How to move on from sleeping with your friend?

[Anonymous]

My friend came from the states to see me. We have been friends for almost 20 years. She knows I've always liked her.

The week we spent together was really good. we went hiking, stayed in nice hotels, went for long drives through the countryside. The week just got better and better.

We had been fooling around all week, but never sex. There was a lot of touching, lets say that. She and I were having a lot of fun. we both knew that deep down we shouldn't be doing any of it, but we just couldnt help ourselves. on the night before she went back to the states it sort of got a bit real. We ended up having sex, just once. After we did it, she freaked out. So much so she almost packed her bags and went to wait for 16 hours at Gatwick airport. She decided against it. I was next to my airport (i had a flight back to another country in the morning). I offered to leave. This freaked her out more. "you just do it and leave do you? do you do it to all the girls?

Clearly she was in a state of shock that it happened. Sex was never planned, but after a week of "touching" i guess we were "running with scissors" so to speak. That is, something was always going to end badly.

Before she left in the morning, i hugged her. I cried on her shoulders, i won't lie. i begged her not to let this be the end of our friendship. She hugged me back and i could feel her thumb rubbing against the back of my neck. There was still some love and care there. I said "if you need time alone and to think tell me, ill give it to you. This just seemed to piss her off more. She instantly got off me, grabbed her bag, headed for the door and said "SEEYA!", before walking off.

We have been talking since then. she seems to still really hold it in her mind. she's sort of; not obsessed, but still thinking about the whole week and how good it felt. She told me today though that she wants a week away from me to process everything. but im confused too. i feel like im grieving for a dead relative or friend. help

[OlderAndWiser]

She sounds like someone with a huge internal conflict, doesn't want to fully accept responsibility for what she did, and is blaming you. Leave her alone and she'll come back around. And probably want more sex.

[Asker]

I've been chasing this girl for almost 20 years. I've had her and now i can't imagine my life without her. im not obsessed with her. But it has had the opposite affect of what i hoped for. Now its just made me more thirsty. I will give her her space anyway. Her uncle is about to die from Corona, so i can't really be bringing this up right now. have no choice but to keep my head away from everything.

[OlderAndWiser]

She may have had her life planned out - at least in her head - and the week with you pulled the rug out from underneath her.

[Asker]

i think that could be the short of it really yes.

[OlderAndWiser]

If so, that just means that she needs time to sort things out in her head and revise her plans.

[WhitneySnow]

She’s really into you. You guys need to talk this out. I think she’s afraid of abandonment so she left you first.

[Asker]

im well aware she's into me, though she denies it. She doesn't sleep around, and she certainly doesn't let just anyone touch her. She carries herself with great dignity and humility. She wants the time away so that she can unravel this in her mind, and potentially move on from what happened. She has assured me that we will still be friends and that this isn't about trying to distance herself from me. Its just about trying to clear her head and such. i guess if she can't stop thinking about me im always the end of facebook or snapchat.

[WhitneySnow]

I hope you guys get together if that’s what you both want

[Asker]

i think the likelihood of that is very minimal. There are a lot of complicated factors and a massive ocean between us. Not to mention the looming threat of a nuclear WW3 and we both have very separate lives.

[WhitneySnow]

Then I guess cherish your memories of the time you spent with her How big does a city have to be to get hit by a nuclear missile? Like how many people?

[Asker]

Although nuclear weapons do kill, they are not always designed to do so. The one dropped on Nagasaki was done so because it had arms factories and a massive naval port. A village of just 10 people could be a nuclear target if it has an airport or runway for military vehicles, or has a command center of some sort for central government and the military. Nukes are more designed to take out many targets in one blow than to just kill people.

[WhitneySnow]

Thanks. Does that include naval shipyards?

[Asker]

for ships that are military then definitely. The idea of a nuclear weapon is to inflict damage and well as cause mass destruction. if you are next to an airforce base, naval base, or army base and nukes are about to start flying, well, you'll want to be very far away! but if you are in the country where its just a dozen houses and a small highway you should be fine. But anything military, or civil aviation then its best not to be in that area.

[WhitneySnow]

Thank you