Sexual Relationships
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My boyfriend won't let me pleasure him with my hands?

So my boyfriend and I have a really good sex life but whenever I can't have sex with him and want to pleasure him in other ways, he won't let me. I love giving blowjobs but sometimes I want to change things up a bit and lay next to him whilst i use my hands to pleasure him. He ALWAYS pushes me away though. Every time. I have not yet successfully wanked him off. He always moans that it isn't a blowjob or sometimes he doesn't say anything at all but keeps pushing my hand away whenever I try. I've asked him to masturbate in front of me whilst i masturbate myself so i can get an idea of what he likes and I've tried copying and I've used similar techniques but nothing works. He tells me he can't orgasm with me when 'it's just a wank' . Or that if i want to pleaure him i have to use my mouth. It's really upsetting and makes me feel like crap. I've talked to him about this and said I want to know what to do so he will let me but he just tells me I'm being grumpy and stupid. He used to watch p*rn a lot and also used to be sexually promiscuous so i thought maybe this has got something to do with it? has he just got too used to himself that nothing else will help? i don't know, please help. It's making me very insecure and im scared to touch him because i know he'll reject me everytime.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Hey, there's nothing wrong with him not enjoying hand jobs as much as blow jobs or actual sex. You're forgetting that he's been giving himself hand jobs for years and that he's the only one who's able to get it 100% right every single time. You know, if he wanted a hand, he would probably just do it himself. I don't blame the guy for wanting something different when his penis has felt more hand than anything else for his entire life. Why is giving him a hand job so important to you? Don't you want to focus on pleasing him in ways that actually do get him off, or do you want to give him a hand job for selfish reasons (i. e. you don't care if he thinks it's good or not, you'll do it just because YOU like it)?
    Seriously, don't feel bad. If he doesn't like it, then he just doesn't. If you didn't like him fingering you, would you honestly be okay with him trying to push you to let him finger you, even though you've told him no every single time? I don't think so. So just stop trying and start focusing on the things that actually make HIM feel good. Don't take it personally. It's just not his thing and it probably has nothing at all to do with you.

    • Fair enough, I hadn't thought of it in that way. I don't want to do it for selfish reasons, I think I probably get over sound up about it because after he masturbates himself he makes comments about it being a shame I can't make him feel like that etc. so I feel like maybe I'm meeting him down by not being able to? I've stopped trying for a while a few months ago as well and then he moaned that I wouldn't do it even though then everytime I did he'd take over anyway.

    • Well, then he's quite the hypocrite. You could always talk to him about it? And ask him why he asks you to give him an HJ, but when you do, he doesn't want it or just takes over... that seems a bit weird to me.

  • I don't think you should take offense to this at all. Some people just know what they like, and don't like. For example, my boyfriend doesn't like BLOW jobs. He won't let my mouth get near his penis. At first I thought it was odd, but I realize its because of past experiences that he doesn't like them. He is the very first guy I have met that doesn't like them. But he loves going down on me! :o

    I say this because, every guy is different. Some guys know what works for them others are willing to experiment etc. His no hand job policy is not about you, he just knows what works for him best. So if he only wants a blow job, then blow him like there is no tomorrow! :)

    • I have never heard of a guy not liking blow jobs. Is it that you won't let him cum in your mouth? That was very frustrating the last 17 years of my marriage. And it is a deal breaker for me when i start dating again. But i would still take a blow job over pussy 8 times out of 10

    • @godfatherfan there's a ton of guys who don't like blowjobs me included... and choosing a bj over a pussy... well you know what it means right?

    • @godfatherfan I simply cannot give him a blowjob. He simply won't allow my mouth there. He explained why, so I get it. I'm not offended because its nothing I did, or didn't do. It has nothing to do with me.

Most Helpful Guys

  • These over reactions will quell as you both get older.
    He's feeling like a jerk if he is downgraded to HJ after being spoiled by better means to an "O" (so feel like a gold medal winner, not crap).
    Why do HJs have to be so private? Don't know and we shouldn't care - time will heal all that.
    If this job is so important to you, you really don't want to skip it (seems like most gals would get it go = less work), then some ideas to sneak upon him:

    Naked time in bed, reading some literotica. com stories that include really steamy HJ scenes... see if that makes him ASK for one, while you turn reading over to him

    There's some hard to find p*rn videos that show the guy in bathroom facing mirror, hands on countertop, she's nude behind him, one hand on his butt her other hand lubed & you-know-where, while her breasts massage his back - well, that would do it for me...

    Big risk: you begin with a BJ and if you can get his eyes to roll back into his head (= no objections to anything you do thereafter), then finish him with a HJ but pause/tease him along the way to prolong his big O

    • Cool ill give those a go :) thank you!

  • We can do it ourselves with our hand. I myself like it when the woman does it but only a couple times a year at most. Most guys will choose a blow job over pussy. So if the option is hand or mouth, hand dont have a chance

    • only a gay guy who doesn't like women will choose a bj over a pussy...

    • Your not very secure in your masculinity are you. Looks like it hit too close to home. Dont worry dude, there is nothing wrong with it

    • sounds like your notion of masculinity is perverse... if you think masculinity is about putting your dick in somebody's mouth you are the one who's insecure...

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 9

  • It's just something he doesn't like. If you are really out to pleasure him, why do you want to push the issue?

  • I like a good handy every now and then, but it sounds like he's just manipulating you to get more blowjobs. You'll have to figure out how long you find that behavior acceptable.

  • I'll be honest... hand jobs can get kind of boring from a man's perspective. Don't get me wrong, the intent and desire to please is always awesome. The issue is that men jerk off enough to where we become freakin' masters at it. Nobody else can really compare.

    Don't take that part of it personally. And it doesn't really matter anyway, because BJ's are way better. Me personally, I'd take one BJ over like 10 HJ's. Seriously.

    If you're stuck on this though, here's one thing you could try: masturbate for each other, and have him tell you when he's starting to get close. You could then take over for him until he finishes. It could be a good way to ease into it, I guess.

  • Hey don't worry, I also feel like this, for one, we can wank when we are single and by ourselves, 90% of my orgasms have been through my own hand. Also compared to a blowjob or sex, wanking feels rubbish even if done by someone else. It is nowhere near as satisfying either. So if the option is from one of those 3, sex first, a good blowjob is a close second and way down the line haha is a handjob.

    • Thanks! Yeah i know he would prefer sex and I would too! but once a month that's impossible. I don't mind him masturbating at all, i know its healthy- it's just when he doesn't let me get involved and tells me I can't make him cum, it's kind of hurtful. Afterwards it seems like he rubs it in my face as well by telling me how good it was and he told me once he thought it was a shame i can't pleasure him like he can himself. I dont know what else to try or what conversations to initiate to get him to let me try at least

    • Oh well thats not called for, rubbing it in your face and stuff. I don't understand why you can't get him off but i doubt its your fault, I've had no problems with girls doing it to me, hmm, but them im uncut so i dont know weather its easier like that?

    • after reading all this, makes me suggest doing some pron video research on HJs, then tie him up and try them out!

    • Show All

  • "He always moans that it isn't a blowjob or sometimes he doesn't say anything at all but keeps pushing my hand away whenever I try." & "He tells me he can't orgasm with me when 'it's just a wank' . Or that if i want to pleaure him i have to use my mouth." & "he just tells me I'm being grumpy and stupid." & "He used to watch p*rn a lot and also used to be sexually promiscuous"
    ... omg... sounds like your bf is a douchebag and a rotten apple... better dump him... by the way does he go down on you to please you?

  • His hand is better than yours

  • Do you have really pretty face? That would be a big reason for me.

  • A hand job? Are you 13?

  • Sorry but no girls blowjob will be as good as my own hand!! What he really wants is a blowjob so just accept that and he will be more happy

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