Sexual Relationships
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How should I approach a topic of delayed ejaculation with my boyfriend?

I have noticed that my boyfriend sometimes takes a while to finish, we're talking 1+ h, as well as not being able to finish inside me (he'll get himself off by hand, or I'll do it by oral). It doesn't happen every time, maybe in 40% of the cases when we have sex, and usually after we haven't seen each other for a while.

I really enjoy sex with him, but after more than 30 mins I get really sore. I have no problem finishing hm off with a BJ, but 30 minutes or more of blowjob puts a lot of strain on my neck. And honestly, I would really like him to be able to finish inside me, it makes everything so much more intimate. Plus, sometimes I am in the mood for a quickie, be it sex or just BJ, but I don't want to start anything because I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle it for so long.

I am really unsure of how to discuss this topic with him. I don't want to put any pressure on him as I know being under pressure makes it that much more difficult to orgasm, but I've started to dread sex because it can really get too much (I'm also prone to UTIs and sex that lasts too long makes it super difficult for me to pee afterwards). At the same time I want him to enjoy it and make it more pleasurable for him.
0 1

Superb Opinion

  • Does he still masturbate? He may have gotten used to cumming from masturbation and not vaginal penetration. It’s a completely different sensation on your dick.

    Also, he may be trying to focus instead on giving you an orgasm, and that is messing with him. “I can’t cum yet because she hasn’t cummed” that kind of thing.

    I typically give a woman two or three orgasms from sex—the first just from foreplay and fingering her. If I already give her one orgasm before I even penetrate her, I feel like I’ve already pleasured her and that whether I’m able to get off or not doesn’t matter. Once the pressure is off I become less inhibited and can enjoy myself and her more. I already made her orgasm once. Let’s do it again. Then I’m able to get off because I see how much pleasure I’ve given her. 🤷‍♂️

    • Yep, I think that's what's messing with him, I haven't been able to orgasm with him yet (I'm new to sex), which I'm fine with, but I think it stresses him out.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I’m sure it’s solvable.
    talk about it, it shouldn’t be embarassing, sex talk is fun and will only make sex better.
    You can both find ways to help this out.
    i had the reverse problem, I was super hyper and excited in bed and I’d cum too quickly... but we solved it together

Most Helpful Girls

  • give him more blowjobs... wear a really short dress just tell him to seat back and enjoy his blowjobs... then he'll get used to you in a relaxing way.

  • Dress extra sexy and make noise. Look him in the eyes etc. Just make it more intense.

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 4

  • Could be that he's having a go on his own beforehand to make himself last longer so that he feels like he can ensure you feel satisfied.

  • I generally have the same issue. In my case it’s not the sensation on my penis that makes me cum, it’s a mental thing. Have you tried asking what kink he may be into? Or asking what you can do to turn him on mentally as well as physically? For example he may enjoy choking you or degrading you. If the sex is super stimulating he will likely cum sooner.

    • I have a feeling he's stressed about making me cum (I haven't been able to yet, I'm new to sex and it takes me a while to relax, which I am okay with as I still enjoy it), so yeah it could be mental thing.

    • And yes I did tell him to say if there's something he'd want me to do differently or to do.

    • That’s interesting and those are very valid reasons why you may not be having orgasms yet. Does he go down on you? A fair amount of females need clitoral stimulation to cum.

  • Its not actually about him to make him feel more pleasurable. Its about you as well. I think you discuss this with your partner and sort things out. Use a lot of lube if it gets you sore. Communication is the key to make things right.

  • can't you just be honest about it?

    • Obviously that's the idea, I'm just looking for the best way to put it, how to even open the topic, etc. For example I feel like right after sex it wouldn't really be good timing, etc.

    • I agree, that sounds like the perfect time.

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