A man paying for the first date is paying for pussy. Thoughts?

[Jabberjaw]

[DaveJord]

So this is the frustration for guys, because if your a guy that is out there seriously looking then paying for first dates can become very expensive... but in "NO" ways does paying for something entitle you to more than dinner. Period.

Any guy that thinks taking a women out on a expensive first date is going to improve his chances of getting laid or entitle him to more is a foolish person that is trying to over compensate for his own short comings.

Last time I was on the hunt I went on 17 dates with 14 different women in three months. I only did coffee dates or walk in the park dates... I did one dinner date and I never did it again. First off it was too expensive to spend that type of money on women that did deserve it, and yes I was pissed when it didn't go well and I had to sit through a date with someone I was not vibing and got ghosted later without getting laid. So that was one mistake I promised I would never do again.

Any women not willing to take a walk in the park or have cup of coffee is not worth my time. Out of those 14 different women in three months I took on first dates I got laid three times. On the second or third date... and the one I am with now I took on a walk in the park on my first date, and "SHE" took me to the zoo for second date. I got laid on the third date and i all in all I spent less than $50 buck on her and she is amazing's.

Out of the other ones I got past the first date with where never more then coffee. The first women, took me on a over night beach trip by the third date and she paid for the hotel. So got laid again for less than $100 bucks. The second women I took to dinner on the second date spent like $180 bucks on it, and yeah I got laid... but it didn't workout. Having sex too fast put her into a tail spin and I wonder now if she only did it because she felt like she had to since I spent so much on dinner for her.

[Jabberjaw]

This is exactly the type of comment I was looking to see. People who have actually been there and done that and know what the hell they're talking about. Thank you lol This is part of the reason why in general I'm against guys paying for the first date, because the upside of not paying for the first date is good for both you and the girl. She doesn't feel pressured in any way or that she owes you something at all, you don't get frustrated because you didn't over invest yourself and someone who was investing back in you. If it doesn't work out you can part ways and all that happened was maybe you wasted a little bit of time for the both of you, instead of thinking you also wasted money. And if it does go well it's even better because you know fully from the start she was in it for the right reasons, and you both know that you're there because you like each other and that the vibe was so good. Not because you paid or does XYZ for her, so the context of the entire relationship is better because you didn't pay She knows that she must have really liked you to still have sex with you and go places with you when you weren't paying for her. There are way more up sides are you having her pay for herself then for you paying for the date As a guy you win no matter what. If she likes you she won't care. If she doesn't like you she will care and now you know she didn't really like you like that anyways. When a girl sleeps with you after you not paying for them or having a very very cheap date, they say to themselves that they must have really liked you because you didn't have to do very much and you were enough for them

[DaveJord]

I 100% agree jabber... stick to the activity based dates. I went to a minor league base game with one for a second date... that was $20 bucks a ticket, and had hot dogs and beer at the game for like anther $20... she was the one that took me on the beach trip. But spending too much money on a date with a women just seems to set things off on the wrong foot as far as expectations. Like you're trying too hard to impress her and feel foolish about it, because you had this expensive awesome first date and now were to go? Its not like most men can maintain that for long, and if they do they are looking for something more. And a warning to the ladies out there, you should avoid expensive first dates... because again for the same reason he is trying too hard to impress you and if he does not get laid then he can become and an asshole while pressure and sexual tension builds. So I recommend that you avoid expensive first dates all together if your into it for the right reasons.

[Jabberjaw]

Baseball games and hotdogs is Lowkey really good option. Cheap alcohol, game is relatively boring so you're motivated to have conversation to get to know each other, you still get a feeling of going out and doing something even though you're just sitting down having a good time talking. Making memories with random emotional spikes from the game when something does actually happen. I've only done it a couple of times, but it was an easy transition every time. Baseball game > Bar > Home > Good things happen

[Nawlins34]

I disagree.

When I was single, the 1st date was reconnaissance to determine if she's worth a 2nd or more dates - sex was never on the table.

I paid for critical, accurate information to make a good decision.

In the grand scheme of things, if the aforementioned decision saves your time, stress and your net worth, the price is worth it.

[Jabberjaw]

You could do all of that for free, so what are you really paying for? Or I should say, if you can do it for free then were you actually paying exclusively for reconnaissance reasons?

[Nawlins34]

The free information is usually to eliminate THAT specific woman. Women who can hold your attention longer than others who haven't eliminated themselves? That's worth the 1st date to establish is she worth your time going forward.

[Jabberjaw]

I totally get that, but you don't have to pay for that. You can have that experience for free lol

[cryscrys1]

A man paying in the first date when both agreed to go in a date because there is a spark
Going on — means that the man— is paying himself a tribute that he is a gentleman ! If the women goes on and opens her legs simple because first date was paid then she is a low value women, if you accept that attitude then well congratulations your life is trash. And you won’t understand my message

[Jabberjaw]

I understand the message perfectly fine, I just simply disagree. But I respect your opinion

[Anonymous]

What’s wrong with paying for pussy. It’s nice to come across one heterosexual male nowadays.

[YES12]

Ha ha it's against the law 🤣 😂

[Opinion Owner]

When they make guns against the law, then I might take the law a bit more seriously.

[Jabberjaw]

Lol they need guns to enforce the law

[Opinion Owner]

Um, law enforcers can have guns obviously..

[Jabberjaw]

I get that's your fantasy ideal, but it's just not realistic.

[Jabberjaw]

Anyways, we're way off topic so feel free to disregard what I've said lol. Not trying to get off in the weeds

[Opinion Owner]

That’s how it is in many countries where there aren’t a bunch of shootings every year…

[laurieluvsit]

More likely you are just paying for the first date... lol

[Jabberjaw]

Lol agreed. And a lot of guys get butthurt about that when it doesn't go somewhere they wanted

[Guy13]

No, not always although it would be evident that he had great time and interested in the pussy…. OR some guys just like treating OR traditional-proper manner….

[Jabberjaw]

Today, in the majority of cases a guy is not treating just out of the kindness of his heart. That's why if it doesn't work out they complain about what they invested in the girl and how it didn't go anywhere. because the heart wasn't in the right place Personally I tell guys not to pay for a girl unless they can honestly say they're doing it solely out of the goodness of their heart and not because they want anything from the girl whether it be sex, affection, attention, or anything If they can't honestly tell themselves that, then they shouldn't pay. Because you are inherently paying for pussy at that point

[Jabberjaw]

Like I get it, and that's fine if you're doing it because it's proper. But if any part of you is hoping that she will hold you in good favor, or give you attention or affection in some way then it's not just because of the proper. You're doing it to get something I just think that's a very normal human reaction that when you invest you expect some type of return, and that you have to be careful what you gift to make sure that it really is just a nice thing

[Guy13]

I know better than THAT, however, there is no lasting Respect or Integrity or Husband material PERCEIVED if the cheap bastard wasn’t really cheap at all…f-in User. He loosened that Wallet once I gave him Something…”Why do men think we’re stupid. I wasted 6 months of my life…cute and cheap I could have managed…Damn, this is not the Commodities market.””

[Jabberjaw]

That's just the reverse side of the exact same issue that I'm talking about. Like I wouldn't say it's a good argument and suggest that you should do it just to show that you're not cheap. Just like I wouldn't say a girl should sleep with a guy just to prove that she's not a prude

[Guy13]

I’m not going to argue with you…as I’m beyond Theory as I relayed a conversation from a model that I use to work with on Sets. She don’t need “your damn money”. She needs a common sense man with consistency that reflects straight-shooting integrity. I was 19 then…she was 23.

[Jabberjaw]

It's honestly not an argument, not even sure why you're taking it that way but okay. And I've slept with models with magazine covers 🤷‍♂️ what does that have to do with anything?

[erin_ireland]

Having the dinner paid for doesn't automstically mean we're going to have sex. He paid for the date, the relationship is not guaranteed, especially if his mindset is like yours

[Jabberjaw]

Lol the amount of girls that make this a moralistic opinion is astounding. Especially when they misrepresent the thought. Where did I imply, suggest, or say that paying for a first date automatically means you're going to have sex? I will wait Because you're putting words in my mouth that aren't even remotely true

[Chiarac2003]

That’s untrue for most.

[Jabberjaw]

What do you mean for most?

[Bardish]

And these guys wonder why they can't get laid

[Jabberjaw]

Which ones?

[DonkeyDan]

You're single right?

[Mac-One]

When I was young and dating it was traditional that the guy paid on dates. Girls had a free pass.

[Jabberjaw]

That's what a lot of girls are trying to push today even when they make the same money and are not traditional themselves. Want equality (non traditional value) but also want a traditional man (inequal benefits)

[Jabberjaw]

Like if a girl is legitimately traditional I can respect her having that view because she matches what she's looking for. But a lot of girls just want to double dip or reserve the right to double dip

[Kichbazp_]

@jabberjaw Lol !! ultimately he wants a good tight pussy 😊

[genericname85]

i think a man paying on the first date is signaling that he want's a traiditional/conservative woman.

[Jabberjaw]

If that's the case, if she's not already that then all he's doing is telling her the type of behavior he wants from her. Ie, she'll fuck other guys. Just not you

[genericname85]

i think what such a guy is signaling is that he wants traditional gender roles. with him being the provider and her being the house wife, caring for the upbringing of the children, hence not needing to sort out her own finances. refrain from making this about me. it is not about me. i'm not defending my personal dating preference. i personally prefer modern women who pay their own shit.

[genericname85]

also i think you have equally good chances of getting a cheating dud on both sides tbh.

[Jabberjaw]

It wasn't my intention to make it about you if that's how it came across. I was only saying you, because that was in reference to the example that you gave. If you used a general example then I would have answered a bit more generally

[genericname85]

yeah ok. i just don't see how a guy deciding to pay for a girl on a date makes her a cheater. cause in essence that's what you said. or did i get that wrong? i mean surely he'll attract gold diggers too with that sort of behavior. but he'll notice soone nough if he's a gold digger.

[genericname85]

if she's a gold digger*

[Jabberjaw]

I've never suggested that makes a girl a cheater or a gold digger. Confused where you're getting that idea

[genericname85]

ok. sorry, i didn't wanna missrepresent what you said. so can you please elaborate on what you meant when you said "all he's doing is telling her the type of behavior he wants from her. Ie, she'll fuck other guys. Just not you"?

[Jabberjaw]

I was saying that girls will pay attention to what you give them, it doesn't inherently change their behavior, just their behavior with you. A girl is a different person with the parents, and different from that with her friends, and different from that with her friends who are just girls, and different from that with a new guy she just met So if you convey that you want a traditional conservative girl that doesn't act a certain way, and acts in a particular way that you like. She will do that, for you. That won't be how she acts when you're not there. She's going to be who she is regardless. That's why I was saying if she someone who is already having sex with other guys, and you come to her conveying the type of behavior you want from her. All you're going to do is succeed in making sure that she doesn't have sex with you because to please you you said you want her to be a girl who doesn't have sex like that So cool, she'll give you what you want and not have sex with you. She'll do that with other guys who want her to be that way with them

[Jabberjaw]

I promise you there are girls that you think are so conservative and traditional, that if they had a conversation with me they would tell me all kinds of dirty secrets that you wouldn't even believe to be true. Because when I'm talking to them I am conveying the type of guy that I am the type of girl that I like a deal with. And to please me they will bring that side of themselves out and end up sharing different parts of themselves with me then they would with a guy who's conveys he wants a traditional girl

[genericname85]

in my opinion, what you just said about women is certrainly true for some women but does not reflect that women are different. surely there's fake bitches. surely there may be liberal women that just let him pay out of kindness. but those things become obvious during the dating process. that's exactly what the dating process is for. signaling what you want and who you are sot hat yo can find someone that wants exactly that. sure there's all sorts of exploitation and betrayal in this world. i realize nothing is ideal in the real world. but that's what the ideal is in my opinion. there surely are conservative women that are honest and upright people, who are looking for a male partner to live such a conservative lifes. and i think in order to find those girls, it's an appropriate strategie for a conservative man to convey his intentions through paying for her on a date.

[genericname85]

i mean i'm sure you've been to a few dates in your day. I don't know how your experience is. but in my opinion, most people aren't viable choices for you to be with. it is what it is. that doesn't mean that people are bad. it just means it's hard to find an individual that fits. it's unfair to make sweeping statements about all people from some experiences.

[Jabberjaw]

I'm out making sweeping generalizations of all people, just speaking to female nature. And in a way to a degree just human nature. We all have different sides of our personality that come out a bit more with different people For most people who have decent relationship with their family more of their sweet side comes out with family. Then say with an acquaintance who you might be buddy-buddy with probably but you're not as sweet with them as you would do with your mom You're not being dishonest, that's just a different relationship but it comes with a different subset of emotions that you tend to convey. You're not going to have the same protective nature with your guy friends as you have with your girlfriends. Because instinctively as a man you're more of a protector of females That's not fake comma that's just a different nature to the relationship period so what I'm saying a girl is going to convey more of other parts of her personality I'm not saying she's being fake. I'm saying if you clearly indicate a behavior type that you do not like and convey specifically what you're looking for, all your motivating her to do is to bring out a particular side of her personality while hiding other parts of a personality Versus just accepting all parts of her personality and letting it come out as honest as possible. Girls are inherently averse to being judged. If you convey you're looking for a conservative traditional girl, she's automatically going to instinctively feel that she shares certain parts of herself that may not necessarily be in line with that that you might judge her And because of that she will hide it. That's not being fake, that's just showing more of her personality that is in line with what you want.

[genericname85]

i mean if you're a girl and you're liberal as fuck, so you believe that women should be equally paid and have equal power in a relationship, i think it would be quite stupid for you to adapt your behavior and signal the guy who's paying for your dinner that he's someone that you want. so what's the point of bringing out a "certain side of your character" that is not in line with what you want from a relationship? that would invalidate the entire point of having a date with someone. like i'm not going on a date with a girl to be accepting of all of her character whatever the fuck that may be xD i'm having a date to figure out if she fits my needs and if i fit hers.

[Jabberjaw]

I'm not arguing one way or the other the intelligence behind it, I'm just pointing out that's what they do. And I actually have dated feminist who did exactly that lol There are MANY feminist who argue equality but still want the man to pay. I would say that's actually the norm unless you're a guy she deems worthy enough not to care Which is largely what I'm about. Just don't pay, and if she likes you she won't care. If she does care, then she didn't really like you to begin with and was in it for the wrong reasons and now you know. So you win no matter what by not paying

[Jabberjaw]

If a girl likes you, to please you she will share different parts of her personality that she thinks you want

[genericname85]

again. i'm not saying "girls don't do that." some certainly do. and it is my point that those girls are a waste of time to date. whether they are striving for the sort of relationship that your're also after or not. cause they don't display the self awareness and the character that i expect from "my partner". because why would you wanna please and try to be appealing to someone who is not what you want? i just don't get that. and i will notice when a girl does that. there's a difference between "showing yourself from your most attractive side to a potential mate" and "trying to impress someone who you don't even wanna be with".

[Jabberjaw]

I understand, and at the end of the day we can agree to disagree on this. I'm just saying all girls do this, you think perhaps a minority do it but not all. I'm just saying this is female nature, they're doing it to please you. Assuming they like you of course. And I'm also not even saying this is a bad thing or faking anyway. It's just a behavior that girls have inherently

[genericname85]

so just as an example. if i'm with a girl who's a hardcore feminist, with all those platitudes about "women earn less money than men and are therefore opressed and entiteled to compensation", i first of allwon't even agree to have a date in the first place... but if i did before i knew, i'd avoid that topic, have a nice day, split the bill and say good bye forever. like what's the point of adapint my behavior so she likes me there?

[genericname85]

ok. if it is your statement that all girls do this, we can disagree on that.

[genericname85]

i'm not saying a minority does that. i'm just saying that there's bunch of people who are not worth dating. and girls that do that aren't worth dating... there's plenty of girls that aren't like that for me. I don't know whether the are a moniorty or a majority but ultimately that doesn't matter, cause i'm not trying to be with the majority of girls :D

[Jabberjaw]

A lot of guys do that just for sex and then move along. I don't personally, and we're in agreement on this here LOL I don't think that's a good place to be in terms of building a happy life but happy relationship. You should be honest about what you want That was mostly just pointing out that if your end goal is to find a girl who is a True Believer that may not necessarily be the thing that does it. Maybe you need to go to church, maybe you need to do other things to sort for the right woman Because women in general will shape themselves a bit to suit you, assuming they like you

[Jabberjaw]

Lmao and that's respectable. I have a girl now and I'd still say she does it to a degree. I speak to a different side of her LOL but I also carefully vetted her in other ways that are deeper psychologically so I know her character. I just think it's important to understand women and understanding nature and working with it rather than trying to ignore it or fight against it. I wish the best for you is really what I'm saying. Not sure what you're doing is the best way to find what you want, but I respect it.

[genericname85]

yeah i know guys are supposed to just want sex and move on. i'm well aware of the stereotyping behind that and the things you said about girls. but my individual experience has been pretty much opposite to the stereotypes that exist. like most girls i ended up dating just wanted quick sex with no strings attached and didn't even really care about me and i'm the sort of guy who doesn't even necessarily want sex before i'm commited to a girl. most girls stereotypically are disappointed by guys cumming quickly and then not caring about her pleasure. my experience is that girls cum quickly and then don't care for my pleasure... so I don't know. there's many more examples like this. to me, the world of stereotypes is like a parralel universe. not the reality i live in.

[Jabberjaw]

There's a lot of things attached to that that are discussions all unto themselves lol

[genericname85]

discussions that probably won't bring either of us any further in life :D anyway. was a good conversation. thanks.

[Jabberjaw]

Lol you aswell. Respect the dialogue, it's good to hear from genuine people

[Wise4myage]

Not on the first date, but definitely down the road.

[Jabberjaw]

When does it tip the scale do you think?

[Wise4myage]

Several dates, maybe less.

[Jabberjaw]

I guess I should say, What specifically determines now you're paying for it versus not paying for it? I have my thoughts on it personally but curious

[clampfan101]

Untrue.

[GreatnessBack]

It's whatever those two agreed upon.

[Jabberjaw]

Bit of a sidestep but fair point regardless

[Shamalien]

Nope. I don’t think very highly of women that put out on the first date so I’d actually be disappointed. I’d tease that bitch so brutally, let her think she’s getting the dick, build her up for hours with all sorts of foreplay, and when she’s begging for it, crying for it…send that slut home and let her obsess

[Jabberjaw]

Sounds like you don't like women very much sir lol

[Shamalien]

Sounds like you need to work on your comprehension skills buddy. I said “women that put out on the first date” and who said I don’t enjoy teasin em

[Shamalien]

Not every man is a whore like you, most, but not all.

[Jabberjaw]

Way to take things personally lol

[Shamalien]

Did you not make a comment on my preferences, personally? Or were you referring to someone else?

[Jabberjaw]

I did not make a comment on your personal preferences. I commented on the way you were referring to certain women, and due to how it came across said it SEEMS like you don't like women very much based on how you spoke about them

[Shamalien]

Why don’t you repeat your first reply to me, word for word, type it out so you can fully process those words for me k?

[Shamalien]

Anyway fuck your little troll trap, I like a good respectable woman, not a slut, good day

[Jabberjaw]

Lmao bruh. You're too sensitive

[Twalli]

Not true at all

[Hanrej]

Nah, a man paying on the first date is buying information. If he doesn't like what he hears he settles for pussy.

[YES12]

A man paying dinner doesn't mean you're getting in her pants. Lol this made me laugh so hard. In my years being a single woman I never slept with a guy first Date. Not even one month 2 months nope 3 months nope 6 months maybe. The guys kept coming lol.

[Jabberjaw]

To be fair there are guys who will continue texting a girl for months on end even when she's ignoring them LOL

[YES12]

That's very true.

[LimitedBenefits101]

Yep true

[Anonymous]

A man paying for anything that the girl is not contributing to is him paying her for her time, demonstrating that his time is worth less than hers! It is also him communicating that he sees her as above him. Men have fallen for 'the man just pays' BS. But continue doing so while women continue to laugh. And in answer to your main question is... if all sex was completely off the table, how many men would still take her to an expensive restaurant...

[Jabberjaw]

100% in agreement

[Anonymous]

women are prostitutes waste of time

[Jabberjaw]

That's aggressive sir

[Opinion Owner]

no thats reality

[Anonymous]

You are correct.