How do I tell my friend with benefits about my STDs?

I've been friends with benefits with this guy, Jason (not his real name) for a little over a year now. We tried the whole dating thing, but life got in the way more times than one, and it became obvious quickly that we weren't meant to be together. Sex and stuff like that, on the other hand, has always come easily, so we just kind of took that and ran with it. Well, about a month ago, I had sex with this other guy. Jason knows about it, and he had no problem with it; we never agreed to refrain from having sex with other people since we're not actually together, and I know he's done it a few times over the past year, so he wasn't bothered. What Jason does NOT yet know, however, is that I just found out that I have chlamydia and trichomonas, which I am about 99.9% POSITIVE came from the other guy. In between having sex with the infected guy and getting the diagnosis, I've been intimate with Jason twice. We didn't use any protection other than the withdrawal method, which I definitely know doesn't protect against STDs, because that's how I wound up with them. I was one of the people that the infections don't really show symptoms in, so I had no idea that I had contracted them. Really, the only thing out-of-the-ordinary that happened to me was that I started spotting after every time I had sex...which prompted me to see my doctor, who ordered STD testing. Both of the infections are completely curable; there are one-dose treatments available for both of them. Still, though, I expect Jason to be upset about having been exposed and even MORE upset if he finds out that he actually has the infections. I was upset as well, even though the second thing the doctor said was, "It can be cured easily." I know that I have to tell Jason. He's one of my best friends, and I care a lot about him and want what's best for him. But at the same time, I'm SO scared to tell him, and I don't know what to say. What do you think is the best way to go about telling him?
Updates:
+1 y
heyy, everyone...just a quick little update for you guys. I told jason about the std's in a phone call about 15 minutes ago; he didn't stay on the line for very long, but said that we'll talk later. I know that he's upset and that he's giving himself time to calm down before speaking to me again, soo...we'll see how it goes.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • You just need to man up and be like, listen, I love you alot, I love what we have together, but I happened to sleep with someone else, and they gave me this.

    And you need to tell him ASAP. I know the diseases are curable. I got one of them once, and you basically have to take 4 small pink pills and one big white one, and can't have any sexual contact with any1 for a month.

    Tell him today, so he can go take these pills and he can wait the month out. I really hope he isn't sleeping with anyone else, cause then that would suck for him if he has to explain this to anyone...

    Tell him today, call him, and get it over with. After this if you guys really want to continue your FWB relationship, I would suggest setting some ground rules if you guys are gonna be screwing people outside of your FWB relationship. aka first rule, is condom with anyone else.

  • If you're that worried about his reaction, just tell him and a text or phne call. He might get upset initially, in spite of the fact tha tyou never agreed to be exclusive, but aftter he thinks it over, he'll calm down.

    Howver, it could well be the end of your relationship...since STDs are so rampant now, this is bound to open in 'open' relationsips, more than just this once!

Most Helpful Girls

  • Ur beating yourself up too much for this..are you 100% sure its because of this other guy..u said jason had sex with other people as well maybe you got it from hin..its a possibility I went through that..thinking I got it from one guy but it wasfrom my fwb..talk to him and tell him he HAS to get checked and that its curable and please STOP having sex until your done with your treatmeant and he gets his..they will give you and him pills and can't have sex for like a week or so

  • What makes you think it was from the other guy and not from Jason? However let both guys know and see to it that they notify anybody that they have had sex with. The cure is simple and no reason to let it spread further. Fix it then get back to f*ckin!

  • I know this is late, but what ended up happening? Kinda going through the same thing right now... :( but mine isn't curable.

    • Well, we ended up losing our friendship for reasons other than the STDs. But as far as those are concerned, he just ended up getting tested and treated, and that was pretty much that. Of course, he was a little freaked out, but the important thing was that it was curable, and that was all he was really concerned with. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. If you need to talk, I'm here. ")

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • The best way to go about telling him is to just tell him. It's not like he can be mad at you. He doesn't own that right. You both agreed that you can sleep with other people. So it is what it is. Also, he's just as much as fault because he should have used a condom. You two are open to sleep with anyone you want. So you're just welcoming all kinds of STD's in the picture. Just count yourself lucky that both infections are curable and you didn't pass along something worse.

  • You need to face these problems if your going to sleep around with more than one partner, and telling someone you are infected comes with that situation, regardles of how they might take it, they have a right to know, but he is not innocent in this, he also knew the risks of his behavior , so really, he should expect it,x

  • Check this link where you can break the news anonymously

  • Sooner the better. Longer you wait, greater chances he infects someone else.

    • For what its worth, I suspect its at least partially his choice that he's non monogamous. Did you tell him he had to sleep with you? Did you forbid him to use condoms? He took the risks, just like you, and you both lost - thankfully in a small way. Its no more your fault then his fault.

  • you just have to tell him. there is no best way aside from explaining it just the way you did here. Lay your cards on the table, explain that you didn't know you had it til a few times after hooking up with him and tell him you wanted him to know so he could get himself checked out.

  • Put on your big girl panties and tell him the truth. And seriously, "pull out method" with a FWB? Use your head, girl.

    You've been honest with him up to this point, no time to stop being so.

    • Indeed, unprotected sex got her in this mess, the withdrawal method can get her a baby as free gadget

  • you should have told him before having sex

  • It would be CRIMINAL , to have unprotected sex with anyone before you're cured 100%.

    If you got chlamydia and trichomonas, you can have got HIV and others at he same moment: many infected people are multiple bearers.

    HIV diagnosis takes 90-100 days after unprotected sex to be sure.

    Get tested for HIV, 3 months after your last unprotected contact with that guy.

    • Btw, tell it to ALL female friends of the guy who infected you.

    • If there's a possibility you infected your FWB already, you NEED to break the bad news, of course.

  • bite the bullet and just tell him, like ripping off a band aid. and stop acting like the village bicycle and find some self respect

  • Start of with "So, don't freak out, it's minor and completely curable, but I totally just found out I have an STD" - and then go from there.

    Also, you can be all the 99.9% sure that you want, but you definitely could have gotten one or both of them from Jason. You're probably not the only girl he's been nailing.

    Anyway, unless you're in a monogamous relationship, you should probably wrap that sh*t up.