Is it a good idea to apologize to my ex fwb?

[Anonymous]

Hey everyone. I had a friends with benefits from like the end of August - mid November. Everything was fun but yes I caught feelings & developed a crush on him. These feelings never really grew past a crush tho because I got super self conscious & started pushing him away. I actually just realized this today. I was scared because he had a player reputation & I didn't trust him so I pretended like I didn't care & that's how he thought I felt when it wasn't true. I always had a gut feeling that he liked me somewhat even though I got some signs that things were just casual & he wasn't committed. I mean, even if he didn't like me back, at the very least we were friends. It started out as us going on a date & then quickly after, at our next encounter, we had sex. I was fine with it because like I said it was fun. The day I asked him where he saw our relationship heading he gave a vague answer about letting things progress naturally. I can admit I asked him kinda early on in our case but regardless I thought he wasn't interested in ever wanting me seriously so I started pushing him away and playing games pretending like I didn't care. Some things I did included: - there were a few parties we both attended together & even if I saw him first & even if I knew he saw me, I would walk by without even acknowledging him - my bff from my hometown came to visit & I didn't even introduce them when we were at a party together - we ended up arguing about the fact that I treated him like crap in public & I basically reacted like... oh well no one's forcing you to talk to me - at one point we discussed our limitations of the fwb. he said he didn't care who I hooked up with as long as it wasn't one of his fraternity brothers... well yeah, I did it. I did tell him & he didn't even react (which also made me think he didn't really care about me) but yeah we kept hooking up afterward but I could tell it was a bit different at this point - I even gave him mixed messages like at one point I called off everything yet the next weekend I messaged him to hook up & we did. although, he didn't even seem to care I had ended it when I did... Anyway, I just want to say I'm not a bad person but I literally was just scared about getting hurt and realize I was wrong. of course I know he deserves an apology but at this point is it doing anyone a favor if I say it now? Like I mean, I know he doesn't hate my guts- the last time I saw him he was super friendly but I mean, he kinda just stopped communication. I texted him a couple of times and he responded but he didn't initiate at all since mid November. I think he would respond if I asked him to have a talk as friends & really that's all I want. There is no part of me that wants to apologize as a means to getting with him or anything (another reason I'm unsure if I should reach out) but I literally am just sorry and even though I don't know for sure he really cared about me, I think its safe to say I did hurt his feelings a bit... what do you think?

[kheserthorpe]

I don't think you need to apologize.

If you still have feelings for him, you could tell him you put up walls and pulled back because you were getting feelings and assumed he didn't want more. And that to be honest, you still have them.

It probably goes nowhere.

I voted B in any case.

[Asker]

yeah I guess if I don't even want it to go anywhere I can leave it alone. It was more for my peace of mind but I think I'll get over it

[imonfire]

I didn't read one thing worthy of an apology.

You either are looking for a way to keep contact with him, or you're looking for an apology from him- if I was to guess.

Leave it be. He sounds like a less than honorable guy who is messing with your head.

[cristinaboss]

You don't have to apologize to him. He was a friends with benefits so he probably doesn't even care. If he did at all, he's over it by now.

[Asker]

that's what I figured but its hard to move on when you genuinely feel bad for hurting someone... I just figured he cared since he legit argued with me about it like he was hurt that I wasn't that open to him. thanks for your advice

[baliguy11]

FWB guys will accept anything. no need to apologize. If you still want his cock. just say so and he will be fine.

[Asker]

like I said, its not that I want anything from him but is apologizing the right thing to do? I haven't attempted one of these relationships before and I understand it was casual but I feel pretty bad

[baliguy11]

a FWB is owed nothing. I am one and have been one. part of the deal. we are a toy. meat for your pleasure.

[Asker]

very true... I'll take this as a lesson learned

[baliguy11]

good luck. in the future do not fall for the meat. just use it for pleasure.

[Asker]

LOL will do... or I'll at least be myself. That way, regardless of whether or not the guy reciprocates feelings I flat out know it just wasn't meant to be

[baliguy11]

we are OK with it. we actually like getting used by a girl. girls cannot understand that.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

If you knew he was a player, why bother with him at all? Women logic :\

[Asker]

what is the point over shaming me for my decision?...that's not what I was asking. keep your sexist comments to yourself. thanks

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

Not shaming, just saying it was stupid to bother with him in the first place if you knew he was a player. Difference between shaming and calling someone stupid.

[Asker]

lol um yeah you're shaming me. saying I was stupid for choosing to become friends with benefits with him isn't exactly making me feel good about my choice or at least a neutral opinion on the matter. all I'm saying is telling me that is unnecessary, especially since you didn't even offer advice for my situation.

[TheGodEmperorLeto]

I figured the implied advice was obvious, my bad. Stay away from the dood if he's a player.

[Marrryyyyy]

don't apologize..just move on. gluck!

[Dragan]

I really don't understand the concept of FWB. Being with someone just for the sex? For me sex without emotion looks miserable. No one likes to be hurt, but that is no reason to avoid a real relationship.

[Asker]

this answer isnot helpful but ok.

[Anonymous]

At this point I say leave it alone.