Sexual Relationships
1 y

Have you ever have unrealistic sex expectations after watching porn?

My first ex was a porn addict, sex with him was not fun at all. I was still a virgin because I gave up since he initiated certain sex acts which I hated, he didn’t deserve the rights to take my virginity. He expected me to like all the sex acts in porn which were unrealistic and agressive. Even if I told him no he was very pissed off as if it’s my job to like and perform all those acts with him. Porn mostly contained degrading name calling, hair pulling, choking, gagging and many things which contained agression that’s why I’m easily put off by porn since I was 14. It’s also one of the reasons why I hesitated to be in a relationship with a man for fear he might be like my ex boyfriend. I honestly don’t feel safe in a relationship at all. I even considered staying single so I don’t have to feel the stress of being force to do certain sex acts which can traumatise me or cause me to suffer consequences. https://fightthenewdrug.org/is-reading-erotica-as-bad-as-watching-porn/
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0 1

Superb Opinion

  • No and forget about the question for a min. You know those two things that you put your feet into you know those shoes listen if a guy ever ever treat you like that again walk away there's no guy in this world worth going through that you are not meant to go through that you are meant to be treated with respect and love and care never never never ever let a guy do that to you again please if a guy even raises his voice at you walk away get away from him don't sit there and take it don't argue because you like the guy or whatever make him prove to you how much he likes you walk away you never let that a guy treat you like that ever because what you do they will never stop and it gets worse and worse and worse you are worth way more than that go look in the mirror right now look at yourself look up beautiful yard please do not let any guy ever do that to you ever again none of this is roleplay or something stupid but my gosh if a guy loves you let him prove it to you by the things he says and does to and for you not about or against you

    Free question I just basically answered it no I absolutely love sex I absolutely love making women feel beautiful and good and just because I watch a foreign does it mean anyting they're fake anyway I can touch better than those guys as far as I'm concerned and the way I make love and do my own things I don't want to get all cocky here but yeah no I don't even want to come close to doing it like those guys do it I am much more real and better I think that's why you should have the guy treat you with respect and love and caring let him make it all about you but in a beautiful way

Most Helpful Guy

  • Only about my own sexual performance, as it was like watching professional athletes then thinking I'm going to perform like them.

    I think without broad perspective yes. I learned a lot watching James Deen, not only how to handle sex, but listening to his interviews & "behind the scenes" videos on set with women, as he didn't just perform sex, but seems self-aware, articulate & able to explain what he's doing & why, so (though I'm sure not his intention) I didn't take a misguided meaning from what I was exposed to.

    The alternative today is many men made weak, passive, often cuz of convenience technologies (texting, etc.) uncomfortable even with a phone call cuz it's tough to have "real-time" conversation without time to think, plan & craft the perfect persona/response.

    Also Rocco Siffredi has done wonderful work on not only doing porn, but talking about how he approaches women, romance, relationships & all the more complex intricacies of relationships.

    I don't think the issue is porn - to me it's like saying "Rocky gave me unrealistic expectations about my fighting ability" - I think the problem is many people are just mindless idiots who don't understand who to properly assess fact vs. fantasy (i. e. a product created to sell) vs. a how-to instruction (personal development) on how to achieve something.

    • I want to add, even though this question is past date, many porn stars of both genders, in interviews, repeatedly stress porn isn't reality in regard to relationships & sex, it's a product primarily to cater to men's fantasies (like a romantic movie) & warn against trying to blindly imitate it.

Most Helpful Girl

  • One thing I've learned in life is, there are two sides to every story. Everyone is going to take your side, because your side is the only one they heard. And you made a huge mistake posting a video, because nobody watches those, and now you won't get very many replies. Be smart like me. Post a poll question, and then add the video as an update. lol

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 18

  • You need to accept some responsibility for what you did. I am NOT defending him for being that kind of guy but WITF did you stay with him if you hated what you were doing? You could have left at any time so you bear some responsibility for what happened after the first time. And if he didn't threaten you with harm the first time, you bear some responsibility for that, too!

    • He begged me to stay that’s why I couldn’t break up with him. I didn’t have him my virginity but after I gave him a handjob he broke up with me 1 week after. He didn’t love me, he was using me.

    • "He begged me to stay that’s why I couldn’t break up with him." Yes, you CAN break up with someone even if they beg you to stay. YOU are responsible for what YOU decide to do in a relationship.

  • I only saw it as a young kid and turned it off for good. It's poison for the brain and this guy shows that, I don't think he is typical. it wasn't violent like that back then (that I know of). it's changed over time I guess. This is a problem in society now with it being splattered everywhere, males and females.

    So, no. I don't think you should be afraid of men for that reason as not everyone is programmed like that. there's guys on this site who are reasonable at your age, fairly inexperienced, want relationship, love with sex, etc.. But I have to wonder what kind of guy you are drawn to and if you see consistent patterns then look at whom you are picking.

  • Porn really wasn't nearly as much of a thing when I was say, 20, compared to now. However the little amount that I did see, probably did influence me a bit. Probably more along the line that sex isn't just about taking off clothes and going at it a minute later. It is best when the mood is built up and there is lots of foreplay and touching ahead of time, unlike in most porn.

    • I wish there was some porn out there that depicts a more realistic sexual encounter between two people who love each other. With the kissing, undressing, foreplay, etc.

  • No, because its so easy to tell when someone had surgeries, and most porn doesn't contain violence, and I'm not into either of those things, and I prefer very attractive women who, porn or not, I'm aware are very very rare, so it's has no impact on my expectations.

  • Have you considered going to a therapist?

    • Not really I think the only way to avoid getting hurt in a relationship is to stay single.

    • Yea that sounds like you should go to a therapist. Good luck 🍀

    • Are a lot of men who watched porn want their partners to try those acts?

    • Show All

  • @artemissilver
    Completely agree with @artemissilver
    Therapist.
    You're afraid of getting back into a relationship where you might be abused.
    The real issue (aside from him being a selfish jerk) is that you never said no and you kept going back to him. Which suggests other deeper issues that put you in that position in the first place.
    This is NOT blaming the victim. He was an asshole but you also have not claimed there was a crime.
    I was molested and abused throughout my childhood and it led to my naivete in relationships where I allowed myself to be taken advantage of.
    I don't know if there was abuse, it might be that you were so innocent that you didn't have basic safeguards in place in your mind.
    Something so simple as "if you don't like it don't do it and if anyone wants to make you do it, break up".
    There were sexual deviants around before there was Internet porn and erotica.
    Outlawing porn and erotica is not a solution.
    You need therapy (IMHO) and you need to learn to protect yourself better.
    I tell my daughters all the time: "don't be scared, be prepared." Don't sit at home living in fear, calling everyone outside a monster. Learn how to identify the monsters and prepare yourself to destroy the monsters if they ever show up.

  • no. i know porn is over the top and unrealistic in most scenarios.

    • by the way. that notgion of porn being bad for you is very outdated and actually not agreed upon in the scientific world. like i've read a lot of studies around this topic, cause i had to write a paper on it in university. many of the sources that have very bad outcomes deal with criminals/sex offenders or they already assume that it's harmful and have strongly biased methods.

  • Nope, always knew it was fantasy. At times, a lovely one. That's all it needs to be. There's no life philosophy hidden in porn.

  • I've always seen as porn as unrealistic. The only thing from porn I kind of wanted was a footjob, but my girlfriend doesn't think she can do it.

  • I usually have sleep.

  • I worked in porn. This is not unrealistic. Most people either engage in these behaviors or actively think about and desire to actually do these behaviors.

    So many women are super into this stuff, id even go as far to suggest more than men are into it.

    The reason you're so freaked out is because you're inexperienced and he was moving too fast.

  • Happens all the time lol.

  • You need to be very retarded, you know, the kind who thinks romcoms and BDSM novels are reality, in order to have unrealistic expectations with porn.

    • My ex didn’t know it’s fantasy he thought of porn as reality.

    • Can you please confer me more context? Reality or "real"? There's a difference between "bruce lee does his own stunts" to "bruce lee did this all in one take and it's actually effective in self-defense situations." If the second, then he was retarded.

  • Never

  • Your ex must have been into really rough stuff and on top of that he wanted to act it out with a virgin? Where did you find him, escort services? If I can dump a women to find one who more sex compatible, you can do the same

    Only problem is that future boyfriends might not be comfortable with someone who was willing to waste their virginity to someone like that instead of making their own choices like a person. Good thing is it's only one time and you can maybe change that image by showing you can be a girlfriend and proving them you're not just good for being used for weird porn fetishes

  • If a guy really cares about you, he won't do anything to hurt you. But lots of girls love doing nasty dirty stuff. You don't have to if you don't want to. Find a "vanilla" guy.

  • Your views are half true. There are many girls out there who actually like this stuff and get turned off with boring vanilla sex. Perhaps not too violent but name-calling, moaning, and choking can be fine. I know plenty of girls who like hickeys and licking their bodies and know some who get off by those. Some girls hate oral/anal, some love it. Sexual compatibility is one of the most important in relationships. You can be otherwise totally compatible but still, fail. I know girls who had sex with many guys but still play dead fish in the bedroom which is a huge turnoff.

  • No, because as a male we know that porn is fantasy.

    • Sadly there are a lot of women who didn’t know that Fifty Shades of Grey is fiction.

    • The most common female fantasy is the force fucked by a stranger fantasy at about 70% Many females don’t know the line between fantasy and reality.

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