Should you continue a relationship if intimacy feels like a chore?

[HawkPerception]

Yes

No

[MicahRaine]

Yes, you should.

I've talked to a bunch of married couples about this specifically, and they all said the same thing: sex reflects the entirety of your relationship. If the relationship is good, you'll desire sex and the sex will be good. If the relationship is having a lot of issues, at least one parter will have a low sex drive around their partner. And if the relationship is amazing, you'll have a really high sex drive and the sex will be amazing.

Obviously I'm not married so I don't know that's all true, but I have a tendency to believe these married couples, having seen how their relationships have flourished and how much they love each other even after going through some really hard times (two of these married couples lost a child).

Moral of the story for guys: if sex feels like a chore for your wife, go do the dishes.

Seriously though, go handle issues outside of the bedroom before trying to spice things up inside the bedroom.

[CuriousMoonFox]

Depends on how long this has been the case. If someone's important to you, you should try everything before breaking up.

[Finchie40]

No, if your partner doesn’t want you the same way you want them , it’s best to go your separate ways , Life is too short to not experience things that you can be experiencing with someone else. I sadly learned that lesson the long hard way , by thinking Love would save the day , which Love does save the day , just not with that person you are currently with. I was married to my wife for close to 20 years and sadly after so many years together , she decided to become selfish and no longer wanted to be intimate and affectionate with me , unless it was on her terms, our marriage turned one sided , basically her way or no way and that’s when we started drifting apart. She started making excuses as to why she was no longer in the mood , pretty much blaming me for everything that didn’t go her way , When before this happened, my wife and I were inseparable , I never had to beg for intimacy and affection from her , but when it came down to me having to beg , I knew our relationship was no longer good and I tried talking to her about it and sadly it went on one ear out the other , She started to become very selfish to the point she started treating me like a convenience, I tried everything to save our marriage but all it did was write Sucker on my head by thinking Love will save the day. So I eventually threw in the towel , which I wish I did it a lot sooner , but I didn’t , mainly because I loved our family and our kids’ but it got so bad that I had no other choice but to walk away. After my wife and I separated i eventually started dating again , and I met some great girls’ that treated me 100 times better than my wife did , I honestly kicked myself on the ass again when I realized how much time I wasted on that selfish bitch. I eventually met a girl that rocked my world , intimacy and affection wasn’t an issue at all , this girl treated me like gold , things were going great with her and I until her husband knocked on my door , so that was the end of that , but even though that girl lied about her relationship status , she still treated me way better than my wife did. So do not settle for anyone that treats you like a convenience or treats you like a burden to have sex with you , Life is too short to live in misery when happiness is out there

[Purpleronnie]

Let’s be clear intimacy isn’t sex. Intimacy is the closeness. How connected you are with your “other” , how supported you feel , your bond or connection on a deeply emotional level.


There is of course a relationship between the level of intimacy and sex for couples generally speaking but sex can also be transactional or just about the physical act and the pleasure derived from it. In my experience with women how connected they have been with me has directly affected how much we were physically intimate

I’m sure for the majority , Sex can feel mechanical sometimes , I would have trouble believing anyone that told me that both they and their long term relationship partner never experienced this ever. It doesn’t have to be about the other person why someone would feel this way , does it ? , a persons libido is affected by a considerable amount of variables , most of which they have little or no direct control over. You can feel close and connected with a person and not “want” to have sex in any form or act , this is the part a great many people don’t seem to understand. Confusing sex and intimacy. A relationship isn’t more or better if the couple has more or better sex it’s better if they share more “intimacy”



I would say that you owe it to yourself and your present or future partner to understand why you felt “intimacy” had become a chore. I personally think that if a person felt this way for an extended period of time their relationship is over. Without intimacy there is only a shallow friendship but there can easily be a relationship without sex.

[BobbieBoy666]

If intimacy consistently feels like a chore in a relationship, it's a strong indication that you should seriously consider having an open and honest conversation with your partner about your concerns; if significant changes aren't made or if the issue remains unresolved, it may be best to re-evaluate the relationship as it could signify deeper problems that might not be easily fixable.
Why you should consider taking action:
Lack of connection:
When intimacy feels like a chore, it often points to a lack of emotional connection and intimacy within the relationship, which can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction and resentment.
Underlying issues:
Feeling this way could signal deeper issues like stress, communication problems, or a mismatch in sexual desires that need to be addressed.

What to do first:
Open communication:
Have a calm and respectful conversation with your partner about how you're feeling, expressing your needs and desires clearly.
Identify the root cause:
Try to understand why intimacy feels like a chore - is it due to stress, routine, lack of foreplay, or something else?
Seek professional help:
If communication alone isn't enough, consider couples therapy to help you navigate complex issues and rebuild intimacy.

When to consider moving on:
Unwillingness to change:
If your partner isn't receptive to addressing your concerns or refuses to put in effort to improve the situation, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship.
Persistent dissatisfaction:
If the feeling of intimacy being a chore persists despite attempts to resolve it, it could be a sign that the relationship isn't fulfilling your needs.

[MarjorieJ]

I hesitate to tell you this story, because people on this site are quick to shoot the messenger, (and the occasional healthcare exec.)

I worked with a guy who grew up in France. All of his friends had parents that fought like cats and dogs. His parents never fought. Everything was peaceful. Family life was good. When he got a little older, he found out his parents never had sex. (at least not with each other) It was an agreement they came to. They could have jumped ship, but they agreed on a work-around.

[HawkPerception]

Eh... don't agree with that move, but I've learned everyone has their own relationship dynamic that works for them.

[Cutea]

Yes and no. It really depends upon what makes it feels like a chores. Is it that you need to try something new to spice up your intimacy and there is something that your partner would like to get excited. If this is the case you should talk to your partner. Else if it is due to the fact you don't love each other anymore, you should leave

[foxritual]

Before I left my marriage, this was one of the problems we were facing. We both were not interested in each other sexually anymore. I thought maybe it was my libido was too low. He still wanted to have sex, but when it came time, he couldn't get hard like he used to and I just had no feelings of sexual desire. But I thought I still loved him.

Now, I'm with this new guy and we had sex pretty quickly. I honestly thought I only liked him platonically, and mostly because I thought my libido had diminished. I was completely wrong. This guy got me going quickly. My husband saw this and didn't get upset, but rather, he understood and we let things go.

If things are not spicing up in the bedroom, it can be okay to let things go. It could mean that things are not going as well as they used to be. If fixing things doesn't help, then it might be time to move on.

[ohsheeT]

Well there's all types of different intimacy some are slow motion soft touch passionate

And then you have something that's just a good old hard pounding damn righteous it's a chore better be a chore it better be a damn workout by the time you're done you better just be soaking wet can't breathe but when you fall back onto the bed you just smile damn right sense of chore it's a workout come on

No if you're going uphill and things aren't working right then you need to have a little talk about it need to figure out what the problem is and fix it that's all in relationships there's Epson there's Downs there's moments and then there's the next moment there's yesterday and tomorrow things happening you have to work it out

And if neither party want to work it out then you're going to have to work it out a different way

[_Andromeda_]

Depends on why it's a chore. Is she too difficult to please? Is she bitchy or gaining weight and it's kind of a turn off? Are you struggling with ED? Are there deeper relationships issues? Are you exhausted from work and/or kids?
Some things are fixable, and if its a long term or serious relationship, I would encourage at least trying to fix what you can first.

[Graptemys79]

Intimacy isn't just sex. You can have a romance without sex, is long as there is emotional intimacy. Sex isn't necessarily intimate, if you follow me.

[lorenzomichael]

Yeah I would because that’s one chore that I don’t mind doing.

[CindyRuns]

I don't ever see that happening

[Dongie]

Hell no!