Why does it turn me on so much when my boyfriend cheat on me?

My ex cheated on me. At first it upset me a little. But than I started thinking more and it aroused me more than anything ever had. My boyfriend from highschool. We were together my full 4 years (he was 2 grades ahead of me) but he cheated on me all 4 years. I knew he was cheating but acted like I didn't. When he went away to college it went into like overdrive. All I could think of was him with other women. I had never been that aroused in my life. When he sent a text breaking up with me because he found the girl of his dreams their I spent that night rereading the message while touching myself. Since than I always imagine whoever I am dating cheating on me. I have had 2 more boyfriend's and 1 girlfriend in that time and thought of them cheating on me too. My last boyfriend actually did cheat on me with my own cousin. But I didn't find out until after. But even that turned me on.
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Superb Opinion

  • According to the following article…

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-the-erotic-code/201910/the-appeal-some-cuckolding

    “there can be very distinct psychological motivations” why someone is turned by cuckolding. [This is per Dr. Justin Lehmiller—a researcher who “focuses on topics including casual sex, sexual fantasy, sexual health, and friends with benefits”]…

    For some people, [cuckolding] may be [eroticized cheating—the eroticizing of watching your mate with someone else even though you know about it]…when I ask people, "Where did your favorite sexual fantasy come from?" A couple of people said, "My partner cheated on me, and ever since then, I've been turned on by the idea of my partner doing that”…

    for other people, they may get aroused when seeing their partner sexually pleased and satisfied. There also are those who take great pleasure in knowing other people find their partner attractive, but their partner is still going to come home with them…

    In cuckolding…there's usually a BDSM element involved. The cuckold—the person who is watching—takes on a submissive, sometimes masochistic role. In hotwifing, the BDSM element is not present. You have more of an ego boost motivation…

    In a survey that was done with “almost 4,200 Americans about their sexual fantasies”…one of the questions [that was] asked was, "Have you ever fantasized about watching your partner have sex with someone else?”

    More than half of the heterosexual men in the study had this fantasy before, compared to 25 percent of heterosexual women. Gay and bisexual men are more likely than heterosexual men to have cuckolding fantasies, and the same is true for lesbian and bisexual women. If you identify as male, if you identify as non-heterosexual, you're more likely to be into cuckolding.”

    • Also:
      According to the following “Jealousy and the Psychology of Arousal” article…

      askthepsych.com/.../

      “physiological arousal from jealousy sometimes fuels sexual passion, provided there is the context for experiencing sexual arousal during or immediately after the arousal from the jealousy. Indeed, many couples report having passionate “make-up sex” after a fight (and some fights include feelings of jealousy). The explanation is that the arousal from the anger and upset is attributed to sexual arousal, once the couple decides to move from fighting to having sex.

      One explanation for why sexual passion seems to run highest at the start of a relationship is that the newness and uncertainty associated with a budding relationship creates physiological arousal, which then gets attributed to sexual arousal due to the attraction and frequent sexual activity…when there is a flare up of arousal, from jealousy or other sources, and it occurs in the context of sexual activity, the excitement can become something deemed desirable and worth repeating.

      Some cuckolds prefer to watch [their SOs having sex with others], while others only want to hear about it. Presumably knowing that one’s partner is having sex with someone else creates enough jealousy to fan the flames of desire. Cuckolds may also enjoy the realization that their partners are both sexually desirable and desirous. Typically, the extra sex partners are strangers, to ensure that an emotional relationship does not develop. Similar motives and dynamics may explain the appeal of swinging, or partner swapping, by members of yet another subculture.”

Most Helpful Guy

  • Psychology question. I'm no expert but I like to act like one. Have to do some digging inside of you.

    It's a delicate mind we have and easily "mis wired" by emotionally traumatic events. At your age, the hormones are turned on to mate..."ready or not... here I come"... but the heart may be all twisted from events past.

    Suggest talking to counselor/therapist or psychologist to see if they can sort out what happened in the past that has gotten messed up. I can only guess you have something messed up with your self worth... like your father figure wasn't there, abuse as a child. It feels "normal" to be "put down" and now that's wired into the sexual feelings. Strikes me as you didn't have a good father figure, but that's a guess. Maybe he just doesn't know what's going on to guide you.

    Erickson Clark chart is a good guide to tracking behavior issues to when such traumas existed in early life... as a starting point to find offending traumas impacting your "now".

    There's normal feelings here and not normal ones, and you need help sorting that stuff out. The answers are in the child inside your "heart". Take pause from dating to work out this "self worth" issue before it sends you too far off the rails in life.

Most Helpful Girls

  • You likely need counseling. That is the only explanation for committing to a person and then enjoying them have intimacy with other people. If my partner cheated, he wouldn't be my partner anymore.

    The act of cheating is vial and disgusting. Enjoying someone doing it to you? I don't even know what I would call that. Sounds like you are not the type of person that should be in a relationship right now.

    What happens when you find a decent guy that doesn't want to cheat? Are you going to get bored of him for not cheating? How would he know you want him to do that? If you tell him, you will likely scare the only decent guy you have been with off into the sunset.

    • This is pretty much the best answer. The people saying this is okay clearly have zero concern about the well-being of others and are just profligating the idea to fulfill their own sick fantasies.

  • This is some weird abusive fetish. I'd talk to a therapist to find out what's up with this. It ain't right. Good luck.

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What Girls & Guys Said

8 49
  • You must be soft in the head!

  • This is definitely very unusual, to enjoy being cheated on. Most people hate it.

  • Maybe you should think about starting an open relationship possibly start a thrupple a boyfriend and a girlfriend so you can see your boyfriend with another girl then get to be with her as well after.

  • It make more sense for a woman to be turn on by that, a man is like a key, a woman is like a lock.

  • You wanna start dating SOME (not all) of the blokes on here then! They are quite happy to cheat on girls!!

  • I'm just speechless lol. Wow. I guess you're a cuck?

  • I think it’s bad to b excited over that🎀

  • You’re a cuck it seems a lot of people are starting to have those feelings too

    • Maybe. Nothing would surprise me from this generation anymore.

  • That's a kink. That's all I'm going to say.

  • Because you have a cuck fetish. Nothing wrong with that.

  • Because you're stupid

  • When you find out your boyfriend is cheating on you do you still faithful to him? Would
    You get turned on watching your boyfriend screwing another girl in front of you? Maybe you are a cuck, I know some
    Girls get turned on when another girl hits on her man or she thinks about him screwing another girl but for it to actually happen is a little to extreme , but for each their own I guess Did you tell your cheating boyfriends that it turned on you on knowing they were cheating?

  • Mainly because of pre selection, you know other women want him badly and he can exercise his options so that greatly elevates his sexual mean value (SMV) as compared to yours.

  • We must have the same sexual psyche, as it does the same for me. Don't understand it either. Had a girlfriend jack off another guy one time, and I jacked off thinking about it. Wish she had sucked him off. Weird, I know.

  • Have you ever thought about getting girls for him to enjoy in front of you? Or while they degrade you or anything like that? So that it isn’t so much of a damaging thing? Lol!

    • I don't have a boyfriend right now. Just confessing some past experiences. I've had 2 ex boyfriends who have cheated. I was aroused by both of them doing it.

    • Oh I see! Well in that case want to go get dinner? Haha! Seriously though hopefully you can find a way to make that a healthy fantasy in the future. I also have talked to girls on here who had rap fantasies though and would go out and get random guys they thought were hot and had them “rap” them in a park at night. So who knows.

  • That's a most interesting testimony. Usually it's some men having that kind of kink. Some psy could probably give a correct answer, but if that's your thing, just indulge. I can imagine that in some cases a boyfriend may feel grateful and himself very excited while you watch him having sex with another girl. I guess you would be masturbating. Maybe a voyeur tendency? Still, be sure I'd love watching you masturbating while you watch your partner fucking another girl... I mean it... ;0)

  • Eh you have a mental illness. Get treated.

    • Can I talk to you privately regarding this. There's something I want to ask.

    • Sure

    • I can't seem to message you. I think you need to follow me too.

    • Show All
  • A fetish to like to be abused and used by the partner? Cuckhold relationship maybe.

  • I'm the same way! There's nothing hotter than knowing my S/O is screwing other men. I love hearing all about it. Most women don't understand when I practically have to push them into having an affair. For me, a woman who sleeps around is exactly the type of woman I want to marry.

  • This is your fetish what the hell do you got to lose if you ever get interested in a guy let him know this is your thing that you like, all he got to do is stay or leave?

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