Sexual Relationships
1 y

Men tend to find me attractive but why is it that I am only viewed as a fleshlight and not a human being?

I get hit on or stared at constantly by men. Doctors, nurses (I work in healthcare), random people in the streets, hell even a celebrity.. but no one wants to date me/get to know me.. it just seems like all they’re after is sex. I’ve been celibate two years.. I have no intention on betraying myself by breaking my boundaries in order to please another person.

What could be the reasoning as to why I am never the dating/wife material? I have my shit together. I know how to have fun. I am very honest/loyal/kind to people.. I just don’t get it… why am I always being viewed as a sex object?

My mom would always tell me growing up that beauty is a blessing and a curse… and I don’t see the blessing in dying single and not with a life long partner..
1 3

Superb Opinion

  • You are pretty and/or have a nice body, so men find you SEXUALLY attractive. And you've learned to exploit that because it gets you a lot of attention - but it's naturally going to be SEXUAL attention (and nothing more).

    Would it surprise you to learn that men want OTHER THINGS for a relationship, besides beauty and sex? Sure, they want those too, but they're willing to accept lower scores in beauty in order to get higher scores in the other areas they care about when looking for a woman as "relationship material."

    Do you know what men want in a long-term relationship/marriage partner? And when I ask that, what I mean is: are you absolutely positive, bet-your-life-that-you-know-the-right-answer-because-you've-done-the-research sure? I kind of suspect that you don't, or you wouldn't be asking this question.

    I'm not trying to be mean or rude - rather, I'm literally trying to get you to realize that you've probably never really given much thought to what MEN find important in a relationship partner, much less made any effort to be those things. Men are told since they were little boys what we MUST do and achieve if we hope to get any attention from women, and society and media constantly reinforces these things, but starting in the 1960s, Radical Feminism quite intentionally convinced women that they don't have to give a second thought about what men want, because Rad Fems quite literally wanted to stop women from having serious relationships (and especially marriage) with men entirely. I'm not making that up - I can give you quotes and articles where feminist leaders have said so outright.

    Families and society in general used to teach women how to be wives in the same way it instructed men on how to be men and husbands, and all the duties and responsibilities we had to take on. Men are still taught these things - though more and more, men are realizing that the current system is rigged against them (because women are not taught to "meet us" anymore), and so lots of men are abandoning those responsibilities and extending their own adolescences instead of "growing up." But plenty of men do and have grown up, and are looking for marriageable women - women who know how to be WIVES - and as I mentioned earlier, men want a lot more than beauty to consider a woman marriageable. In any sane world, you'd already know exactly what those things were, but the world we're in today isn't very sane at all.

Most Helpful Guy

  • "I have my sh*t together. I know how to have fun. I am very honest/loyal/kind to people"

    These are usually contradictions and I never believe them, because honest/nice/kind people do not judge themselves or others based on superficial value. Seems almost oxymoronic. Like "I'm a good person! Look how rich and successful I am! THAT PROVES HOW GOOD I AM!"

    Assuming you are telling the truth, you need to stop putting yourself out there as the 10/10 and wearing so much makeup if you do, and just come off more like a normal person worth talking to, as many women who are genuinely attractive looking come off like stuck-up b*tches who think people have to kiss their ass just for being in their proximity.

    If all you are is a "fleshlight" to them, then that's because that's all you portray yourself as. You need to de-sexify yourself and maybe dress more modestly and give off the impression you are not a f*ck buddy and instead, the "smart girl" or the "funny girl" or whatever it is you really want to be.

    And please don't give me the "why can't I still be sexy looking when I go out" excuses, because you don't get to have it both ways and people (men and women) tend to make quick snap judgments on people all the time. VERY RARELY is someone both extremely good looking and possessing a brain and equally attractive personality. People tend to put you in one box or the other. That's just how people are and you can't control that. Best you can do is get them to change the stereotype to another one.

    • I’m natural. Most makeup I wear is mascara and lip gloss. Hair is natural long thick curly hair. I’m tall (5’9) and as shitty as it sounds I don’t have to put much effort in my appearance. Due to sexual assaults as a child and adulthood, I like to look as unattractive as possible while still washing my ass and trying to feel good about myself. My skin is a natural tan (I’m black/white). I wear converse/vans and a T shirt on my off days.. I do not dress slutty or act slutty in any way. So your whole point doesn’t reflect why I am only being approached for sex and nothing more. Ignorant.

    • There you go judging people again, coming off arrogant, and acting like you're Holier Than Thou. You could've just corrected me and told me I'm wrong and explained why, but no, you had to throw in some insults and ego-stroking, as well. Sure as hell doesn't come off like an "honest/loyal/kind" person. Those people also don't tend to curse like you, either. I'm sorry you had some bad experiences in your childhood, but maybe you need to work on your issues nowadays with a therapist or something. I don't think GAG can help you.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I know how men are, it is rare to find a man who doesn't want sex with me. The thing is, I needed to focus on one that wanted more than that, which is/was damn hard.

    They can pretend and fake it for a long time... it really is a blessing and curse. Sometimes I would even envy people who looks normal or less.

    Now not all men are that way, but a lot are... we just learned it. Its very important to them to have sex.

    • That’s the thing though. No one wants anything more than sex. I am literally a flesh light to them. Nothing more. I thought that the nurse I went out with and have a huge interest in was someone who’s pretending but he legit told me today that he would stop flirting with me when I am in a relationship. After I asked him to stop flirting with me because we want two different things. Like… I just don’t get it.

    • “I know how men are, it is rare to find a man who doesn't want sex with me.” So, you want a guy to not want to have sex with you?

    • @Agagagagaga Yeah, at least for the first year until they show they want long term... then its good.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 25

  • I don't know if this is any help, but there are three types of guy..

    1) is the confident type who thinks he's better than you.
    2) is the inwardly negative type who is too scared of his own shadow to ever approach you.
    and finally
    3) Now 3 is just as confident as guy number 1, only he's the type of guy who will walk up to you, and casually talk to you as if you were his sister. He'll be friendly, and yes he might admire your beauty but will behave strictly like the perfect gentleman.

    Unfortunately though, guys like I described in number 3? We are always spoken for!

  • Never met a girl with this problem who wasn't also conveying a certain image. If guys only ever want you for sex it's because that's what you're leading with.

    Guys want sex

    Many guys also want more... with the right girl.

    What are you doing to show you're wife material to these men?

    • What do men expect to see from women before they’re already undressing her with their eyes is a better question…

    • I mean, men aren't the one that's complaining about this. You're the one complaining about this issue. Stands to reason that maybe you should take some accountability and look at what you're doing. But that's just how I look at things If I have a problem I don't like, I think about what I can do to change it.

  • tough pill to swallow: cause you're not good at choosing the right partner.

    no i'm not saying that this is necessarily your fault. but that's the reason, so that's something you can train and work on improving.

    the good news is: you're attractive. cause only attractive people are successful at being interesting for many guys that just want to fuck. gotta learn how to filter out those guys. you can not stop being attractive to that sort of guy, so you doing active filtering is your only option.

  • What do you mean when you say "I know how to have fun"?

  • It takes more than looks

  • It's a blessing because you can find men. It's a curse, because you never know if they want you for more than what they currently want you for.

    • Exactly.. like how does someone even find a lifelong partner that way?

    • It's very possible to figure out the difference over a bit of time, but a conscious and focused effort must be made - you can't simply rely on attraction or feelings, as too many people do. Relationships are WORK, and if you don't make the effort, then failures shouldn't be a surprise.

  • Because regular good men are invisible to you. Very attractive men have zero incentive to use you for anything but a Fleshlight.

  • "I have no intention on betraying myself by breaking my boundaries in order to please another person."

    Did you ever stop to think others feels/reasons the same way? That perhaps they're not interested in dating because they feel or know a relationship doesn't give them anything. (besides sex).

    "Men don't want anything other than sex" I see many women reasons this way but let me break it to you. If we didn't want more than that we could throw ourselves into ANY relationship. The fact we're avoiding relationships mean on the contrary that we DO want more, just that we feel YOU can't offer what we want.

  • I couldn't honestly answer your question because I don't know You, Sorry

  • It is because people are shallow. That simple.

  • Maybe you are too pretty? They all think you are taken. And real men know how to control their urges. F marriages, no need marriage to prove love. And you can show interest, talk to Ken too, not just sit their looking pretty and waiting to be does out. Or you are just unlucky. Need a change of scenery. But then again, I've never meet you, so not sure how you present yourself.

  • that's mysterious, i might need to get to know you or know your personality to see what's off

  • maybe if you had some hobbies instead of only having bobbies then you might be viewed as a flashlight instead of a fleshlight

    • I do have hobbies 🙄

  • It's today's society..

  • time will come when you find the one just have to walk through the mud to get to dry dirt don't lose hope

  • Because you give ot up to easy. Why wouldn't we?

    • Celibate two years, idiot. I don’t give it up easy 🙄

  • How old are you?

  • I work in the healthcare field as well and don’t hit on anyone. But I do feel like women hit on me but I chalk it up to them being friendly cus I’m the same way. Also men just love to talk to beautiful women and u may be one but if your looking for a good guy don’t look at the health care industry. We are horn balls lol the best way to get a good guy frfr is to be see who is more shy. The shyer the guy the more morals and values he has especially if he is attractive.

  • 'I’ve been celibate two years'

    If all they are after is sex, but you will only have sex within a committed relationship then there isn't anything to worry about. But given that you've only been celibate for 2 years, your issue was that you had sex without being in one...

  • So what's the problem?

    • Problem is I’m not a slut apparently.

    • Before the Internet was invented, people wanted to be in relationships. Tinder was a game changer. I doubt relationships will ever come back. I'm not a slut, but I don't want a second marriage. I'd rather just be alone.

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