A couple of things:
You're wanting your guy to be dominant, but many guys simply AREN'T and never will be. It's just not in their nature, and that won't change. Some guys *could* be dominant with some opportunity and encouragement, and some guys are naturally that way. If you picked a non-dominant guy, you shouldn't expect that to change, though it doesn't hurt to try. If it doesn't happen, you have to accept that.
Another issue, and one that is talked about a LOT in the BDSM scene, is that there are VERY FEW men under 30 who are dominants. The reason is that, in today's society, most younger men simply don't have the confidence and experience with women and life to give them the kind of confidence they need to make a good Dom. You have a handful of exceptions, and another handful (or three) of pretenders, but it's still a very low percentage. For this reason, most younger submissive women quickly figure out that, to get what they want, they'll need to seek out older, experienced men.
Unfortunately, both of those factors are working against you at the moment, so adjust your expectations accordingly, and take these factors into account for any future relationships.
It's natural for most men to be dominant and women to be submissive in bed. But today most men don't realize that because they were raised in a feminized society that has beat into their heads that that kind of sex is disrespectful to women. Sounds like your bf is one of those guys. We have women to blame for this problem.
That said, there are plenty of guys who are more than happy to treat their women the way you want to be treated in bed.
He told me he could be aggressive but i still do not think he knows what i am talking about. I just dont want to scare him away lol.
Well I would say most guys are into it at least to an extent. Have you tried watching p*rn together? That's how I brought the topic up to my fiancee. Turns out he likes dominating just as much as I like to be dominated. I purposely turned on some BDSM on pornhub.com when I knew he would be getting home from work. I pretended to be in the bathroom when he got there so I wouldn't have an awkward look on my face when he came through the door. Also in the middle of having sex you can just tell him to put his hands on your boobs and when he does make him grab them the way you like then move his hands to your throat and make him choke you. When he tries to pull away desperately tell him not to that he isn't hurting you, and that it feels really really good that way.
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!just bring up the topic neutrally, not in regards to yourself, and just see what he thinks.
ultimately if you want it and enjoy it, and he has no interest in it, its going to cause problems..
If it is ok to have sex with your partner it should be ok to discuss sex with your partner. Why not approach the subject by sitting down and talking about fantasies and turn ons and let him share his while you share yours then offer him the trade of trying each others.
I get blasted for this opinion once in awhile but I am convinced of its validity so here goes: Kinks like BDSM come from deep, deep in our psyches. We can't turn them off. Once they surface, we aren't truly happy until they're satisfied on a more or less regular basis. That being said, I reach only one conclusion: you are very likely going to have to find a dominant sexual sadist for your lover. The primary element of great relationships is compatible kinks. Sorry to bring bad news. If he can get into it--let that cruel animal part of himself out to play--maybe you two make it.
I kind if dig it. It can be a lot of fun. But too awkward? Your're letting him put his penis inside of you but you don't think you two are close enough to talk about it?
It is a major turn off for me. I would do it for her a few times a year if she really needed it but I could not get myself to do it more
why is it a major turn off? just wondering..
can you really explain why something turns you on or doesn't? I am not turned on by pain of any kind. I am not turned on by disrespecting my partner or causing my partner potential harm. To do those kinds of things would, FOR ME, be disrespectful. it doesn't matter if she is into it. I do not get off on forceably hurting women which is what you are acting out. It is just a complete turnoff and it would be hard to even keep an erection because I would not be into it. But like I said, if it was important to her I would certainly try it at least once. But if she was someone that had to have it the we just are not going to be a couple. I believe in treating my woman a certain way. That doesn't mean I will pass up a chance to fuck her in the ass, but that is about the extent of my Domination of a woman will go.
I think it depends. Most I would say aren't into that.
Yeah, a lot of guys love this stuff. See if you can slowly introduce it to him that way he won't get overwhelmed. Who knows, he might grow to like it.
Some guys are. Most guys probably haven't gone to those extremes in domination (especially choking and hitting), and they probably wouldn't want to.
Who knows though, maybe he'll like it? Maybe he feels the same way as you but he's also afraid to bring it up? You'll never know til you bring it up.
I'm into it. That he's gentle doesn't mean he doesn't like it, he might even enjoy it himself but be afraid to tell you. Or if he's never been with a girl who is into it he probably assumes most want gentle.
well i have two things to say.
1. he might be "gentle" because he believes that is what you prefer and might be afraid of suggesting otherwise or 2. you can always hint to him you want from him, as a guy i am sure he won't be weirded out and with the right motivation he will get really into it. personally i enjoy dominating my girlfriend and she loves it. spanking, choking, slapping (yes her face) gagging her with my fingers, grabbing her face with force, hair pulling etc.
the more you communicate with your partner the better everything will be in all aspects of your relationship. :)
i tried to message you but it says that you can't message the person unless they are following you
Just ease him into it. You don't have to jump right to choking and hitting. Start by bringing up tamer stuff like light bondage and a bit of spanking, which tons of people enjoy. If he can get into that, he might be into more agressive stuff, or at least POTENTIALLY into it (he may never have thought about it).
Or he may have thought about it and never mentioned it, because (let's be honest) it's a bit of a niche kink, and he may be worried about scaring you off. The only way to deal with it is to talk about it.
Sorry, but what does bdsm stand for?
If you want him to be dominating, just straight up tell him. That's the best and easiest way. If you wanna be more discreet, next time you guys are having sex, while he's thrusting just say "harder" And gradually say it louder and louder and say other things like faster, and eventually he'll get the message, you like it rough lol.
it's basically rough sex "f Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), Sadism and Masochism (SM)." lol that's what I was thinking about doing but bdsm is more than just thrusting...
Oh, lol yeah I've read some parts of 50 shades of grey. Hey, there's an idea, tell him to read it and maybe he'll get the hint lol
haha I think that's where majority of everyone first learn about bdsm
yea that's a turn off for me. and if he's anything like me he'll just get a kick out of it for the fist few times that's it. don't force it on him. cuz bdsm is gross
I love it. I like to fill a little pain. My wife has her times but not like me. Most of the time I'm the dominant one but when she is I get a few scratch marks and sometimes a bruss
I love BDSM, not gonna lie, gentle one though, kinda affectionate one lol.
I'm a Dom and have been for some years - I think most guys like a little control but the BDSM scene mix seems to be about a 60-40% split between men and women, so in general I think the large majority are vanilla.
Why don't you have a look on the fetlife site? (thats a [dot]com one) - you will find quite a few discussion groups on there and many of us will have had the same problem - In my case I like doing exactly as you've described, but not many women want to go beyond a little hair-pulling. If you do look on fetlife you can ask me any questions you like on there via my profile Foxmaster13
I think it's silly. I'll do it if it means I get laid, but I'd rather just have sex.
Sure there are some of us guys who are into BDSM, but not all are Doms. Some of us are subs. Then there are a lot of people who are just vanilla.
Some guys do some guys don't.
I would also be the more gentle type of guy outside the bedroom. I really like for my girl to be happy. Inside i would really like to fullfill her experiences as long as i am ok with it. What you may not expect is that i am into BDSM but the teasing such as orgasm control not really the hitting. I'd feel weird hurting my girl over and over but love teasing her untill she can't take it anymore (Such as keeping her close to orgasm for half and hour having her build up more and more for minutes) and would literally do anything for me to get relief. If she would really want me to hurt her as a dom i would probabbly make her beg for it so she can really show me how bad she wants it and then go nuts. I would do this because i know thats what she really wants and enjoy's and if your gentle partner feels the same convince him this is what you really want and makes you happy he might be uncomfortable at first but with enough assurance and encourage ment he will probabbly start to enjoy it to.
I think more guys would be into it if they realized the fact that so many women want to be dominated in bed, but there are still too many loud voices saying that it's sexist and disrespectful to women, as if we still live in the stone age.
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