Do you think that males should earn sex from females? Why or why not?

Question

Do you think that males should earn sex from females? Why or why not?

Anonymous

I wholeheartedly believe that women should make men earn sex. Due to the growing number of low quality males who prove to be painfully disappointing and hurt the psyche of women for YEARS after they are gone, I believe that sex is something they should acquire or deserve as a result of effort and action. Now, am I here to impose my personal life choice on other women? No. I'm simply expressing myself and why I have made this decision. So don't mistakenly think that I'm trying to convince every other female to function the way I do because I'm not. However, this is what works for me and it has eliminated a lot of stress, frustration, and pain from my womanhood.

Not making men earn your sexual side is the leading cause of getting played, getting used, and potentially getting knocked up by someone who genuinely would not have purposely chosen you to be their 18 year partner as the mother of their child *and vice versa: I know there are women out there who love their children deeply, but they would not have chosen the man who conceived that child* That is just plain, unfiltered honesty. Lets not be delusionaly optimistic and pretend that sex is just some free, happy thing that doesn't come with unfavorable repercussions. Making a guy earn sex is a woman's way of avoiding some of those unfavorable repercussions. Considering the decline of men who are well-rounded and possess genuine, solid integrity, it's not in your best interest to perform such a risky, intimate act with them. I think men should be deserving of sexual intercourse because there are so many long term emotional risks a female makes when she sleeps with someone. For me personally, a man must accumulate noble, honorable, genuine behavior before I even consider giving the most intimate piece of myself to him. At least that way if I do get hurt, I can proudly say it was a hurt worth having and not be overwhelmed with shame and regret.

How about you? What is your personal opinion on this topic?

Updates:

+1 y

Do you think adopting this mentality would make womanhood easier for many females?

+1 y

Every female, please direct your attention to Hrothgar's answer. This is my point exactly.

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Most Helpful Guy

What Girls & Guys Said

1115

nyfan25
Xper 6

+1 y

You are taking your past experiences with crappy guys and, rather than putting the onus of learning anything from the experience on yourself, you are basically pushing it off onto the next guy you date who hasn't done anything to deserve your deeply rooted suspicion of his motives. I'm not saying that a girl should have to sleep with guys whenever he asks or even that there be some "standard" of 3 dates then sex kind of thing.

I think both the guy and the girl should "earn" the right to sleep with each other. Your way the guy has to jump through some arbitrary number of hoops, and you don't develop any sense of who is a good guy and who isn't, unable to tell the difference between some crappy guy who was just there for sex and a good guy who was feeling hurt because you doubted him with no evidence of any false motive.

I guess when it comes down to it I have a problem with being guilty until proven innocent just because I happen to be a male. It's pretty sexist. Your stance is pretty much the opposite of this girl's: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q962506-ladies-have-you-ever-truly-been-swept-off-your-feet-or-is-that-a , who advocates one of personal responsibility for all parties involved.

And I'm someone who's never had sex in any of my relationships until at least 3 months in.

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1|0
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  Do not try to tell me about myself, who I am, and what I am doing when you honestly have no factual knowledge on me as an individual. What you are doing is making an ASSUMPTION, then speaking on it as if it is fact. You do not know everything so you should not speak to a female like you do. I agree with paragraph 2, but I don't appreciate you coming here, with some false idea and trying to tell me about myself with it as if you were my therapist lol
  You are also being way to sensitive. No one called you guilty and no one said every male is the same. Don't come to my post being over emotional.
- nyfan25
  
  +1 y
  You seem... rather unnecessarily hostile. I simply responded with my answer to this:
  "How about you? What is your personal opinion on this topic?"
  And I may have made some assumptions, however they weren't exactly shots in the dark: "However, this is what works for me and it has eliminated a lot of stress, frustration, and pain from my womanhood." You posted a question with a ton of basis on your personal life. You're going to get opinions in response to that. And to be honest only 1 sentence in my response was even about you lol. How am I supposed to know what's fair game in your post and what isn't? You're the one who posted it...
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  I'm not hostile, it's just very annoying when strangers come to your post with the mistaken idea that they know everything, despite their lack of factual knowledge, then try to tell you about yourself. It's not about "fair game"; it's simple, do not try to tell someone who they are when you've never even had the life experience to discover them. Your entire false introductory paragraph where you tried to tell me who I am and what I'm about turned me off of your whole answer.
cipher42
Yoda

+1 y

No, I don't agree with this idea. I see this as saying that women should be allowed to use sex as leverage, and manipulate the man with sex. That's not how it should be. Sure, the woman shouldn't feel obligated to give the man sex, but she should still just have sex whenever she feels she wants to, not just when she feels the man's earned it. There are women who are perfectly happy with having sex with a man they just met, even if the man hasn't "earned" it, and that's fine, as long as they are being safe and responsible. Sex shouldn't be seen as a commodity, as something that needs to be earned. It should be seen as something people can do with each other when they both want to, as a form of pleasure, not reward.

2|3

1|1
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  Lets get one thing straight: Women using sex as leverage is an entirely different topic from what I'm speaking about here. You appear to have boldly misinterpreted my intent behind this message and constructed your whole answer based on a false interpretation. And no offense, but your words are not all that credible considering you're not even an adult and you may not have the hands on life experience to really contribute to this convo.
- cipher42
  
  +1 y
  No. It's not at all unrelated. Women who do use sex as leverage do it under the exact same pretenses: That the man needs to earn the sex, and that it's something that she gives as a reward for being good. As I said, this view of sex is as a reward, not just as a pleasurable thing to do. It shouldn't be viewed as a reward. And though I'm certainly not as experienced, that doesn't mean I can't understand the implications of such ideals and offer my own arguments. Disregarding my arguments due to my age is effectively just Ad Hominem, and is not a valid counterargument.
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  I have no desire to talk about women who use sex as leverage. That is not what I came here to talk about and if you are so concerned with that subject, then work your mouse on up to that little orange box and ask a question about that yourself.
- Show All Show Less
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  I have no desire to stressfully argue with adolescents who mistakenly believe they know everything and can't seem to express their opinion without being pushy and in your face. I'm disregarding your arguments mainly because your approach sucks and the way you repeat your OPIION AND PERSONAL CHOICE as a fact is annoying.
- cipher42
  
  +1 y
  I'm simply saying that your idea that men should earn sex from females means that women would be giving sex as a reward, and using sex as a reward is the same method women who manipulate men with sex use. It's basically the same concept, just slightly less bad.
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  You're trying to revise my opinion and you have no right to do that. I know what I meant. Stop trying to sit here and tell me otherwise.
- cipher42
  
  +1 y
  Oh yay, insults, that's definitely going to convince me. Obviously because I'm under 18 I must be stupid and have no idea what I'm talking about, even though I am more eloquent than half the people on here. Look, both men earning sex from women and women using sex as leverage are concepts that involve sex being used as a reward. I don't see why you can't understand that. Though your version is not as bad, and you can live your life however you please, I simply think that it is not a good approach to sex. Sex should be viewed as a way for both partners to enjoy themselves and perhaps become closer, not as a gift or a reward for something.
- cipher42
  
  +1 y
  I'm sure you did not mean it as women using sex as leverage, but that doesn't mean it's entirely different. Also, I find that sex being used as a reward to the male does not encourage a good view of sexuality. It propagates the idea that men are always horny and just want sex, whereas women are innocent and not sexual, and should only have sex as a way of either rewarding the male, getting pregnant, or creating a stronger bond to their partner. It's old fashioned and not the way I want sexuality to be viewed.
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  So are you going to repeat your opinion, as if it's a fact, over and over until I compromise mine?
  "Now, am I here to impose my personal life choice on other women? No. I'm simply expressing myself and why I have made this decision. So don't mistakenly think that I'm trying to convince every other female to function the way I do because I'm not." This is an attitude you should seriously adopt. You have your views, I have mine. Stop being pushing and overbearing with your views.
- cipher42
  
  +1 y
  I understand you have different views. Is it not true that you are effectively stating that sex should be a reward? If not, then what are you saying?
  Also, could you not be quite so aggressive? That's really really not the way to hold a debate. Nothing is gained by insulting your opponent.
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  Simply put: you're annoying. lol I'm sorry, I don't mean to be offensive, but you've given me a headache since you first opened your mouth here. You came here acting on the view that this is a "debate" and we are opponents. That's a pain in the butt and I have no desire to sit online all Saturday night being someone's opponent. You're not here to trade insight or learn anything new, you just want to argue and be opponents lol well believe it or not: for some people that's one huge headache and it makes your presence slightly worth less.
- cipher42
  
  +1 y
  It's a discussion. I do actually prefer discussions to debates, but you were fairly aggressive from your very first reply, which effectively made this into a debate. Besides that, you shouldn't see debates as bad things. I always find that whenever I debate something, it ends up being fairly fun, and I always tend to learn something. It's all about the way you look at it. Perhaps if you approached these discussions with less aggression and more open mindedness and more willingness to try to learn about the other person's opinion and why they hold it, you might enjoy yourself more. Even when I'm debating with the most ornery of people, I always like to know what exactly it is that makes them think the way they do, and that always makes the debate interesting. Don't see it as a irritating argument, see it as a chance to learn and to let others learn from you.
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  I was aggressive from the first reply because you were going to other users, lying about how I feel and what I think, all based on some mistaken idea that you knew everything.
  No offense, but I'm sincerely not interested in speaking with you. Please go away
- cipher42
  
  +1 y
  I commented on one other opinion stating that your ideals weren't feminism. I did think they were closer to misandry, but simply because they share certain concepts with people who I would consider misandristic. And fine, whatever you want. But know that your approach to these things is not the way to discuss things, and may well prevent you from learning valuable things. Curiosity and openness to new ideas is one of the most valuable features in a person.
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  Stop lecturing me. Seriously girl lol you are not even an adult. Not to discredit your life experience, but I've had more time alive to learn and you're not saying things I don't already know.
  
  Next time, be mindful of how you come across. Try not to come across as badgering the QA, shoving your views down their throat, or trying to tell them about themselves then maybe they won't instantly get disinterested in conversing with you. Just sayin
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  Thank you for respecting my decision and I'm sorry for coming off as hostile, I was just really annoyed : /
- cipher42
  
  +1 y
  And you ought to try not to come across as aggressive and close minded to anyone who disagrees with you. And stop using my age as a reason for not listening to me. That's Ad Hominem, and just makes you look bad. As you may have noticed, I'm still more eloquent about these things as many of you people are, and I myself have noticed that I'm certainly more mature about these arguments than you appear to have been. Really though, don't insult people, it does absolutely nothing to make your opinion look more valid or more intelligent.
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  Your mistake idea that you know everything is preventing you from accepting how sincere I am when I tell you that I'm not conversing with you because you're annoying and strictly for that purpose. Not because you disagree with me, but because you have poor communication skills and you do a horrible job of presenting your opposing view without being a pest.
  Stop overestimating the worth of your view lol You keep trying to lecture me on how I can "make my opinion look more valid or intelligent" but I don't need an adolescent to co-sign my English and grammar, thank you
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  *mistaken
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  It's really very simple: You insist on being nothing but one huge headache and I'm not interested in that. Goodbye.
- cipher42
  
  +1 y
  I don't think I know everything, I simply think you are being aggressive largely because I am not of the same opinion as you are. Yes, perhaps I could have been more diplomatic, but I was simply being honest on what my opinion was. Had I agreed with your opinion, I have no doubt that you would not have been nearly as aggressive with me. And frankly, your opinion that I have poor communication skills is unfounded. You yourself were not very clear in your original post, leading me to believe that your opinion was harsher than it actually was. I'm not saying it wasn't my fault at all, simply that I am not the only one who is to blame here. And on your argumentation skills, I have read books and articles on what makes a good argument, and insulting your opponent is always said to be a terrible idea. What is annoying is all subjective, and perhaps you wouldn't find me as annoying if you were more neutral. And your constant use of Ad Hominem doesn't help you much either.
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  You're talking way too much and at this point, I sincerely do not care what you have to say. Not because you disagree with me, but because you have horrible communication skills. All you want to do is argue and be opponents, I stated that I'm not interested so go away and stop borderline harassing me.
- cipher42
  
  +1 y
  Anyways, I apologize if I have irritated you, but I do not take full responsibility. You allow yourself to be irritated by misinterpreting how sure of myself and my opinions I am, and you invited such irritating answers on yourself by asking this question. Don't blame me for your annoyance. I am simply trying to share my opinion and help you understand why I think the way I do. If you refuse to understand and do not want to learn of the reasons for others' disagreements with your statements, fine. Now, if you want me to stop replying, I suggest you do the same. Goodbye.
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  Can you please just accept that you have turned me off with your mistaken, arrogant 'know it all' attitude and move on with your life?
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  and stop saying I'm not interested in "other's" disagreements: I'm not interested in YOUR disagreements because you're not a good communicator, you talk too much, and you're pushy. There are plenty of opposing agreements here where we have a discussion, but you have made me completely disinterested with the way you present yourself. Is that really my fault?
- cipher42
  
  +1 y
  I already stated that I do not believe I know everything, or even most of everything. I simply wanted to share my opinion, and tell you why exactly it was that I disagreed with you. At this point, I am no longer the one who thinks they know things which they do not, and I am not the one making assumptions. Now, if you really want me to stop bothering you, why do you not stop replying? Honestly, I actually think they teach you in school that the best way to deal with bullying is to walk away. I myself wouldn't have these debates if I didn't think I learned from them, and got good argumentation practice from them.
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  Why won't you leave me alone?
- cipher42
  
  +1 y
  And yes, it is partially your fault. There are people who I have talked to who enjoy talking to me, and enjoy my opinions. What is irritating and what is not is entirely subjective, and someone cannot be universally irritating. Again, I am not the one presenting my opinions as fact here. This is something of a case of the pot calling the kettle black. I'm sorry if you don't enjoy talking to me, but that's not my fault. If you don't like talking to me, that's fine, but just because you don't like the way I talk doesn't mean I am pushy or a bad communicator. I have presented my opinions eloquently and clearly. Could you maybe give me an example of a place where I have not?
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  Wow, you seriously have issues.
  Not only do you think you know everything, but you can't seem to respond without typing an essay. So glad you won't be wasting my time in the future.
- M_A_X
  
  +1 y
  OP, it sounds like you're the one with serious issues who thinks they know everything. She explained herself. Your explanation is "TLDR". Grow the fuck up and learn to ask yourself some real adult questions.
- M_A_X
  
  +1 y
  You don't want a discussion. You just want people who will agree with you and validate you.
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  M_A_X, I really don't care what you guys think of me. You can think whatever you want, but I genuinely have zero f*cks to give. It's not like any of you actually know me.
  And stop talking shit about I just want people to agree and validate me because there are several discussions here where people don't agree. You two act like the only possible way for a QA not to want to interact with one of you is strictly if they're not hearing what they want.
DutchAtheist
Yoda

+1 y

Typical. The assholes all get a free pass in the beginning and after that the good guys have to pay for the fuck ups.
If women would have been a bit more careful with who they date to start with, they wouldn't have to become all paranoia about sex ultimately.

Of course a guy should "earn" sexual privileges, but don't give him an quick pass just because he's cute and then give a less cute guy a hard time about it because of your own mistakes.

I hate it when people project their exes' behaviour on their new partners.

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- Asker
  
  +1 y
  My post has nothing to do with that. Don't use this topic to subject about an entirely different topic.
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  Not only that, but for your information, I've never even been hurt by an ex lol I'm one of the lucky girls who chose wisely and had positive results due my sense of reasoning. Being hurt by an ex is not the only possible way to come to this conclusion.
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  lmao, what I meant was 'don't use this subject to vent about an entirely different topic'
- Show All Show Less
- DutchAtheist
  
  +1 y
  It is not an "entirely different topic". My answer wasn't directed at you but at women in general. Read it once more without your prejudice and you'll see my answer fits perfectly well in this discussion.
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  Oh, Gawd. Stop while you're ahead. I've already blocked you twice before and unblocked you for annoying behavior such as that. I don't have "prejudice", I just don't have any desire for whiny men to come here and derail the original topic.
- DutchAtheist
  
  +1 y
  Meanwhile I've got 3 upvotes, your downvote and 4 whiney reactions about supposed digressing that doesn't bother anyone but you...
- trellbrown23
  
  +1 y
  "The assholes all get a free pass in the beginning and after that the good guys have to pay for the fuck ups.
  If women would have been a bit more careful with who they date to start with, they wouldn't have to become all paranoia about sex ultimately."
  
  THIS is so very true.
Anonymous

+1 y

Hmmm, I totally understand what you are saying, and I agree with you on some level.
But I also know girls who are just looking for one-night stands, and completely willing to sleep with a guy one night and never see him again. So I think it depends on what the girl is looking for. If the girl is looking for something special / a connection / possible relationship, then yeah maybe the guy should earn it. But if both the girl and guy are just looking for a hookup? go for it.

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0|0
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  That's the point where we've veered off into the various personal lifestyle choices as individuals. Like for me, I can't imagine having a one night stand. I try really hard not to reduce the intimate part of sex down so much that it just becomes a physical, recreational act. Because the reality is; 1.) You could get an STD 2.) You could get pregnant 3.) You could have to decide between sacrificing your dreams and who you want to be to raise a child with a man whom would have originally been momentary in your life or get an abortion 4.) You could have you reputation scarred which may be detrimental if news gets around to the person who could open doors for you 5.) You could meet an amazing, wonderful man one day who sincerely feels disappointed that his woman was 'that girl' then have some uncomfortable underlying shame or regret
  There are just so many risks and I know that most men are not worth those risks. What do you think?
- FlyingTurtle
  
  +1 y
  I really like what you just said, Asker :)
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  thanks FlyingTurthe =)
- Show All Show Less
- Opinion Owner
  
  +1 y
  I mean, I'm not interested in one-night stands either, just because I think sex should be intimate. But I don't think there's anything wrong with people who like random hookups. And when you have sex you should be using a condom, which would reduce the risk of STDs and pregnancy. Whether its a one night stand or with your boyfriend, you should still protect yourself. So that takes care of your first 3 reasons. And as for the last 2, yeah, that's why it totally depends on the type of person you are. Some people don't care what others think of them.
  But in regards to your original question, I think when two people are dating, they both need to work at it and, in a way, "earn" sex.
Anonymous

+1 y

Wow, this is very feminist! I think the heartache can and today frequently comes from just as much the women as it does the men. It is your decision who you let between your legs and that should be enough reason itself for carefully choosing who you have sex with. We are not dogs or pets who do a trick for the opportunity to be between your walls. Only you can decide when you are ready or who is worthy and you have that right as a female. This was just flat out offensive to all the good guys out there, thank you for the generalization. This is actually very similar to another thread I just read and posted in. My post is the long one...

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q962101-am-i-the-only-female-who-s-annoyed-that-sex-seems-to-be-a-major

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- Asker
  
  +1 y
  Do not simplify my most sincere feelings to the term 'feminism'. 8/10 times, I don't even agree with feministic ideals and I don't appreciate you categorizing me like that.
- cipher42
  
  +1 y
  No, this really isn't feminist. It's much closer to misandry. Most feminists just advocate both partners only having sex when they're ready, and not pressuring each other into it. This is more about the woman manipulating the man with sex.
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  Both of you need to stop putting words in my mouth as if you are nationally accredited psychologists with PHD's, the credentials to "diagnose" me... as if I sat down on your black leather couch and you had enough exposure to me to accurately call me a feminist or a man hater.
  @cipher42, do not try to twist my words my proclaiming your misinterpretation as if it's a fact. I know damn well what I meant and in no way or shape did I imply hatred for men or the notion that women should manipulate men with sex. Do not go around voicing your misinterpretations as if they are facts.
- Show All Show Less
- cipher42
  
  +1 y
  But it's along the same line of thought as the idea that women can manipulate men with sex. I'm sure that wasn't your meaning, but it's certainly a related concept. Both methods effectively view sex as a reward, as something that must be earned, not just as something to make both partners happy for the simple sake of being happy.
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  @Cipher, no, it's not. That's an entirely different topic. If you feel like it's on the same line of thought and you want to talk about it so much, then go create your own post about it instead of falsely claiming to other users what I think and feel.
- Opinion Owner
  
  +1 y
  Jesus, relax a little. If you are not interested or do not agree with our opinions, you have every right to ignore them. If you think we are wrong in our thinking, then maybe next time you will choose better words. I read and took it exactly as it reads and responded accordingly. I gave you the male perspective to your question and it is coming from a guy that was screwed over by is third or fourth girlfriend and she manipulated me into thinking she was someone she was not and allowed me to believe the things she said were true, when they weren't. I ended up giving my virginity to her and then she cheated on me with a guy I use to be close friends with.
  
  If you do not want perspective, then don't ask the question. Take a chill pill. lol
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  Oh no no no, don't get me wrong. I totally agree with YOUR opinion; I was just annoyed at you categorizing me as a feminist. In no way, shape, or form am I discrediting good men. I realize that there are some damn wonderful men out there, but what you have to understand is that because they are the minority, it's simply wise for me and other women to think this way. Once again, don't misunderstand: I appreciate your contribution here, that part about you calling me a feminist was just annoying lol
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  : / I'm sorry that happened to you with that grimy girl. Did you ever find it in yourself to move past that hurt? Guys getting used and played when it comes to virginity and sex isn't really talked about because so many guys act like they're just happy to get it that they won't even view it as getting used...
- cipher42
  
  +1 y
  Still not what feminism is about. I'm simply bothered that both of you seem to think that feminism is about disliking and mistrusting men. So Asker, you shouldn't be offended to be called a feminist, and Anonymous, you shouldn't be using feminism as a bad thing to call something.
- Opinion Owner
  
  +1 y
  I did, right after that girlfriend I met the most amazing and sincere girl in the world and I am getting ready to propose to her now. I just had to remind myself that all girls are not like that and I would not give it up to another girl unless I knew it was right and I knew absolutely for sure that he cared about and loved me. My current girlfriend is the one I spoke of in this question. Once again, mine was the long answer.
  
  www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q962101-am-i-the-only-female-who-s-annoyed-that-sex-seems-to-be-a-major
- Opinion Owner
  
  +1 y
  That link did not work for some reason.
  
  www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q962101-am-i-the-only-female-who-s-annoyed-that-sex-seems-to-be-a-major
- trellbrown23
  
  +1 y
  In no way, shape, or form are you discrediting good men? BullSHIT, lady!!! you know EXACTLY what the fuck you're doing!!!
Hyped_up_on_coffee
Master

+1 y

Um no Casual sex is fun , except that I'll only fuck cute men who aren't assholes or dumbasses. In fact sometimes I think of men as playthings , a good amount of the time. Also sex is wonderful because through its we can use it in opperant conditioning as a positive reinforcement and with draw our cervices as a negative punishment in other to manipulate them. Sex doesn't give men power over us , it gives us powers over them if we rock at it.

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- Asker
  
  +1 y
  Kudos to you for such bold honesty : )
  Yet, it suggests something about your moral compass if you sincerely view sex as an opportunity to be manipulative and gain power over men : / Just sayin.
- Hyped_up_on_coffee
  
  +1 y
  Its called the art of seduction and that trick has been around for thousands of years
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  I guess. Doesn't seem very honorable to me but whatever makes you happy I guess. Sex is a very natural thing that can be so amazingly beautiful, with the right people and right motive, but using your vagina to get what you want seems slightly... not cool. : / just sayin
- Show All Show Less
- Vandal
  
  +1 y
  @QA It isn't called the world's oldest profession for nothing.
- Hyped_up_on_coffee
  
  +1 y
  God damn it , i wasn't talking about prostitution
godfatherfan
Guru

+1 y

Sounds like someone screwed you over as bad as my ex wife just screwed over me. And because it is the womans decision if sex will happen or not you have gone militant. A healthy adult relationship has healthy equal sex. It is not something to be dished out like giving a bone to a dog. Sounds like you need a lot of therapy. I wish you luck. If i find a woman like you when i start dating again i will promptly tell her to go fuck herself.

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- Asker
  
  +1 y
  Actually no, it is possible for a woman to come to this very realistic conclusion without getting screwed over. My romantic record has been a breezy walk in the park BECUASE of this mentality. Yes, having sex can be healthy in the relationship if the RIGHT MOTIVE is behind it. But if the woman is unwilling or not ready *which could be for various reasons*, then spreading her legs and sticking his penis in her is not magically going to be healthy for the relationship. I don't need therapy simply because I don't agree with your view that simply spreading your legs adds endless healthy doses to an adult relationship. If you're going to come here and not behave like the 36-45 year old man you are, yet insist on being nasty and dramatic, then you will not be participating. Just like that.
- godfatherfan
  
  +1 y
  You describe wanting a trained chimp not a partner. I was someone that may have fallen for it when i was younger. But after 25 years of a mostly one way relationship towards her i certainly wouldn't be now. You paint a picture of a chart on the wall that says :
  Take out the trash = hand job
  Fix the toilet = blow job
  Etc...
  I am sure there are plenty of very low self esteem guys out there that let you get away with it. It is just not me.
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  Oh, please. Can you just take your drama queen of the year award then have a _/ ? lol Nowhere in this post have I implied that I want a "trained chimp, not a partner." Just because you were passive and allowed a female to give you a negative, disappointing experience doesn't mean you should taint other people's atmosphere with your unresolved issues. Maybe your little speech is a message you should have delivered to the females who screwed you over instead of being passive aggressive and giving that message to some STRANGER online whom you don't even know.
- Show All Show Less
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  You sound absolutely ridiculous claiming that "you're not letting me get away with it"... wtf, do you comprehend that you do not know who I am and you have no actual experience of what I'm about? what the hell, this is weird.
- burn27
  
  +1 y
  The Asker is a very immature individual and your opinion is similar to others here and she just seems unable to handle it. I would not date her simply because she seems shrewd and unfair to men. Also, I am not sure what happened in her previous experience, but she sounds like men have to prove their value more than she does. Not all men are as bad as the ones she has apparently come into contact with or let inside her. I agree with you Godfatherfan and I am sorry to hear about your marriage. Keep your head up! :)
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  The asker doesn't care how mature anyone here thinks she is. I know myself way better than any of you strangers do. Just because I don't submit to these impartial assumptions about who I am and I stick up for myself when people attack my character doesn't mean I'm being oh so immature.
523206720
Guru

+1 y

I agree with you. I'm not even attracted to guys unless they do something to earn it. I also don't care how good looking the guy is because you get used to looking at them and then their beauty or ugliness means nothing after a couple of weeks or months. For me it is all personality.

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- Asker
  
  +1 y
  That's a healthy approach to dating. It's so important for women to discuss this open and honestly because there are a lot of guys who view sex as a game, an ego boost, one measly trophy in their collection; simple recreation. It sucks that women get exposed to that. And while some women claim that they can have sex and not get attached, that's usually bs and when a girl can do that, I've noticed there's a history of sexual abuse or general heartbreak from a man.
Eiffelgirl21
Yoda

+1 y

Well, I don't think they should earn it.. but, I also don't think it should be given to them so easily

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- Asker
  
  +1 y
  Eloquently put!
- Eiffelgirl21
  
  +1 y
  thank you =)
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  I was going to give you MH until anon stepped into the post lol
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- Eiffelgirl21
  
  +1 y
  that damn bastard! lol jk ha, yeah his is MUCH better anywayz =)
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  I wouldn't go that far! lol I mean yeah his words are powerful, but don't discredit your words! Those are some good words! lol I just like how he went deeper into the overall concept.
- Eiffelgirl21
  
  +1 y
  haha well thank you =)
capncool
Explorer

+1 y

I disagree. If a woman were to make me "earn" sex from her then I'd feel like she's using it as a means to control me, and pursuing such a woman would be a waste of time since I don't want a relationship that revolves around sex. That being said, I don't think that sex should be something that's given out so easily either. Sex is something meaningful that's meant to be shared (not given or obtained) between two people that have a connection with each other. A relationship shouldn't revolve around sex, sex enhances an already great relationship. You get into a romantic relationship with someone because you like them, not because they earned the right to. By saying men should "earn" sex from women, you're saying that women are something to be earned, and you're objectifying women into a material thing.

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- Asker
  
  +1 y
  Hmmm well maybe you need to be more humble and consider that the growing population of shitty, dishonorable men have caused many women to be more consciences about sexual activity.
AlmostAsylum
Xper 5

+1 y

What you're saying can be equally as damaging as just 'giving it away'. You make sex sound like some sort of currency that a significant other would have to toil for. Sex is a mutual understanding, not something you bargain with. No one should feel obligated to have sex with anyone, but no one should feel obligated to 'earn' it either. Honestly, holding sex over people's head like this would probably be infinitely detrimental to any relationship. So, no, I disagree with this mentality 100 percent. You treat men like they're dogs who have to perform tricks in order to get a treat. Sorry to say, but you sound like a woman scorned, and nothing else.

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Tractorbeam
Yoda

+1 y

If you start using sex as a bargaining tool, you're headed for a very unhappy relationship.

Apart from sex, you should both be doing things to please one another and enjoy time together. If that's not happening, you just call it off and leave.

Sex IS some free happy thing that should come without unfavourable repercussions. He'll be giving as much to you as you're giving to him during sex.

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PANDAmonium
Yoda

+1 y

Sex shouldn't be something thats earned. Now granted this depends on the people in question. Because blanket statements never work. Now with that said if a woman wants to sleep with a guy when she first meets him whatever thats her choice, but there needs to be a betterment in education about sex and the general attitude towards sex for both men and women. I applaud you for finding what works for you, but I disagree with your attitude and opinion that the adoption of this attitude would better things for many females.

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avalon87
Xper 4

+1 y

It might, if all women adopted that approach though it may also increase the indidents of rape and men going to prostitutes, they will get it one way or the other.
Or to turn the question round, how about men hold something back from women because we are "sick of being led along for weeks/months when you can't decide if you want to be with us or not, even if a man tries his best"

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- Asker
  
  +1 y
  lol, you sound like such a horny pig.
- avalon87
  
  +1 y
  Erm yeh? im a guy in his mid-twenties, kinda normal actually? Wanna take a look whats happening in places like China and India where the numbers of men FAR outweigh women? Tis allready happening :-)
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  ... okay?
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- trellbrown23
  
  +1 y
  Seriously? what the fuck is your problem? Are you a feminist?
Rusty83
Xper 5

+1 y

are you for real?
half the worlds population are women, if you get on like that men will just go on to the next woman who isn't so uptight! you will end up very lonely.
that's like me saying ''if you want a baby you have to earn my sperm because your a low quality female in my eyes''
yes its ridiculous!

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Anonymous

+1 y

So in other threads women are constantly saying that women want sex just as much as men and are just as horny as men, but then in questions like this one they say how much they hate men always wanting sex and that they should earn it. Nothing about women earning sex and nothing from men saying women are too interested in sex. Hmmm...

So which is it, ladies? Get your fucking story straight.

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- Asker
  
  +1 y
  I never said anything about hating men. Why do you insist on assuming things about how I feel then going off of them as if they are facts?
- Opinion Owner
  
  +1 y
  I didn't say you or anyone hated men. I said that women say they hate how men always want sex. Please reread what I wrote.
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  oh, sorry! phew! I have sleepy eyes, my bad. In actual reality, there's a select few women who are so sex crazed and want sex as much as men. Maybe there are a lot of those girls on GAG, but in the real world, in the general public, most females aren't like that.
- Show All Show Less
- Opinion Owner
  
  +1 y
  No it was my bad. It was poorly written and kinda confusing.
Anonymous

+1 y

Yes and no. Women shouldn't just give sex out to anybody, however since sex is mutual pleasure I think men are getting the raw end of the deal, since they have to work for it and your both enjoying it. No offense, but i see this approach as somewhat lazy, and the fact that they have to earn it from you makes me think you think you are above men. This is not meant to be disrespectful, just my observation on the matter.

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FlyingTurtle
Yoda

+1 y

Dang, if only more people thought like you, there would be a lot more love and a lot less heartbreak in the world.

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- Asker
  
  +1 y
  awwh, that's so kind of you to say
Hrothgar
Xper 6

+1 y

I think we already work pretty hard to get it; it's up to the woman when she wants to give it, and if she gives it up too soon, it's egg on her face, not the man's.

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- Asker
  
  +1 y
  what exactly do you mean "egg on her face"?
- Hrothgar
  
  +1 y
  have egg on one's face
  Fig. to be embarrassed by something one has done. (As if one went out in public with a dirty face.) I was completely wrong, and now I have egg on my face. She's really got egg on her face!
  source: dictionary.reference.com/.../egg+on+one's+face,+have
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  I know lol but why do you think the girl would be embarrassed and the guy wouldn't?
- Show All Show Less
- Hrothgar
  
  +1 y
  Because she gave it up too quick, now she's upset about it, and he got what he wanted without working very hard for it. It's a lose-lose: she's feeling low because she didn't make him work for it, and he thinks she's easy for the same reason. No egg on his face, because he doesn't feel dumb or embarrassed about her being easy.
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  This is my point exactly; this is an attitude many men tend to have towards women but the women delude themselves about it. They tell themselves that they can just go give themselves away and there are no repercussions.
- Hrothgar
  
  +1 y
  All kinds of people do all kinds of things, and they usually find a way to justify it, no matter how harmful or immoral it is. The only thing you can do is to live your life by the standards you prefer and surround yourself with like minds. If chics are so clueless that they don't think they're labeled slut, whore, cheap, easy, etc. if they're an easy lay, then they'll have a nice, cold reality sandwich when they're not so young and perky anymore; no one wants to marry the town's cock monster.
melissa2
Xper 6

+1 y

No. A girl should sleep with her guy when she wants to. Vice versa.

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- Asker
  
  +1 y
  *meant to give you thumbs up*
- melissa2
  
  +1 y
  Lol thanks
letmeaskthis
Xper 5

+1 y

i think your right... it's the only way to weed out the scumbags

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- Asker
  
  +1 y
  : O wow, a guy actually agrees. I'm surprised. Thanks for being able to humble yourself and not feel personally attacked as an individual : )
bubbletrouble
Guru

+1 y

I think how a woman chooses to use her sex is up to her. If she has really high standards in order for some guy to get it, so be it.

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- M_A_X
  
  +1 y
  Right? Then the guy can just move on if he's not trying to wait.
teachj
Xper 5

+1 y

If you love him shouldn't you be happy to? This is ridiculous.

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- M_A_X
  
  +1 y
  People are ridiculous. It blows my mind too
Anonymous

+1 y

No one should pay/get paid for having sex.

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- Asker
  
  +1 y
  No one here said they should.
GoldCobra
Guru

+1 y

No. Sex is a mutual feeling so I disagree

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Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Low quality men lol, if you have been living in this modern world for enough time to become aware of how life is, you would know that making it in this world is becoming extremely more difficult.

There are no good jobs without degrees, or a high amount of training, there is very little security. You can't just have a factory job and raise a family without going deep into debt, if the company hasn't moved all the factories overseas and killed thousands of jobs.

To your question, I don't think that people should just give their body to anybody that they fancy on the surface. If you are with a player, a one night stand, you are my temporary fix while I scout for better girls kind of guy, you would know that right off the bat

A good respectable guy wouldn't do that. Plus a players behavior is telling from the get go. If your with a respectful guy that actually likes you, I'm pretty sure that he would take the time without pushing boundaries. besides, any guy will work for the love of a girl, but he's not going to sit around like a new puppy hoping he's going to get a doggy biscuit if he's good.

Do you think that males should earn sex from females? Why or why not?

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