Sexual Relationships
+1 y

I'm lonely and this is an on going problem for me. Any advice or insight would be appreciated

I apologize in advanced because this is going to sound really stupid and egotistical. But I have a problem, and sometimes it makes me really sad. I can't get a girlfriend and I'm often pretty lonely. People don't add me as a friend on FB. They hardly ever initiate conversation first. But they are always receptive when I initiate things. What's the problem? I'm an attractive guy. The kind that girls notice on the bus, classes, bars, where ever. The kind that some girls throw themselves on, and other girls ignore from the beginning for fear of rejection. I'm also very driven. I go to a top university and have managed to land internships in investment management. I'll likely have a lucrative career when I graduate. I'm athletic and musical. I have played competitive sports at a high level and am often the captain of my team. I have completed piano to a high level and also play the guitar. Finally, I am already quite wealthy as I have been investing my own money since I was 18. And my family upbringing definitely helped the situation. However, I would trade it all to be happy. The truth is I am introverted and very critical of myself (not others at all). I don't think that I am better than anyone; I realized that I've been blessed to be in the situation I'm in. How could I think I'm better than anyone when I could have been born the exact same person, in Africa, without any of the same opportunities? For that reason I try to volunteer when I can and give my money to the less fortunate. And I treat everyone with kindness and respect because everyone deserves that. I'm not self conscious or shy. I'm really laid back and not demanding of people. When I'm alone and deep in thought I think about really complex ideas such as how to solve world problems, but I like my relationships to be happy, simple, and drama free. Anyways, twice in the past couple of years, I've had two beautiful girls tell me, through tears, that they were afraid of losing me. When I started dating them, they were both shy and nervous. As it went on they started to do things to sabotage the relationship. Both were scared because they had stronger feelings than they've ever had (their exact words). But when I tried to break it off and give them sometime, they didn't want too. Anyways I ended up giving them the benefit of the doubt but then they would start sabotaging the relationship again. These two experiences really hurt me and them, maybe even more. Anyways, I'm lonely and this is an on going problem for me. I often feel like I don't have any one to talk to because no one will give me honest advice, or they'll think my problems are stupid. Also I hardly ever speak about myself, even to 'close' friends. Any advice?
1 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • I am writing here to you not to give you any advice but to provide you perhaps with some solace. Reason being I need advise as much as you if not more because truth of the matter is, well actually I'm not writing down here the exact truth of the matter but I am really lonely and relationships seem impossible to me. I tried to figure it out man, I did not succeed. My best hopes are in luck. Maybe some day I will be lucky enough to find my missing piece. I fear at times that the day I'm talking of might never come. Why should it be a certainty that it will come? But do not worry my friend, many people never found true love. True love is very rare. These marriages all over the world are founded many times on mediocre love and trendiness. By mediocre love I mean that it is not the really fabled true love like Romeo and Juliet, you know. Trendiness because some people marry so that they do like the others do and so they feel included in a group and that they are no less, they are married now. It is not for everybody this love. I think one thing you should not do is to force yourself into a relationship. I believe if their is natural attraction no force is required for you to gravitate towards each other, you will automatically get together and both of your hearts will be lifted from the depths of misery.

    Good luck.

    • I feel you on that man. All I say is best of luck to you too. Maybe well meet up one day and chill.

  • If you are an attractive guy then build your confidence and be an confident attractive guy.

    Start by thinking more highly of yourself. You seem to be proud of your traits and talents.

    Dont think of that as egotistical. Think of it as a blessing that you have ans use it for social purpouses.

    And with the next beautiful girl just be a little more upfront with them. Let them know that you uou wouldnlike to get to know them really well before deciding if you want to get really setious because you don't want to hurt yhen in the end if it happens to not work out.

    You sort of sound like me a little bit and I wasn't content with myself.

    I am not saying yhis advice I am anout to give you is exactly what you should do but I suggest that you find some humanitary goal to set that mihht make you feel anlittle better. And maybe during that social event, you will find some teally cool friends and perhaps a hirlfriend much more suited for you. But that's only an idea because that's what I did to make myself happy.

    Your contentment may be somehing similar nut whay I am saying is that everyone is different and find there happines in there own way.

    • I appreciate the comment and I understand the confidence game thing. However, I'm certainly no push over and I don't think I lack self confidence. In all honesty, having that over-confident, alpha male type personality is the last thing that would work for me. Most guys and girls would see me as an arrogant jackass, and they kind of girls that I would pick up wouldn't be worth keeping.

    • Well, hopefully in some form of way you can put some use to my advise such as anyone who might have given you wisdom that was not exactly on point to what you are trying to say. Good luck, my friend! :)

Most Helpful Girls

  • Wow, you sound really awesome.

    I think girls are often afraid to initiate for two reasons. First, in my experience, guys who are interested seem to initiate period, so if a guy isn't initiating, a girl may wonder what the point is if he already noticed her and is "uninterested" because he didn't approach her first. This has been my personal viewpoint, and it's unfortunate. But, I really like assertive, direct guys, personally... Sometimes a guy has to be like this (contacting her first afte expressing interest) for a little while to show the girl he isn't just flirting to flirt. By that I mean like the first two text conversations, then maybe I'd feel confident enough to initiate first next time.

    Second, there's still that old stereotype of "girls who ask out guys are easy." it's not fair, but I personally don't want to end up asking out someone who will just think I'm an easy sex ticket. Though, it would be good to weed out those people. I feel that if a guy approaches me, he's likely to want a real relationship from his dating. Just personal experience. Hope that helped :X

  • First of all. it sounds like you're a total catch. You sound like a great guy who really has all the things that girls are looking for. It also sounds like you're experiencing the seemingly illogical, but all to often occurring phenomenon of girls becoming scared of how much they care for you. If I had a cure for that I would have lots of money and the universe would be a happier place (maybe). What I can suggest is that if you're lonely, spend time in the places where you'll meet the kind of people you want to be friends with. It's more than just spending time in those places though, it's starting conversations (which is asking a lot, trust me, I know-it's not easy) with people you think look interesting.

    These people that you talk to are going to find out how awesome you are as they talk to you, so make the conversation about them. Ask them questions and help them feel how genuinely interested you are in getting to know them. People love being around people who make them feel like they're unique and important, if you start doing that you'll have swept a girl's whole wish list.

  • If you truly are how you describe yourself then you need a completely different perspective. Stop over-thinking and second guessing who you are and what you do. Fact is, you do sound like a wonderful person and not a lot of people are in this world. You are different and you are unique. See yourself for who you are. Enjoy who you are. With your relationship problem its actually a lot more simple. The women you show interest in are in fact more self conscious and unsure of themselves. People have a tendency to beat themselves up and push their self-esteem farther down when they compare themselves to another who they believe is "out of their league". Thus creating a fear in their minds that should never have been there in the first place and that fear drives them to mess up and hurt the things or people they love.

    Change your perspective of yourself and of who you want to be with. You're a good person but that doesn't always mean you need to go after women with broken wings. You can't fix everyone just because you think you have to. Hope this helped.

    • I really appreciate the comment, but don't see how it helps with loneliness. I already very sure of myself; I have to be in my line of work or I'd get run over by alpha male wall street types. If only it were that easy to find people who also want to hang out with me. I'm pretty accepting of people. I've thought about faking being self-conscious or shy but I can't because I'm a bad actor and I don't want to have to pretend around friends all the time.

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

Related Questions

If you had the power to snap your fingers and make something happen instantly what would it be?
Why would any man believe a real raped victim is damaged goods?
Do most guys prefer being on top more?
Do you want to sleep on pussy?

What Girls & Guys Said

8 3

  • Ahhh you're like a dream come true and of course women are constantly scared to lose you because you can have pretty much any girl you want. Imo you need to develop a good friendship with someone, and perhaps this hasn't happened yet because everyone thinks you're too good to BE true! Id help you with developing friendships but I am having trouble with my own :( I am actually like the ladies you described up there minus the beautiful part

  • You sound amazing and like a good guy, as I suspected before I finished reading your story. I would add you on Fb, but then again I don't have one.

    But anyway, back to the point. I personally don't think girls are giving you the time of day, because of everything you just said. Your whole lifestyle sounds intimidating! If a girl sees you they've gotta be thinking of two things...

    1.He is so amazing, he has to be taken.

    2.He is so amazing, there's no chance that I have a chance with him.

    So I would say, start approaching girls you like. The worst thing they can say is no, and I'd doubt that the way you just described yourself.

    Just try it, I swear it won't kill you =).

    I hope this helps,

    xoxo Monae

  • Do you have low self esteem?..maybe women feel they don't match up to your level..don't give women everything they want let them earn it just like you've earned everything you've worked for..u sound like a great guy to me maybe if you opened up a bit but not about your bussiness or any of that sort because that would make you sound conceited and self conscious..talk about the love of sports life your interestsand what you do on your free time

    • Thanks! No I don't have low self esteem, but I've thought about faking it. And I don't talk about myself either. People might know bits and pieces but they would never hear me describe myself like I did above. I also have a problem with both girls (and even guys sometimes) feeling rejected right away if I make them "work for it". I'm not extrovert but I find myself having to contact new friends/girls all the time to assure them.

  • Wow, this sounds a lot like myself... I can relate to quite a bit of this.

  • Stop being introverted. That's how you fix your loneliness.

    • Introvertism is probably not what you think it is.

      Introverted people actually prefer to be alone the majority of their time. Here is a little more info about what introvertism is.

      link

    • If he's on this site complaining about being lonely, he doesn't prefer to be alone.

    • Lol. Well I'm not really introverted in the sense that I'm socially awkward, super self conscious, or really quiet. I can have a good time in lots of social settings (especially if they are more low key). I'm introvert in the sense that I also enjoy spending time alone. I'm one of those weirdos who spends time reading tons of books or playing piano, researching random things, and going for walks by myself. It's really not that black and white.

  • I sabotaged all my relationships also, I have never married or had children - I am 53 - good looking but have always been afraid of a nailed down responsibility. Being diagnosed with schizophrenia at age 40 began to make sense of my past. I am extremely intelligent but have a disorder, delusions of grandeur and a narcissistic personality disorder. I chose an animal as a partner and trying to live without one after it dies makes me suicidal. However it does not bother me if a family member dies. With my Cat I am never lonely.

    You sound very intelligent and may have a disorder that creates a non fitting personality into the normal people environments. You probably think most people are morons but if you ask on a website like this to find out that is true - you did the right thing.

    Of course not many people can understand what I just wrote but I believe you can.

    Lonely is a hole you fill with whatever you want - it does not need to be another person.

    Everything is mental in life - even the physical stuff.

    P.S. send me some of that money I really don't need. You have a lot of stuff filling your life but stuff is just that, stuff.

    • Haha I indeed understood your answer. Unfortunately, I don't have much to contribute to the topics on hand. Maybe the fact that your on this site suggests that you're not as narcissistic and deluded as you think. Anyways best of luck to you, sir.

    • Haha , the last time I responded on this site was 9/21/2012 8:11 PM, my profile is empty and I hate people - lol - I was just trying to do searches on which women enjoy giving blowjobs. One animal is better than MOST humans.

  • I get lonely, and then It passes... I have really become a nerd lately... but I think I will know when I'm ready to date again, right now I don't feel very strongly about it, still have fears and things I need to work on. One day I will get so sick of being lonely and do something about it...

  • Be confident of yourself. I was just like you except the female version. People were afraid to approach me and talk to me because I was wealthy and good looking and they feared rejections.

    Make change, try to be friendly and talk to people.

  • You're me, only then the male version.

  • You sound great, those girls were just too insecure. Shows that pretty people don't always have everything. People think I'm good looking too, I'm a student, I'm artistic and fun to be around, a bit shy but quite confident and friendly; and still guys think they don't have a chance. It's just their insecurity and their problem, find someone who appreciates you for your personality instead of all the things you've accomplished, or status, or looks. Those people would trust you and would likely be more mature in dealing with their feelings.

  • You're a very confident guy, aren't you haha. Maybe because you're so confident about yourself, women feel that it's too difficult to approach you? To be honest, you sound like a guy who is confident on the outside but self-conscious on the inside.. (just a personal opinion) Maybe if you lightly show your .. self-conscious side to women, maybe they will approach you easily? Ummmm and also, the reason why you might not have a girlfriend might be because you have really high standards. I mean, if I was in your position I would have a really high standard haha.

    • Women don't approach men, what on earth are you talking about?

    • You can't say that 100% of women do not approach men. Usually you're right, women don't approach men. But I approached my man and he didn't like me at first but I guess you can say I forced him to get to know me and we clicked lol. Also, my man was chased by women his whole life and he disagrees with me when I say that men should do the chasing not the lady. There are always exceptions to every norm or rule or...whatever you would call that "women don't approach men" thing you got in your head lol.

Latest Questions

What is something girl could do to make you hard instantly fully clothed?
How many of you are exhibitionist and had sex in library, or will do?
Is sex seen as the pinnacle of value in our society?
In middle east and Asian culture incest marriage between cousins is seen normal, is that normal?
Home >  Sexual Relationships  > I'm lonely and this is an on going problem for me. Any advice or insight would be appreciated