Girlfriend won't let me go down on her and now won't let me finger her.?

[Anonymous]

I've only been with the one girl. I really want to try going down on her. Everytime I get anywhere near there she says no, pushes me away etc. I've talked to her about it and she says she finds the idea gross. I've also noticed now that when we have sex she won't let me finger her, she also pushes my hand away. I have noticed when we are having sex she has started playing with her clit which she never used to do (been together 10 years). What's going on?

[MaskedSanity]

Sounds all too familiar.

Do you rub her clit with your fingers? Does she push you away as well from that? It sounds like she doesn't like what you're doing and is trying to get herself off. This is something me and my partner overcame quite recently. You might want to read up on a thing called "hooded clitoris".

It's a bastard to have, because:
tongue - not enough stimulation
fingers - too much stimulation, not pleasurable

Society has always frowned upon masturbation, even more so at women, because we're supposed to be "pure" and all that other bullshit. Given your age, I'm going to assume your partner is in the same age range, so she was most likely brought up by those "values" and felt ashamed of exploring her own body.

Does she orgasm during sex?
Times have changed and she probably feels more comfortable having a wank now. If she hasn't had an orgasm before, it could be that she finally discovered how to reach it very recently and realized that the things you do don't get her off. There is a chance she's been faking it all these years because of societal pressure, but the truth is only around 40% (if I remember correctly) of women actually orgasm during sex. This also sheds some light onto why women aren't that into sex as men are.

I've been having sex since I was 21, but only had my first orgasm last year at age 25 with the help of a very caring and attentive partner. So there you go, that's my assertion of your predicament.

I suggest talking to your partner and finding out why she's doing the things she does. I'm sure after 10 years you can talk to her about anything.

[Asker]

I think you are spot on. We've just spent a bit of time apart as I've been travelling for work so it wouldn't surprise me if she has discovered masturbation. She used to let me finger her (including clitoral stimulation), it's just been a more recent thing. As you say, I'm obviously not doing it in the way she likes. As you say, it's something I should talk to her about. Unfortunately we are not very good at that.

[MaskedSanity]

Well, maybe I'm from a different planet, but I find talking things over solves most issues in relationships. I've been with my bf for 2 years now and we literally can talk about anything, there are no taboo subjects. I imagine after being together for +10 years you guys have gotten very close, so I'm sure you can talk it over with her. I think she would appreciate your concern for her sexual needs. Would definitely show you in better light i. e. caring attentive loving partner. :)

[MaskedSanity]

A lot of women face the issue of their lover caring about their own pleasure only and girls sort of deal with the fact that sex for them isn't that great. The fact that you care enough to ask around shows that you're an excellent partner, who wants his S/O to be happy. Props to you.

[Asker]

I think girls are typically better with the talking thing then us guys! But agree, that is the best way to sort issues out. Thanks for your advice.

[MaskedSanity]

Ha, not every girl is great at talking. A fair few prefer to shout in order to outshout their opponent. Perhaps you could set a relaxing atmosphere for the conversation, if you feel that might relieve some tension. Also, thanks for MH. :)

[Asker]

Interestingly she says she is more turned on when I'm inside her.

[Payton12]

She may be upset about something that u did. Have u proposed I mean 10 years is a long time? So she might just being denying yo things cause she's mad at you.

[Asker]

Already engaged. I don't think she is upset. She has a low sex drive at the best of times. This is just something new. It's odd.

[Asker]

I should also point out, I've never gone down on her. She has never let me.

[Payton12]

oh I really don't know maybe ask her whats wrong and talk to her about it. And tell her you will be really gentle cause she might be nervous. Maybe she's self conscious so tell her she's pretty and she has no flaws.

[oddball]

she could be bored in bed in wich case break out the whip cream and spice it up

she could be feeling self conscious , compliment her more

she may be interested in someone else (sorry)