Sexual Relationships
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Will you dump someone if you find out if he or she has a porn addiction?

When I was 15, I stumbled upon erotic fan fiction. I ended up fapping way too often and I have been addicted to it for 6 years. Porn videos are not my cup of tea because most of the scripted porn are very degrading towards women. My ex was a porn addict and he treated me like a sex object, I was mad and scolded him for being just like some of those jerks in high school. Why I don’t want to date a guy who watches too much porn? It’s because he will expect me to have the body of a porn star and I must perform like them. I myself quit long ago but I refused to be there for him when he tries to quit porn. I don’t want to go through another hard ship that I have just went through, if he wants to quit he can do it himself why must I wasted my youth on guys like him? Or worse he can never do it no matter how hard he tried. To me my youth is very important if I stick with him by his side and he couldn’t quit leading him to give up, I will be older than 32 years older. Then no men will want me because I’m over 30 years old, I refused to waste it! I would rather date a guy who has completely quit porn than be with a porn addict. It’s way too much work for me to stick with a guy with porn addiction. I’m not selfish, I’m just scared of wasting my youth on someone unworthy.
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Superb Opinion

  • Girls addicted to porn are not as twisted or far from reality as much as guys are. So I wouldn't dump her.

    I was a sex addict and my wife didn't realize it until after we married. She did give me an ultimatum. Therapy or divorce. I chose therapy. I loved her too much, I couldn't lose her. And she's a good wife and a smart woman. If she really thought I had a problem then why not at least try? What would it hurt?
    That was 18 years ago. We've both been faithful, I stopped suggesting crazy shyt for her to do, we found root causes for some of my behavior and resolved many of my issues.

    It saved our marriage.
    No, no wife or girlfriend should tolerate any degrading behavior suggested or pushed by ur partner. The degree with which they push twisted or degrading behavior should be at least the same degree with which you push back.

    Sex is fun, some porn is just the right mix for the both of you, erotica and stories and fantasies all have a healthy place within the relationship and can really make every encounter fun. But it has it's place. Making her pleasure my priority helped change things for us.
    It's frustrating, I get that. It takes enough self esteem to not tolerate degrading suggestions and enough courage to be willing to end the relationship to stop their extreme requests/demands.

    I hope you find what you need.

    • My ex and I had a very bad break up because in a fit of anger I said he will never get a girlfriend but for me I have no issues attracting a quality man who’s way better than him. He was toxic, he even tried to manipulate me but refused to break up with me. Until I started using abusive language towards him to make him hate me more. I lied to him I will give him a blowjob but at his house I only gave him a handjob. I think what lead to a breakup was the fact I confessed that he was bad in bed. He was the one who wanted the breakup, a few days after I told him his sexual performance.

    • Well, manipulative behavior is not a good habit to get into but... lesson learned. I'm glad you're okay

    • It was my first relationship and also my first toxic relationship. I realised he didn’t loved me since he was using me for sex, I also noticed he didn’t really bother to reply to my WhatsApp messages as often before the handjob thing. I’m glad I didn’t gave my virginity to him as he was not worthy for that.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Ok first men WILL absolutely want you if you are over 30. Not sure who put that junk in your head. You GAIN value the older you get. The wisdom and maturity and being more settled in your being is just awesome to have as a mate.
    Second, you do you. If you can't handle an addiction then don't. You are not married nor made any commitment. My brother was addicted to Oxycontin. Just like swimming out to save a drowning victim both get drowned by the desperation of the victim. He was wreaking havoc on everyone. I told him this and that all I can do for him is encourage him to get professional help. He did, Without me. I am and was in no position to help.

    Just because you feel for the situation some one might be in does not mean you have the means, the power, the know how to be of even the slightest help.
    I am proud you have the good sense to see that. And a woman with good sense is high quality in my book.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 18

  • Without addictions,

    I'm paying attention to the amount of effort we are both putting into that relationship. The moment it is unbalanced? We need to address it.

    With addictions?

    If I know before dating? I'll never date her.
    If I find out after the fact and it was present the whole time? I'm ending the relationship. Because she just confirmed the hold it has on her is so strong, she's hiding it.

    If it starts DURING our relationship? I'm right by her side helping her to end it. I'm invested.

    I'm getting professional help and using any and every resource. I'll do what is necessary.

    But I'm also a realist - the very moment I realize she's putting in MORE effort to keep the addiction vs. kicking it?

    I'm gone. I won't hesitate.

    I'll be hurt and disappointed, I'll cry... but I'll heal because I'm not going down with the ship.

  • Yes because I would feel unable to satisfy him.

    • Honest

  • I don't mind if she treated me like a sex object, it's only true addiction if she prefer porn to sex.

  • I call bull shit!

    • Which one? Is it that most scripted porn are degrading towards women?

  • I wouldn't dump them if we otherwise had a good relationship. I would try to help them with the porn addiction. We could watch porn together, and pleasure each other so porn isn't a necessity.

  • Have you ever seen any of the "Cockless" videos? It's just one or more girls getting it on with each other any way they like! other than knowing they're there to have sex, and an occasional toy tossed into the mix, nobody coaxes them or tells them what to do, they just do what feels good.

  • If she desires to quit and is taking proactive measures, then we could work through this.

  • I don’t think I’ve ever known anyone to have a porn addiction. I am not much into porn as I have a healthy sex life and find watching others kinda boring. I’m sorry you went through all of this though! Are you feeling better now?

    • I feel better is because I broke up with my ex. At the same time I get very fearful and scared when guys my age started to approach me for a date. I lied to them I had a boyfriend even though I was single at that time. The reason why I feared men these days is because the chances of meeting a man with porn addiction is very high. I always get this fear whenever a guy has a crush on me.

    • I’m very sorry to hear that! I think the trauma has hurt you badly then?

    • Yes it was bad I cried whenever my ex at that time kept persuading to perform sex acts I hated.

    • Show All

  • Seems pretty shallow to dump someone because it's inconvenient for you. If you cared for him you'd help him, but clearly you weren't in the relationship because you cared for him, only what he represented and could offer you.

    • I don’t want to date an addict it’s because he will expect and pressure me to do sex acts I hate.

    • I didn’t feel safe being with him at all.

  • I don't think porn had anything to do with your shitty immature boyfriend. It just highlighted how he's a crappy person. My two cents, porn isn't an issue unless it dictates someone's life. Porn is like any other vice, don't let it consume you and do it in moderation like anything else.

  • I never like porn addiction i have been through and found very difficult to get out but finally i got out that hell but i never use my partner as sex object yeah we can do thing during sex to spice up our sex life. But I'df we treat like porn star our partner then this is not good porn is all scripted and they fake their moan. But i like to have real sex and pleasurable sex with my partner.

  • Maybe not right away but there is a certain limit. If start controlling her life and buying or even selling I might have to let her go if she not willing to get help. I usually don't have problems with a girl that's addicted to porn and if she wants to watch porn its usually with me

  • To be perfectly honest I would find it somewhat sexually attractive in my girl.

  • I would if she was secretive about it... if she was open about it I wouldn't care...

  • nooooo

  • I wouldn't dump her for that.

  • Nope. Nothing wrong with masturbating.

  • Been addicted to porn doesn't have anything to do with watching porn. It goes beyond. If you wanna find a partner who don't watch porn, good luck with that.

    • So it means that most men are addicted to porn?

    • It means most men watch porn (2 different things). I didn't realized I was addicted. I remember telling my LD ex about it, and the only thing she did was send me a link of a life coach. Anyway, can't expect much of someone who's still trying finding her self in her 30s. Been with her worsen the addiction. She never had enough trust to engage in something sexual. I couldn't even send a regular porn video to her. It was the best to end the relation. You know, breaking up with someone is always a blessing, so good luck, you have lot of time to reevaluate who you really want as a partner.

    • Sometimes guys lie about how often they watch porn as they didn’t want to give a bad impression to their girlfriend. I knew my ex was addicted to porn by the way he expected me to perform sex acts which I didn’t find comfortable at all.

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  • Only if you were still addicted to porn.

    • No one should waste their youth on someone who couldn’t quit.

    • I totally agree.

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