Tricked into a friends with benefits arrangement. How do I end it ?

[Anonymous]

I met this man four months ago. In the beginning he told me we were working on a more committed relationship but we were exclusive. Initially I liked the idea of taking things slow. After our third/fourth date I realized that he was playing me. He stopped really talking about himself, he breaks plans with me to hang with other people or with out a legit reason , he doesn’t take me on proper dates ( “we hang out “@ my house) we have sex every time “we hang out”. Sometimes we only have sex (no talking except basic pleasantries). The only date he ever planned was to take me to a motel and he wanted me to pay for the room -___-. I’ve confront him a few times and he denies only wanting sex. I know he’s gassing me up telling me what I want to hear. And sometimes he just ignores what I’ve said and changes the subject. From the beginning I asked him not to lie to me or hurt me and he promised he would always be honest but all he does is lie I know I need to leave him but I can’t. Here’s the thing before I met him I had been saving myself for marriage. I abstain from all sexual contact except kissing. With him I've given in to almost everything because I want to please him and because I thought we were going to have something meaningful. Our sexual chemistry is unbelievable I want him more than I ever wanted any man before. Sexually he fulfills me in every way but emotionally I feel empty. I think I’m falling for him and I am way more emotionally invested than I should be. I kind of obsess about hearing from him and have to force myself not to text him as much as I use to. Now we go days without talking and the thought of losing him breaks my heart. I’m confident in my looks. People pay me compliments on my beauty all the time and even though I’m not skinny guys tend to like my body (42-29/30-46). Guys have even hit on me in front of him a few times. But I feel pathetic, stupid desperate empty and used as if I’ve given a part of myself away. This is the exact kind of guy I spent 26yrs avoiding. What can I do to get over this man? How do I stop wanting him I’ve tried dating other guys throwing myself into my work and family but nothing helps. Have any of you ever been tricked into a friends with benefits relationship. If so what did you do to get out Have any of you ever trick a guy/girl into a friends with benefits relationship. If so why, did you regret it how did things end?

[imonfire]

Sounds like you already know what's going on. You're not in the same place emotionally,

First of all, chances are, he's probably not a terrible guy who's out to hurt you. He is definitely acting and reacting selfishly and he's probably not feeling the emotional connection that you are.

But, I think the real problem is that you two have very different sexual experiences and expectations. Guys are going to be more sexually motivated, even in a relationship, we feel like it's our job to initiate things and we tend to take every chance we get.

He probably doesn't understand where you are sexually, that you're not OK with a purely sexual relationship. I think that at some point in your life that might be something that you are more interested in. It can be a lot of fun to have an exclusive, less serious relationship. It just requires both people to be on the same page and you are not going to be able to be on that page with this guy being your first at everything.

Basically, it doesn't sound like this relationship is healthy for you. Not because he's intentionally hurting you, but because he can't be what you want him to be. It's not the end of the world, but you should cut things off before you get really hurt.

[kheserthorpe]

He fulfills you in every way.

You were a virgin.

You could have a great fulfilling sexual relationship with a guy who actually likes hanging around with you.

Dump his f***ing ass and start dating normal guys who want a girlfriend.

You liked the idea of 'taking things slow' because you were nervous, but things didn't move slow, it was just BS he fed you. Guys who want to ;take things slow; are usually players. They want to take making things official slow while still moving fast on the physical side. Guys who are NOT players want to move things along quickly to the point you're committed and having sex.

[draegenfly]

Listen honey get out now it will hurt it will hurt for days it will hurt for weeks it will hurt for months hell it may hurt for years but the longer you put it off the longer it will hurt and the more you will hate yourself for staying with him when you wanted to leave and staying. I stayed with an a**hole like that for almost 4 years and I've been with out him sinces October 17 months and I'm doing much better it really hurt the worst for the first 3 months the first 11 were hard I cried hard for the first three then got a boyfriend then dated him for a month got tired of him broke it off cried allot dated around cried some more dated some more I've been consistently single for a few months now but I would rather be single and available than selling myself to some a**hole. You are better than that. Kick that habit love yourself not that dousche.

[Gronkmonster]

It sounds as if he is just using you. The best way to go about this would probably ask him to commit more to the relationship, if he says no go ahead and end it.

It also sounds like your staying with him just because he got you to give yourself up. It may be hard to do, but cut your losses and start trying to find a man that actually cares about you rather then just sex.

[Anonymous]

You're wasting your life with a scumbag. Oh, and you're an idiot.