CHILDHOOD TRAUMA AND KINKINESS?

[Anonymous]

I grew up in an abusive as fuck, toxic, dysfunctional household. My dad wasn’t in my face too often, my mom likes to be violent and physically&mentally abusive to me and my sister... Over such little things (homework, slightly bad grades, forgot doing a chore, woke up late on weekends, etc).

My dad was a little verbally abusive (maybe because mom was being shitty to him on some days) and had once hitting me with his belt that had rock studs on it and that’s all. Gladly he never hit my sister.

All physical abuse from mom ended when i was 10 (2010) and for my sister 9 (2015).

Now that i’m starting to become sexually active with my first boyfriend, i discovered that i’m so submissive and i like it when he is being rough with me, everytime. I’m so submissive to the point where i’m not even a switch at the slightest bit. It turns me on like hell, but also triggering me at the same time. I love it, but it’s making me cry later. I get the feeling of peace with my trauma with his roughness in sex, but i don’t quite get the “healing” although some say it could help me heal mentally. What’s worse is, i can’t cum if he’s not rough or fully dominating me. I feel crazy and fucked up in the head because of this. I wanna be able to cum when im doing the deed for him too. But i couldn’t. Therapy and counseling shit doesn’t do anything to me at all. Fucked up my brain in the end.

I wonder if this is caused by my trauma or have something to do with it with me being like this. Like i mean i hate my trauma but why is it the reason why i’m so turned on. I wanna be normal. I feel so sick. Fuck this.
Help me out?

[ChrisMaster69]

Okay, yes trauma can but not always lead to exploring kink and BDSM.

The very very important but here is, the non submissive partner needs to understand how kinks, BDSM and sex is for a submissive.

The thrill and excitement you get is your mind hitting what’s called sub space, an endorphin fuelled high, thing of being off your tits on opiates or candy lol.

the thing is this does not last and at some point reality takes over, however it’s sort of worse than that, the more euphoric you were the bigger the drop, in this case it’s called sub drop and it’s a fucking shit feeling.

To counteract this, the non submissive partner (the one inflicting it all) needs to learn AfterCare and what that specific submissive needs, not all aftercare is the same for everyone.

it can be snuggling up, dressing bruises and wounds, a shower or bath, a massage, lots of various things.

https://medium.com/sexual-tendencies/aftercare-isnt-just-for-bdsm-scenes-d6adf7c5d4ad

https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a29341534/sexual-aftercare/

Also Communication is critical, knowing what triggers a submissive is a double edged sword, you don’t want to usually push to far into triggering without knowing how they react, so you talk to each other about it, always be careful as a sub how much factual history you release, some people are abusive cunts and will exploit it.

there is more, Googling BDSM and articles on sub space, sub drop will help, also aftercare.

Your boyfriend also needs to understand their responsibility to you.

YOU ARE THE ONE WHO DECIDES WHAT HAPPENS AND SETS THE LIMITS, NOT HIM.

[Asker]

We have aftercare But the triggering stuff to me is what i really like him to do to me. I always want it

[ChrisMaster69]

I would look at counselling from someone that understands BDSM, there are counsellors that do it, as a surprising number (from experience) work in that sector. There is nothing wrong with what you are doing, orgasming through pain and or degradation is okay, it’s how people are at times. I would look at what your aftercare is, as I said it’s different for everyone, it is also not just an hour after a session, as sub drops can kick in hours later, even a day later. It may need repeated sessions of aftercare.

[Asker]

Will try repeated sessions of aftercare starting tonight

[ChrisMaster69]

You will also have to let him know when you really feel that slap of sub drop. @ninania any advice?

[Ninania]

Find out why you are submissive, would be my first advice. There's a trauma response - especially with emotional abuse - where you easily submit to please others as a default to avoid their potential abuse and anger.

[Guy_No1974]

I think you like what you like, I don't think trauma had anything to do with it, you love being dominated, you love submitting, and it gives you pleasure, just enjoy what you like. It's perfectly okay.

[Guy_No1974]

May i ask you something.

[Asker]

Of course

[Guy_No1974]

I think it's perfect, how you give over control, and how you need to do so.

[Asker]

Thank you.. But it is triggering. And what is your question? 😊

[Guy_No1974]

Do you like older men.

[Asker]

Yes i do

[Guy_No1974]

Have you always liked older men.

[Guy_No1974]

Do you love to feel owned , to know that you are theirs..

[Asker]

Yes and yes

[Guy_No1974]

You sound absolutely perfect.

[Asker]

Thank you

[Guy_No1974]

So have you had a relationship with a much older man.

[Asker]

Currently dating one of 2 years n counting

[josephinelcajon]

I would be very cautious of falling for an abuser

[Asker]

Abusers makes me want to shit my pants

[josephinelcajon]

And should but they may be very nice and then turn on you. Just a word of cation

[EdwinLivingston_]

You're overthinking. Most girls love to be submissive and most of them love real rough sex. That's just nature of a woman. Not anything related to your past

[ComingHere91]

Its like a sub man can't make you sexually happy
U need a rough man who can treat you as the way you want , 😊

[Anonymous]

Well it’s not abnormal to like rough sex. That being said, I do think what can hurt us most or has hurt us most can be our biggest kinks.