Is it slutty to have sex on the first date?

[Anonymous]

What do you think? Based on your social circle would you or your friends consider it slutty to have sex on the first date?

[MrOracle]

Is it slutty? Of course. Everyone knows it is - it's not even really in question.

The question that's important is: what are the consequences of doing this? Whether or not those consequences matter to you is the only way you can decide if YOU should do this or not.

So, what are the consequences?

The most relevant one for a lot of women is: most men, especially quality men (I'm not necessarily talking about top-tier, high-value men, I'm talking about moral men with values - i. e., "relationship men") will usually immediately and permanently disqualify you from "relationship material" status. They'll happily take the sex, but if they'd been considering offering a relationship to you, it's very likely he's going to immediately cancel all thoughts of that offer going forward. He might still date you, and he'll certainly bang you, but don't hold your breath on a relationship offer.

Obviously, not all women want a relationship, and women are allowed to make their own choices, so if she wants to have casual sex with a man, she absolutely can. And if she's able to do that and not desire a relationship afterwards, then it's all good. She should remember, though, that she also risks guys telling other guys that she is down for casual sex, so that reputation can get around and disqualify her from relationships with other men too.

Are there men who won't care? Of course there are - but if you check further, you'll find that most men in this group will be of low morals themselves - the kind of men who themselves cheat, sleep around, or who just accept messy, chaotic relationships.

All actions and choices have consequences. 99% of the time, for 99% of the people, "the rule" is going to apply to you. Yes, exceptions exist, but exceptions are RARE, and YOU and I are very, very unlikely to be the exception, so don't focus on the exceptions, focus on the rule, because the rule is going to be the consequences that will almost always follow a given choice, and that's true for everyone.

[kudoma]

The way you said quality men consider this a dealbreaker relationship-wise is hysterical. Quality men don't have sex with a woman if they know she's looking for a relationship and the guy has already decided she's out of the running.

[MrOracle]

I would agree with that to some degree, but many guys, even relationship guys, will accept the sex when offered even though they know that they wouldn't be in a relationship with her. And guys who aren't as likely to be in relationships - but haven't completely ruled it out, will definitely accept it. The point is that if you hope for a relationship, sleeping with a guy on the first date is really working against your own interests.

[kudoma]

I get what you're saying, but by stating it's the quality males that have this concern is not true. I can understand that most guys will think that they're not "slutty" like the girl is for letting her get him in bed on the first date, but it isn't the quality men making these judgements.

[kudoma]

I just urge you to reconsider what you're using to define quality men is all. Opinions are fair game, but the language is a bit more suggestive than what I would consider to be helpful to young women and men on this app.

[ArtieWhitefox]

The term marital status. Marriage is two becoming one. The Bible does not specify an additional person. The man humbled a woman having sex with her. It may have been done upon meeting the woman. A man saw them saying: why don't you give the father a sum of money to then be married? Both agreed. There is no mention about what people talk about.

[kudoma]

Who said anything about religion

[ArtieWhitefox]

Giving in marrage occurred too. Would you condemn Esau for having sex that day with Lea, Rachel or ether one of Jacobes concubines that were given to him?

[ArtieWhitefox]

Giving in marrage occurred too. Would you condemn Esau for having sex that day with Lea, Rachel or ether one of Jacob's concubines that were given to him? Reply

[kudoma]

I don't care what a bible says

[bamesjond0069]

@kudoma did said woman tell the man, im having sex with you and i just met you and im expecting to be in a relationship or marriage out of this? No girl ever says this and no man knows what she wants he just met her. If the woman wants to attach strings to sex she needs to discuss it before hand and if its not agreed to then she shouldn't have sex. Do you give a person a car, sign all the papers, hand them the keys and they drive off and then a week later say hey i was expecting $12,000 for the car. Does this make sense to you? Its sounds like a total whack job to me. So why would you do this with sex and expect something different? Also in regards to guys who have sex and you feel are misleading... no man with very stringent morals is even dating said girl in the first place. A girl having casual sex has and never will be on a date with a very moral man as a very moral man would never even go on a date with a girl like that.

[kudoma]

@bamesjond0069 you act as if men with morals don't marry or have long-term relationships with women who will have sex on a first date. You also act as if men don't lie to get in women's pants. Your car analogy doesn't work unless you're talking about men who expect sex in return for a paid meal. Women who are having casual sex are not the ones I'm talking about here, so your last statement is targeting the wrong group.

[bamesjond0069]

@kudoma your statement makes no sense then. If she's not having sex casually then she's already in a relationship with someone. So how could he trick her?

[kudoma]

Do you think that everyone who has sex on a first date is having casual sex?

[bamesjond0069]

"men with morals don't marry or have long-term relationships with women who will have sex on a first date." They dont. And its a definitional issue. One cannot both have casual sex and be the epitome of moral behavior. So very moral people cannot engage in casual sex. Its impossible due to the definitions. "You also act as if men don't lie to get in women's pants." Some probably do. I dont see how its a common issue. I've gone on many dates and hit it right away. What lying does one have to do? Im not sure. Never lied nor felt i had to. Women generally if they want sex on the first date throw themselves at the man in my experience. Dont even have a chance to lie. Lie about what anyways?

[kudoma]

What morals are you talking about that prevent sex on a first date? So you've met people who want casual sex then, great for you.

[bamesjond0069]

@kudoma yes everyone who has sex on the first date is having casual sex. Thats pretty much what is understood as casual sex isn't it?

[kudoma]

It's only casual if there's no mutual understanding of any expectation of a relationship. How quickly you have sex doesn't have anything to do with anything else. Casual is casual, non-casual is non-casual. Case closed

[bamesjond0069]

@kudoma "Quality men don't have sex with a woman if they know she's looking for a relationship" this is describing a highly moral man. Most men will have sex with no concern about a womans motivations because they dont know her so why do they have a responsibility to her?

[kudoma]

Quality men are not men that judge women regarding sex. So there you have it. judgmental men in general are not quality men.

[bamesjond0069]

@kudoma sex on the first date must be casual because you hardly know them nor could even know if you want a relationship with them. So a woman may be looking for a relationship but she's also definitely looking for casual sex if she has sex with someone she hardly knows and doesn't even know if she will ever see them again. Thats about as casual as it gets.

[kudoma]

Nope, it's only casual if there's an agreement that it's casual. It's only a relationship of there's an agreement that it's a relationship. Of course it's silly to expect a relationship without talking about it but to say it's all casual just because the first date includes sex is equally silly.

[bamesjond0069]

@kudoma well i disagree it has to do with quality men. It has to do with desirable men. If a man is desperate its because no women want him he has no options and thus he must choose whatever woman happens to be available. Men who many many women find very desirable have so many options they can make a wishlist of whatever qualities they want. Which often includes some standard of sexual purity based on whatever aspects that man decides. Often its revolving around not having casual sex. So you may find a man no other women like desirable to you and congrats you're an exception because most women find that man undateable. The men most women are interested in mostly won't date women who sleep with men easily. Thats the general rule and what most people experience.

[kudoma]

By assigning the words "desirable" and "quality" to judgmental people, you're setting an unrealistic expectation of what women should be looking for in a man. Everything is about informed consent, that's it. Quality, morals, desirability... it's all objective and to say one type of man or woman is the ideal causes problems for everyone. You shouldn't be assigning positive terms like this to negative traits such as how judgmental someone is.

[bamesjond0069]

@kudoma could it realistically be a relationship on the first date? Marriage? No and no. So its sex outside of a committed relationship. Thats what is called casual sex.

[kudoma]

Yes it can reasonably be a relationship on the first date off the two people discuss that and have that mutual understanding.

[bamesjond0069]

@kudoma who does that? Thats honestly the weirdest thing I've ever heard in my life. If you're having these issues i think its because your understanding of dating does not coincide with how the vast majority view dating. Im not saying this to beat up on you but realistically you won't get everyone to accommodate you, especially on the first date when they dont even know you.

[kudoma]

I'm married, so I wouldn't encourage you to worry about me. Just because you find it weird doesn't mean that mutual understanding isn't the key.

[bamesjond0069]

@kudoma well ill leave you with the typical male reasoning: i dont think its possible to know someone enough to be in a relationship on the first date and therefore all first date sex is casual and all women who have casual sex are undateable. The end.

[kudoma]

You're not even trying to hide how judgmental you are being. Hopefully your morals find a way to improve in due time.

[bamesjond0069]

@kudoma how is it judgmental and why is being judgmental wrong? The whole point of dating is to judge people. Smh.

[kudoma]

How is judging someone for how quickly they have sex with you judgmental? That question answers itself. What is so wrong with you that someone who has sex with you on the first date is suddenly un-dateable?

[kudoma]

And using dating to judge people is weird. I used dating to find a match for the rest of my life, not to judge the other person. There isn't judgement when you find that life goals don't line up or that you don't want to raise kids the same way etc. Sex however isn't a personality trait

[bamesjond0069]

@kudoma because in my experience they are the lowest quality women there are. Both from what I've personally seen and based off of advice or observed behaviors from people i trust or view as successful in relationships. I also view it as immoral and wrong. So i wouldn't date a woman who i knew was a bank robber or crack addict or casual sex haver. No difference in terms of dating. Jail time yeah there's differences there but for dating nope... no different.

[kudoma]

Your experience isn't everyone's experience. Addiction is a disease, robbery is a crime, so yes they're incredibly different. Your moral compass could clearly use some adjusting to be a truly positive force, but it's also clear you're not interested in being a great person. Hopefully that changes, but chances are it won't.

[bamesjond0069]

@kudoma and thats why i also rely on other people's experiences. Most people i trust or respect their relationship outcomes agree as well. Why does almost everyone agree women who have casual sex are low quality/ immoral / trouble?

[kudoma]

Because almost everyone is under the influence of patriarchal teachings that have been instilled in them since they were born. Do you also believe that men who have sex on a first date are immoral? At least your morals would be consistent there, no matter how flawed.

[bamesjond0069]

@kudoma no because men and women are different. Also people with your view point never make any sense. you're not the first I've spoke to. For example that argument. I know for a fact men and women are different because I've had sex before. So when you say something like that how am i supposed to consider how great your opinion is when it is built on a comically wrong premise. Whereas my friend who i agree with he would never suggest something so obviously incorrect. So its more easy to accept his advice than yours. He also has a great wife who never even kissed a man until their wedding. My girlfriend was a virgin and she's awesome! However most people i know have more typical girlfriends and i wouldn't trade places with them for a million dollars. Its obviously far worse than the relationships similar to mine and my friends.

[kudoma]

It only doesn't make sense because you think having a vagina or a penis means you have to be a certain way, but that's not true. You are the American government's ideal play thing, so congratulations. The brainwashing worked on you but freedom comes when you understand that your penis doesn't restrict you to certain behaviors. You can keep being a judgmental slut if you so choose. And just to really drive this nail in. I was also a virgin before I got married, and I only ever kissed my current husband. This isn't because I was saving myself for him, I just wasn't interested in having sex with any of the other people I met because they all said shit like you're saying now. And yes, it's shit. Just ask yourself why penises and vaginas have to define personalities and behaviors. There isn't any reason except "just because"

[kudoma]

In any case, time for me to get to running my business. It was fun talking to you! Have a great day

[bamesjond0069]

@kudoma because a penis fucks a vagina and a woman gets pregnant. So yes it definitely defines almost everything. Maybe you never took a biology class but species success comes from successful mating strategy. What works for men to successfully reproduce does not work for women and vice versa. And that strikes me as odd you save yourself for your husband but specifically choose a man who thinks your virginity has no value and waiting for him means nothing. Seems like a waste of effort and mismatch of values. doesn't surprise me you're a working woman. Personally i dont believe in women working outside the home and most women are happy to have a man who takes care of them that way. Strangely my views have always landed me women to date that men get envious of. Yet women complain about how i am a lot. My theory is that women are only upset about my sexist ways when they aren't my girlfriend but otherwise they love how i am when they are. Its just a response to some kind of perceived offense. Ie you're married and i dont even know you yet my ways dont benefit you so it upsets you yet if your husband left you and i had you taken care of and did all the masculine things you would probably be thrilled at the effort and attention. Just saying this is how I've noticed most women behave.

[kudoma]

So "just because" is your answer like I said. Success is not defined by procreation, or did you never take biology? I work because I want to. I had an idea and people pay me for it. I could sell my business or hire a manager for it and be entirely hands off if I wanted to but I don't. My vagina doesn't define my way of life thankfully. Though I will need to move out of Louisiana if they decide to criminalize birth control. It's amazing what people are capable of when they find someone that is a good match for them. Sexist men find sexist women. Everyone can live as they choose, but to enforce your ideals on an entire community or gender simply is not within your scope as a fellow human being. We are all human and all have different parts. Some make babies, some don't. But that's actually the last I'll say about this. You're finding success in your sexist way of life, good for you.

[bamesjond0069]

@kudoma women are better homemakers and more obedient and more moral and more socially valuable the less sex and casual sex they have. Its not just because. I dont need an upity bitch to make my life hell. I need an obedient woman who adds value to my life. "Success is not defined by procreation, or did you never take biology?" Uhh what? "but to enforce your ideals on an entire community or gender" who said anything about this? I can have as much consensual sex and not call the girl back as i want. I can not date sluts if i so choose. you're the one with the problem of this all. I have no problems or complaints at all. Women can be sluts if they want and i can treat a slut like a slut if i want.

[crossdressingrihno]

Depends honestly and I'm going to have a difficult time explaining it because it takes subjective terms which are unique to each individual circumstance

If you get along with the guy on the first date and the chemistry is really there yeah it should be totally fine I totally get it sometimes you just find someone who seems to fit perfectly into your life like a puzzle piece and in those cases having sex with them almost feels like a given it's just something you do and so I totally understand it and wouldn't necessarily view that as s***** it makes sense

If you're going into a date specifically to have sex that's kind of s***** I get it right and I ain't going to view any less of you for making such a decision but I will admit that's kind of s*****

I personally wouldn't want to date someone who's been passed around like hot potato but I can respect their life choices and can still wish them a happy future and a life without STDs.

[Gurdy2816]

Slutty is outdated! Have sex with who you want when you want (as long as it is consensual)! Always ask your partner if they have any STDs and participate in safe sexual practices. Otherwise have sex with all your first dates for all I care! It's totally up to you and what you want. Your body, your choice. Don't let other people make you feel shitty for having fun and making yourself feel good sexually with a partner you haven't known for long. Sex means so many different things for so many people. Listen to yourself, not society.

However, sex has gotta be CONSENSUAL. Otherwise, no one should have a problem with what you do in your intimate life!

[Kaytiee]

I mean for me, although I'm sexually open in the way I do not shy away from conversation about sex, preferences, kinks, and all that I also don't have sex until I'm really close to someone? So for me, it would be slutty, but I wouldn't judge other women for it.

[Asker]

What if you’ve known them before or were even friends before the date? C would you do it then?

[Kaytiee]

Depends on how long, and how good friends we were before the date, Id still get to know them romantically first.

[Kaytiee]

You sound like you're worried of what other people think, do you and stop worrying about judgements of others, just because I wouldn't do it doesn't mean its wrong. You probably wouldn't go to the same concert as me, but thats not wrong of you is it? just musical preference. Live your life.

[meetkitty123]

Sure a woman can do it... I doubt very many men would reject it but she better not whine and cry later when he looses interest and no longer takes her seriously.

[bamesjond0069]

This! Men won't reject sex but then later when she wants marriage or something he's going to go ehhhh actually im not interested. This always happens to me.

[meetkitty123]

@bamesjond0069 yes it is true.

[bamesjond0069]

you're literally the only woman saying this. Most won't admit it.

[Paris13]

Not Slutty but it Can be a Deal breaker if He comes back. xx

[Daniela1982]

Some do, some don't consider it slutty.

[SweedyPie]

I don't judge people based on what they choose to do with their body. For me sex when I'm not close or accustomed to a person is a no no. So sex on a first date wouldn't work.

[Asker]

Would you do it if you knew them before the date for years?

[SweedyPie]

Depends on how close we were beforehand.

[Asker]

If you were acquaintances

[SweedyPie]

Then nope. We'd have to have been basically like best friends before hand for me to be okay with doing that on the first date. But again, that's just me.

[OlderAndWiser]

If a girl offered me sex on a first date, I would not assume that I'm so hot that she can't control herself. I would be wondering how many first dates she had previously and assuming that is her body count.

[MuddyMole]

Yes. But there are worse things in life than being a bit slutty. Just be safe, that's all - especially if they're a total stranger.

[RavenBloodswiin]

I feel like if you're happy & comfortable with it & being safe about it withh whomever youve chosen to do this with & you're morally okay with it, then who is anyone to tell you that its slutty or wrong?
Guys do this all the time & its considered "cool", so girls should be able to do the same without being crucified or judged for it.
At least most girls dont kiss & tell like the guys do.

[Mac-One]

@ravenbloodswiin Don't push the girl into it; however, if she indicates that she is eager and wants it then possibly go for it. Let her make the move.

[ChrisMaster69]

No it’s not.

it’s personal choice.

People can actually do things out of character because they clicked so much.

I have in the past, however for me it’s not something I would do, but that’s because of needing an emotional connection and not because I would not want to.

It’s not like a guy does not go out looking for sex and try everything he can to get it, which seems to be accepted, however if he gets it, it’s now because the girl is the slut…

🤦

[matchrestore]

Not slutty, but I wouldn't quite say its the norm.

[Paulalove98]

Depends how well you know the person and how well they know you, but if it’s someone you just met and wanna be serious he may look at a girl like she’s too easy.

[Asker]

What if you’ve known them before or were even friends before the date?

[Paulalove98]

I wouldn't think bad of her then and im sure he wouldn't since the two of them aren't total strangers and already have established a connection of some sort blossoming into romance.

[Asker]

Would you?

[ohshee]

. For me I think it's one of the most beautiful things ever we have two grown adults did make a choice to do what they want to do when they want to do it and they respect each other enough that it's nobody else's business if you're theirs I've had some of the best relationship because of the very first night having sex my friend still needs to know about it because they don't need to know my business nor would they need to know your business and that's what makes it even better
I don't believe in kissing and telling I believe in kissing making love and giving that person the best orgasm they've ever had so we can do it again and it's nobody's business I don't think of that girl as an easy girl or a slut I think of her as someone I like I trust and that I want to be with

[lightbulb27]

if there's chemistry and start to relationship then no... after all, a rocket makes a lot of sparks and smoke and fire when lifting off, then it cruises to it's destination...

it can be though...

In general, Id hold back, especially when young. things change in life, it's your life. things can go good, or bad.

[wagsingle]

Slut is a bullshit religious putdown. If he or she turns you on, go for it. Just make sure you're using a condom (for disease protection) AND a really reliable form of birth control like an IUD. Don't trust the guy to use a condom correctly.

[BCA6010]

To each their own I guess, but I would never do it, and I have turned down second dates because of women pretty blatantly just looking for sex. Leave that to the hookup culture.

[melanieeeB]

No! If you want to have sex and feel comfortable, then do it, to each their own

[Chiarac2003]

It’s obviously how if at all… you know the guy. But most of my first dates have ended up with some stuff like a bj or sex. But those were guys I knew anyway. I met a guy in Holland visiting my grandparents n he asked me out. He was from America n was cute. We had sex on a true first date. He saw me until he went back to America n nvr called. I was like …. Huh.

[DonkeyDan]

Let's put it like this, sex on the first date will not lead to a relationship, well not for me anyway.

[Paige90]

Almost every girl has done it at least once and many have done it a lot more than once!

[boredguy007]

Would you mind checking your in box?

[TheLoneTerran]

If two adults want to have sex, as long as both consent, well, try not to get hit in the face as the clothing starts to go flying off of them as you're leaving. It's nobody else's business.

[Bongem]

It depends to be honest on the intentions. If a girl just wants to sleep around, not being interested in the guy: then yes. But to be honest... nothing wrong with that, guys to this as well.

If a girl really is into a guy and wants to know if it also connects on a physical level... the choice is yours to either wait or explore right away. Both options are okay to be honest. Don't let judgmental people scare you.

But: be sure the intentions of the guy are the same as yours. If he's just looking for sex and you are looking for the mental connection, be aware of that because in that case, you could make a mistake.