Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Why does my boyfriend not want to have sex with me?

My boyfriend and I have only been dating for 2 months. The last time and only time we’ve had sex was on Valentine’s Day (which is about a month ago from now). We fucked 3 times in a row, it was fucking amazing, the best sex I’ve had.
Now every time since then he doesn’t want to have sex with me. Side note: I have a high libido, very high, I could have sex everyday. I try and try to initiate sex with him but he keeps brushing it off saying “Not yet, I’m low in testosterone, but we’ll have sex soon”
But the thing is, is that he masturbates (not often but at least twice or once a week)
and honestly I never cared if my partners masturbated because I also masturbate. It’s just frustrating because when he masturbates then he doesn’t want to have sex. I just don’t understand why he rather masturbate then actually have sex with me.
There have been many times where we would make out and I was hint towards sex and he’s say no. And the moment I leave to go home. He masturbates.
i can’t help but feel like the problem is me. It makes me very insecure, like I’m not sexy enough. Or that I’m bad at sex. But I always ask him what I can do to improve and he’s says there is nothing for me to improve, and that I’m already good.
I don’t know how to feel about it anymore, I feel disappointed, sad, insecure, angry, and emptiness. I try to stay neutral and pretend like it doesn’t bother me, but it really does bother me.
I would really appreciate to get another mans insight on why my boyfriend would rather masturbate then have sex with me.
0 1

Superb Opinion

  • You are correct (to a degree) in thinking that you are the problem, just not in the way you think. And you aren't the only problem - he's just as much of the problem.

    Very simply, the two of you aren't sexually compatible. Someone with a high sex drive cannot be with someone with a low sex drive. It just doesn't work long-term. And it's your job (and his) to TALK to each other BEFORE you commit to a relationship and find out about these things, and not just assume that you will be compatible. You also need to talk about things like morals, values, life-goals, finances, and more. Yes, this takes work. Yes, it's often not romantic. But it's the only way you're going to be able to find a partner with whom a long-term relationship is possible. Just having a mutual attraction to each other is not nearly enough to make a long term relationship work.

    I promise you, this has nothing to do with whether you are sexy enough. It has to do with his low sex drive and him being used to solving that with masturbation - AND being selfish enough that he's not willing to make an effort to change. I doubt he'd ever be a one-a-day guy, but he COULD quit masturbating and come to you instead, but I think he feels pressured to perform when he does, and so he's not willing to make the effort.

    The thing you have to learn about relationships is that you CANNOT CHANGE OTHER PEOPLE - you have to be able to accept them as they are. And it's okay if you can't do that - it just means they aren't the right person for you, and you have to move on and find someone else. Does that suck? You bet! Does everyone experience that? You bet! But that's how relationships work. Long-term compatibility is super important, and you have no idea if you have it until you have some long and detailed conversations (where you specifically discuss those topics) and get answers you like or if you can find compromises on the answers you don't like. Until then, you should not commit to a relationship with that person, REGARDLESS of how you feel about them. Your feelings for them won't solve compatibility problems, and your only opportunity to make a good choice is at the beginning, so you can't put off the compatibility questions until later.

Most Helpful Guy

  • There definitely something wrong with this picture I can only speak for myself but I like doing two times a day every day let me ask you this is he have you set there are a lot of guys that are out of shape and having sex with a woman and trying to keep up with her and please her there just not going to be able to do it so they're selfish anyway and they would rather just masturbate because it's all about them anyway and that really sucks if he's in good shape and he wants to make it all about you he can do you slow and deep or he can pound you all night long and masturbated that day sometime because he wants to make it all about you and please you and that takes a lot of work but it's well worth it I really don't have a clue why he would do this I would think that for me that silly anyway if you have a beautiful girlfriend that wants to do it everyday 1 * 2 * 5 * every single day that's what you do you do that for her you make her feel something special and that she has never felt before

    Let me ask you this have you just not said anything and then got into bed and started seducing him started teasing him to make him desire you at that moment

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 24

  • I've only ever turned a girlfriend down once, and that was when my cock was sore from the day before.

    Maybe he's gay? I dunno.

  • Are you sure he's not addickted to porn?

    • Possibly. He has mentioned having a porn addiction but he made it seem like it was a long time ago. He either looks at my nudes and or watches porn when he masturbates, but again he really only masturbates 1 or 2 times a week. Maybe it’s because I’m a woman and not a man, but I watch porn and masturbate a lot, and I still have energy to have sex.

  • No guy in a new relationship would repeatedly turn down sex. Doesn't make sense unless he's a porn addict, has some performance issues or isn't attracted to her. It's not a good sign.

    • He has mentioned he used to have a porn addiction, but I don't know if he still has one. Sometimes I will rub his dick and there are times he gets hard and other times he stays soft. One time I went to sleep with him (like actually sleep not sex) and I es completely naked. I could feel his dick getting hard throughout the night. But he didn’t fuck me.

  • Why is he still your boyfriend?

  • It's probably a bad sign. I'd usually assume it means he isn't attracted to you. Is that possible?

    • I wouldn’t know, since he is the only one who knows the truth. But I would assume yes and no. I’m very insecure about my body and face all my life way before I met him, so yeah obviously I’m gonna feel like everyone isn’t attracted to me. He always compliments me, everyday, saying how gorgeous I am, how sexy and hot I am. Always slapping my ass and thighs. Making out with me and choking me (with consent obviously). But never going farther to dick me down. I don’t understand why he’d have sex with me in the first place if he didn’t find me attractive, but I don't know.

  • Have you asked him why he's like that though you've asked him if you were bad at sex but you never asked him why he wasn't having sex it seems which is an important detail

    It's possible that your sexually incompatible

    Could be mental maybe as something going on in his mind

    There's a lot of things that it could be so before you get insecure you need to think "what questions do I need to ask" so you should just ask him "why don't you ever want to have sex" don't add anything to it just ask that question flat out with nothing else added no altering

  • Well. Time to find new dick

  • I've had similar issue (I the guy have a High drive, she didn't) with a partner and it does get frustrating to the point of insanity if you let it. I never figured out how to change it

    • It’s absolutely driving me crazy, like it doesn’t leave my mind ever, and I get so frustrated. I wish it didn’t bother me. I almost thought you said you figured out a way to change it and I wanted your secret. But turns out we on the same boat lol

    • High drive with lack of outlet does play havoc, to bad we didn't have a high drive match

  • Ask him

  • There’s definitely something wrong there. He does find you attractive right? He’s not cheating?

    • Well I can’t really answer both of those questions since I don’t know the actual truth only he does. But what i think is, no I really don’t think he’s cheating, I honestly don’t care if he has sex with another woman. I love women too and he doesn’t mind if I sleep with another woman. If he did have sex with another woman Im pretty sure he would tell me. Plus we hang out everyday so it doesn’t really leave room for that. Does he find me attractive? I don’t know. I feel like he does but not at the same time. He kisses me and touches me like he finds me attractive. He’s very passionate when we make out, he acts like he’s going to rip my clothes off and fuck me right there and then. But he doesn’t. He stops before it goes any further. He always talks about how I’m so beautiful and sexy. he is always making sex jokes about us and hard core flirting with me. But that could be just to make me feel better.

    • Is he worried about his performance? That can make a guy behave like that.

    • Maybe? I remember we were both very high, and having a conversation. He had mentioned that he’s afraid to disappoint me but he didn’t specify about what. And I didn’t wanna push it. Plus i don’t know why he would since he’s had sex with many many other women before me. He really knew what he was doing when we had sex and he knows what he’s doing when we make out. He’s the first man I’ve slept with that actually cared to make me cum.

  • I can't help you if you are sexually appealing. I always choose sex over masturbation. In fact I never masturbate when my girlfriend is over here.

  • 2 months? dump him and move on to someone who can
    give you what you need. This guy can't.

  • maybe he feels intimidated by your sex drive? He feels like he isn't "man enough"...

  • What does he masturbate to? What fuels his lust?

    • He watches porn, he mentioned he watched this one video where it had video game characters. And he mentioned he masturbated to my nudes.

    • I wonder if you could incorporate that into your sex play, to integrate him into normal intimacy instead of solo stimulation

  • May be ha has low sex drive, and you have high sex drive, so this happened. I have very high sex drive and like sex everyday but my woman doesn't want daily

    • He has mentioned that with previous girlfriends he was able to have sex with them as much as they would let him. He mentioned at one point he was able to have sex everyday.

    • May be he was healthy but not now

  • Do yourself a favor and move on

  • You just perfect and he can't perform or he is not the guy that really likes sex.

  • It's something else not you. Something he is keeping on the DL. That's how it appears to me.

    • I wish he’d tell me.

  • For one of these reasons below:

    No anxiety when one masturbates (other than the risk of getting caught if that is an issue in the relationship). Often anxiety is a big part of what comes from partner sex: anxiety about how I smell, how my body will perform, will my body perform, does my partner like me, my body, how my body reacts etc. For many people, unfortunately, relationship sex is filled with so much anxiety that it is not enjoyable
    A person is tired and masturbation doesn't require the same level of effort, both mentally and physically to perform
    It is not painful. For both men and women, relationship sex can be physically painful and the inability to resolve the pain or effectively discuss it with their partner leads to the desiring relationship sex less or avoiding it
    A person is bored
    A person is bored with their relationship and wants to play out a fantasy in their head
    A person is stressed
    Because they like it
    They don't have to worry about getting rejected by their partner
    Their partner is sick, has their period or just doesn't want it when the partner does
    They want to do it quick or don't have the time required for relationship sex
    Their partner is traveling or away from their partner
    It's convenient, like in the shower in the morning or evening
    It is their best attempt to remain faithful to the marriage because they are really unhappy and don't have anyway to resolve marital conflict outside the bedroom
    They do not desire the kind of sex they will have with their partner
    It's fun
    They want to indulge in a fantasy that they are: too afraid, embarrassed or fear rejection from their partner to share with them
    They just want an orgasm and they know how best to get there in the fastest way possible
    To learn more about their own body and what they like and how to reach orgasm

  • Have you discussed any of this with him? If he's your boyfriend you most likely know better than online strangers. Maybe he just has a low libido. I have the same problem but in my case if we don't want to get intimate with each other then I wouldn't be their boyfriend in the first place and just move onto to someone who wants me

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