How to gently reject someone after sleeping together?

[Anonymous]

I have a female friend (Amy) that I've known has been interested in me for some time. She hasn't come out and told me, but I could tell. One of her friends has also mentioned it to one of my other friends. Anyway, I'm not interested, and I've tried to be careful about not doing or saying anything to lead her to believe I am. She's a friend though, and I enjoy hanging out with her. As a friend. Nothing more. There are a few other women in our circle of friends that I wouldn't mind going out with and getting to know better, but they all treat me like I'm off limits because their friend likes me. So last night one of our friends had a going away party. I got there a little late, and everyone was already there, including Amy. I had fun socializing with everyone. Another woman showed up that I've been interested in getting to know, and we spent some time laughing and joking around. But eventually Amy made her way over, and the talk fizzled out. At the end of the night as everyone was getting ready to leave, Amy asked if I could give her and her friends a ride home. It was only about a mile away, so I said yes. When I got there they asked if I would come in and have some drinks. I agreed and went inside. Mistake. The two other girls went to sleep almost immediately, and Amy and I were left alone drinking wine. She started getting really close, and we ended up kissing. That eventually led to sex. Afterwards she kept talking about how excited she was that this finally happened, and asking if I only did it because I was drunk. How do I answer that honestly when I'm in bed with someone? I know, I should have stayed strong and resisted the temptation, but I was turned on and under the influence of alcohol. Whatever, it happened. Anyway, I know she thinks this is going to lead to us dating, but I'm still not interested. I don't know how to let her down gently and continue our friendship without it being awkward. Is that possible? Any advice?

[LilyTaylor]

Gee, I feel like you are coming from a good place in your heart wanting to be upfront and honest with her, but I want you to really think about how much this is going to hurt her, and proceed with caution based on this knowledge. You are *that guy* like the one from the movies, who slept with someone just to get laid (even though it was via alcohol). I hate to say it but she is going to be either a) a raging bitch lunatic or b) be very upset and embarrassed. Neither is ideal, obviously, but i'd say b might be the better reaction because you run in the same friend group, and embarrassment can fade. I'd say my best advice on how to approach this is going to be sooooo awkward: tell her that you were drunk, and you don't want to hurt her by leading her on, and that you are sorry it got so far. Tell her you really value her friendship and you hope that *EVENTUALLY* (don't make it seem as though you expect instant forgiveness or understanding) things will be back to normal.

Now, unless you have been leading her on, I want you to give yourself a little bit of a break. You didn't take advantage of this girl. She wanted the sex just as much as you: she just wanted more to go along with it. Keeping this in mind, don't color yourself to be the bad guy, but color yourself to be supporting and a good friend.

Good luck and let us know what happens!

[Asker]

Oh I've thought about it's hurt her alright. That's why I'm here looking for advice lol. I really had no intention of sleeping with her, but she came on a little strong and it happened. Anyway, thanks for the advice ;)

[LilyTaylor]

Absolutely!

[onetattoo29]

Tell her exactly how you feel. You are right that is was a mistake to even stay but it sounds like she had an agenda too. It sounds like she wanted to loosen you up and put the moves on you and if you responded it would somehow confirm that secretly you might like her. Except that what she doesn't realize is that feelings can't be forced or tricked. She is just as guilty. All in all I would just be straight to the point honest and tell her you are not interested in anything more that just being friends and if hanging out is misleading her to believe it is more than friendship than it might be best to stay away from each other for a while until she no longer has feelings for you. If you truly don't want to lose her as a friend than re-assure her that you do enjoy her company but be careful in how you say it so that it won't be misinterpreted and give false hope that maybe someday things might change cause if you give her even the slightest hope woman tend to hang onto that and will less likely move on.

[lacelover20]

You slept with this girl what do you expect? Just couldnt keep it in your pants could you? there is no way in letting this girl down easy, you can say nicely tell her your not interested but for real there really isn't a easy way to tell someone you dont like them and excially when you use them for sex, which you did because yu had sex with her knowing you did not like her and she likes you. Her friends that you say your intrested probley won't ever date you because you slept with their friend and hen just ditched. Depending on the gorl your lucky if she will even still talk to you afterwards

[Asker]

You sound like a man-hater. Good luck with your miserable life.

[lacelover20]

Lol ya Im a man hater. I hate guys like you. But I dont hate alm of them ;) And my life is fab but thanks though im not the one who just fucked up my life currently bud thats you, sorry you can't handle the truth.

[rUinSAYAN]

he fucked up nothing. he went for some fuck. it would be worse if he couldnt get a boner. and you @lacelover20 you just got with the wrong guys you were attracted at cause independent high self esteem guys are mostly the bad guy scene. think that you're pleased by guys who look good and are genuine alpha males. personality doesn't come by looks. letting those guys get laid with you is your own soup :D

[lacelover20]

Lmfao wtf are you talking about @strangee? Just saying but you are in high school and have a little bit to learn about real life ;) AND I didn't say it wasn't the girls fault too I just said he should of kept it in his pants because now karmas going to get him too. Its both there fualt. And what are you talkng about? What guys? I didn't get with any of these wrong guys your talking abot lol i dont remember ever saying I did like wtf lol?

[Jonny_]

Oh god, that'll be tough man... I'd love to help you, i've been in the same situation myself and that conversation did not go well. I told her that I regretted it, and didn't want to risk our friendship etc... But she never seen past the fact I was basically saying that I didn't like her, and that the night 'meant nothing'. I worded it as best as I thought I could, but it didn't really matter, she had ideas in her head which weren't for changing.

[newguy12]

well they were obviously setting you up. she threw her self at you and its tough to reject if you are any bit attracted to her and especially under alcohol. so you probably should have said it was because of the alcohol and she might understand

[Anonymous]

Well, it will be very hard to reject her at all after this without it being awkward, or her being at least a little hurt. You should definitely be honest with her, and be as nice as possible. Don't just "disappear" or ignore her, as that will make everything worse. Just be honest. Good luck :)

[2097k]

^ I agree. There is nothing better than honesty. Tell her exactly how you feel. Nothing is worst than leading someone on and giving them false hope.