Why is it so hard to get over my fwb? I feel like a herione addict when it comes to him.

[Anonymous]

I have a fwb. I hate those kind of relationships, wouldn't have done it if I knew first hand that's what it was. We have been friends with benefits for 11 months. I like him a ton and I have asked him a couple times if we were dating, via text messages" Do you consider us dating?" " Am I one of the girls you would never date" all answered in a phone call but to much talking for me to even process what he is saying. Like I hear the first sentence then it's all silent blah. recently " would you ever date me?" I got ignored . Sometimes I hate him soooooooooo much that I never want to see his face again. I tell my self next time he calls I'm ignoring his phone calls, text or going to tell him I'm busy. But then the second he calls me I answer and end up hanging out with him. I'm so happy when I'm with him, not eve the sex part. cuddling on his couch or watching him cook or even doing his homework. just seeing him makes me happy and entertains me. I also have a friend that has been talking to be for 15 months. and has brought up dating me a lot of times and has asked me to try. I like him but I don't like him as much as my fwb. He is a really nice guy. Except my only flaw with him is every time I go to hang out with him I'm bored out of my mind we just watch sports and his stupid cat jumps all over me. I hate cats By the way. I'd never tell some one to get rid of their pet. He smokes, chews tabaco and a heavy drinker I hate that... So I always promise him I'll go see him but I don't. I really want to be in a relationship. I feel like I just need my friends with benefits to just flat out say no I won't ever date you before I even TRY with my friend. but he won't and it feels like I'm sad more than not. and the longer I go with out seeing my friends with benefits the sadder I get. from August to October my friends with benefits didn't talk to me at all and I was completely depressed the whole time. I tried with my friend but the boredom thing came. I tried dating another friend and it just didn't work b.c of This whole friends with benefits thing. Dated one of my friends brothers and on a night we had a date planned I ditched him b.c my friends with benefits called me out of the blue to hang out with me.

[Anonymous]

I have been through this. I dated a guy and jumped the gun on sex but then I really thought we had a connection. He would call me just to see how I was. He wouldn't sext me. We did not live very close, so it wasn't easy to see each other but I think we could have made it happen more frequently, but it didn't. So, he kept talking to me about all sorts of things, without any anticipation of sex and he said a lot of nice things about me.

I would suggest getting together and then he would come up with excuses but every once in a while he was coming through my area and we would get together for a date and then, yes, sex.

It was so disorienting. I asked him once what we were. He said we were not FWB but he felt we did not know each other well enough to say we were in a relationship. This was ridiculous. We had been talking to each other for over a year. I finally got really angry at him one time and told him to stop calling me. Here and there he still would text me to see how things were, as if I never got mad at him. I always ignored the texts. It was so weird. Honestly, I cannot help wonder that he was married. He was pretty young, but that was all I could come up with.

My greatest revenge was that he actually called me recently, with my fiance there. I wasn't going to answer but my fiance was all wondering what the deal was and is a bit on the jealous side, so I took the call and told the guy I was getting married and to leave me alone. He sounded pretty shocked. I hope he never calls again.

[Asker]

we leave close tho we don't sext. and I don't think I jumped the gun on sex. It was a month maybe a mouth and a half before I even slept with him and I was in the same class with him for 3/4months before.., at first he told me he was not using me for sex is this that the same thing as saying well we are not fwb, all he basically has told me when I ask about dating him is he isn't ready not in that state of mind :(

[Asker]

live*

[Opinion Owner]

Jumping the gun on sex means having sex with a guy before he asks you to be his girlfriend. It doesn't matter that you knew each other for a while before as classmates or that you were dating for a month or so. What does matter is the point a guy has an emotional connection to you and when that happens, they want you for a girlfriend, not casual sex. Oh, and of course he would say he is not using you for sex. He sees this as consensual, equally enjoyed by you, so that is not using.

[Opinion Owner]

This guy is 100% enjoying having casual sex on call, he thinks what is working for him is obviously working for you and nothing you do will ever get him to date you or get into a relationship with you. In fact, be prepared for the day he does meet a girl who he considers relationship material. He won't even get that it will be hurtful to you. Take Kholland65's words to heart. You don't have to be a slut for a guy to not take you seriously.

[moniquinha]

You need to let go of this guy NOW, because the longer you drag this out, the harder it's going to be for you. It could turn into a serious obsession that you can never get over. The next time he calls or texts, do not answer or say NO, you cannot see him anymore. It will be hard, but you will feel a sense of power when you do it...and it will be liberating. Trust me.

I would suggest you spend some time alone for a few months, WITHOUT trying to pursue a relationship. Don't date someone you don't really like, just because you feel you need to be with someone. Being desperate for a relationship is never a good formula for actually acquiring a good relationship. You need to see if you can be happy on your own for a while. Get involved in some activities or hobbies you find interesting, learn a new dance or skill, meet some new friends...or go out with friends you already have more. It's funny but whenever you feel comfortable on your own, that's when real love opportunities seem to come along.

[Anonymous]

Although the young man sounds cold and ruthless... He is right... I just ended a 4 1/2 month friends with benefits with my co worker. HE TOLD ME he didn't want a relationship until his birthday (Nov.) But I wanted him NOW. I had two options: tell him see you in November or chill with him till November knowing I was head over heels... what do you think I did. I chilled, we eventually sexed and it was amazing. We did it all the time and all the time he reminded me " I'm not ready".. but I was in a relationship with him by the second time we sexed. He never took me out never bought me anything never had lunch with me never made me feel special. Just told me where to be and to be naked. So if I was to be his girl he would have taken the time btwn April and Nov to build something a foundation, trust... Something so that when November came we could have a smooth transition into a relationship. LISTEN TO THE BOYS !! THEY LIE ABOUT A LOT BUT WHEN IT COMES TO WANTING A RELATIONSHIP... LISTEN!!

[kholland65]

If the guy wanted to date you, he would be dating you already. Guys don't use sex to win a girl over like girl attempt to do with men. The second you had sex with him outside of dating him, you pretty much killed your chances. He know things your just another loose chick, and therefore will never date you. Just saying, with guys there are 2 types of girls, the chicks you just have sex with, and the chicks you date. I think you know where you stand.

[Asker]

he knows I'm not a slut and am 100% monogamous with him I thought we were dating when I slept with him I was just to dumb to ask him if we were. he had just gotten out of a relationship also

[Asker]

but I didn't know that till way later

[kholland65]

Still doesn't matter, because guys know that getting a girl to be a FWB or even have a one night stand with you says something about her personality, even if she really isn't sleeping around. Just shows that she either has low morals, low self respect or both. This isn't always the case, but many times it is. Just remember, guys don't need to have any sort of connection to have sex with a girl. All she has to be is attractive.

[moniquinha]

This just shows you that the double standard is still very alive and well. The girl in these cases has "low morals and low self-respect"...but not the guy. "Guys don't need to have any sort of connection to have sex with a girl". And apparently, this is okay and doesn't say anything about his personality. It's sad men still think this way.

[kholland65]

Because we are not the gate keepers to sex. If we were it would be the other way around. I'll leave you with this analogy which may help you understand: If a lock can only be opened by one key, then that is a really good lock. If it can be opened by a bunch of different keys, then that's not a very good lock. Or another way to see it would be, If a lock takes a long time to pick and get open, then its a very well made lock, but if it is super easy to crack, then its not a very good lock, is it.

[Asker]

Now you sound stupid... Answer " the gate keeper?" You should have thought of something that somewhat sounded smart he knows I don't have low standards or morals I don't lie to him about anything. I'm faitful to him even tho he isn't even my boyfriend I didn't jump in bed with him like an idiot and I didn't even let him get close to me with out a condom in the start. Every mans different. If I never get to be his girl oh well. But regardless he is a scum bag like your making all guys in this situation soun

[Asker]

Like.

[kholland65]

You're still missing the point. Any girl who is willing to give it up without being in a committed relationship, is going to be looked at as easy, regardless of the things you have said about yourself. It's rare that a guy goes from FWB to a relationship. If he wanted to date you, he would have just done that and he would still be getting sex. He obviously something about you that he doesn't think is Girlfriend material. He never had any intention to date you which is why he got into a FWB instead.