Why does BFF/FWB/roommate *say* he doesn't want a relationship but *acts* like he does?

[FrigginBoggled]

This guy and I have been friends for years and we can talk about anything (for hours), we like all the same things, finish each others' sentences, can't stay mad for more than five minutes, etc. He hugs me from behind when I'm doing dishes, does our laundry, and people tell us we are just the cutest couple (which he doesn't correct them on). We had sex for the first time a few months ago and joked it off that we would be FWB, have had sex a couple of times since then, and now we live together. He tells me he hates certain things like his neck being messed with, but then has me rub it for as long as I can manage. He says he's not affectionate, but touches and hugs me all the time. Says he doesn't like to kiss, but when I'm brave enough (or had enough to drink) to kiss him, he kisses back like he means it. We practically act like we're married, but he doesn't initiate sex and I'm just too chicken (which is odd for both of us), I am so damn confused. Is the affection he shows, even the extra close stuff, just because we are such good friends for so long or what? All of our friends think he wants more than friends and I've been so in love with him for years that I want to scream from the rooftops. I don't know what to do and I'm so worried about ruining our friendship by saying or doing something stupid. Please help!

[justaskin8888]

fwb just like live-ns don't work or turn into anything more because the people involve break principal relationship rules. Without definition on the relationship, you have nothing. And it has to be made early on. Men are linear thinkers, that is why they are often more direct than women. Anytime you get a guy who says, "let's just enjoy the moment," or he does not define the relationship, and likes everything kind of blury or ambiguous, that is a big waving red flag that something is wrong. A man who is indirect means, he is not wiling to tell you the direct truth.

Women can take the long way and be surprised they got to a certain destination, but a guy is not like that. He KNOWS where he is going (or thinks he knows where he's going). So, if you are confused about the relationship, it is only because you are taking emotional cues and are more willing to take alternate routes and "discover" where they lead. Whereas the guy knows absolutely where he's at in this journey and he knows the destination too.

[justaskin8888]

thanks!

[udolipixie]

Why does BFF/FWB/roommate *say* he doesn't want a relationship but *act* like he does?

Likely because you're placing more meaning on his actions.

Is the affection he shows, even the extra close stuff, just because we are such good friends for so long or what?

Seems like the affection he shows is due to having sex with you. It seems guys tend to like sexualized physical contact however it doesn't mean there are emotional feelings behind it.

"people tell us we are just the cutest couple (which he doesn't correct them on)."

Perhaps he doesn't correct them because it'd be awkward to say:

- 'we're just friends' which may make him look like some poor guy in the friend zone

- 'I'm just f*cking her' which may make you look like some slut or gals with no self-respect

[FrigginBoggled]

I can appreciate the last part especially because I know he care enough at least to not want to make me feel or look bad ;)

[SuperPerve]

Because he wants to have his cake and eat it too.

Who wouldn't want someone that they can treat like a girlfriend while no ones watching and have all the sex and closeness... then still go out and do whatever you like

[Kidwithacrush]

Probably very insecure himself He wants a relationship he just doesn't know it He doesn't have the balls to say what he really wants A little coward like He's probably also afraid of ruining what you two have. Communication is key here. You have to explain to him what you want and if he's a man he will realize that he needs to formally date you. Good luck!

[sfauo]

He wants all the benefits of a relationship, mainly the physical pleasures, without the commitment aspect of it.

[FrigginBoggled]

I'm sure you're right about that, and going into this thing that's exactly what I was after. But it's weird since he keeps talking about stuff like us taking road trips "someday" when we can afford it or what we'll be doing when we get old. That's why it's so confusing, but I guess it's because we are friends.(Altho he never talked like that until just recently)