Sexual Relationships
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I am the only female virgin by DEFAULT among my family and friends. Is it wrong to be jealous and bitter about it?

Growing up I use to not care about this sort of thing. I always said i would wait for the one i love to do anything like that. But- - It didn't slap me in the face until a few years ago when my cousin who was 16 at the time lost her virginity. She was like a little sister who looked up to me, we were both black sheep and struggled with our weight. It was great that i had someone to relate to, but after this occurred she changed. It really hurt me a lot, because she started to look her nose down at me, and say things like. "Oh you need to live a little, go outside, and meet a boy." I had other cousins teasing me saying. "Oh she lost her virginity before you and she was younger ha ha ha - - I was 19 at the time." - - My best friend and partner and crime kinda distanced herself from me as well when her LD boyfriend came to live with her... and then they were having sex, and she'd brag to me about it. Before him we had plans to move in together, but of course that changed. I remember crying because i felt alone, but most of all i felt jealous... it was weird, because virginity is something that i value a lot, i always have. - - - Flip to now I am 23 years old. I've never had a boyfriend or been kissed, yet all of my old friends and family who are around my age are married or in long committed relationships. Some even have children too. I see this and become so bitter. I am socially awkward so I know it isn't happening anytime soon... As i said I DO value my virginity a lot, i just get so jealous when i see happy couples. I just wish i knew how it felt too... I am a women I have desires and needs too, but due to my hermit like personality im looked at as a child and isn't taken seriously like any of my other female siblings. Is it wrong to feel this way? Am i just being selfish?
0 1

Most Helpful Guys

  • I understand the need to hold your virginity. However what is it in virginity that you are valuing? Possibly the desire to be loved and respected and the chance to show someone else the same thing. People I know, woman around my age, seem to have mostly moved past virginity. Why? Simply because it is gone. It never really existed in the sense that it was something to be valued once. We don't lose our values by losing 'something' we strengthen them by practice. By valuing yourself always, each person you experience should be positive. That will unlikely be the case. People can and do things against their values all the time. The more you do it, the more unhappiness you will face and likely sow. There is no judgement in that. It is more of a cause and effect concept. Save it for the feels right guy (which doesn't have to be THE guy) It is your virginity you are giving someone and that is special to share with someone. Yet it really is just one moment in time and not 'that' big of a deal compared to is it 'that' big of a deal for you to try to be aware of who you let into your life and body since that is what you will have to decide each time going forward.

    As far as how to meet someone to enjoy some time with, the only way I know how is to get out there (or get online even) and meet people with similar values and interests as you. From there explore new ideas and concepts and getting excited about learning, loving, living and life. Otherwise you might end up bitter and that doesn't feel good at all.

    • Beautifully put :) THANKS

    • Glad it was helpful =) Wanna hook up? XD Kidding! Kidding.. So much of the discussion around here is why will guys say anything to get them into bed. It does happen, but usually not because they were out to hurt you. Just they valued something different than you.

  • Virginity might be a big deal from age 16-25 if one still has it. A big deal for the person her/himself. Because education is virginity oriented to keep girls from doing as they would if they didn't control their hormones. From becoming teen moms.
    But in fact except fathers and religious people, few people care about someone else's virginity: when I see a girl, young or old, pretty or not, I rarely wonder if she'd be a virgin or not. I thought so at 16, I still think so. When I turned 16 I couldn't get rid of it fast enough.

    My wife is equally indifferent about other people's virginity. Even about her own: when I met her at 20 it was still there and she didn't worry. She just didn't want sex the first months after we started dating. Not to save her virginity, just so that we knew each other well enough before committing.

    Do not listen to shallow people. Do not feel unhappy because of what they say. Do as your brain tells you.

    And it's NOT about virginity or about an intact hymen. It's about meeting a soul mate. Someone who likes/loves you and who you like or love. in marriage or not.
    Don't tell me you don't like any guy. If that's the case you met too few or only selfish ones. Meet more guys. Listen and talk to them instead of looking at them.

    Success.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Hey, I feel the same way too.. Everyone in my family is a couple and almost all of my friends... And sometimes I feel parted from them... ! I close the door of my room and say that they cannot possibly understand what I'm going through in life cause they have a different living.
    What do I do about it? I'm starting to realise who I am and value myself about it. I'm practicing to understand that these matters are personal and it really doesn't matter what others do cause your fighting your own life. Did they ask you when they became a couple with someone or had children? No! The same way you don't ask them for not having a SO yet.
    As about being a hermit, I relate to that too. I almost feel like I'm not being seen just because I haven't made a move like that in my life. But again I define myself as different from the others and I like it! I know many things are to come in the future and I will be surprised about them. I just keep reminding myself that I should be open to EVERY possibility and deeply realise what I like and follow it.
    I recommend you more positive thoughts. Forget the teasing and the bitternes. Think about this: you are free and anything is possible! grab a spoon ;) None of the people you mention have that freedom. They are all obliged to something and have already experienced what you are about to :) Too bad for them.. they have left it behind.. But you have it coming sooner or later! :)

  • People are often bitter at first but as you grew up, you learn to accept yourself and be happy with who you are. When you stop being bitter, you feel way better.
    Sure, those teasing were unnecessary and a bit mean but when you think about it, people live their own life.
    I have a friend who's bitter at me because I live with my boyfriend and she's been in her relationship for longer than me ans they both live at their parents but what can I do? I'm not going to stop my life for her, I can't just do what she wants.
    Live your life not depending on others.

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 6

  • What the hell kind of society do you live in?

    Here in Malaysia we value virginity and generally don't give two craps if you're a virgin or not.

    Love is a very coveted feeling, the value of having someone there to feel close to is very high and I can tell you that it is the most amazing feeling there is, at least to me. Something of high value often takes some time searching for but when you find it, it's treasure. If it makes you feel any better;

    Call me...
    hahaha I kid

  • No. Go ahead and be jealous.

    What are you going to do to work past your hermit like ways?

  • There are guys out there for each and every "type" of girl. You just need to find one, and be able to recognize him when you do. To do that you might want some help from a therapist if the social awkwardness you mention is keeping you from meeting prospective partners.

  • "Virgin by default"?

    You describe frustration, not jealousy, which comes with sticking to ones morals. Wavering under pressures is normal. As with most stories that catch my eye something is missing but unlike most I don't think I could figure it out because I am not sure you know what it is.

    Some cross between value and the need to be recognized for your dedication probably.

  • you should wait for mr right , think the right way you don't have to go with the group ;) .

  • That's a tough one

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