How can I reconcile my personality with how “badly” I want to be treated in bed?

My personality traits:
Loyal to a fault

I really pride myself on being as smart or smarter than the guys (and girls) around me. I’m overwhelmingly attracted to intelligent, witty guys…I hate guys who bully other people, and I always stand up for the weaker person, I can’t help but defend those who need defending. I’ve been told that I’m beautiful and pretty…but I think that guys assume that because I’m not overtly sexual or flirtatious, that I’d only want vanilla sex.

What I fantasize about is the complete opposite... I like the idea of being cuffed during a slightly aggressive blowjob, cuffed/hands tied behind me during sex, hair pulled, ass spanked, his hand around my throat with just a little added pressure, a finger pushed into my mouth, and I get SO turned on by somewhat demeaning dirty talk, terms like “little slut” or “little whore”… I love the “illusion” of being someone’s sex toy, being used for pleasure. But I would NEVER EVER EVER really, truly want to be used and abused...I wouldn’t want my SO to think that I’m only good for sex- and in general, I am disgusted by men who use women, assault them, etc. I just like the fantasy of it... Does this make any sense? Can anyone relate to this? :\

And then a smaller part of me wants to dominate a guy. Tie/cuff HIS hands behind him while I get to suck or f*ck him, and talk dirty to him, but not in a humiliating way- more in a bossy way. I’m just really confused I guess. And I wanted to know if anyone had any tips on how I could get to be “ok” with how different I am personality-wise and sexually. Also… are there any guys who would be into the two “sexual facets” I’ve described above? I don’t want to have an unhappy, unfulfilled sex life…but at the same time, I understand that we can’t always have what we want. Any thoughts on this would be appreciated. For those who read through the whole thing, thanks for your time. :)
How can I reconcile my personality with how “badly” I want to be treated in bed?
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