I'm a virgin and my boyfriend isn't. Advise?

[Anonymous]

I'm going through a constant battle in my mind and don't want to keep bringing it up because I don't want us to fight. I asked him if I was his first love and he said that I wasn't. He has loved two others before me. However, according to him he only loved and cared for them. They only had sex, fucked each other, and never made love. Although I am not his first love he does consider me his first true love because I'm the only girl that he's ever been INlove with. The fact that he isn't a virgin really bothers me. I realize that this is ridiculous and unfair of me to judge him for his past, but I can't emotionally accept it. It hurts me that I'm basically giving him my everything. That I've waited for him all this time. I hate the fact that I'm not his first girl. I hate the fact that I'm not his first love. I want us to lose our virginity to each other, but that isn't possible. He has told me before that he wishes he waited for me. He's told me that I'm his fresh start at virginity because it will be his first time making love. So, any advise? Before you tell me that I am being immature and unfair I realize that. How can I grow up and accept it?

[ManThatKnewTooMuch]

That guy is so full of shit. You're not believe his story are you?

LMAO. It's like a common whore going straight and claiming to guys that she's a virgin because she's "born again" or some bullshit. Doesn't make any sense. I can respect the fact that he's trying to come clean but now he's just twisting it up to try and make you feel good about it. THAT is bad.

Now, you're not wrong about feeling the way you feel. You waited awhile and you expect the same gift in return. The problem is that you let this relationship drag out. If you are INCAPABLE of forgiving him then you should have never started this relationship. That's your bad. All you can do at this point is get over it. Accept and move on. If you can't, then dump him. You'll probably resent him more as time moves on and whatnot.

Personally, if I was a chick, I'd dump him for his complete bullshit about "true love" and his "born again" virginity. Dude, I would so laugh in his face..

[Asker]

I respect your opinion and it very well might be true. If that's the case that would mean that I'm being played.

[Mesonfielde]

Well, realize that what you demand is irrational as the past cannot be changed, and you can still give him *your* first time to establish the connection. The older you get, the more unlikely it will be that you would find a virgin partner, so if your guy is the right catch, then there's no point in a quarrel about this.

[Asker]

Yes I realize that we all have a past. And yea in the future there might be people that I'll be with (if he and I don't work out) but as of right now it does matter to me because I am a virgin and we're young. Virginity is a concept that is really important to me

[Mesonfielde]

Virginity is essentially a lack of sexual experience. While I understand the notion that sharing yourself physically with another person is an emotional moment, I don't get all the fuss about it being the VERY FIRST TIME EVER if the quantified love is the same whether he had already had sex with someone else or not. It really just means that you haven't had sex before, ya know.

[Mesonfielde]

Although make sure the guy is trustworthy though. I'd make him wait at least 6 months if I were female.

[Asker]

Yes I agree. The importance of it being THE FIRST TIME EVER seems a bit unimportant. I should focus on the quantified love like you said. Is there anything about this situation that would make you think he is not trustworthy? Or are you just saying

[Mesonfielde]

It seems odd to me that he would say that he had sex with them without having been in love with them according to what he said, that's all. I wouldn't be suspicious if it had been a relationship that lasted 2 years then broke off, or something - but even then I wouldn't deny love. Of course, I might be wrong with my suspicion.

[Mesonfielde]

But it really just seems awkward to say that 'I had sex with them but I wasn't in love with them'. Someone to lose their virginity without love? Either a player or a liar; would be my guess. As I said, I have the capacity to be wrong, but I don't trust him. :P

[Asker]

Aaah I get what you're saying. That's the thing that is actually hard for me to understand with him. He says he did LOVE them but he wasn't INLOVE with them... Do you get me? According to him it was just fucking (I don't get how it could've been just sex if he loved them.) He says I will be his first LOVER because he will actually be making love to me, not just having sex like it was with those other girls.

[Mesonfielde]

For how long have you been together?

[Mesonfielde]

Technically, what bugs me is that there's a fairly high chance that he said the exact same words to the second girl as what he is now saying to you. But I don't know him. You're the only one who can judge this.

[Asker]

We've been together a little under a year. He was a teenager when it happened (still is) but I think it was more so the hormonal teen having sex situation with him. Which most people end up regretting if they do that. He did care about the girls though according to him

[Mesonfielde]

A year? Fair enough then, I take my claims back. If it was about a month, I'd be cautious.

[Asker]

Yup, I haven't been ready to have sex. I wanted to really build a bond with him. He's patiently waited for me throughout this time

[Mesonfielde]

In that case, there might be something to what he said, and I reluctantly disagree with those that think he's just swaying you with romantic gibberish. :p Good luck!

[Asker]

Wow thank you very much :) you have definitely helped me a ton

[Prettygurl12]

Honestly, if I were you, I'd leave him. If it's something you just cannot accept, that's fine. I most certainly would not be able to accept that he has a sexual past.

People have things they just cannot accept. Society tells us we should accept everything and not judge others for their pasts. But you know what? Screw society. You are well within your right to not be able to accept it.

It would eat away at me - I would never be able to build a relationship with someone knowing that about them. But that's me.

It's unfair to you to stay with someone because you feel your issues shouldn't be issues. And it is unfair for him to be secretly judged by you for the rest of forever.

[Asker]

I agree with you and it is my right to feel the way that I feel. It has been eating away at me. Like I said its a constant internal war and Im trying to realize that he loves me and that's all that should matter. It's not that easy for me to just leave him though. I really do love him and can't just give up or throw it all away.

[Prettygurl12]

I understand. But what sounds worse? Leaving him or having this war inside you for -potentially- forever?

[Asker]

I never thought of it that way. All I know is that I need a release. It's all too stressful for me

[Prettygurl12]

Maybe you should ask him for some space?

[Asker]

I feel even worse when we don't talk. I feel like communication is really important. It's just hard because I don't want to keep bringing it up in fear of pushing him away with my nagging

[Laliblackcastle]

you have to realized and except that, that was his past and you can't blame him for not know you back then, just enjoy him now and stop being so self centered, I'm not trying to judge you, but all i keep hearing from you is I going to give him everything I waited for him, that is so not fair to him especially if he is a good guy, and in this day and age the old you get the hard you will find someone who is still a virgin, so my dear you will run into this problem with any guy you choose to be with. Unless he was on a dessert island raised by monkeys. :)

[Asker]

That's entirely true. :) thank you

[Laliblackcastle]

no problem :)

[Honey123]

I am in the exact same situation with my boyfriend at the moment however to make matters worse he lost his virginity to a random girl who wasn't even his girlfriend and I went to school with her! So I'm finding it really hard to accept as well however as time passed I'm becoming less fussed over it and have come to realise that it's happened in the past and it's never going to change and I love him and he loves me so what does it matter now

[Asker]

I wish you goodluck :) He and I have talked it over more and things are getting better

[SirCorgiWelsh]

Depends on the personality, but in most cases, it's very much possible you can't.

It makes total sense to be with someone not a virgin - it'd make your first time much easier and says nothing about your relationship beyond that. But it doesn't feel that way, eh?

Sex isn't a big deal - but it feels like that before you do it. And just getting over that... not simple.

If you insist on it - and you have all reason to - i'd recommend, crude as it is, to get it over with. Sex is only a massive deal to those haven't done it - it's not a quarter as special as people make it out to be. The easiest way to stop caring about it - is to simply do it.

[Asker]

You might be right. Maybe after I have sex than it won't seem as anything more than sex... It's not something that I want to just get over with though. That's why I've waited for that special someone to share this experience with. It's more than just sex to me. If I tackled the situation through that point of view I feel like I'd be abandoning a value that I have held through out my entire life

[SirCorgiWelsh]

Understandable, I insisted on keeping it special. I felt rather stupid when I finally did it... It all depends on your priorities miss. But this won't simply disappear by wanting it to disappear

[Asker]

Indeed. Thank you for your opinion it has helped a lot.

[SirCorgiWelsh]

No problem. Also, as for all the people commenting that he is "full of shit", if he was 20+, i'd agree. But god knows the first time you fall in love, you believe every word of the gooey crap you spew :p

[Asker]

Haha I really hope they aren't right. And he's 17(going to be 18 soon) does that change the situation at all?

[SirCorgiWelsh]

Depends on his maturity and experience really. There _IS_ a definite difference between having sex and making love. It feels SO much more intimate and special with someone you truly love.

[Asker]

I agree. He and I both believe the same thing... That's why he's told me or feels that im like a fresh start for him.

[SirCorgiWelsh]

Well.. Just keep in mind it's your life. Your story. You can choose how the protagonist should respond. What feels right and what doesn't. No matter what anyone here says, or what culture might teach you should happen.

[Asker]

You are right. This is my story and I need to do what I feel is best for me

[Troian]

You're not being immature. We all have different views on virginity. You obviously give a big importance to it. As you said, he can't change his past. There isn't much you can't do because you can't change your way to see such a thing. We all have a past, Most people have ex girlfriends/boyfriends.
You just have to understand that it's not because he had sex with those other women that he doesn't love you.

[lumos]

You can't change the past. So either get over it or continue feeling miserable. Your choice.

[Tractorbeam]

People seem to get hung up on this, until they've lost their own virginity.Then it doesn't matter at all.

It's really no different to him kissing someone in the past, and they no longer love each other.It's in the past, and it can't be changed.You now live in the present.

Even if you did meet as virgins and lost your virginity to each other, what happens if you fall out of love and eventually find someone else? Are you spoiled forever?

[Asker]

That is so very true. He has said that I've made him feel guilty for his past and feel like he can't make love to me because of it. You're right. I should just take into account that we love each other and let things go. he's made mistakes and I can't blame him for thst

[idonnntcare]

Looks like this guy is full of loads of shit shit, he's swinging you over his boat and you're there like "waaat" lol..

[idonnntcare]

get your shit together woman

[Asker]

why do you think he's full of shit?

[idonnntcare]

He's obviously playing you, come on, do you reallu buy his cheesy bullshit?

[idonnntcare]

*really

[Asker]

You think the whole "It will be my first time making love" thing is bull?

[Keyspirits]

Thats also true, i judge the guel by her past as well. I will only married virgins to be fair =)

[Anonymous]

quit over thinking it. quit cherishing your virginity cuz it's nothing to cherish. have sex with your boyfriend then you'll never think about this again.

[Asker]

If only it was that easy.

[Opinion Owner]

it is that easy. you're over thinking it and making it difficult.