Should I blame myself for being single 4+ years?

[Anonymous]

27F been on and off the dating apps for years. I’ve complained to my mother enough and she has always reassured me that I just haven’t found the right one, been hearing this since I was 21. I feel like I could have been in a relationship or at least “dated” if I went for the guys that have pursued me. However, I got tired of the ones I didn’t like back approaching me and have decided to use bumble. I’ve met up with two guys and didn’t feel them either. It’s only been twice BUT like I said I tried the other apps for years. My life has always been the ones I want don’t want me back/aren’t serious and the ones that like me I don’t want back. My mom says that she really loved my dad and she’s been with her current boyfriend for years but I just don’t get the appeal of either of them (seeing them as if I don’t know them or aren’t related to them). She says she didn’t settle but I just don’t get how you aren’t settling if you aren’t physically attracted to the person. I do feel I will genuinely end up alone, rather be alone vs being taken and miserable. Not that this matters but I don’t really have an active sex drive, I don’t enjoy masturbating and haven’t had sex in years. I saw someone very briefly 3 years ago and while he had a decent personality, I wasn’t physically attracted to him. That was my closest to a relationship, you’re seriously telling me I haven’t been able to find anyone since? It’s like the universe is telling me I can’t do any better, I have never even introduced anyone to my family going on 30. Social anxiety is something I deal with but not that much of a contributing factor. Around a yr ago, I took a 6 month break from dating apps.

[Jabberjaw]

Well yea lol. A single girl not in a relationship when she wants to be is 100% at blame. Girls who are serious will never struggle to find a guy they like to be in a relationship with.

I know girls who've had multiple marriage proposals. That's because they did the work where men wanted to marry them, when most guys don't jump to wanting marriage without a lot of motivation to do so.

If you've not even seriously dated, or had a boyfriend in 4 years when that's what you want. You are 100% to blame. Taking responsibility for your life can only help you.

[MysticDevice]

Seems like you might just have fairly high standards. And you know what, thats nothing to be sorry for. I've been single for years for the same reason. The dating apps all suck, and people as a whole suck. Finding the right person is exhausting cause it feels like they don't even exist.

But I'd rather keep waiting for that person than settle for someone I won't be happy with

[Anonymous]

I know a woman who's been getting laid on the same dating site for 15 years. She blames the guys for "using" her. Yep, those dirty rascals.

[Anonymous]

"Complained to my mother..." at age 29. That could be the problem.

[OlderAndWiser]

If that is not your responsibility, who else would you blame?

[Jamie05rhs]

Not for nothing, but just an idea:
What if you took the guy you were interested in personality-wise and just made him get a makeover?

[clampfan101]

There are some things beyond our control. We can only search and prepare until someone good for us is found. I’ve been single for about 10 years, but I know it’s not my fault. It’s just not my time.

[greycadillacs]

Dating apps are not the best for finding relationships unfortunately. At least in my experience.

[Twalli]

Here are some tips that I originally heard from a girl who had similar problems that I applied to myself and got a girlfriend.
1) Write down everything you want in a guy
2) Find out what it is that you want vs. what you need
3) Remove all of the wants and only focus on the needs
For example, I wanted a neurotypical girlfriend. I decided that that wasn't a need, as soon as I removed that from my qualifications for a girlfriend, I was able to find one. Trust me, even if you see some want as extremely important, you may find the best boyfriend you could imagine even if he doesn't have that particular want.

[Guffrus]

It is surprising how much even a small amount of modest requirements narrow the field. E. g. screening for religion, politics, children, pets, life goals, sex has been enough to keep me single for some time ;) lols. It is helpful if you are an average person.

[Djaay]

Yes , 100% . You are the only one who stands in your own way , to your own succsess. Now get out there and be somebody good and you'll attract those who want some of your good energy.

[browndog]

No, I'm around 3yrs single we might have common interest, we should talk to each

[Jmmmfi4]

I've been single 17 years...

I got you beat

[Anonymous]

"Blame yourself" for what? Like for being yourself and not settling? I'm in the same boat, have never found the one either. Not even close lol. But I've made peace with it. I'm happy with my life overall, and there are advantages to being single also. I liked to think one day I'll find someone, but if not, oh well lol. They aren't going to be the sole source of my happiness.