girlfriend'' (aka friends with benefits) to vampire bfs draining our years... I suppose staying single is the answer for now. Yeah people should stay single... that way no one is wasting their time.

[Opinion Owner]

People can love each other without a piece of paper or kids. Why can't a woman be happy without being married?

[Asker]

Why should I accept something I don't want? Why can't I have the happy ending my parents and maternal grandparents had (the good old days)?

[Asker]

Up to my parents' time, things were ok. Why can't I have the blessing too?

[Opinion Owner]

It could happen if things were the same a long time ago. These are the new days not the good old days. If women didn't want so much with high expectations marriage would mean something. I'm tall strong, people tell me I'm handsome, but I turn down a lot of women and I don't sleep around. I don't need drama just a nice caring cute girl who loves me. Sadly girls like you might never find what you are looking for, thank the feminists that have destroyed the concept of marriage. Thing are not what they used to be. I didn't say you have no chance at all though, maybe you get lucky.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you dont bring enough to the table to to keep a serious guy with no issues