Sexual Relationships
1 y

I want sex more than my boyfriend. When is it becoming an issue?

My boyfriend and I have a very good relationship for a year. I am having my best sex and is the first guy with whom I experienced orgasm for the first time. Being together for a year, our sex life is better than ever, we have sex a lot but I tend to want it more than him to the point where he has to ask me to chill and talk or telling me that he feels inadequate cause its hard for him to keep up with my sexual appetite:

1) Lately I've been stressed and couldn't come at all- tried to exercise mindfulness to bring my orgasms back. He has been very compassionate and trying hard to help me come but we haven't succeeded so far I am still without any orgasms.
2) I realized that I can come only on a missionary or being on top and certainly not with a condom cause it takes me longer to reach orgasm. I was taking contraceptive pills but due to side effects I had to stop them, and my boyfriend is very keen on me not drinking them again since I have been having heavy periods and pain and so he told me he's more than fine using condom than me having all these side-effects from the pills. I am thinking to explore my options such as device in the vagina that functions as contraception- he is again worried of the side effects.
3) I know that he loves me a lot and cares about my well-being which makes me horrible when I act like a nasty bitch and want sex urgently, especially when he wants to cuddle & talk and connect. He told me many times that not everything is sex and our relationship is much more.
4) I am not sure if I have higher sexual drive or I am acting like a kid that discovered ice-cream since he really turns me on & it is the only guy that I am insanely attracted to and with whom I reach orgasms- before this relationship, I didn't know what is an orgasm. As a bisexual woman, I only experienced it with a woman.

Any ideas on how can we constructively make our sex life work for both of us? It seems to be an issue for him and I hate making him feel inadequate or frustrated.
Updates:
1 y
Thank you everybody who offered advices or input in the comments below. Helped a lot and I appreciate you took some time to give a constructive feedback. I started following some of the stuff you have suggested and will give it some time to assess the situation :))
0 2

Superb Opinion

  • Let him know he's not inadequate and the reason you want sex so much is because he's so good at it

    Then let him know that you feel like you're stressing him out and that you're sorry but that you really do love

    Then you both should come up with ways work around the issue together

    Your lack of an orgasm sounds like it comes from stress and I believe the stress causing it is your guilt in causing him trouble so basically the cure to that is to make him feel good physically and emotionally
    You seem to be pretty empathetic but also hyper sexual and these to traits are contradicting each other at this moment


    Look
    You should look for fun ways to masturbate and maybe you're man can get you some porn to hold yourself over?
    You do need to focus on things oth than sex as well and my suggestion is going out on dates
    By going out you both get the quality time you need and your sexual surges are probably going to be more tame while you're in public
    And after after a date you can masturbate or have sex

Most Helpful Guy

  • You are acting in more masculine manner than your boyfriend, as it shows in 3.

    https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AManIsAlwaysEager

    • I've read it and the truth is I haven't used it against him like never. He jokes sometimes about this and asking me to leave him alone for a while or would gi to another room if he isn't in the mood checking 9gag. I recently reflected on my own responsibility for this and promised him that I'd turn it down and suggested we do more activities outside the bedroom together and he thanked me for acknowledging his feelings.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 11

  • Get yourself a buttplug to wear throughout the day. At night, unleash the slut in you

    Get a dildo to suck on while he fucks you from behind

    The idea is: your libido is mismatched. Either you increase the quality of sex by getting as much as stimulation as you can OR you purposefully abstain from it to enjoy the pleasure later

  • Sounds like he's a great guy. Keep him, he's a gem. Add it sounds you guys are s perfect match.

    For your issue I think you probably need to see a therapist. You certainly need to set you foot back a little and come again. It really works.

    Too much stressing on something makes it spoiled. I think it's what happened here. This is easily solvable with a little help. Good luck!

  • Visit a doctor. If you can't orgasm. Thats why you almost never are satisfied. So get that right first, then maybe see if you can up his sex drive, if not. Masturbate

    • You mean a gynecologist? Yes I can do that but they keep giving me antibiotics. I experienced a bit of pain during sex when we try more complicated positions that have deeper penetration.

    • Yes. Maybe change your gynecologist, the next one might be more successful

  • Sounds like you two are talking about and trying to work things out. You mentioned that you were bisexual. Have you asked him if you could see a girl on the side to supplement your high sex drive? He would help you and give him a break when he needs it.

    • Yes but he doesn't feel comfortable with that- he says he wants us to be exclusive which I agree cause we already had a foursome with another straight couple but I didn't particularly enjoyed it. It seems that I orgasm only when I fall in love with the person (hence my orgasm with a girl I dated in my early 20s and the second time now with my first boyfriend. I had sex with guys before but I felt that there was something missing I couldnt come and I thought that maybe I am gay but then I met my current partner and after a month of so of dating I had my first orgasms). I do come on a missionary but he enjoys positions that he is in control whereas I am more romantic and want the classic guy-on-top kissing and stuff but he prefers a bit more spicy which I am full board with as I understand it can get boring for him to have sex only in one position. I do enjoy us experimenting with a bit of S&M but he comes and I don't- so, then I get frustrated.

    • Hmm, well maybe you can start off with something he likes as long as he knows you need him to be on top for you to cum. Maybe even go to something else to finish. Maybe take turns on who decides what. Do toys work for you?

  • Practice roleplaying, online shit, get more sex toys...

  • Sometimes men has a tendency to have one shot use per day and it's hard to get up.

  • It seems like this will always be an issue between most couples…

  • It should work again, you've done before, you seem to be on the right track specially with second last item acting like a kid demand something other than what you need in a moment

  • everyone is different and we have different needs that we have to understand.

  • I have the same issue. Every girlfriend I had never wanted to have sex, maybe like once a day at MOST and that's if I was lucky. I just fill the gaps with porn and fleshlight because I don't want to make her do something she doesn't feel like

  • I assume he was the one who asked you out

    • Yes how is this relevant?

    • Just speaking of my lifelong resentment of how relationships happen

    • I always resented how guys always have to be the ones to make a move or ask the girl out

  • You should be with a professional just for sex.

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