Exclusive friends with benefits? Is this a bad thing or something to wait on?

[Anonymous]

I recently started dating a guy and we are now exclusive friends with benefits. The terms of our relationship (lol) are that well we have a sexual relationship. We're also friends. We hang out, chill, do stuff together etc. He says that usually friends with benefits just meet up to bang and leave it at that. The exclusive part means that we're not having sex with any other people, nor dating or anything. Just us. This is not just understood or assumed, we talked about it. The thing is, I feel like this is being boyfriend/girlfriend without calling it that. I have a feeling that my "EFWB" has had a lot of bad situations where he was dating a girl, it goes well and then he calls her his girlfriend and it all goes wrong. From what he has said I gather that. He says he wants to keep things as they are and just see where things can go. We haven't been dating very long. Rolling in on three weeks? He's a really cool guy and we get along famously, so I want to be sensitive to his desire to move slow because he's very into giving me what I truly want and that's the monogamy. So does this situation seem like something I should just let pan out? I was thinking we'd continue like this for 2 weeks to a month and then I bring out the whole "title" thing that scares him. I just want to show him that we can do the whole exclusive thing and I won't flip out or demand all his time knowing he works third shift or whatever crazy stuff has happened to him. Good idea?

[molly10]

I am in the same situation you are now. I want to leave it, but I am finding it really hard.. If he calls or texts I feel like I have to answer back straight away, I am really attracted to him. If I go out with my friends I don't look at any other guy because I only have interest in him.
It's not a good situation to be in ESP if he doesn't want to move forward..
We don't date, kiss anyone else either. But I feel like I'm not good enough to be his girlfriend..
Talk to him, find out what he wants.. If he wants to continue what ye guys are doing, walk away..
Its a lesson learned. I hope I can follow my own advise too..

[Asker]

I don't think the title girlfriend means nearly as much to me as it does to you. I think the reason why he's weird about it is probably because of responses I see like this. I don't even remotely feel the way you do. I don't feel pressure to talk to him nor do I feel like he should either. I don't think there's anywhere all that far to move to. He dates ME. Hangs out with ME. Has sex with ONLY ME. I don't think there's anything wrong with us, but from your comment and comments I've seen...

[Asker]

...when I posted this on other sites I think I get why he's afraid of just claiming the title. If you have a similar relationship I have no idea where you'd get the idea you weren't "good enough". He's clearly right about it "changing things". The only reason I want the title is because it's a lot less awkward to just say "this is my boyfriend" rather than "this is the guy I have sex with in a monogamous relationship we hang out and like each other a lot?" Lol that's just...odd.

[Asker]

I think you should maybe think about your relationship and see if it's truly like mine, but I know together we have no problems except being stuck on titles. He does everything I want my boyfriend to do. If your "EFWB" does and has committed to seeing only you romantically, maybe you should just think over how much emphasis you're putting into the title. But I went and answered my own question consequently. I'm sure since I'm very mellow like him eventually he'll just so, "Yeah okay, sure"

[molly10]

What you are saying now, is exactly what I was saying a couple of months ago.. Eventually, you will start thinking the way I am thinking. He hangs out with me too, has sex with only me. He wants things to stay the same, because it will be easier to walk away from, less complicated. He can say to you, we were never going out.. It's something for you to think about :)

[Asker]

It's not easier to walk away. There's no moral difference. He committed to having sex with me, only me and dating only me. If he stops liking me and wants to cancel the relationship he's just canceling and relationship of a different name. Canceling being my boyfriend and "EFWB" has the exact same consequences like no longer getting sex from me and my friendship. Also both could lead to me being hurt and/or angry with him. There's no differencing...continuing.

[Asker]

You said incredibly paranoid and should probably think about how that reads to the guy you're with. If I was dating you, just from what you've said, I would DEFINITELY feel like the relationship dynamic would change between us. You're putting ME on edge and I don't even know you. But you can have your opinion.

[Asker]

sound* not said lol

[Asker]

OMG! a relationship* and there's no difference* Sorry I'm cooking. But yeah. Like I said you can feel how you feel, but I don't feel that way.

[molly10]

Okay.. You seem to have all of this figured out! Sorry for putting you on edge. Goodluck with it :)

[Asker]

Hey, it's cool.

[cberry89]

I've been in an exclusive friends with benefits "thing" for about 3 months now and things are great. I too feel that it is basically being boyfriend /girlfriend without that title. Many times a title can cause problems, for whatever reasons. So, if you both are happy with the arrangement then keep doing what you're doing and enjoy it. Life is too short not to enjoy being around someone whom you actually like and have great sex with.

[Anonymous]

I think its a bad idea. Sounds like he wants all the benefits of having a girlfriend without any of the commitment( he's keeping his option open). and guy will commit if he really likes the girl because of the off chance she might find someone else that will.

[Asker]

What IS a commitment? What is he committing to when he decides to be my boyfriend? Did you even read what I wrote? He nor I will find anyone else because we both agreed to be EXCLUSIVE as in not dating or having sex with other people. I went out of my way to make that part clear.

[Opinion Owner]

Just cause someone says they are exclusive doesn't mean they are going to be. You could be boyfriend and girlfriend and he could still go do someone else. By commitment I just don't mean a tittle of bf/gf. A commitment is the willingness to put up with your crap and still want to be with you at the end of the day. Its taking the good and the bad. A relationship isn't just hangouts and sex.

[Asker]

The whole point of the question was asking if my idea about wanting until he gets comfortable claiming the title is fine. Then you say the title isn't the point. Not sure what your point is, but we've been dating for 3 weeks and he has obviously openly decided to commit to having a relationship solely with me. The point of the question is waiting on the title. I don't know what kind of super fast one month commitment you think I should strive for, but no. He committed to me reasonably enough so far.

[Asker]

Also, I have to add that I'm not attacking you or anything. We're just on different pages, the title does not mean nearly that much to me. I want it for convenience of discussion, introductions, etc. He is currently a really great "not boyfriend" and gives me everything I want out of a relationship.

[Opinion Owner]

"exclusive friends with benefits" that is what gave me the negative point of view on the situation. I was in a exclusive FWB thing and I was ready for the tittle and he wasn't. I stuck with it and he never gave me what I wanted. Long story short I don't want anybody making the same mistake I did. I was too patient and to forgiving.

[Asker]

We're like three weeks in. at this point, I've gone through it so much that thinking about being boyfriend/girlfriend is actually tiring to me. If people put this much emphasis on it, like I said, I can see why it would be avoided. In fact. I've had two bf's and they were both so much more different when we dated. Mentally there's no difference to me and if I knew it would stay like this or better for the rest of my life, I'd avoid the title. If it makes people this uptight then maybe it's worth ignoring.

[Samrosado]

God, you're a bitch. You ask for an opinion and then you assume this awful posture to someone who was trying to help.

[awkduck]

@Samrosado thank god someone pointed out she's being a royal bitch god if u didn't want to hear others opinions, advice, and past experience wtf are u doing posting ur shit here sorry was completely annoyed by this bitch

[Anonymous]

When you go out, who pays? The sexual stuff I get. I just don't understand what a woman might expect that is different. When you go out, do you do the same things as in a romantic relationship? Does he do things to impress you? Fancy cars and dinners?

[Maji-Payne]

I'm in a similar situation but my guy works away often an he flys me up to where ever he is. It's been a few months now an we aren't a couple but all out friends tease us saying we are! Neither of us think we are ready to commit but we kinda already have i guess. We both come out of really bad relationships. An want to take our time! A title doesn't really matter does it? I'm a little confused though? Im terrified I might just fall head over heels for him when it's just fun I'm his eyes. We go out together an it's all cute an sweet. I'm always his +1 for social events but we just say we're friends but that doesn't keep his hands off me ie holding my hand or touching me somewhere an he's never shy to kiss me in front of people? I don't know what to think sometimes he's emotional when we're apart an showers me with affection when we're together I'm so confused