Just found out my girlfriend lost her virginity to a black guy?

[Anonymous]

Why does this bother me so much? Does it make me racist? I never considered myself racist before. How can I get past this

[Anonymous]

Does it make you racist? No. Does it mean you have a preference? Yes. This probably tells me you wouldn't sleep with a black girl. Does that make you racist? No. Does it mean you have a preference? Yes! You would prefer your girl not have slept with any black men. . there is NOTHING wrong with that. As I pointed out in a comment below 'katiesmuff' ridiculous comment, I liken this situation to the dude who gets bothered by the number of sexual partners his girl has had. It's not mean, it's not wrong, it's just how some guys feel. If he can't deal, she might not be the right gal for him and they should part ways to find people who can love them properly just the way they are. If you cannot look past this, then you both deserve a chance with someone else. I've seen a lot of guys post about the # of partners issue, and while most of them try to get by it, it ends up being something that ruins the relationship. They just can't look past it, and resentment grows toward their partner til they call it quits. Good luck to you.

[EmeraldSky]

Usually when guys freak out because their girlfriend has been sexual with a black guy, it makes me think they are simply 1.) Genuinely prejudice 2.) insecure and threatened.
It's almost like they either assume that the black guy has some huge penis so now they have a reason to be flustered and insecure. Or they are looking down on their girlfriend as if the black guy is some lower form of human : / <---- Not cool

Not sure which one applies to you : / You're just going to have to get over it. As long as she's STD free, it really doesn't matter who she was sexual with in her past. You are about to get married to her and you are the only man she wants so enjoy it : )

[kangaru2]

Did she sleep with that guy before she is in a relationship with you? If it is before, then I dont think it is fair to judge her for this as she didn't betray you. Though it isn't right of her to sleep with an attached guy. To me, if you truly love someone, her past shouldn't matter.

[Asker]

It was before me , so I have no trust issue with her but yeah it makes me question her morals with the fact that he was engaged

[kangaru2]

I understand , perhaps you may wanna ask her casually why she wld sleep with an attached guy?

[Asker]

I'm unsure as to how I should bring it up we don't really talk about the past very much as I prefer it this way. I would've preferred not to know about this but she just decided to drop it on me out of the blue one day

[kangaru2]

I think she wanted to be open and honest with you which isn't bad thing as long as she is faithful to you now

[Asker]

So I should encourage her to be more open with me? I pretty much told her we shouldn't talk about our sexual pasts after this incident. I just don't want it to cause fights

[kangaru2]

Shouldn't talk about the past for you. But I understand the part on her sleeping with an attached guy may be a concern as you want her to be faithful partner, Yes encourage open communication between both of you but move on from this one.

[Anonymous]

If the relationship had nothing to do with his race, then I would say no big deal. But there are women who prefer men of a different (certain) race. Could be blacks, Asians , whatever. If that is the case, you would likely not be their preferred sexual partner and that would be a good reason to avoid her.

[Asker]

I never thought of it that way. I don't think she really prefers any race. At least not that I know of. Maybe I should talk to her about it?

[Opinion Owner]

She would definitely be the one that would know best. Of course, you will then have to judge her honesty with you.

[linds34]

I wouldn't advise asking her about it... it's going to show her that you have a problem with it, which isn't really fair.

[Asker]

On the other hand though if she prefers black guys we are probably both wasting our time in the relationship

[Alana-]

I'd say talk about it. Talking is the best way to solve something,.

[godfatherfan]

You probably can't. It's gross to think about your woman with anyone. I am so not attracted to any black or Asian women decide just grosses me out. So if my woman did it I would be equally if not more disgusted with it

[linds34]

It doesn't necessarily make you racist but it's not a great sign... I would just try not to think about her with any other guy, she's with you now.

[Asker]

That's what my friends tell me I'm just trying not to think about it it's not easy though.

[linds34]

Yeah it's not good to fixate on... unless you date only virgins it's always going to be someone who has fucked another guy... that guy should be the last thing you think about.

[katiesmuff]

Well it is quite evident that the issue with you is that your girlfriend let a black man fuck her and not the fact that she had sex with someone in a relationship. This makes you a racist idiot and your only worry now should be whether or not she liked it enough to get the itch for some more sweet black meat!

[rudy37lee]

This is a really tacky and vulgar post, I'm not impressed. Feelings are feelings, and if he is experiencing negative feelings about this, FAIR has nothing to do with it, feelings don't care what is fair and what isn't. I view this as the same as a guy having an issue with how many previous partners his girl has. For some guys, too many previous partners is a deal breaker. Is it fair? Doesn't matter! It's how HE FEELS and if he can't love her proper because of that, they both deserve to find a partner who is ok with their past.

[LightUp]

What the Fuck Katie

[kheserthorpe]

Are you sure that isn't his only worry? If so, would that be racism, or something else?

[Arwens-Fire]

It bothers you a lot because you are prejudice in some way. Racism for a lot of people is just beneath the surface. If the right circumstance rears its head, then it reveals itself.

[Asker]

That makes sense I mean my family is definitely prejudiced I just always felt I was above that. I mean I have many black friends and have no problem with anybody. The image in my head just kills me inside. Especially because she was basically his mistress

[Arwens-Fire]

I think the larger issue is you being prejudice. Having a lot if black friends means nothing if you still feel prejudice within yourself. I believe racism within a lot of people lies dormant until someone does something that causes it to surface. If your family is prejudice, then that explains it. You were TAUGHT to hate. Ignorance is something that is taught. And you may have been trying to fight that thought process, it is clear that it is in hour subconscious.

[Arwens-Fire]

"your"

[Asker]

I wouldn't necessarily say it's that I was taughtt to hate, but more so I was raised under the presumption that people should only marry within their own race. I don't hate anyone based on their skin color i just feel as though inter racial relationships are wrong

[Arwens-Fire]

That is still being taught to dislike, hate, etc. There is no justifiable reason people should date in their own race. You were taught to be biased and that is being taught ignorance. And that is why you feel the way you do today. You don't see it as that bas of a thing because you grew up with these beliefs. But as a person who was taught to love whomever I want, I can tell you that your thought process needs to shift. Sorry, but you are prejudice and hopefully you learn how not to be. Good luck.

[lacelover20]

Umm nigga let me change that you are a racist. I was made from an "inter racial relationship" and I can assue you im not wrong or a mistake it says in my dna. I can't stand all these racist mother fuckers who thinks the world works a certain way. If hey were wrong id be fucked because I couldnt marry anyone sense im both. Of you were a mixed child you would understand. There nothing wrong with racial relationship excially sense the only difference between me and you is that I have a higher pigment concentration in my skin. Thats it. My dads white and my moms black and I dont see them as wrong I just see them as my parents. Just like anyone else

[lacelover20]

And no I do not normally talk like that I just wanted you to get the mother fucking picture

[Drooogie4]

Stereotypically, you sound more threatened by the fact that he's black and endowed.. Haha..
The fact that he's engaged.. That's kinda bothersome for sure. Did she know he was when she had sex with him?

[lacelover20]

Would ypu still be mad if it was a white engaged man? If not then you my friend is a racist or insecure about yur penis size

[Asker]

I would be. The only thing that. bothers me about the race thing is the insecurity that she might prefer black guys in which case I'm outta luck but the fact that he was engaged wether white or black raises morality flags

[Arwens-Fire]

Lacelover: why are you leaving that long comment under my answer? I understand your frustration but your aggressive tone here is not necessary. Secondly, you using the word " n****r" perpetuates hatred within the black community and I am not a supporter of that. Thirdly, you basically yelling at the QA is not magically going to change his mindset.. . something he has been taught for all of his life. Racism sucks, and I hate it too. But his ignorance is not your job or mine to fix. Please leave the aggressive toned response under your answer so the two of you can have that dialogue. I just get really pissed off when anyone uses the word "nigga". That's a whole topic in itself that is also ignorant. Anyway, peace.

[Arwens-Fire]

P. S. Sorry but I have reported the comment so it is not under my response and hopefully, it will be removed. I just don't want to be associated with that. But you're welcome to copy and paste it under your opinion. Take care.

[Metlahead]

While I've read lacelover20's comments on other posts and really disagree with her, I have to agree with this one. You are either a bit racist, insecure about your size, or some other inferiority problems like Levin suggested. Stop worrying about it and worry about making her happy instead.

[lacelover20]

Being black has nothing to do with it. The fact that you even pointed out first that he was black shows your racist. The first thing that should have crossed into your mind was my gf lost her virginity to a almost married man but NOPE you were more like my gf lost her virginity to a black man. Oh and by the way he's engaged nbp. Like? Lol just because yur black doesn't automatically make you a ghetto hoe. Ya that guys a hoe but so are white guys and im half black and im a virgin and your gf is more hoe then I will ever be. Id never sleep with a almost married man and I wouldn't ever sleep with someone unless I was in love with them which I never been yet which makes sense why im a virgin. Js. The fact that she sleeped with someone who is engaged shows the content of her morals and character and you havw to decide if you wanna be with someone who could do that to someone else but then again your racists so it probley equals its self out.

[Asker]

Please stop commenting. Everyone is free to their own opinion and I'm sorry if I offended you that wasn't my goal, I was only looking for advice to work through my issues. I'm not trying to offend anyone.

[lacelover20]

One step ahead of you lol

[Arwens-Fire]

@lacelover I understand your frustration with the QA, but I don't appreciate you leaving an overly aggressive comment beneath my opinion. I'm mainly against it because you are using the word "nigga" which is equally as ignorant as being prejudice, and racism. Using that word only perpetuates ignorance and self hate within the black community... and I have no desire to be associated with that. Secondly, your approach with those comments is not going to magically chance the QAs mind, or suddenly educate him. He is a product of what he has been TAUGHT, although he can change, your approach doesn't encourage that. I believe in being blunt and honest with people, but he is a person just like you are. I'm really just turned off by the comment beneath my response. Just had to say that... peace and respect.

[Arwens-Fire]

Sorry to leave a comment again, I'm on the mobile version and I didn't see it posted beneath your opinion.

[GoldCobra]

Insecure about your penis size. Please expand.

[findingdreamland]

I don't see any problem. Are you mad because he is black or she lost virginity. Both of them there is no problem. In a relationship you accept person with all qualities. And judging on relationship is no longer needed, acceptance is what we really need.

[Levin]

Maybe you have some deep seated sense of inferiority in some regard?

[DodgersGM]

You're either:

-racist

-or-

-you've hear and bought into the stereotype that all black men have huge penises, and you have an inferiority complex about that

[SandraSlip]

Pretty much this.

[SandraSlip]

If it really bothers you because he is black, and not because of something else, then it is racist. I wouldn't know how it could not be racist then.

[abundantlyrich]

You think that because she's slept with your 'enemy', 'the lesser kind', 'traitor'

[GoldCobra]

Well, did u ask her if he was better than u in bed?

[VirgoCupcake]

Was this before you? It kinds seems lol you may have some race issue. So it wouldn't matter if the man was white and she lost her virginity? Him being engaged is none of ur business nor concern. Him being engaged should be more of a problem

[Anonymous]

you know what dude? i've been with like 5 or 6 girls sexually and i knew that they had guys before me and nothing bothered me. but it wasn't until i took one girl's virginity that i really felt "betrayed" in a way. we weren't together yet it bothered me somewhat. at this point i think this is all about stereotypes and double standards.

[harakiri]

Betrayed? Like betrayed that you weren't able to take the other girls' virginities too? Lmao.