What do you consider bad sex? And does the sex get better after the first couple of times?

[Adele_26]

I’ve hooked up with this guy twice now. He’s VERY attractive, respectful, funny, etc. Not that it’s an issue, but I’m wayyyy more open to things than he is. Maybe it’s because he’s not comfortable yet? When we kiss, it doesn’t flow. He’s not bad; I think we have different styles. There’s little to no foreplay. I’m also more on the giving end when it comes to oral. His d*** though is a 10/10.

Now, I did think “Well he sees me as just a hookup, so I can’t expect him to actually want to do all that.” But I also have the feeling he’s not confident in being able to please me in those ways. I’ve asked him if he wants to try anything, and he got nervous and said “next time” and he hasn’t ever done anything I described. It’s hard for me to determine whether or not we’re sexually compatible bc with other hookups, they would do some FREAKY shit, but it’d be in a degrading way or it would just suck lmao.

[ohshee]

When I was 15 1/2 almost 16 I lost my virginity to a nineteen-year-old college girl and when we were finished she said it was great I was very disappointed she called me back two more times and it was the same results there was just something missing there was a wow factor there was fire works that I was waiting to see
The first time that she called me you gave me like 3 or 4 days advance notice that her mom is going to be gone on Saturday that's all I could think about who's how was I going to make it better I mean it really upset me that I had a better orgasm when I was 12 years old and I first masturbated it was intense and ever since then it was intense
Saturday when I got to her house I made up my mind I was going to do everything different this time I decided to truly make it all about her everything in detail and when we were finished we both look at each other rolled off and said oh my God it was the best orgasm that I ever had and she said the same thing she said the other three times were great but this was out of this world so to answer your question I think it only gets better if you understand it more and understand that person more to this day I still do it almost the same way I have find detailed it and it is intense every time now it's never the same way twice it is just hot but there's a lot of other things involved that was the only time that I had bad sex for those three times I don't consider anything bad sex anymore because if it's bad it's on me and I'm not going to allow that to happen I'm going to take her to the place that I want to take her to and that place that she's never been before so if you have bad sex that's on you I feel or on him is one of you have to take control and make it good

[NamerOfStars]

I'd mostly call it a lack of enthusiasm or willingness; something not going over correctly can be corrected if they're willing to listen. Also good communication; it's naturally hard to find what works if you don't talk to each other. But then, I tend to be slower un getting sexual than most, so I usually have a better idea of what's wanted.

You might have better luck in asking for something directly; if he's insecure about his abilities, you can offer to guide him through it (and give feedback; so many people forget that).

[Adele_26]

The conversation happened last night, so it’s still pretty new. I was also specific about what I like. Thanks for the info!

[Lliam]

If he doesn't know how to kiss well it's a bad sign.

I was going to suggest that you show him some good foreplay by lying him down and performing it on him. There are lots of ways to stimulate erogenous areas like ears, neck, collar bone, chest, nipples, stomach, thighs, as well as genitals. It took a woman to show me that shit. Before that, I had no idea.

It's possible to get a person really turned on by taking the time to drive them wild with sensual foreplay. It creates anticipation and desire but also feels incredibly intense.

Talking and explaining is also excellent. Stir his imagination.

Hopefully he'll start getting a clue. Best wishes.

[summiter]

Adele,
he sounds like he is not as sexually experienced as you. Take it slow and he will gain confidence. Was he a virgin before he met you? How often have/do you have sex with him?

[Adele_26]

No he wasn’t. And I’ve only known him for a little over a week.

[spartan55]

Sounds like you landed a dud with a big dong.

[MagicCarpet1]

You have committed fornication a sin against the bible. What makes you think he won't be the last person you have sex with. You can never forget the memories, it will carry on like an Anvil, preventing you from ever finding true love unless you repent to jesus and become a Nun.

[Adele_26]

I’m not becoming a Nun 💀 I understand where you’re coming from, and I agree with you. However, this is no help to me. If you’re going to comment stuff like this, make sure to not only have religious reasons, but have solutions both in a religious sense AND scientific. I only say that bc some are not religious and will most likely have the message go right over their heads.

[Lliam]

@magiccarpet1. What a dork.

[goaded]

[exitseven]

Sometimes for some unexplainable reason it just is not as enjoyable as usual. My wife will feel it too. No matter how hard we try it just does not happen. It does not happen very often fortunately.

[kellytheman]

Yeah it sounds you two are not sexually compatible because you both want different things from sex. He might be more vanilla as you are more into little wild sex. It is possible he's not comfortable enough yet since you only hook up twice so maybe if you hookup a couple more times he be comfortable to do more things.

[MountAverage]

“Well he sees me as just a hookup, so I can’t expect him to actually want to do all that.”

You'll have to explain that to me. Sounds like a weird excuse. This guy is clearly just selfish and doesn't care about your pleasure. Find a new guy.

[Adele_26]

Or maybe he’s not confident? I’ve said no to certain things because of insecurity. How can I tell if it’s him just being selfish?

[MountAverage]

If that was the case he'd act insecure even during receiving. Why can you not talk to him about it? How can you have a sexual relationship with someone without properly and openly communicating?

[Adele_26]

Well receiving is different bc he doesn’t have to do anything. The conversation happened last night, so it’s fairly new.

[MountAverage]

But I'm telling you, it's very unusual to be sexually insecure in just one regard like that. I feel like you're just trying real hard to find confirmation that he's not selfish. You came here to get unbiased opinions. Here's mine: He's selfish and only wants you to ge him off, he doesn't about your pleasure. It's fairly new, okay. Then next time this happens confront him and don't accept any excuses like "next time".

[Sam_25]

Find new guy...

[Johnnyroyyall]

My body counts over 550 I think I'm pretty good at it I used to do it for well for explanation private message me please

[jahaims]

If she isn't enthusiastic/excited.

[ZSean]

Tbh Im kind of in the same boat. Never "given head" since neither of my exs were really confortable with it for some reason or another.

Def has me worrief about future relations haha. So maybe he just has no idea like me

[Adele_26]

Thanks man :)

[ZSean]

Probs didn't help but as someone who has never hooked up that is def something that would make me awkward and worried. So maybe he is worried about something like that :)

[Adele_26]

Nah it helps a lot actually! It makes more sense than him just being selfish since that’s not the vibe I got.

[ZSean]

Nahhh it def seems more nerves or something at least from how im reading it

[OddBeMe]

1) first time is always bad.
2) sex is emotional so it “good” can vary. But generally the more love or emotion you feel toward him the better the sex.
3) watch porn. If only for reference. Might get you both supercharged. But also gives dictionary examples :)

[driven159]

He sounds inexperienced you might be able to teach him, but he may never come out of his shell you need to find that out

[Dat-Alpha-Lion]

You into BDSM or are you a submissive?

[Adele_26]

Both as long as the intention is out of love and not in a twisted, abusive way.

[Dat-Alpha-Lion]

Of course! Great BDSM sex is hot and loving

[Slim57]

When both of you don't finish

[MasterKS]

patience and communication is key!

[Anonymous]

What do you consider freaky? What do you want him to do as you described? Maybe he needs a different approach or maybe he’s just an attractive guy Thats just boring and vanilla?